Prove Me Wrong.
Switzerland.
"Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you, singing someday it'll bring me back to you, find a way to bring myself back home to you.."
'Kieran's POV'
Early Spring in Texas is normally beautiful, it's sunny not too humid and the rain rarely ever falls. Today however is a different story, the rain is falling hard and the skies dark just like the bags under my eyes. The rain has left my hair a wavy, frizzy mess as I attempt to get dressed for my meeting with Jamie.
We decided that we needed to meet in a neutral zone which is difficult to find with his status in the city of Dallas, so we settled on Tyler's apartment. Dubbing himself Switzerland, Tyler would not be in the room with us during "the talk" but he would still be in the apartment in case of an argument or acts of violence. After dressing and preparing myself as well I could I ventured across the hallway, letting myself in as usual.
Closing the door behind me I was first greeted by Marshall, I crouched to his level petting him on the head. With this little episode, I was pretty sure the whole puppy thing was out the window. Eventually I made my way into the kitchen, finding that Jamie was already here. Making eye contact for the first time in days my breath hitched in my throat, I looked away from his dark eyes noting the new bruise on his face and the way his sweatpants hung on his hips.
As much as I didn't want to I had missed him. Leaning against the end of the counter with Tyler and Jamie on either side no one said anything, the hostility and confusion hung in the air. Tyler eventually broke the silence, "I'm going in my room, please don't kill each other." Jamie and I both cracked small smiles as Tyler walked away, I moved away from Jamie standing where Tyler had once been across the counter from him.
Shoving my hands into the pockets of my joggers I looked down at the dark marble, having no clue where to even begin with this. "Can I just explain myself?" Jamie asked, I shrugged "Go ahead," "Can you at least look at me?" he spoke quietly as if it pained him. I obliged looking up at him, "Go," I stated coldly pursing my lips to give him the floor.
'Jamie's POV'
She was being cold, very cold but I couldn't blame her I had done the one thing I promised not to do. She had every right to be pissed off at me, I'm still actually shocked that she's even in this room right now agreeing to hear me out. After getting her to look at me I got a good look at her face, her blue eyes were cloudy, red rimmed and bloodshot. Shit, she looked like she had been crying for days, who was I kidding she had been and it was all my fault. Her skin wasn't her normal porcelain shade with freckles dotting her nose and cheeks, it was blotchy and she hadn't even bothered trying to cover it up, she wanted me to see that she was hurt. Just looking at her appearance I felt like an ass, let alone the pain she felt inside.
Breathing in deep one last time I started to explain myself, and my idiot ways. "I'm sorry," I kicked off and Kieran scoffed, "I know that that's not going to make you hate me any less but I am so sorry for what I said. As soon as I said it and you left I knew I had pulled a Ryan. And I know I promised you that I would never make you feel bad for following your dreams, but-" I stopped, she was walking away, I followed her as she strode into the living room taking a seat on the couch. Pulling her knees into her chest as she did when she was scared, I sat across from her and continued.
"You know I'm under a lot of pressure right now, and I just want to have you by my side too, and I know that sounds selfish but you have been shutting me out a bit Kier. I don’t want to lose you, and this is clearly not helping me with that but just," she stopped me.
"Just stop there Jamie," she said running her hands through her hair. "I get it, we're both under a lot right now, and frankly this- me and you, it just came on so fast, and god I don’t hate you. I hate what you did, but I can't hate you Jamie. But I just think, maybe we should just.." Her shoulders caved and the floodgates opened, tears busting out of her eyes, I reached for her hand but she moved them away. "No, that's it Jamie. I think we should just press pause, we can’t keep hurting each other. I need to focus on my future right now, and you need to focus on the ice and I'm clearly making that hard for you."
She wanted to break up, well at least take a break and that is so not what I wanted to do but I could see where she was coming from. I watched her intently as she tried to pull herself together, wanting nothing from me right now. "Can you at least say something?" she finally asked, I looked down at the hardwood floor. "How long?" I asked, still inspecting the floor,
"3 weeks, you'll either be heading into playoffs or off to Canada. We can rehash this when I get back from California."
3 weeks seemed like an eternity without her, but I agreed we both needed to focus. She calmed herself down and began to get off the couch, "One more question," turning back to face me her eyebrows risen in question, "Is this no contact? I'm really going to miss you Kier.." Her mouth opened but there were no words, she shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweats looking down at the floor, "Emergencies only," she walked away slowly stopping at the door to slip on her shoes, "Jamie, I'll miss you too." and with that she was gone.
'Kieran's POV'
Closing the door behind me my heart dropped, I slid down the door landing on the cold hardwood floor of my apartment. Head in my hands, tears flowing like Niagara Falls, I had no more fight left in me I needed to let it all out and I guess this was the spot. When I had cried myself senseless and into a snotty mess I crawled off the floor, grabbing a drink in the kitchen my phone sat on the island. 2 new messages, Tyler. *It's strangely quiet down there..*
*Kier, where are you?* At least he cared, I replied quickly
*It's over, I'm home* Those two words were awful to type out, it's over. These 3 weeks were going to test everything I had in me, did I need Jamie or better yet how bad did I need him. The phone beeped again, *Define over…* I guess Jamie had left without giving any details of the arrangement, *We're taking a break, 3 weeks until I'm done with the boards. Mutual agreement.* With that I turned off the iPhone and went to take a bath, I needed to melt this day away as the rain pounded down outside my windows
'Kieran's POV'
Early Spring in Texas is normally beautiful, it's sunny not too humid and the rain rarely ever falls. Today however is a different story, the rain is falling hard and the skies dark just like the bags under my eyes. The rain has left my hair a wavy, frizzy mess as I attempt to get dressed for my meeting with Jamie.
We decided that we needed to meet in a neutral zone which is difficult to find with his status in the city of Dallas, so we settled on Tyler's apartment. Dubbing himself Switzerland, Tyler would not be in the room with us during "the talk" but he would still be in the apartment in case of an argument or acts of violence. After dressing and preparing myself as well I could I ventured across the hallway, letting myself in as usual.
Closing the door behind me I was first greeted by Marshall, I crouched to his level petting him on the head. With this little episode, I was pretty sure the whole puppy thing was out the window. Eventually I made my way into the kitchen, finding that Jamie was already here. Making eye contact for the first time in days my breath hitched in my throat, I looked away from his dark eyes noting the new bruise on his face and the way his sweatpants hung on his hips.
As much as I didn't want to I had missed him. Leaning against the end of the counter with Tyler and Jamie on either side no one said anything, the hostility and confusion hung in the air. Tyler eventually broke the silence, "I'm going in my room, please don't kill each other." Jamie and I both cracked small smiles as Tyler walked away, I moved away from Jamie standing where Tyler had once been across the counter from him.
Shoving my hands into the pockets of my joggers I looked down at the dark marble, having no clue where to even begin with this. "Can I just explain myself?" Jamie asked, I shrugged "Go ahead," "Can you at least look at me?" he spoke quietly as if it pained him. I obliged looking up at him, "Go," I stated coldly pursing my lips to give him the floor.
'Jamie's POV'
She was being cold, very cold but I couldn't blame her I had done the one thing I promised not to do. She had every right to be pissed off at me, I'm still actually shocked that she's even in this room right now agreeing to hear me out. After getting her to look at me I got a good look at her face, her blue eyes were cloudy, red rimmed and bloodshot. Shit, she looked like she had been crying for days, who was I kidding she had been and it was all my fault. Her skin wasn't her normal porcelain shade with freckles dotting her nose and cheeks, it was blotchy and she hadn't even bothered trying to cover it up, she wanted me to see that she was hurt. Just looking at her appearance I felt like an ass, let alone the pain she felt inside.
Breathing in deep one last time I started to explain myself, and my idiot ways. "I'm sorry," I kicked off and Kieran scoffed, "I know that that's not going to make you hate me any less but I am so sorry for what I said. As soon as I said it and you left I knew I had pulled a Ryan. And I know I promised you that I would never make you feel bad for following your dreams, but-" I stopped, she was walking away, I followed her as she strode into the living room taking a seat on the couch. Pulling her knees into her chest as she did when she was scared, I sat across from her and continued.
"You know I'm under a lot of pressure right now, and I just want to have you by my side too, and I know that sounds selfish but you have been shutting me out a bit Kier. I don’t want to lose you, and this is clearly not helping me with that but just," she stopped me.
"Just stop there Jamie," she said running her hands through her hair. "I get it, we're both under a lot right now, and frankly this- me and you, it just came on so fast, and god I don’t hate you. I hate what you did, but I can't hate you Jamie. But I just think, maybe we should just.." Her shoulders caved and the floodgates opened, tears busting out of her eyes, I reached for her hand but she moved them away. "No, that's it Jamie. I think we should just press pause, we can’t keep hurting each other. I need to focus on my future right now, and you need to focus on the ice and I'm clearly making that hard for you."
She wanted to break up, well at least take a break and that is so not what I wanted to do but I could see where she was coming from. I watched her intently as she tried to pull herself together, wanting nothing from me right now. "Can you at least say something?" she finally asked, I looked down at the hardwood floor. "How long?" I asked, still inspecting the floor,
"3 weeks, you'll either be heading into playoffs or off to Canada. We can rehash this when I get back from California."
3 weeks seemed like an eternity without her, but I agreed we both needed to focus. She calmed herself down and began to get off the couch, "One more question," turning back to face me her eyebrows risen in question, "Is this no contact? I'm really going to miss you Kier.." Her mouth opened but there were no words, she shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweats looking down at the floor, "Emergencies only," she walked away slowly stopping at the door to slip on her shoes, "Jamie, I'll miss you too." and with that she was gone.
'Kieran's POV'
Closing the door behind me my heart dropped, I slid down the door landing on the cold hardwood floor of my apartment. Head in my hands, tears flowing like Niagara Falls, I had no more fight left in me I needed to let it all out and I guess this was the spot. When I had cried myself senseless and into a snotty mess I crawled off the floor, grabbing a drink in the kitchen my phone sat on the island. 2 new messages, Tyler. *It's strangely quiet down there..*
*Kier, where are you?* At least he cared, I replied quickly
*It's over, I'm home* Those two words were awful to type out, it's over. These 3 weeks were going to test everything I had in me, did I need Jamie or better yet how bad did I need him. The phone beeped again, *Define over…* I guess Jamie had left without giving any details of the arrangement, *We're taking a break, 3 weeks until I'm done with the boards. Mutual agreement.* With that I turned off the iPhone and went to take a bath, I needed to melt this day away as the rain pounded down outside my windows
Notes
xoxo - Ally ;)
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3/16/15