Seeing Stars
33: I Need My Girl
"I need you ninety miles an hour down the interstate, headlights shining in the driveway, in my arms, I need you right now..."
Travis kept up his end of the bargain. Mostly because the moment he showed signs of backing out, Jamie sent his lawyer over with documentation of the sexual battery Cassidy had endured. After that, he pretty much kept quiet about the whole thing, sending validating emails to Professor Gardner every week.
Now preseason was quickly approaching; just about a week and a half away from the first game. With the lack of a job, Cassidy felt herself going insane. She had too much down time to think of a laundry list of possibilities about life. When she could no longer sit idly in the apartment or Jamie’s house, she took him up on his offer, hoping there was some job she could do within the organization.
The reality of that offer was that she was mainly an assistant for whoever needed help. Right now, that person was Tom Holey, the director of communications. For him, she was asked to sit in an office and make spreadsheets for the newest campaigns. It was easy work; busy work, but she didn’t mind it much. At least she was getting paid, and not getting hit on by her boss.
Between her work and Jamie’s seemingly constant conditioning, they didn’t see much of either; just enough to keep a somewhat healthy relationship going. Although she missed him, she found it easy to focus on work, mostly because she always liked it.
“Should I move in here, or…”
Cassidy spun around in her chair, smiling at Jamie as he came through the office door, gear in tow. She surmised that the liquid dripping from his hair was water, and not sweat, as he usually showered after a skate.
“You wanted me to work, and now I’m working too much?” She snapped back in a playful way, turning back to the computer. She was finishing up the last spreadsheet for the Dallas Stars Foundation event. “I’m almost done here,”
Jamie sighed, readjusting his bag on his shoulder. He looked around the office as Cassidy went back to furiously putting in numbers for the budget. “I want you to work, but this… this is getting difficult, and the season hasn’t even started yet.”
Cassidy turned around again, shocked by his confession. “Do you want me to quit? Stay home and be domestic?” She stood up defensively, “Jame, I told you that’s the kind of girl you needed; a model-esque woman that could be domestic. That’s not me! Don’t try to turn me into that!”
“I’m not!” He raised his voice to match hers. When he truly realized how loud the conversation had gotten, he rubbed his eyes and looked back at the door to make sure no one was rushing to see what was going on. “Can you come by my house tonight? We need to talk about where this is going.”
“If you’re going to end it, just do it now. I don’t need to wait for that,”
“Cass,” he sighed, stepping forward. “Please. Will you stop by?”
She stared at him, making no expression as she turned back towards the computer to finish up her work. She couldn’t be with a guy that didn’t want her to work. It was the only thing she’d have in life. And any guy who wanted her to stay home and be an American housewife would have another thing coming.
Growing up in a life where her mom was gone when she was only age eleven, Cassidy had grown up depending on her father. He had taught her that good things came with hard work. And now another man, one she swore she loved, was apparently trying to get her to stop working.
Tonight, she would go to his house. And she wouldn’t be all torn up like Jamie was expecting her to be. She was going to be strong to show him that she didn’t need him in her life to survive. Yes, she was going to make it through without him; and more importantly, she could make it through life without him.
She was in tears. Jamie opened his front door to hear her sobbing, to see her eyes bloodshot as if they’d never seen sleep. He stood frozen, probably unsure if he was the reason she was crying. Only when Cassidy stepped forward and clutched onto him for support, did he wrap his arms around her.
He backed into the house, leading her into the living room, while trying to keep her from hyperventilating. Her breathing was jagged as she fought for air, competing with herself to keep in control. Once on the couch, Jamie rewrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair as she buried her face into his chest, gripping at his shirt.
“He… Called… Said… He…” Cassidy was barely able to put together a sentence. Feeling perpetually out of breath, she began to get dizzy the more she spoke.
“Shh,” Jamie cooed, rubbing her back soothingly, trying to get her to calm down. No doubt he felt out of his element. “Who called,”
“Dad,” she sobbed, sniffling so he’d have an easier time understanding her. Her voice was still wavering, but at least now, the words were comprehensible.
“What’d he say?”
Cassidy pulled away from his chest, looking up into Jamie’s eyes. She wiped her eyes and choked back another sob. “Cancer,”
After she said it, she saw Jamie’s face turn a ghost white, and that’s when she realized how bad it was. It was as if he didn’t know what to say, and because he couldn’t find the words to console her, she began crying again, the severity of the situation bearing down on her.
“Cass, it’s not a death sentence. There’s chemo… radiation,”
“It’s in his pancreas, Jamie.” Cassidy shook as she fought off the next round of tears, “the worst part is he knew about it when we were in Nashville, and he didn’t say anything. By now it’s probably in his stomach and liver…” She buried her head in her hands, taking a long and deep breath in, “I know we were supposed to talk about our relationship, but I don’t want to talk about that. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore… Can we just go to bed?”
Jamie stared at her, nodding slightly, but before she could get up from the couch, he tugged on her hand to keep her in place. He leaned in and cupped her face in his hands, dragging his thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away her tears. After giving her a quick kiss, they stood up and ascended the stairs to his bedroom.
Once in his bedroom, Cassidy immediately went to the dresser, pulling out the Kelowna Rockets sweatshirt she had grown fond of, and slipped it over her head as she kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the bed. Her sobs had now turned into sniffles as she lay in fetal position, trying to silence herself by watching Jamie get ready for bed.
By the time he crawled beside her, he was in nothing but black boxer briefs but his body radiated heat even though she felt eternally cold. For a moment, Jamie didn’t say anything, and instead just wrapped his arms around her, trying to console her as much as possible.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his lips against the top of her head. “I know this is hard, but you have to be strong; for yourself and for your dad. He needs you,”
Cassidy looked up at him, wiping away one last tear. She set her hand on Jamie’s chest, gently digging her fingernails into his skin, “why didn’t he tell me earlier? We could’ve done something sooner,”
Jamie shrugged against her. No matter what his answer was, it wouldn’t be the right one. Lee didn’t want Cassidy to worry, or he didn’t want her to feel sorry for him; either way Cassidy wouldn’t find those reasons acceptable.
“Did he give a timeline?”
She chuckled as if she were in a state of shock that she actually knew the timeline for the remainder of her father’s life. “Best case scenario, early July. But depending on how aggressive it is… anytime before then.”
“Maybe you should go back to Nashville… stay there until…” he squinted, failing to get the rest of the sentence out. Even for Jamie, it was hard to come to terms that within the next year, Cassidy wouldn’t have either of her parents.
“I won’t be able to graduate and I can’t afford another semester,” she caught his glance and shook her head, interrupting him before he could speak, “and you’re not paying for it; I don’t want you to.”
“But Cassidy…”
“No.” She looked up at him, stubborn as ever, “Jamie, I don’t want you to. I don’t need another reason for the media to antagonize me; Rich does enough of that.” Cassidy turned in Jamie’s arms, facing away from him as she took more deep breaths. “Enough for tonight… enough,” she sounded defeated.
Jamie decided to let it go; at least for tonight. If she didn’t want his help tonight, maybe she’d want it in a few days. Soon, her body melted into his as exhaustion overwhelmed her. Her breathing evened out and calmness washed over her like she hadn’t been bawling just minutes before. By the time she woke up tomorrow, Jamie supposed the calm would be replaced by angst.
Cassidy sat up in Jamie’s bed the next morning, rubbing her eyes. They were sore from the emotional fest she had last night. Once she gained her composure, she pulled open his bedroom door and walked down the stairs, peeking into the kitchen. Jamie was sat at the counter, his cell phone up to his ear, sipping tea while interjecting responses every so often.
“…expedited because of the situation. I want to allow as much time as possible, but I don’t think we’re at the luxury of taking too much time.”
She walked up behind Jamie and set her hands on his back, massaging and squeezing his shoulders gently. He snapped his head to the side to look at her, reaching out to corral her in his arms.
“Alright, thank you. Keep fighting…” he smiled at Cassidy as she shot him a questioning glance, “yeah, I’ll let her know.”
After another quick goodbye, he hung up the phone, bringing the mug up to his mouth to take another sip. She was waiting for him to let her know whatever information he needed to, but he was clearly taking his time. All the while, Cassidy was growing impatient, curling her fingers into Jamie’s sides to try and tickle him.
“That was your dad… He wanted me to tell you that he loves you,” Jamie grinned and kissed Cassidy’s forehead softly, only pulling away to take another sip of his tea.
She climbed up into his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck to keep herself in place. Still the weight of everything that had been said the day before clung to her. Mostly about how Jamie had asked her to not work as much, and to even quit. Maybe it would’ve been better to drop the whole thing, but if things were going to go bad, they might as well go really bad.
“I’m not gonna quit, and I’m not gonna work less. I come from a blue-collar American family. We work hard; that’s what we do.” She looked him right in the eyes, now, not afraid of the confrontation it may cause.
He smiled and giggled, setting one hand in her lap, “I didn’t expect you to quit. And I can respect your choice because I think it’s the right one. We’ll figure everything out, get through it… I think we’re strong enough for that,”
Cassidy smiled and scratched the back of Jamie’s neck soothingly, hopping out of his lap in order to start her day. “And what should be expedited because of the situation,” she asked as she made her way towards the living room.
Jamie shook his head and stood up from the barstool to set his now empty mug in the sink, “medical situations. I was asking him about his… condition.”
She nodded and tried to brush it off. So Jamie was butting in again; there were worse things. At least he was making an effort to be caring and as accommodating as possible. Had the opposite been true, she probably would’ve have hated it more.
Travis kept up his end of the bargain. Mostly because the moment he showed signs of backing out, Jamie sent his lawyer over with documentation of the sexual battery Cassidy had endured. After that, he pretty much kept quiet about the whole thing, sending validating emails to Professor Gardner every week.
Now preseason was quickly approaching; just about a week and a half away from the first game. With the lack of a job, Cassidy felt herself going insane. She had too much down time to think of a laundry list of possibilities about life. When she could no longer sit idly in the apartment or Jamie’s house, she took him up on his offer, hoping there was some job she could do within the organization.
The reality of that offer was that she was mainly an assistant for whoever needed help. Right now, that person was Tom Holey, the director of communications. For him, she was asked to sit in an office and make spreadsheets for the newest campaigns. It was easy work; busy work, but she didn’t mind it much. At least she was getting paid, and not getting hit on by her boss.
Between her work and Jamie’s seemingly constant conditioning, they didn’t see much of either; just enough to keep a somewhat healthy relationship going. Although she missed him, she found it easy to focus on work, mostly because she always liked it.
“Should I move in here, or…”
Cassidy spun around in her chair, smiling at Jamie as he came through the office door, gear in tow. She surmised that the liquid dripping from his hair was water, and not sweat, as he usually showered after a skate.
“You wanted me to work, and now I’m working too much?” She snapped back in a playful way, turning back to the computer. She was finishing up the last spreadsheet for the Dallas Stars Foundation event. “I’m almost done here,”
Jamie sighed, readjusting his bag on his shoulder. He looked around the office as Cassidy went back to furiously putting in numbers for the budget. “I want you to work, but this… this is getting difficult, and the season hasn’t even started yet.”
Cassidy turned around again, shocked by his confession. “Do you want me to quit? Stay home and be domestic?” She stood up defensively, “Jame, I told you that’s the kind of girl you needed; a model-esque woman that could be domestic. That’s not me! Don’t try to turn me into that!”
“I’m not!” He raised his voice to match hers. When he truly realized how loud the conversation had gotten, he rubbed his eyes and looked back at the door to make sure no one was rushing to see what was going on. “Can you come by my house tonight? We need to talk about where this is going.”
“If you’re going to end it, just do it now. I don’t need to wait for that,”
“Cass,” he sighed, stepping forward. “Please. Will you stop by?”
She stared at him, making no expression as she turned back towards the computer to finish up her work. She couldn’t be with a guy that didn’t want her to work. It was the only thing she’d have in life. And any guy who wanted her to stay home and be an American housewife would have another thing coming.
Growing up in a life where her mom was gone when she was only age eleven, Cassidy had grown up depending on her father. He had taught her that good things came with hard work. And now another man, one she swore she loved, was apparently trying to get her to stop working.
Tonight, she would go to his house. And she wouldn’t be all torn up like Jamie was expecting her to be. She was going to be strong to show him that she didn’t need him in her life to survive. Yes, she was going to make it through without him; and more importantly, she could make it through life without him.
She was in tears. Jamie opened his front door to hear her sobbing, to see her eyes bloodshot as if they’d never seen sleep. He stood frozen, probably unsure if he was the reason she was crying. Only when Cassidy stepped forward and clutched onto him for support, did he wrap his arms around her.
He backed into the house, leading her into the living room, while trying to keep her from hyperventilating. Her breathing was jagged as she fought for air, competing with herself to keep in control. Once on the couch, Jamie rewrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair as she buried her face into his chest, gripping at his shirt.
“He… Called… Said… He…” Cassidy was barely able to put together a sentence. Feeling perpetually out of breath, she began to get dizzy the more she spoke.
“Shh,” Jamie cooed, rubbing her back soothingly, trying to get her to calm down. No doubt he felt out of his element. “Who called,”
“Dad,” she sobbed, sniffling so he’d have an easier time understanding her. Her voice was still wavering, but at least now, the words were comprehensible.
“What’d he say?”
Cassidy pulled away from his chest, looking up into Jamie’s eyes. She wiped her eyes and choked back another sob. “Cancer,”
After she said it, she saw Jamie’s face turn a ghost white, and that’s when she realized how bad it was. It was as if he didn’t know what to say, and because he couldn’t find the words to console her, she began crying again, the severity of the situation bearing down on her.
“Cass, it’s not a death sentence. There’s chemo… radiation,”
“It’s in his pancreas, Jamie.” Cassidy shook as she fought off the next round of tears, “the worst part is he knew about it when we were in Nashville, and he didn’t say anything. By now it’s probably in his stomach and liver…” She buried her head in her hands, taking a long and deep breath in, “I know we were supposed to talk about our relationship, but I don’t want to talk about that. And I don’t want to talk about this anymore… Can we just go to bed?”
Jamie stared at her, nodding slightly, but before she could get up from the couch, he tugged on her hand to keep her in place. He leaned in and cupped her face in his hands, dragging his thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away her tears. After giving her a quick kiss, they stood up and ascended the stairs to his bedroom.
Once in his bedroom, Cassidy immediately went to the dresser, pulling out the Kelowna Rockets sweatshirt she had grown fond of, and slipped it over her head as she kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the bed. Her sobs had now turned into sniffles as she lay in fetal position, trying to silence herself by watching Jamie get ready for bed.
By the time he crawled beside her, he was in nothing but black boxer briefs but his body radiated heat even though she felt eternally cold. For a moment, Jamie didn’t say anything, and instead just wrapped his arms around her, trying to console her as much as possible.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing his lips against the top of her head. “I know this is hard, but you have to be strong; for yourself and for your dad. He needs you,”
Cassidy looked up at him, wiping away one last tear. She set her hand on Jamie’s chest, gently digging her fingernails into his skin, “why didn’t he tell me earlier? We could’ve done something sooner,”
Jamie shrugged against her. No matter what his answer was, it wouldn’t be the right one. Lee didn’t want Cassidy to worry, or he didn’t want her to feel sorry for him; either way Cassidy wouldn’t find those reasons acceptable.
“Did he give a timeline?”
She chuckled as if she were in a state of shock that she actually knew the timeline for the remainder of her father’s life. “Best case scenario, early July. But depending on how aggressive it is… anytime before then.”
“Maybe you should go back to Nashville… stay there until…” he squinted, failing to get the rest of the sentence out. Even for Jamie, it was hard to come to terms that within the next year, Cassidy wouldn’t have either of her parents.
“I won’t be able to graduate and I can’t afford another semester,” she caught his glance and shook her head, interrupting him before he could speak, “and you’re not paying for it; I don’t want you to.”
“But Cassidy…”
“No.” She looked up at him, stubborn as ever, “Jamie, I don’t want you to. I don’t need another reason for the media to antagonize me; Rich does enough of that.” Cassidy turned in Jamie’s arms, facing away from him as she took more deep breaths. “Enough for tonight… enough,” she sounded defeated.
Jamie decided to let it go; at least for tonight. If she didn’t want his help tonight, maybe she’d want it in a few days. Soon, her body melted into his as exhaustion overwhelmed her. Her breathing evened out and calmness washed over her like she hadn’t been bawling just minutes before. By the time she woke up tomorrow, Jamie supposed the calm would be replaced by angst.
Cassidy sat up in Jamie’s bed the next morning, rubbing her eyes. They were sore from the emotional fest she had last night. Once she gained her composure, she pulled open his bedroom door and walked down the stairs, peeking into the kitchen. Jamie was sat at the counter, his cell phone up to his ear, sipping tea while interjecting responses every so often.
“…expedited because of the situation. I want to allow as much time as possible, but I don’t think we’re at the luxury of taking too much time.”
She walked up behind Jamie and set her hands on his back, massaging and squeezing his shoulders gently. He snapped his head to the side to look at her, reaching out to corral her in his arms.
“Alright, thank you. Keep fighting…” he smiled at Cassidy as she shot him a questioning glance, “yeah, I’ll let her know.”
After another quick goodbye, he hung up the phone, bringing the mug up to his mouth to take another sip. She was waiting for him to let her know whatever information he needed to, but he was clearly taking his time. All the while, Cassidy was growing impatient, curling her fingers into Jamie’s sides to try and tickle him.
“That was your dad… He wanted me to tell you that he loves you,” Jamie grinned and kissed Cassidy’s forehead softly, only pulling away to take another sip of his tea.
She climbed up into his lap, wrapping one arm around his neck to keep herself in place. Still the weight of everything that had been said the day before clung to her. Mostly about how Jamie had asked her to not work as much, and to even quit. Maybe it would’ve been better to drop the whole thing, but if things were going to go bad, they might as well go really bad.
“I’m not gonna quit, and I’m not gonna work less. I come from a blue-collar American family. We work hard; that’s what we do.” She looked him right in the eyes, now, not afraid of the confrontation it may cause.
He smiled and giggled, setting one hand in her lap, “I didn’t expect you to quit. And I can respect your choice because I think it’s the right one. We’ll figure everything out, get through it… I think we’re strong enough for that,”
Cassidy smiled and scratched the back of Jamie’s neck soothingly, hopping out of his lap in order to start her day. “And what should be expedited because of the situation,” she asked as she made her way towards the living room.
Jamie shook his head and stood up from the barstool to set his now empty mug in the sink, “medical situations. I was asking him about his… condition.”
She nodded and tried to brush it off. So Jamie was butting in again; there were worse things. At least he was making an effort to be caring and as accommodating as possible. Had the opposite been true, she probably would’ve have hated it more.
Notes
This chapter is titled "I Need My Girl" by Blake Shelton.
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5/2/16