Fuck It

You stood there silently, not entirely sure if it was shock or guilt that rooted you to your spot. Your mind was running a million different directions as you glanced almost wildly at the guys around you, your eyes ultimately connecting with Jordie’s.

"Jordie…I’m-" You swallowed harshly and fought back the tears that were starting to gather in your eyes. "I didn’t- I never meant for something like this to happen."

"Do you like him?" Bitting your bottom lip rather hard you looked down, and fiddled with the beer bottle in front of you only looking up when Jordie firmly called your name. "Do you have feelings for my brother? It’s as easy as yes or no." But love was never as simple as yes or no, and you knew it never would be. If you said yes, and you came clean to Jamie you knew your friendship would never be the same no matter what you did. And if you said no, there was no guarantee how Jamie, drunk or sober, would take it. What you knew for sure was that you had made a mistake in letting Jamie walk away.

"I…It’s just…You don’t understand-" Tyler elbowed you harshly in the side and you glared at him rubbing the spot before turning back to Jordie. "Yes. Yes, I have feelings for your brother."

He nodded as if he already knew what your answer was going to be.

"Then go get him." It was Tyler who said it and you looked at him your eyes wide, once again queazy. Moments ago it was him you were kissing and ruining everything. "We both know there was nothing behind our kiss, go get your man. Go give my liney some love." You shook your head at Tyler’s version of a "pep talk", but nodded at all of the boys before walking to the bottom of the stairs.

You paused, one foot on the first step. This was it, this was the moment that everything would change. You were taking the plunge and not looking back. Finally ready you took the stairs two at a time, not able to wait a moment longer.

When you got to his room Jamie had his back to you and was standing at his dresser taking on his watch. “Get out.” He snapped as he heard you enter the room.

"Jamie," your heart ached as you fought to get the words out. "Just listen to me for-"

"No!" Jamie seethed as he turned to look at you. "You listen to me. None of this matters; none of it. Tomorrow when I’m sober I won’t mean any of it, you understand?" His words hit you hard and you flinched taking a small step back.

"I don’t believe you." You said quietly, you couldn’t let your resolve falter, this was it; you were diving in full force. "It-it wasn’t a game for me either." Determination surged through you as you stared at Jamie’s big brown eyes. "With Ty yes, but not with you. Never with you." Jamie shook his head and worked on pulling off his tight white shirt, leaving your heart to pick up pace as you took in his toned body.

"Just let it go." Your name at the end of sentence was almost a plea. "Tomorrow we’ll both have clear minds and we can pretend like this never happened."

"No, I won’t let it go." It took seconds to cross the room and grab his arm before he could go into his closet. Ignoring the tingling you felt as your fingers met his bare bicep was hard but you pushed on. "Kiss me again. Kiss me again and try to tell me that you don’t have feelings for me; that I don’t have feelings for you. Prove it to me." Jamie looked conflicted and for a second you thought he was going to rip his arm from you, but instead his hands rose to your face and his lips met yours in a hard kiss.

Notes