In my cloud

The afternoon is a typical one at Satu’s place.She is almost 19 and has lived by herself ever since she is 16, which isn’t that uncommon in Finland. It’s not like a lot ever happens at her apartment, but it’s a nice place to chill.
This afternoon is like one of many. When they enter the apartment there are loads of shoes in the entryway. That itself is kind of fun, you can immediately see who’s there + sometimes in drunken evenings you might leave with 2 different shoes on. Kasperi has been victim of that numerous times. Not that he is the person that gets so drunk, unfortunately he hardly ever get’s drunk, but what does happen a lot is that somebody else accidentally leaves with one of his shoes. Those days he’s glad that he had quite a shoe collection. Kasperi is sure that if his dad knew half the stuff that goes on with his mates he would get a lecture. ‘Your focus needs to be on hockey if you ever want to make it to the NHL’ and he knew that. Kasperi saw the way his dad worked while growing up. A day off is never a day off, he always worked out or tried to improve his skills.
So even now, Kasperi tries to show dedication. He’ll wake up tomorrow at 8 for a 12km run, that is not something he can do when he’s hungover. So he limits himself to a 2 beer max.

Jaakko walks into the living room swinging the backpack with their drinks into the corner saying hi to everyone. He flops down in between two girls, he’s ever the ladies man.
“Hi everybody” says Kasperi “where’s Satu?”
“she’s in the bedroom playing poker” says pam, she’s so hooked to the tv. In the living room they are watching stargate SG1. Timo and Jusa are obsessed by the show, of course everybody like it because of youth sentiment, but they are taking it overboard. Kasperi’s other option is poker, He goes into the bedroom which is connected to the living room, the apartment is one open floor plan.
“hello my lovely blonde” Kasperi greets Satu. She smiles up to him with her megawatt smile, clasping him into a hug causing Kasperi to get a bunch of frizzy blond curls into his face.
“can I join?”
“Course, but wait till this game is over” mumbled Valtteri while trying to asses the other players around the table.
Kasperi and Satu were discussing some mutual friends, Satu’s older brother used to play hockey with Kasperi, but he had a hard time combining hockey and school so he quit. Still all the people that used to hang out at the rink have a connection, a mutual passion for the sport.
“...KASSU, you playing now or not?” Valtteri had been talking to him for a while but he was so pulled into his conversation with Satu he never noticed.
“Yeah , sure.” Valtteri handed him a bunch a chips.
“We ain’t playing for money?” Kasperi was surprised, it wasn’t much, but the idea that 10 euro was on the line made the whole game more exciting.
“I broke as shit, i don’t even know how I’m going to pay my rent, so there is no chance in hell I’m losing money gambling.” Kasperi shouldn’t be surprised by this comment by Valtteri, it’s so typically him.
“I don’t mind, just play” Satu says, and the other two guys nodded along.
Kasperi likes to hang out with these people. They have known him for years and care about him, he knows he can trust them. It’s one of the places he can relax and not think about hockey or other problems in his life.

A couple of hours later, filled with jokes and laughter Kasperi needed to head back home. His parents were huge fans of family dinner and being late to them was no joking matter.
When Kasperi enters the house the smell hits him and his mouth waters.
“Kassu come set the table” his mom screams.
He goes into the kitchen gives her a kiss and grabs the plates from the cupboard. They usually eat at the table in the kitchen, they only ever use the dining room on special occasion or when they have guests.
Soon Sami (Kasperi’s dad) and his siblings arrived to have dinner. they were having chicken with steamed broccoli and brown rice.
During dinner they always talk about their day and things they have planned for the upcoming days.
“Jakko, Petteri and I went to Satu’s and played some poker.”
“Ow, who was there?” Petra always wanted to know everything.
“Pam, Satu, Valtteri, Jusa, Timo and a couple other people from Satu’s school”
“Valtteri Latvala?” How in gods name does his mom know Valtteri, since he was chewing he just nodded.
“”Marja Sëppala told me her daughter started seeing him, i wasn’t aware that you had friends in common.”

Kasperi couldn’t focus anymore. How dare that lazy scum think he’s right for Pilvi. He doesn’t even have his own life in check, he’ll just drag her down. Pilvi has everything going for her, he’s just going to distract her. She’s the smartest sweetest girl ever and she’s so forgiving.
He lost his appetite and the chatter of the people at the table just frustrate him even more..
He just moves food around in his plates and cuts it up, so it looks late he’s eaten a lot, but all he wants to do is get of the table.
“I think i’ll go for a quick run before i call it a day”
“Ok, just bring your phone in case there”s something wrong” His mom always worries so much, he’s almost 18 he needs to stand on his 2 feet and fend for himself.

He didn’t just want to run. He wanted to talk. He changed clothes real quick and started to run towards Pilvi’s place.
When he arrives he sent her a text that he was at the soccer field close to her house.
He couldn’t just wait for her, he kept walking back and forth.
“You’ll ruin the grass that way” Pilvi walked up wearing worn sweats and a ‘children of bodom’ shirt she modified. She always cuts the collar to make it looser and more comfortable, but Kasperi really likes it because that way one side of the t-shirt always falls off her shoulder. How can shoulders be sexy, it’s like every little freckle on her skin was an invite to kiss it. Those few seconds Kasperi looked longingly at her he felt sad, somebody else is looking at her the same way.
“Valtsu?” (Valtsu is the finnish nickname version of Valtteri)
Pilvi didn’t reply, she just stared at the ground.
“He’s a lost cause, he can’t even take care of himself. What in gods name would you see in him?” Kasperi was getting irritated because Pilvi still didn’t reply.
“Valtteri spend more times in bars getting drunk than he does anything else. Is that you? Are you going to be that type of person?” Kasperi was slowly losing it.
“You’re giving yourself to that lowlife ! “ He totally lost is now, he screams at her, anger taking over.
Very slowly Pilvi raises her head “You don’t want me, but nobody else can have me, you selfish pig.” Tears are running over her cheeks, tears of sadness or anger, there is no way to tell.
“You can do better than that!” Kasperi already knows he was messing up, but his emotions were out of control. He can’t control his body anymore.
“He cares for me! He holds my hand when we go out and kisses me. He introduces me to people as his girl. He’s there when i wake up in the morning and he want to have some kind of future with me” Every word that comes out of Pilvi’s mouth is like a stab to Kasperi’s heart. It’s all the ways i has failed her. He was always there for her to listen or for the physical, but he didn’t want a girlfriend to distract him. He messed up big time. He can’t lose her. He walks towards her and cradles her face in his hands. He bends down and kisses her, the kiss starts soft and gentle. He knows she loves to be kissed by his plump lips, so he tries to put all his feelings into the kiss. Things he can’t express in words, but hopes his kiss says for him. She kisses him back and the kiss becomes different. Kasperi feels droplets hit his hands and Pilvi starts to shake. When he pulls away she is sobbing.
“Kassu, If you feel something. I’ll wait for you. If you want this, I’ll be here. But if you don’t just let me go. You’re breaking me, let me go.”

Seeing her so crushed was the worst pain imaginable. Kasperi ran, he ran without watching, he ran without a goal. He just let his legs take him away. He wanted to run until his legs hurt more than his heart, it didn’t happen.

Notes

The title comes from a song "chase and status - time" the inspiration for this chapter.
feedback is always welcome.
thank you L for helping me with this madness.