Seeing Stars
27: She's So California
"She's an earthquake, and you're the fault line, so when you feel the ground start movin' around, hold on tight... 'cause she's so California..."
The air choked her; or more specifically the smog in it. After spending two weeks surrounded by the fresh, intoxicating air of Victoria, British Columbia, the air of Los Angeles, California was a rude awakening. Immediately upon stepping off the plane at LAX, Cassidy looked up to see the blue sky shrouded behind a layer of gray. And unlike Victoria, the gray didn’t come from the fog or the dampness in the air; it came from the line of cars, packed bumper to bumper on the freeway.
From the backseat window of the black SUV she and Jamie were now in, she stared at the landscape in front of her, as she was now a part of the jammed traffic. But Jamie had warned her this would be the case as tourists flocked here for the summer months. And where they were heading wouldn’t be any better. South Bay was sure to be littered with tourists.
Looking back at the dream she once had of coming out here to start a new chapter of her life, she couldn’t have felt more differently now. Dallas was home because not only was there city life, but you could also travel in any direction and hit more rural towns within an hour.
So now, being driven through the streets of South Bay, and more specifically, Manhattan Beach, several things became apparent about the Southern California beach community lifestyle. Firstly, everyone was tan. Men with their shirts off, women in as little clothing as legally possible… every inch of their bodies seemed to be a golden color. Second, those said people went nowhere without four items: sunglasses, flip flops, cell phones, and beer. And lastly, the men had the women, the women had the men, and they interacted in a sort of childish way. The boys pulled hair and pinched at the assets of women, and the girls shrieked in disapproval of wandering fingers, but then teased the men so the action would happen again.
And then from the lobby of the hotel, where Jamie had booked a suite for a week, it was clear even the hotels of Los Angeles were different. Apparently they believed in a comfort style of customer service, as Cassidy was immediately handed a glass of lemon water as she and Jamie approached the front desk.
“Checking in. Reservation’s under the name Benn. B-E-N-N,”
The petite woman behind the desk smiled and blushed. Because most of the LA Kings players lived in the beach communities of South Bay, many people were cognizant of when a Kings player or other hockey player was standing in front of them. Obviously, the concierge was no exception. “Jamie,” the woman questioned, trying to sound unassuming that the man in front of her was indeed the captain of the Dallas Stars.
Jamie nodded and produced a credit card for the hotel to keep on file. Within moments an attendant was wheeling a luggage cart through the lobby, with Cassidy and Jamie close behind him. A short ride on the elevator to the second floor had them pushing open the door to the suite.
Cassidy immediately made for the balcony, smiling as she looked out over the ocean, seeing the normal beach lifestyle take place below her. Throughout this, Jamie helped the attendant bring the three suitcases into the suite, and after a quick thank you, Jamie handed him a lofty tip.
“Did I do alright?” Jamie smiled as he joined Cassidy outside. A dry breeze tousled his hair gently.
She looked back out at the view and couldn’t help but smile. It all seemed so surreal. First Victoria and now Los Angeles. “Are you kidding? It’s amazing,” she stepped forward and held either side of Jamie’s face in her hands, and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him gently.
They reached for each other’s hands and walked back into the living area of the suite. The small but functional kitchen was stocked with alcohol, and Jamie went to it almost immediately. Only as he made towards it, did Cassidy notice the array of drinks and study her choices.
“I had the hotel stock up the room… In the interest of pre-gaming and everything.” He smiled and picked up a bottle of champagne out of the bucket and looked at the label, tilting his head side to side in approval.
Cassidy smiled and pulled at the end of her sundress, making sure it fell unwrinkled against her body. “What you really mean is in the interest of getting me totally wasted,” she giggled and pointed at the champagne bottle, “that’s super potent.”
Jamie set the bottle back in the bucket and opened up the mini fridge and pulled out a beer, offering it to Cassidy first. When she shook her head, he twisted off the cap and took a quick pull before sitting down on the modern looking couch. Cassidy sat beside him, looking out the glass door that led back to the patio.
“What’s the plan, Jame?” She clutched onto his arm, “I want to go shopping sometime… and preferably not alone. Shopping alone is depressing.”
“We can go today, then maybe the beach for awhile. We’ve only got reservations for tomorrow night,” he lifted the beer back up to his lips to take a long sip. “This shopping trip can’t go longer than two hours. I don’t know how much of it I’ll be able to take,”
Cassidy smiled and hit Jamie’s chest playfully, leaning into his shoulder, but ultimately agreeing with his condition.
As agreed, the shopping trip didn’t last longer than two hours, but it didn’t end before that either. By the time they arrived at the beach, it was already three in the afternoon, and people who had spent the entire day at the beach were now on their way out. Once finding a lace to settle, Cassidy and Jamie spread their towels out side by side, and Cassidy looked out at the ocean, taking a deep breath in.
The salty air seemed cleaner than the smog filled air of the city, and when she turned back to say something to Jamie, he was in the process of pulling his shirt off. With his arms stretched above his head, the muscles in his arms, chest, and back flexed, and only when he stood in his trunks, did Cassidy begin the process of getting out of her street clothes. She unbuttoned her denim shorts and pushed them down her legs, blushing as she could see Jamie watching her from his spot on his towel. And then with a quick glance around them, Cassidy reached for the hem of her loose shirt, and pulled it over her head.
Only in her bikini, Cassidy sat down on her towel quickly, almost embarrassed to be seen beside him. She leaned back on her hands, glancing at him quickly and seeing the grin on his face, “what?”
“My girlfriend’s hot,” he murmured, chuckling to himself as he grabbed a fistful of sand and squeezed it through his fingers. For Jamie, he’d mostly be able to move through the streets going unrecognized. Either people wouldn’t know who he was, or they would but wouldn’t care; and either way, he and Cassidy would be able to get through the vacation without another beautiful woman asking for a picture and an autograph.
Cassidy rolled her eyes and looked back out at the ocean as the waves came crashing onto the shore. “Since we don’t have plans tonight, I was thinking maybe we could go to this bar in Hermosa Beach. I’ve heard tons of people talking about it… seems pretty popular,” she looked over at Jamie who now clasped his hands together around his knees.
“North End,” when Cassidy nodded, Jamie nodded back, “the Kings players go there. It’s where they celebrated the win,”
For a moment she thought that would be a deal breaker for him; like going to the bar where the Kings had brought the Stanley Cup would somehow insult him. “If you don’t want to,”
Jamie shook his head and looked over at her, “no it’s alright. I just hope you’re ready to meet some of the guys. They’re all still in town for postseason medical appointments… chances are we’ll run into a few of them.”
Cassidy smiled and laid back on her towel, shielding her eyes from the sun, allowing herself to tan. “That’s alright; I think I’m ready to meet some of your hockey friends outside of the Stars organization.”
She was definitely not ready to meet Jamie’s hockey friends. Not only was the bar packed with people still ready to celebrate the Kings achievement, but the players that had made an appearance were still clearly amped up from the win a few weeks prior.
Example one, Drew Doughty. As if his name were enough to spark mental images, Jamie didn’t seem surprised that Drew was still presumably drunk from the night before. He had yet to shave his playoff beard, which grew in patchy and scraggly; something that Jamie found pleasure in pointing out.
Example two, Trevor Lewis. As Drew’s roommate, they undoubtedly had spent the afternoon day drinking.
Example three, Jeff Carter. He seemed to be an upside to the madness within the bar. While he was clearly enjoying his drinks, it was obvious he was in control of himself, made possible with help of his girlfriend and soon to be wife. But still, with the alcohol perusing through his bloodstream, he enjoyed pulling out his party trick; taking the caps off his two front teeth, and whistling through the gap.
No, she totally hadn’t been ready to meet them. But of course Jamie, Drew, and Jeff had spent two weeks with each other in Sochi, just before Cassidy had met him. And being in Russia, hyped up over winning Olympic gold, surely had the boys acting the same way. Only now in late June, Jamie wasn’t really able to celebrate. While he was happy for his friends, Cassidy could tell it was painful for him to feign happiness, knowing his team didn’t make it further in the playoff run.
Between the rapid flow of drinks that seemed endless, and the lack of food, it wasn’t very long before a buzz overtook Jamie. Although with his mix of hard alcohol and beer, Cassidy wondered why he wasn’t passed out on the floor yet. She too was drinking, but not to the extent of Jamie, who was now using the bar as support.
Sometime during a conversation with Jeff’s fiancé, Cassidy turned around as the bar grew louder. The sight of a bouncer up in Jamie’s face, hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to back down was enough for Cassidy to rush over and try to mediate the situation.
“Back up and calm down!” The bouncer yelled, pushing on Jamie’s shoulders. He stumbled backwards a little bit before catching his balance.
“Get your hands off me,” Jamie grabbed the bouncer’s wrists and pulled them off of him, only to have the guard retaliate.
Cassidy set her hands on Jamie’s bicep. And when the guard saw her beside him, he spat down to her, “Get him out of here, or I’m kicking him out!”
“We’re going, we’re going.” Cassidy pulled on Jamie’s arm until he looked down at her. He looked furious, and the muscles in his jaw clenched. His angry gaze frightened her, and she shrunk away, gently tugging on his arm, “come on, let’s get out of here.”
It took awhile to coax him out of the bar, and without the help of Mike Richards, who had come in to begin a night of drinking, it would’ve been impossible. Mike was able to diffuse things, mostly because he wasn’t afraid that Jamie would hit him. Or if he did, he knew he’d be able to punch Jamie back.
Cassidy on the other hand, wasn’t too sure. Did she think Jamie would hit her in his drunken state; who knew. All that was certain was that he was being pretty aggressive, and if it hadn’t been for Mike stepping in and herding Jamie into a cab, Cassidy would probably be bailing him out of jail.
And once back at the hotel, Jamie still hadn’t cooled off. Cassidy led him through the lobby, being stared at as she obviously couldn’t control her drunk boyfriend. When she finally got him into the suite, everything started to make a little more sense.
The polished silver cup, the greatest trophy in sports, had made an appearance along with Drew, Trevor, and Jeff. No matter how hard he tried, Jamie wasn’t able to ignore the fact that he was upset by the fact that his name would not be added to the greatest trophy in sports this year. Now, Jamie’s behavior seemed to make sense. He was drinking away the memory. He had said Chelsea wasn’t worth the whiskey, but the Stanley Cup was.
The suite was his boxing ring the moment he stepped foot inside; throwing things across the room, kicking his shoes off and sending them flying. Cassidy reached forward and tugged on his arm, attempting to settle down before he broke anything. He spun around quickly, fists balling at his sides as he glared down at her.
Cassidy stepped back and folded her arms across her chest in disbelief, “are you gonna hit me?” His hands were clenching and she chuckled as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “Jamie Benn, you lay a hand on me, I’ll be out that door so fast, you won’t ever see me again.”
Jamie furrowed his eyebrows, slowly releasing the tension in his hands. Only when he backed away and flopped down on the couch, did she stand in front of him, ready to converse.
“I know you’re upset. And I also know you’re plastered and probably won’t remember a thing tomorrow. So I’m gonna say this, and I’m gonna be happy that by daybreak, you’ll have forgotten about this conversation.” She paused and looked at him as he stubbornly shut his eyes, pretending not to pay attention. But Cassidy knew that behind his closed eyelids, he was listening, even if he’d just be coherent for a few more minutes. “The thought of what you could do to me when you’re angry scares the shit out of me. I see how aggressive you are on the ice, and I think no person can be that different; that the aggression I see on the ice has to be present in another aspect of your life as well.”
She paused and squeezed the bridge of her nose, keeping back the emotions that were starting to expose themselves. “Leaving you would solve all of those problems for me. If you were sober, you’d say this was all so sudden, and I’d tell you it’s been a fear of mine for awhile now; that I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to ignore it. But every black eye, every stitch, and every scar tells a story. And those stories begin with you being hostile.” Cassidy shook her head and shrugged off the thin cardigan she’d been wearing. “Don’t bother coming to bed tonight,”
Almost expecting him to look up and fight back, Cassidy was hurt when he didn’t even open his eyes to acknowledge her. Maybe it was because he was drunk; she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Whatever the case, she needed time to cool off. After a hot shower and switching into a pair of soft shorts and a t-shirt, Cassidy stepped back into the living area of the suite.
Jamie’s breathing had deepened, falling into an even and steady rhythm. When she was able to find an extra blanket stowed away in the closet, Cassidy draped it over his body before walking back into the bedroom and tucking herself into bed. It felt strange to curl up in a bed without Jamie’s huge body beside her. The bed felt empty; cold.
When Cassidy woke the next morning, Jamie was already awake. And when he heard her stir in bed, he stood up from the couch and made his way to the threshold, biting his bottom lip softly as if he didn’t really want to start the morning with the conversation that was about to take place.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he murmured softly. His slight accent seemed more prevalent now than Cassidy had ever remembered.
She sat up in the bed, looking out the sliding glass door. The sun was already out, reflecting off the ocean waves. “I’m surprised you remember last night,”
Jamie rubbed his eyes and stepped forward a few feet, “I don’t remember much, but the one thing I do remember…” he trailed off and looked down at his hands, pursing his lips together. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me; live in fear that I’m going to hit you or slap you around.”
“The way you were balling your fists last night tells me otherwise. The only other time I’ve seen you do that was when you got amped up, wanting justice to be served for the man who attacked me. It was terrifying Jamie because ten minutes before you clenched your fists to me, you were doing it to a bouncer three times my size.”
He walked forward more until he could sit on the edge of the bed. All Cassidy could do was stare at him, unsure of what he was really thinking. He looked remorseful, that was evident. But nonetheless, it was frightening, because even as he sat down, it was shocking just how much bigger he was than her.
“I’m angry on the ice because I’m passionate about the sport. I’m angry with the man who attacked you because I love you. And no matter how angry I may get with you, I’d never be angry enough to hit you.” Jamie paused and looked Cassidy in the eyes, his gaze unfaltering. “Last night, I saw a trophy I’ve dreamed about since I was six. Since I was old enough to realize how special the Stanley Cup is, I’ve wanted it. And it was so close last night, but it wasn’t mine.”
“Your worth isn’t determined by how many times your name is engraved into the silver. Hell, Crosby’s only on it once. I know you want it badly, and I know you’d do just about anything to get it… but I don’t think I can handle even one more repeat of last night.” Cassidy was unafraid to stare back at him, “the Stanley Cup is your dream, and I love you for that. But it’s not my dream to feel threatened in a relationship. One more night like last night…” she shook her head and ran her fingertips over the bed sheets.
How had things gone from practically perfect, to a total mess within a few days? Seeing Jamie’s clenched fists was clearly enough to trigger the bad memories she had of that night in the alley. And as Kennedy had said awhile back, sweeping the situation under the rug without really dealing with it wasn’t healthy. And it wasn’t the way to handle the mess.
The air choked her; or more specifically the smog in it. After spending two weeks surrounded by the fresh, intoxicating air of Victoria, British Columbia, the air of Los Angeles, California was a rude awakening. Immediately upon stepping off the plane at LAX, Cassidy looked up to see the blue sky shrouded behind a layer of gray. And unlike Victoria, the gray didn’t come from the fog or the dampness in the air; it came from the line of cars, packed bumper to bumper on the freeway.
From the backseat window of the black SUV she and Jamie were now in, she stared at the landscape in front of her, as she was now a part of the jammed traffic. But Jamie had warned her this would be the case as tourists flocked here for the summer months. And where they were heading wouldn’t be any better. South Bay was sure to be littered with tourists.
Looking back at the dream she once had of coming out here to start a new chapter of her life, she couldn’t have felt more differently now. Dallas was home because not only was there city life, but you could also travel in any direction and hit more rural towns within an hour.
So now, being driven through the streets of South Bay, and more specifically, Manhattan Beach, several things became apparent about the Southern California beach community lifestyle. Firstly, everyone was tan. Men with their shirts off, women in as little clothing as legally possible… every inch of their bodies seemed to be a golden color. Second, those said people went nowhere without four items: sunglasses, flip flops, cell phones, and beer. And lastly, the men had the women, the women had the men, and they interacted in a sort of childish way. The boys pulled hair and pinched at the assets of women, and the girls shrieked in disapproval of wandering fingers, but then teased the men so the action would happen again.
And then from the lobby of the hotel, where Jamie had booked a suite for a week, it was clear even the hotels of Los Angeles were different. Apparently they believed in a comfort style of customer service, as Cassidy was immediately handed a glass of lemon water as she and Jamie approached the front desk.
“Checking in. Reservation’s under the name Benn. B-E-N-N,”
The petite woman behind the desk smiled and blushed. Because most of the LA Kings players lived in the beach communities of South Bay, many people were cognizant of when a Kings player or other hockey player was standing in front of them. Obviously, the concierge was no exception. “Jamie,” the woman questioned, trying to sound unassuming that the man in front of her was indeed the captain of the Dallas Stars.
Jamie nodded and produced a credit card for the hotel to keep on file. Within moments an attendant was wheeling a luggage cart through the lobby, with Cassidy and Jamie close behind him. A short ride on the elevator to the second floor had them pushing open the door to the suite.
Cassidy immediately made for the balcony, smiling as she looked out over the ocean, seeing the normal beach lifestyle take place below her. Throughout this, Jamie helped the attendant bring the three suitcases into the suite, and after a quick thank you, Jamie handed him a lofty tip.
“Did I do alright?” Jamie smiled as he joined Cassidy outside. A dry breeze tousled his hair gently.
She looked back out at the view and couldn’t help but smile. It all seemed so surreal. First Victoria and now Los Angeles. “Are you kidding? It’s amazing,” she stepped forward and held either side of Jamie’s face in her hands, and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him gently.
They reached for each other’s hands and walked back into the living area of the suite. The small but functional kitchen was stocked with alcohol, and Jamie went to it almost immediately. Only as he made towards it, did Cassidy notice the array of drinks and study her choices.
“I had the hotel stock up the room… In the interest of pre-gaming and everything.” He smiled and picked up a bottle of champagne out of the bucket and looked at the label, tilting his head side to side in approval.
Cassidy smiled and pulled at the end of her sundress, making sure it fell unwrinkled against her body. “What you really mean is in the interest of getting me totally wasted,” she giggled and pointed at the champagne bottle, “that’s super potent.”
Jamie set the bottle back in the bucket and opened up the mini fridge and pulled out a beer, offering it to Cassidy first. When she shook her head, he twisted off the cap and took a quick pull before sitting down on the modern looking couch. Cassidy sat beside him, looking out the glass door that led back to the patio.
“What’s the plan, Jame?” She clutched onto his arm, “I want to go shopping sometime… and preferably not alone. Shopping alone is depressing.”
“We can go today, then maybe the beach for awhile. We’ve only got reservations for tomorrow night,” he lifted the beer back up to his lips to take a long sip. “This shopping trip can’t go longer than two hours. I don’t know how much of it I’ll be able to take,”
Cassidy smiled and hit Jamie’s chest playfully, leaning into his shoulder, but ultimately agreeing with his condition.
As agreed, the shopping trip didn’t last longer than two hours, but it didn’t end before that either. By the time they arrived at the beach, it was already three in the afternoon, and people who had spent the entire day at the beach were now on their way out. Once finding a lace to settle, Cassidy and Jamie spread their towels out side by side, and Cassidy looked out at the ocean, taking a deep breath in.
The salty air seemed cleaner than the smog filled air of the city, and when she turned back to say something to Jamie, he was in the process of pulling his shirt off. With his arms stretched above his head, the muscles in his arms, chest, and back flexed, and only when he stood in his trunks, did Cassidy begin the process of getting out of her street clothes. She unbuttoned her denim shorts and pushed them down her legs, blushing as she could see Jamie watching her from his spot on his towel. And then with a quick glance around them, Cassidy reached for the hem of her loose shirt, and pulled it over her head.
Only in her bikini, Cassidy sat down on her towel quickly, almost embarrassed to be seen beside him. She leaned back on her hands, glancing at him quickly and seeing the grin on his face, “what?”
“My girlfriend’s hot,” he murmured, chuckling to himself as he grabbed a fistful of sand and squeezed it through his fingers. For Jamie, he’d mostly be able to move through the streets going unrecognized. Either people wouldn’t know who he was, or they would but wouldn’t care; and either way, he and Cassidy would be able to get through the vacation without another beautiful woman asking for a picture and an autograph.
Cassidy rolled her eyes and looked back out at the ocean as the waves came crashing onto the shore. “Since we don’t have plans tonight, I was thinking maybe we could go to this bar in Hermosa Beach. I’ve heard tons of people talking about it… seems pretty popular,” she looked over at Jamie who now clasped his hands together around his knees.
“North End,” when Cassidy nodded, Jamie nodded back, “the Kings players go there. It’s where they celebrated the win,”
For a moment she thought that would be a deal breaker for him; like going to the bar where the Kings had brought the Stanley Cup would somehow insult him. “If you don’t want to,”
Jamie shook his head and looked over at her, “no it’s alright. I just hope you’re ready to meet some of the guys. They’re all still in town for postseason medical appointments… chances are we’ll run into a few of them.”
Cassidy smiled and laid back on her towel, shielding her eyes from the sun, allowing herself to tan. “That’s alright; I think I’m ready to meet some of your hockey friends outside of the Stars organization.”
She was definitely not ready to meet Jamie’s hockey friends. Not only was the bar packed with people still ready to celebrate the Kings achievement, but the players that had made an appearance were still clearly amped up from the win a few weeks prior.
Example one, Drew Doughty. As if his name were enough to spark mental images, Jamie didn’t seem surprised that Drew was still presumably drunk from the night before. He had yet to shave his playoff beard, which grew in patchy and scraggly; something that Jamie found pleasure in pointing out.
Example two, Trevor Lewis. As Drew’s roommate, they undoubtedly had spent the afternoon day drinking.
Example three, Jeff Carter. He seemed to be an upside to the madness within the bar. While he was clearly enjoying his drinks, it was obvious he was in control of himself, made possible with help of his girlfriend and soon to be wife. But still, with the alcohol perusing through his bloodstream, he enjoyed pulling out his party trick; taking the caps off his two front teeth, and whistling through the gap.
No, she totally hadn’t been ready to meet them. But of course Jamie, Drew, and Jeff had spent two weeks with each other in Sochi, just before Cassidy had met him. And being in Russia, hyped up over winning Olympic gold, surely had the boys acting the same way. Only now in late June, Jamie wasn’t really able to celebrate. While he was happy for his friends, Cassidy could tell it was painful for him to feign happiness, knowing his team didn’t make it further in the playoff run.
Between the rapid flow of drinks that seemed endless, and the lack of food, it wasn’t very long before a buzz overtook Jamie. Although with his mix of hard alcohol and beer, Cassidy wondered why he wasn’t passed out on the floor yet. She too was drinking, but not to the extent of Jamie, who was now using the bar as support.
Sometime during a conversation with Jeff’s fiancé, Cassidy turned around as the bar grew louder. The sight of a bouncer up in Jamie’s face, hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to back down was enough for Cassidy to rush over and try to mediate the situation.
“Back up and calm down!” The bouncer yelled, pushing on Jamie’s shoulders. He stumbled backwards a little bit before catching his balance.
“Get your hands off me,” Jamie grabbed the bouncer’s wrists and pulled them off of him, only to have the guard retaliate.
Cassidy set her hands on Jamie’s bicep. And when the guard saw her beside him, he spat down to her, “Get him out of here, or I’m kicking him out!”
“We’re going, we’re going.” Cassidy pulled on Jamie’s arm until he looked down at her. He looked furious, and the muscles in his jaw clenched. His angry gaze frightened her, and she shrunk away, gently tugging on his arm, “come on, let’s get out of here.”
It took awhile to coax him out of the bar, and without the help of Mike Richards, who had come in to begin a night of drinking, it would’ve been impossible. Mike was able to diffuse things, mostly because he wasn’t afraid that Jamie would hit him. Or if he did, he knew he’d be able to punch Jamie back.
Cassidy on the other hand, wasn’t too sure. Did she think Jamie would hit her in his drunken state; who knew. All that was certain was that he was being pretty aggressive, and if it hadn’t been for Mike stepping in and herding Jamie into a cab, Cassidy would probably be bailing him out of jail.
And once back at the hotel, Jamie still hadn’t cooled off. Cassidy led him through the lobby, being stared at as she obviously couldn’t control her drunk boyfriend. When she finally got him into the suite, everything started to make a little more sense.
The polished silver cup, the greatest trophy in sports, had made an appearance along with Drew, Trevor, and Jeff. No matter how hard he tried, Jamie wasn’t able to ignore the fact that he was upset by the fact that his name would not be added to the greatest trophy in sports this year. Now, Jamie’s behavior seemed to make sense. He was drinking away the memory. He had said Chelsea wasn’t worth the whiskey, but the Stanley Cup was.
The suite was his boxing ring the moment he stepped foot inside; throwing things across the room, kicking his shoes off and sending them flying. Cassidy reached forward and tugged on his arm, attempting to settle down before he broke anything. He spun around quickly, fists balling at his sides as he glared down at her.
Cassidy stepped back and folded her arms across her chest in disbelief, “are you gonna hit me?” His hands were clenching and she chuckled as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “Jamie Benn, you lay a hand on me, I’ll be out that door so fast, you won’t ever see me again.”
Jamie furrowed his eyebrows, slowly releasing the tension in his hands. Only when he backed away and flopped down on the couch, did she stand in front of him, ready to converse.
“I know you’re upset. And I also know you’re plastered and probably won’t remember a thing tomorrow. So I’m gonna say this, and I’m gonna be happy that by daybreak, you’ll have forgotten about this conversation.” She paused and looked at him as he stubbornly shut his eyes, pretending not to pay attention. But Cassidy knew that behind his closed eyelids, he was listening, even if he’d just be coherent for a few more minutes. “The thought of what you could do to me when you’re angry scares the shit out of me. I see how aggressive you are on the ice, and I think no person can be that different; that the aggression I see on the ice has to be present in another aspect of your life as well.”
She paused and squeezed the bridge of her nose, keeping back the emotions that were starting to expose themselves. “Leaving you would solve all of those problems for me. If you were sober, you’d say this was all so sudden, and I’d tell you it’s been a fear of mine for awhile now; that I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind and tried to ignore it. But every black eye, every stitch, and every scar tells a story. And those stories begin with you being hostile.” Cassidy shook her head and shrugged off the thin cardigan she’d been wearing. “Don’t bother coming to bed tonight,”
Almost expecting him to look up and fight back, Cassidy was hurt when he didn’t even open his eyes to acknowledge her. Maybe it was because he was drunk; she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Whatever the case, she needed time to cool off. After a hot shower and switching into a pair of soft shorts and a t-shirt, Cassidy stepped back into the living area of the suite.
Jamie’s breathing had deepened, falling into an even and steady rhythm. When she was able to find an extra blanket stowed away in the closet, Cassidy draped it over his body before walking back into the bedroom and tucking herself into bed. It felt strange to curl up in a bed without Jamie’s huge body beside her. The bed felt empty; cold.
When Cassidy woke the next morning, Jamie was already awake. And when he heard her stir in bed, he stood up from the couch and made his way to the threshold, biting his bottom lip softly as if he didn’t really want to start the morning with the conversation that was about to take place.
“I’m sorry about last night,” he murmured softly. His slight accent seemed more prevalent now than Cassidy had ever remembered.
She sat up in the bed, looking out the sliding glass door. The sun was already out, reflecting off the ocean waves. “I’m surprised you remember last night,”
Jamie rubbed his eyes and stepped forward a few feet, “I don’t remember much, but the one thing I do remember…” he trailed off and looked down at his hands, pursing his lips together. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me; live in fear that I’m going to hit you or slap you around.”
“The way you were balling your fists last night tells me otherwise. The only other time I’ve seen you do that was when you got amped up, wanting justice to be served for the man who attacked me. It was terrifying Jamie because ten minutes before you clenched your fists to me, you were doing it to a bouncer three times my size.”
He walked forward more until he could sit on the edge of the bed. All Cassidy could do was stare at him, unsure of what he was really thinking. He looked remorseful, that was evident. But nonetheless, it was frightening, because even as he sat down, it was shocking just how much bigger he was than her.
“I’m angry on the ice because I’m passionate about the sport. I’m angry with the man who attacked you because I love you. And no matter how angry I may get with you, I’d never be angry enough to hit you.” Jamie paused and looked Cassidy in the eyes, his gaze unfaltering. “Last night, I saw a trophy I’ve dreamed about since I was six. Since I was old enough to realize how special the Stanley Cup is, I’ve wanted it. And it was so close last night, but it wasn’t mine.”
“Your worth isn’t determined by how many times your name is engraved into the silver. Hell, Crosby’s only on it once. I know you want it badly, and I know you’d do just about anything to get it… but I don’t think I can handle even one more repeat of last night.” Cassidy was unafraid to stare back at him, “the Stanley Cup is your dream, and I love you for that. But it’s not my dream to feel threatened in a relationship. One more night like last night…” she shook her head and ran her fingertips over the bed sheets.
How had things gone from practically perfect, to a total mess within a few days? Seeing Jamie’s clenched fists was clearly enough to trigger the bad memories she had of that night in the alley. And as Kennedy had said awhile back, sweeping the situation under the rug without really dealing with it wasn’t healthy. And it wasn’t the way to handle the mess.
Notes
This chapter is titled after "She's So California" by Gary Allan.
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5/2/16