Love that We Deserve
V- Four Walls
~ “And maybe that was love. Being so vulnerable and allowing someone else in so far they could hurt you, but they also give you everything.” ― Christine Feehan, Water Bound ~
Tyler was constantly checking his phone to see if he had any missed calls or texts from Magdalena, but so far, nothing. Tyler took his phone off of silent and put it on as loud as it could be. He wanted to make sure he wouldn't miss the phone call he was anticipating. It was already four in the afternoon on Thanksgiving and he was strolling around in the Benn's home as Jordie and Jamie cooked away.
“Tyler get your ass over here!” Jordie called from the kitchen.
“No way you’re just going to stand around while we do all the hard work” Jamie chuckled.
“I thought I was going to mash the potatoes! That’s my job” Tyler smirked.
“You’re going to have to peel them first” Jordie said as he tossed a bag of potatoes in Tyler’s direction.
“Uh, how about I peel those and you just cut the carrots” Jessica, Jordie’s current girlfriend suggested as she hip checked Jordie. She knew that Tyler, or any guy in general would more than likely peel half of the actual potato off. Tyler gave her a big smile and he walked around the counter towards the carrots and grabbed a knife to cut them with. Before Tyler did so he compulsively checked his phone, although he didn't feel a vibration and there was no ring he somehow still expected something, but he was wrong, there was nothing from Magdalena.
“What you checkin’ for?” Jessica nodded as she grabbed the potato peeler from the kitchen drawer.
“Yeah you waiting on something?” Jordie asked. Tyler set his phone down and shook his head.
“Just the time” Tyler said as he began to chop away.
Three weeks had gone by since Thanksgiving. Tyler had received no phone call from Magdalena, but continued to check his phone for a couple more days, hoping to see her name across the screen, but all that came up were facebook/instagram notifications and texts from other people that he didn’t really seem to care about. Magdalena had become a distraction to Tyler. Something that he had been avoiding for a long time. Distractions meant losing focus; it meant that while his mind was supposed to be in one place, it was somewhere else.
Magdalena had been in NYC for a month now and at first it was great, but it started to get harder. The photographers kept on telling her she was lacking in something . Her days would get cut short and she’d end up spending her entire afternoon inside the apartment. Four of the models, Nico, Caro, Angela, and Nadia, had all moved out and it was just Steven, Carly, Selita and Magdalena in the large apartment now. They no longer had to share rooms and everyone had their own space. It was five in the morning and snow was lightly falling in New York. Magdalena and Steven were at a photoshoot for Calvin Klein.
“Can we just have Steven alone, you can just go” The director of the shoot shooed Magdalena away. Magdalena’s jaw dropped slightly and felt as if all the energy inside of her had been drained. One of the assistants shoved Magdalena’s things into her arms and Magdalena awkwardly got pulled off of the set and brought back into the hall where all the other models sat, laid, or stood there waiting for their time. Magdalena sat in a chair and slouched in it. Steven was her ride so she had to stay at the shoot until he was done, otherwise she had to take the public transit and she knew that if she did that she’d get lost. Magdalena put on her sweatpants and a zip up and grabbed her phone.
3 missed calls.
All from Dougie. Magdalena unlocked her phone and called him back.
“Hey babe!” Dougie’s sweet and yet goofy voice picked up. Magdalena smiled to herself as she played with the strings of her sweatpants.
“Hey, whats up?”
“We just landed in Buffalo, got a game tomorrow against the Sabres” Magdalenas eyes wandered around the room as Dougie spoke. “What’s up with you? Are you at a shoot right now?” Dougie asked.
“Kind of, things aren’t going so well, they literally just kicked me off set!” Magdalena giggled.
“Seriously? That’s so dumb, do you have any idea why?” Magdalena smiled at the sound of Dougie’s voice, especially his slight lisp.
“Nope, they took like two photos and then the director stopped the whole thing and told me to leave,” Magdalena said as she reached into her bag to look for a granola bar, she was starving.
“Awe, babe. Wish I could kiss you all better”
“I’ll just pretend you’re here,” Magdalena said as she wrapped one arm around herself, pretending to hug herself. “I watched your game last night! great job on the win!!”
“It was just Calgary,” Dougie chuckled. “But thanks babe,” Magdalena blushed at Dougie calling her babe. Magdalena could hear the sound of Dougie’s teammates on the other end, but one voice stood out.
“Is that Brad?” Magdalena laughed.
“Yeah, you want to talk to him?”
“Mhm” Magdalena nodded and within seconds her ear was filled with Brad’s voice.
“Maggie! Helloo!”
“Hey!”
“Miss ya girl, how ya been?” Magdalena laughed hearing Brad’s silly tone. He was so childish. He reminded her so much of Tyler that sometimes it was hard for her to even be around him.
“Great. How about yourself? Congrats on the win!”
“Yeah yeah, I didn’t score though”
“Oh then I take back the congrats, it only matters when you score right??”
“Duh, there may not be an I in team, but there sure as hell is one in ‘Bruins’” Brad chuckled on the other end. “Your little boyfriend played like a fucking beauty last night though”
“Thanks ya fuckin goon!!” Magdalena heard Dougie say in the background as she laughed.
“After the game we went out and he got the attention of a couple ladies, they were definitely tens if you ask me. But Dougie made sure to let them know he was off the market, you know how he is, all sweet and innocent”
All this hockey talk really made Magdalena miss Boston and her lifestyle there.
“Oh really? If they were tens, what am I?”
“An eleven, broke the fuckin scale!” Brad proclaimed and Magdalena could hear more chatter and cheers in the background. “Alright, I’ll get out of your hair, here’s Dougie”
“Hey Magdalena” Dougie laughed as he went back on the line with her
“I miss you guys” Magdalena pouted scrunching her nose.
“WE MISS YOU TOO!”
“Am I on speaker??”
“Yeah, sorry” Dougie apologized placing a finger on his lips shushing his teammates.
“It’s fine,”
“Babe I gotta go, we have a conference in like five minutes. Miss you, kisses” Dougie said and then hung up. Magdalena pressed the home button on her phone and swiped through her phone for a bit, bored.
“Uh..Magdalena? Is there a Magdalena here?” A man wearing all black and holding a clipboard stepped out and asked. Magdalena's head shot up, and everyone in the waiting hall looked around to figure out who this ‘Magdalena” was.
“That’s me,” Magdalena said softly.
“The director wants to speak with you,” Magdalena blinked fast in shock. The same director who had just kicked her off set wanted to see her again? Magdalena looked around awkwardly and everyone in the room gave her a shrug and she grabbed her things and followed the man in black. Once they had arrived on set, Steven was off on the side getting his hair re-done and had a change of boxers. The director was sitting next to the photographer taking a look at some of the shots.
“Magdalena.” The director said as soon as she had approached him, his thick Italian accent coming through. Magdalena smiled and batted her eyelashes. He kissed his teeth and placed his fingers under chin and tilted it up. “Want to know why I removed you from my set?” Magdalena nodded while his hand had a grip on her jaw, he was studying her facial structure. “Because you aren’t working it. You’re pretty, you’re cute, but you’re not sexy.” Magdalena jerked her head back in shock and her eyes grew wide. What did that even mean?
“Uh..” Magdalena’s voice croaked.
“Everybody here can tell you’re a virgin!” The director exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air. Magdalenas eyes grew even wider to the point where she probably looked like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes popping out of the sockets. She was speechless.”You’re too uptight, loosen up” He said once more as he grabbed her hands and put them together, comforting her. “You’re a model, if I want you to look innocent, look innocent! If I want you to look badass, look badass! If I want you to jump like a monkey, jump!! like a monkey!” He paused as Magdalena smiled and looked down trying not to giggle. “And if I want you to look sexy. Look sexy.” His face was now near hers with a look of assurance. “Capeesh?” Magdalena sighed and nodded. “Okay! Very good! Now go home. I want you and Steven here, same time tomorrow. You better be work it” He clapped and winked at her.
Normally Magdalena would have been uncomfortable with the whole scenario. But the director, named Rocco, was inviting, calming, and very professional. Magdalena and Steven went to iHop for breakfast after the shoot, to which Magdalena scarfed down two Belgian waffles and the entire plate of strawberry banana french toast.
“For someone who’s so tiny, you can eat a lot!” Steve chuckled after she let out a burp.
“Yeah I don’t really get it, it’s going to catch up to me someday, and I’m perfectly alright with that. Yolo” Magdalena shrugged as she slouched in her chair and grabbed her belly which she now had a food baby.
“Amen!” Steve clapped and laughed at her silliness. Between everyone who stayed at the apartment, Magdalena ate the most and worked out the least, which was an odd combination for a model. Yet, Magdalena was still skinny and rocked a great bod. She couldn’t run for more than ten minutes without collapsing, and working out for Magdalena was a rare occurrence.
“What did Rocco have to say to you? I saw him over there waving his hands and all” Steve said as he stabbed his fork into his sausage.
“Something about me not being ‘sexy’. Tell me, am I not sexy?” Magdalena said as she struck a ridiculous pose. Steven let out a chuckle.
“I think he wanted more sex appeal for the shoot. He told me that we had good chemistry on set, but we looked like we were playing around, rather than the whole ‘sexual tension’ thing that Calvin Klein photos always have. You’re so giggly”
Magdalena smiled at Stevens remark. It felt good to hear someone say that she was ‘giggly’ rather than sad or upset. She had been feeling off since the whole fight with Tyler. It had been hard for her to get back to her old bubbly self, and she still wasn’t one hundred percent there.
“So what do I do to get this ‘sex appeal’,”
Steven smirked at her. “I mean we could always have sex and then it would naturally be there-”
“Oh my God, shut up!” Magdalena said as she playfully tossed a napkin at him.
“I kid! I kid!” Steven said as he threw his arms up surrendering. “I dunno, read some magazines about it or something” Steven shrugged. Magdalena pursed her lips and shrugged it off.
“Whatever, I’ll figure it out.”
”No, no, no! Magdalena what is going on? One minute you have it, and the next..POOF! its gone!” Rocco, the director, exclaimed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Magdalena ran her fingers through her hair extremely exhausted. She and Steve were in the studio for three hours, and she couldn’t help but think it was her fault that the shoot was extended even longer.
“I know! I know! I’m sorry-”
“No! No ‘sorry’” Rocco mocked. “I need this to be perfect.” Magdalena stared at Rocco blankly. She had nothing to say to excuse herself for why she couldn’t get the perfect expression. “That’s it! It’s done. I will call your managers to let them know anything.” Rocco flicked both of his wrists up and shook his head in disappointment. Magdalena scrambled to get up off of Steven and hurried over to the makeup table, sat down and dropped her head into her hands.
“Maggie, lets go” Magdalena felt a hand on her back and looked over to see Steven in his coat already dressed to go.
“Give me a sec” Magdalena said as she sniffled and went into the dressing room to change back into her own clothes. As soon as she came out Steven was speaking with Rocco’s photographer and looking at the sample shots. Steven looked up at Magdalena and nodded for her to come over to him.
“Ready to go?” He said.
“Yeah,” Magdalena sighed. Steven tossed his car keys up in the air and gestured for them to exit.
“That was a terrible shot by the way” Tyler smirked to Jamie.
“Oh is that why it went in?” Jamie said back.
“Lucky shot, but still terrible. I gave you a great pass though” Tyler teased as he began to nudge Jamie.
“I’m pretty sure that ‘pass’ was a shot attempt” Jamie laughed.
“Wait, I’m a little lost, are we talking about me? or you?” Tyler snickered as he and Jamie skated around each other, chirping.
It was morning practice which was optional for Tyler, but he had nowhere else to be so he joined his line-mate and captain Jamie Benn, along with the rest of the players that had to be at the practice. Tyler and Jamie were goofing around like the usual only making their friendship stronger.
“Better get better at that shitty shot, Olympics are coming up” Tyler winked at Jamie. This was Tyler’s fourth season in the NHL and he was well aware that he wasn’t even going to be considered for the Olympics, but Tyler knew that Jamie was going to make the team and he was ecstatic for not only his line-mate, but his friend as well. Jamie was an excellent hockey player, he played the game right and fair. Not a play-maker like Tyler, but definitely one who had a good eye and strength.Tyler stood on the far left of the neutral zone almost at half and slapped the puck into the net. Tyler glided on one knee and shot his left arm up in the air as a celly. Tyler was a show off. Jamie skated around the net and laughed to himself.
“Not too sure if I’ll make the cut if you’re out here making shots like that”
“BRING IT IN BOYS!” Coach Lindy Ruff said after he blew the whistle indicating that practice was coming to an end. Tyler and Jamie made one more lap around the rink, waving and winking at the fans who sat on the bleachers watching their practice. “Great practice boys, didn’t expect this turnout, but thanks to those who are putting in the extra effort, that really shows character.” Lindy paused and glanced at Tyler. “We play the Canucks tonight, great team, with good speed. But its an easy game to play, we’ve got this in the bag. Head home get some rest, see you all tonight”
“Stars on three...one, two, three,” Jamie said as he put a fist in the middle of the circle as did the rest of the team.
“STARS!” They all shouted out and made their way to the locker room after grabbing their water bottles.Tyler shoved Jamie through the tunnel that lead them to their locker room. The hallway there was loud and echoing with the sound of hockey players making odd sounds or teasing each other. Tyler was quick to change and head out back, as the rest of the guys showered and answered questions from the Stars Insider interviews. A few fans had approached him and taken photos with him, which made his day. Tyler felt so welcome in Dallas, despite the way he had behaved in Boston. You’d expect everyone to be rude to him, gag or scoff at the sound of his name, but it was the complete opposite. Tyler was appreciated in Dallas and although he had only lived in Dallas for a short five months, Tyler could really see himself settling down there.
A month had gone by and it was already January. It was Magdalena’s last month in New York. She had spent her Holidays and Christmas in Alaska, where she’s originally from, with her family and since then she hadn’t had a break. Her portfolio had developed considerably and she was content with the work she had done in Nyc. She still had a couple more shoots to get through, including another with Rocco for Calvin Klein. Their last photoshoot still haunted her; the whole sex appeal thing bothered her. What could she possibly do to help her have a better ‘sex appeal’?
Magdalena felt a vibration in her hand and looked at her phone to see that it was Dougie calling. She hadn’t spoken to Dougie throughout the past week and it was odd that he hadn’t bothered to call or text her, or respond to any of her messages.
“Hey Dougie,”
“Magdalena, are you over him?”
“What?”
“Don’t lie. Are you over Tyler or not?” Dougies voice sounded serious and harsh.
“I don’t understand, what’s making you ask this?”
“It’s a yes or no question Magdalena,” Dougie said. Magdalena began to look around anxiously. She was sitting in her room about to get ready to leave and Dougie’s phone call and question had taken her by surprise. She wasn’t prepared for a question like that, let alone never wanted to have this discussion with Dougie. Magdalena began to cry knowing that what she was about to say was going to hurt Dougie, it was already hurting her. Dougie could hear her short breaths and knew immediately what her answer was.
“Dougie I’m so s-”
“Save it.” Dougie said and hung up. Magdalena called Dougie back but there was no answer, she attempted again but this time it rang once and then went straight to voicemail; he ignored her. Magdalena dropped her head in her hands and began to cry even more. It was such a short conversation and yet so much had just been put out. Dougie would now know that he was nothing more than a rebound and Magdalena now had to face the fact that Tyler was like a black cloud lingering over her all this time and now was when the rain came pouring down hard. Magdalena’s breathing began to hitch as she cried even harder. She hurt and had taken advantage of someone who cared so much for her; was she like Tyler now? It mortified Magdalena as she sat still and choked back the tears. Her eyes were burning from the tears that were just streaming down her face. This was a nightmare for Magdalena, the pain was becoming much too real. Magdalena tried to run from Tyler, but she had made a full circle and was back to square one, hurt.
*************************
2012
“I like you so much Ty, it hurts.” Magdalena confessed to him. That was no secret to Tyler, he knew she felt something; that he felt something. It was all so confusing, they were so young and yet they were dealing with something so complicated. It was only Tyler’s second year with the Bruins, and girl trouble was the last thing he needed.
“I’m so sorry,” Tyler whispered as he caressed her cheek. “Meg, I-”
“Tyler,” Magdalena whimpered as she collapsed into his arms. She didn't want him to finish his sentence. She felt somewhere inside of her that he didn't feel the same way. Had she made a mistake telling him something like this? She had opened up and let her walls down and was now totally vulnerable for any kind of damage from Tyler.
Tyler shut his eyes as Magdalena cried on his shoulder. Tyler didn't notice that he had been crying until he felt a tear next to his lips. He wiped it away instantly. Magdalena made Tyler weak, and there were times where he just wanted her out of his sight because of how odd he felt around her. Tyler didn't feel the same way; in fact he definitely didn't like the girl who was sitting in front of him. He loved her. Magdalena described her pain as physical, but he felt something totally out of this world. It made him uncomfortable, and he just wanted to scream or punch something.Tyler felt emotional, mental, physical, all kinds of pain-no, not even pain, it was torture.
Silence, complete and utter silence filled the dimly lit room. Tyler and Magdalena sat on the floor of Magdalenas bedroom, fingers intertwined and foreheads touching.
“I’m scared, Meg,” Tyler said, his voice was shaky. “I’m so scared.” Tyler knew that if he let her in entirely, he would be in trouble.Tyler was a coward, he was afraid of all the afflictions that came with relationships.
Magdalena sniffled and wrapped her hands around Tyler’s neck and placed her forehead against his own. She wanted to kiss him, so badly, so desperately.
“You’re everything I need right now,” Magdalenas voice was just below a whisper, and she wasn’t sure if Tyler heard what she had said. She felt his lips against her forehead and she let go of his hand and sat up to look at him. Tyler licked his lips and gave her a tight smile and gulped. Magdalena watched as his adams apple moved up and down. Their moment was interrupted by Tyler’s cell phone vibrating. He shot up from the floor of Magdalenas bedroom and stepped outside and disappeared into the corridor to answer his phone.
Magdalena got up slowly and sat on her bed. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her knees. Tyler had somehow managed to knock down the four walls that she had taken her entire life to build. Those walls were her home, the only way for her to feel some type of security and they were gone now. She felt naked, exposed.
“God..I’m so stupid.” Magdalena said out loud to herself as she looked up to stop the tears from falling.
“Meg. Hey.. something came up, I have to go” Tyler entered her bedroom and sat next to her, rubbing her knee. “Meg?” He said trying to see what was wrong. “Please don’t cry,” He inched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her petite frame. Magdalena shook her head in her knees and shrugged Tyler off of her. “Are you okay?”
“I just don’t understand, why does this have to be so hard?” Magdalena lifted her head and Tyler noticed the redness of the brim of her eyes. Tyler was stumped at the question that she had asked and he had no words. Tyler looked around her bedroom awkwardly and then looked down at his socked feet.
“I have to head out. I’ll text you later or something,” Tyler got off the bed and scurried out the door before his own emotions could take over. Magdalena sighed and reclined down onto her bed and laid on her side. Tyler always left her without answers, it was like her whole life was a cliffhanger, or a bottomless pit. She could never get an answer, a solution.
Magdalena and Tyler had known each other for only a year now but it felt like eternity for the both of them. They had spent a numerous amount of time with one another and it was hard to really distinguish when they began to feel something for each other. Tyler hadn’t noticed the effect she had on him for a while until he found himself crying one night just at the thought of her. He craved her so desperately and he had her in his grasp, it was just some kind of fear that stirred up in his body that stopped him from doing anything. Fear of losing her and hurting her. Magdalena on the other hand had tried her best to fight the feelings she had for him, she knew how he was and she didn’t want to end up like any of the notches that he had on his belt of women that he slept with. Used up and tossed away. She felt like a fool for falling for someone like Tyler.
*****************************
Tyler sat fidgeting in his seat on the airplane as it prepared for lift off. The Dallas Stars were on their next destination for their next game after their loss against the New Jersey Devils. Although they had lost the past 4 games, everyone on the plane was still bright and happy, which Tyler admired about his new team. On the Bruins a loss meant harder dry land practices, negative feedback, tension, lots of glares and silence. It was all fun on the Dallas Stars private jet; to them it was either win or learn, never a loss.
“Boys, we have arrived in New York City” Vernon Fiddler said as he pointed out the window.
Tyler was constantly checking his phone to see if he had any missed calls or texts from Magdalena, but so far, nothing. Tyler took his phone off of silent and put it on as loud as it could be. He wanted to make sure he wouldn't miss the phone call he was anticipating. It was already four in the afternoon on Thanksgiving and he was strolling around in the Benn's home as Jordie and Jamie cooked away.
“Tyler get your ass over here!” Jordie called from the kitchen.
“No way you’re just going to stand around while we do all the hard work” Jamie chuckled.
“I thought I was going to mash the potatoes! That’s my job” Tyler smirked.
“You’re going to have to peel them first” Jordie said as he tossed a bag of potatoes in Tyler’s direction.
“Uh, how about I peel those and you just cut the carrots” Jessica, Jordie’s current girlfriend suggested as she hip checked Jordie. She knew that Tyler, or any guy in general would more than likely peel half of the actual potato off. Tyler gave her a big smile and he walked around the counter towards the carrots and grabbed a knife to cut them with. Before Tyler did so he compulsively checked his phone, although he didn't feel a vibration and there was no ring he somehow still expected something, but he was wrong, there was nothing from Magdalena.
“What you checkin’ for?” Jessica nodded as she grabbed the potato peeler from the kitchen drawer.
“Yeah you waiting on something?” Jordie asked. Tyler set his phone down and shook his head.
“Just the time” Tyler said as he began to chop away.
Three weeks had gone by since Thanksgiving. Tyler had received no phone call from Magdalena, but continued to check his phone for a couple more days, hoping to see her name across the screen, but all that came up were facebook/instagram notifications and texts from other people that he didn’t really seem to care about. Magdalena had become a distraction to Tyler. Something that he had been avoiding for a long time. Distractions meant losing focus; it meant that while his mind was supposed to be in one place, it was somewhere else.
Magdalena had been in NYC for a month now and at first it was great, but it started to get harder. The photographers kept on telling her she was lacking in something . Her days would get cut short and she’d end up spending her entire afternoon inside the apartment. Four of the models, Nico, Caro, Angela, and Nadia, had all moved out and it was just Steven, Carly, Selita and Magdalena in the large apartment now. They no longer had to share rooms and everyone had their own space. It was five in the morning and snow was lightly falling in New York. Magdalena and Steven were at a photoshoot for Calvin Klein.
“Can we just have Steven alone, you can just go” The director of the shoot shooed Magdalena away. Magdalena’s jaw dropped slightly and felt as if all the energy inside of her had been drained. One of the assistants shoved Magdalena’s things into her arms and Magdalena awkwardly got pulled off of the set and brought back into the hall where all the other models sat, laid, or stood there waiting for their time. Magdalena sat in a chair and slouched in it. Steven was her ride so she had to stay at the shoot until he was done, otherwise she had to take the public transit and she knew that if she did that she’d get lost. Magdalena put on her sweatpants and a zip up and grabbed her phone.
3 missed calls.
All from Dougie. Magdalena unlocked her phone and called him back.
“Hey babe!” Dougie’s sweet and yet goofy voice picked up. Magdalena smiled to herself as she played with the strings of her sweatpants.
“Hey, whats up?”
“We just landed in Buffalo, got a game tomorrow against the Sabres” Magdalenas eyes wandered around the room as Dougie spoke. “What’s up with you? Are you at a shoot right now?” Dougie asked.
“Kind of, things aren’t going so well, they literally just kicked me off set!” Magdalena giggled.
“Seriously? That’s so dumb, do you have any idea why?” Magdalena smiled at the sound of Dougie’s voice, especially his slight lisp.
“Nope, they took like two photos and then the director stopped the whole thing and told me to leave,” Magdalena said as she reached into her bag to look for a granola bar, she was starving.
“Awe, babe. Wish I could kiss you all better”
“I’ll just pretend you’re here,” Magdalena said as she wrapped one arm around herself, pretending to hug herself. “I watched your game last night! great job on the win!!”
“It was just Calgary,” Dougie chuckled. “But thanks babe,” Magdalena blushed at Dougie calling her babe. Magdalena could hear the sound of Dougie’s teammates on the other end, but one voice stood out.
“Is that Brad?” Magdalena laughed.
“Yeah, you want to talk to him?”
“Mhm” Magdalena nodded and within seconds her ear was filled with Brad’s voice.
“Maggie! Helloo!”
“Hey!”
“Miss ya girl, how ya been?” Magdalena laughed hearing Brad’s silly tone. He was so childish. He reminded her so much of Tyler that sometimes it was hard for her to even be around him.
“Great. How about yourself? Congrats on the win!”
“Yeah yeah, I didn’t score though”
“Oh then I take back the congrats, it only matters when you score right??”
“Duh, there may not be an I in team, but there sure as hell is one in ‘Bruins’” Brad chuckled on the other end. “Your little boyfriend played like a fucking beauty last night though”
“Thanks ya fuckin goon!!” Magdalena heard Dougie say in the background as she laughed.
“After the game we went out and he got the attention of a couple ladies, they were definitely tens if you ask me. But Dougie made sure to let them know he was off the market, you know how he is, all sweet and innocent”
All this hockey talk really made Magdalena miss Boston and her lifestyle there.
“Oh really? If they were tens, what am I?”
“An eleven, broke the fuckin scale!” Brad proclaimed and Magdalena could hear more chatter and cheers in the background. “Alright, I’ll get out of your hair, here’s Dougie”
“Hey Magdalena” Dougie laughed as he went back on the line with her
“I miss you guys” Magdalena pouted scrunching her nose.
“WE MISS YOU TOO!”
“Am I on speaker??”
“Yeah, sorry” Dougie apologized placing a finger on his lips shushing his teammates.
“It’s fine,”
“Babe I gotta go, we have a conference in like five minutes. Miss you, kisses” Dougie said and then hung up. Magdalena pressed the home button on her phone and swiped through her phone for a bit, bored.
“Uh..Magdalena? Is there a Magdalena here?” A man wearing all black and holding a clipboard stepped out and asked. Magdalena's head shot up, and everyone in the waiting hall looked around to figure out who this ‘Magdalena” was.
“That’s me,” Magdalena said softly.
“The director wants to speak with you,” Magdalena blinked fast in shock. The same director who had just kicked her off set wanted to see her again? Magdalena looked around awkwardly and everyone in the room gave her a shrug and she grabbed her things and followed the man in black. Once they had arrived on set, Steven was off on the side getting his hair re-done and had a change of boxers. The director was sitting next to the photographer taking a look at some of the shots.
“Magdalena.” The director said as soon as she had approached him, his thick Italian accent coming through. Magdalena smiled and batted her eyelashes. He kissed his teeth and placed his fingers under chin and tilted it up. “Want to know why I removed you from my set?” Magdalena nodded while his hand had a grip on her jaw, he was studying her facial structure. “Because you aren’t working it. You’re pretty, you’re cute, but you’re not sexy.” Magdalena jerked her head back in shock and her eyes grew wide. What did that even mean?
“Uh..” Magdalena’s voice croaked.
“Everybody here can tell you’re a virgin!” The director exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air. Magdalenas eyes grew even wider to the point where she probably looked like one of those cartoon characters with their eyes popping out of the sockets. She was speechless.”You’re too uptight, loosen up” He said once more as he grabbed her hands and put them together, comforting her. “You’re a model, if I want you to look innocent, look innocent! If I want you to look badass, look badass! If I want you to jump like a monkey, jump!! like a monkey!” He paused as Magdalena smiled and looked down trying not to giggle. “And if I want you to look sexy. Look sexy.” His face was now near hers with a look of assurance. “Capeesh?” Magdalena sighed and nodded. “Okay! Very good! Now go home. I want you and Steven here, same time tomorrow. You better be work it” He clapped and winked at her.
Normally Magdalena would have been uncomfortable with the whole scenario. But the director, named Rocco, was inviting, calming, and very professional. Magdalena and Steven went to iHop for breakfast after the shoot, to which Magdalena scarfed down two Belgian waffles and the entire plate of strawberry banana french toast.
“For someone who’s so tiny, you can eat a lot!” Steve chuckled after she let out a burp.
“Yeah I don’t really get it, it’s going to catch up to me someday, and I’m perfectly alright with that. Yolo” Magdalena shrugged as she slouched in her chair and grabbed her belly which she now had a food baby.
“Amen!” Steve clapped and laughed at her silliness. Between everyone who stayed at the apartment, Magdalena ate the most and worked out the least, which was an odd combination for a model. Yet, Magdalena was still skinny and rocked a great bod. She couldn’t run for more than ten minutes without collapsing, and working out for Magdalena was a rare occurrence.
“What did Rocco have to say to you? I saw him over there waving his hands and all” Steve said as he stabbed his fork into his sausage.
“Something about me not being ‘sexy’. Tell me, am I not sexy?” Magdalena said as she struck a ridiculous pose. Steven let out a chuckle.
“I think he wanted more sex appeal for the shoot. He told me that we had good chemistry on set, but we looked like we were playing around, rather than the whole ‘sexual tension’ thing that Calvin Klein photos always have. You’re so giggly”
Magdalena smiled at Stevens remark. It felt good to hear someone say that she was ‘giggly’ rather than sad or upset. She had been feeling off since the whole fight with Tyler. It had been hard for her to get back to her old bubbly self, and she still wasn’t one hundred percent there.
“So what do I do to get this ‘sex appeal’,”
Steven smirked at her. “I mean we could always have sex and then it would naturally be there-”
“Oh my God, shut up!” Magdalena said as she playfully tossed a napkin at him.
“I kid! I kid!” Steven said as he threw his arms up surrendering. “I dunno, read some magazines about it or something” Steven shrugged. Magdalena pursed her lips and shrugged it off.
“Whatever, I’ll figure it out.”
”No, no, no! Magdalena what is going on? One minute you have it, and the next..POOF! its gone!” Rocco, the director, exclaimed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Magdalena ran her fingers through her hair extremely exhausted. She and Steve were in the studio for three hours, and she couldn’t help but think it was her fault that the shoot was extended even longer.
“I know! I know! I’m sorry-”
“No! No ‘sorry’” Rocco mocked. “I need this to be perfect.” Magdalena stared at Rocco blankly. She had nothing to say to excuse herself for why she couldn’t get the perfect expression. “That’s it! It’s done. I will call your managers to let them know anything.” Rocco flicked both of his wrists up and shook his head in disappointment. Magdalena scrambled to get up off of Steven and hurried over to the makeup table, sat down and dropped her head into her hands.
“Maggie, lets go” Magdalena felt a hand on her back and looked over to see Steven in his coat already dressed to go.
“Give me a sec” Magdalena said as she sniffled and went into the dressing room to change back into her own clothes. As soon as she came out Steven was speaking with Rocco’s photographer and looking at the sample shots. Steven looked up at Magdalena and nodded for her to come over to him.
“Ready to go?” He said.
“Yeah,” Magdalena sighed. Steven tossed his car keys up in the air and gestured for them to exit.
“That was a terrible shot by the way” Tyler smirked to Jamie.
“Oh is that why it went in?” Jamie said back.
“Lucky shot, but still terrible. I gave you a great pass though” Tyler teased as he began to nudge Jamie.
“I’m pretty sure that ‘pass’ was a shot attempt” Jamie laughed.
“Wait, I’m a little lost, are we talking about me? or you?” Tyler snickered as he and Jamie skated around each other, chirping.
It was morning practice which was optional for Tyler, but he had nowhere else to be so he joined his line-mate and captain Jamie Benn, along with the rest of the players that had to be at the practice. Tyler and Jamie were goofing around like the usual only making their friendship stronger.
“Better get better at that shitty shot, Olympics are coming up” Tyler winked at Jamie. This was Tyler’s fourth season in the NHL and he was well aware that he wasn’t even going to be considered for the Olympics, but Tyler knew that Jamie was going to make the team and he was ecstatic for not only his line-mate, but his friend as well. Jamie was an excellent hockey player, he played the game right and fair. Not a play-maker like Tyler, but definitely one who had a good eye and strength.Tyler stood on the far left of the neutral zone almost at half and slapped the puck into the net. Tyler glided on one knee and shot his left arm up in the air as a celly. Tyler was a show off. Jamie skated around the net and laughed to himself.
“Not too sure if I’ll make the cut if you’re out here making shots like that”
“BRING IT IN BOYS!” Coach Lindy Ruff said after he blew the whistle indicating that practice was coming to an end. Tyler and Jamie made one more lap around the rink, waving and winking at the fans who sat on the bleachers watching their practice. “Great practice boys, didn’t expect this turnout, but thanks to those who are putting in the extra effort, that really shows character.” Lindy paused and glanced at Tyler. “We play the Canucks tonight, great team, with good speed. But its an easy game to play, we’ve got this in the bag. Head home get some rest, see you all tonight”
“Stars on three...one, two, three,” Jamie said as he put a fist in the middle of the circle as did the rest of the team.
“STARS!” They all shouted out and made their way to the locker room after grabbing their water bottles.Tyler shoved Jamie through the tunnel that lead them to their locker room. The hallway there was loud and echoing with the sound of hockey players making odd sounds or teasing each other. Tyler was quick to change and head out back, as the rest of the guys showered and answered questions from the Stars Insider interviews. A few fans had approached him and taken photos with him, which made his day. Tyler felt so welcome in Dallas, despite the way he had behaved in Boston. You’d expect everyone to be rude to him, gag or scoff at the sound of his name, but it was the complete opposite. Tyler was appreciated in Dallas and although he had only lived in Dallas for a short five months, Tyler could really see himself settling down there.
A month had gone by and it was already January. It was Magdalena’s last month in New York. She had spent her Holidays and Christmas in Alaska, where she’s originally from, with her family and since then she hadn’t had a break. Her portfolio had developed considerably and she was content with the work she had done in Nyc. She still had a couple more shoots to get through, including another with Rocco for Calvin Klein. Their last photoshoot still haunted her; the whole sex appeal thing bothered her. What could she possibly do to help her have a better ‘sex appeal’?
Magdalena felt a vibration in her hand and looked at her phone to see that it was Dougie calling. She hadn’t spoken to Dougie throughout the past week and it was odd that he hadn’t bothered to call or text her, or respond to any of her messages.
“Hey Dougie,”
“Magdalena, are you over him?”
“What?”
“Don’t lie. Are you over Tyler or not?” Dougies voice sounded serious and harsh.
“I don’t understand, what’s making you ask this?”
“It’s a yes or no question Magdalena,” Dougie said. Magdalena began to look around anxiously. She was sitting in her room about to get ready to leave and Dougie’s phone call and question had taken her by surprise. She wasn’t prepared for a question like that, let alone never wanted to have this discussion with Dougie. Magdalena began to cry knowing that what she was about to say was going to hurt Dougie, it was already hurting her. Dougie could hear her short breaths and knew immediately what her answer was.
“Dougie I’m so s-”
“Save it.” Dougie said and hung up. Magdalena called Dougie back but there was no answer, she attempted again but this time it rang once and then went straight to voicemail; he ignored her. Magdalena dropped her head in her hands and began to cry even more. It was such a short conversation and yet so much had just been put out. Dougie would now know that he was nothing more than a rebound and Magdalena now had to face the fact that Tyler was like a black cloud lingering over her all this time and now was when the rain came pouring down hard. Magdalena’s breathing began to hitch as she cried even harder. She hurt and had taken advantage of someone who cared so much for her; was she like Tyler now? It mortified Magdalena as she sat still and choked back the tears. Her eyes were burning from the tears that were just streaming down her face. This was a nightmare for Magdalena, the pain was becoming much too real. Magdalena tried to run from Tyler, but she had made a full circle and was back to square one, hurt.
*************************
2012
“I like you so much Ty, it hurts.” Magdalena confessed to him. That was no secret to Tyler, he knew she felt something; that he felt something. It was all so confusing, they were so young and yet they were dealing with something so complicated. It was only Tyler’s second year with the Bruins, and girl trouble was the last thing he needed.
“I’m so sorry,” Tyler whispered as he caressed her cheek. “Meg, I-”
“Tyler,” Magdalena whimpered as she collapsed into his arms. She didn't want him to finish his sentence. She felt somewhere inside of her that he didn't feel the same way. Had she made a mistake telling him something like this? She had opened up and let her walls down and was now totally vulnerable for any kind of damage from Tyler.
Tyler shut his eyes as Magdalena cried on his shoulder. Tyler didn't notice that he had been crying until he felt a tear next to his lips. He wiped it away instantly. Magdalena made Tyler weak, and there were times where he just wanted her out of his sight because of how odd he felt around her. Tyler didn't feel the same way; in fact he definitely didn't like the girl who was sitting in front of him. He loved her. Magdalena described her pain as physical, but he felt something totally out of this world. It made him uncomfortable, and he just wanted to scream or punch something.Tyler felt emotional, mental, physical, all kinds of pain-no, not even pain, it was torture.
Silence, complete and utter silence filled the dimly lit room. Tyler and Magdalena sat on the floor of Magdalenas bedroom, fingers intertwined and foreheads touching.
“I’m scared, Meg,” Tyler said, his voice was shaky. “I’m so scared.” Tyler knew that if he let her in entirely, he would be in trouble.Tyler was a coward, he was afraid of all the afflictions that came with relationships.
Magdalena sniffled and wrapped her hands around Tyler’s neck and placed her forehead against his own. She wanted to kiss him, so badly, so desperately.
“You’re everything I need right now,” Magdalenas voice was just below a whisper, and she wasn’t sure if Tyler heard what she had said. She felt his lips against her forehead and she let go of his hand and sat up to look at him. Tyler licked his lips and gave her a tight smile and gulped. Magdalena watched as his adams apple moved up and down. Their moment was interrupted by Tyler’s cell phone vibrating. He shot up from the floor of Magdalenas bedroom and stepped outside and disappeared into the corridor to answer his phone.
Magdalena got up slowly and sat on her bed. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her knees. Tyler had somehow managed to knock down the four walls that she had taken her entire life to build. Those walls were her home, the only way for her to feel some type of security and they were gone now. She felt naked, exposed.
“God..I’m so stupid.” Magdalena said out loud to herself as she looked up to stop the tears from falling.
“Meg. Hey.. something came up, I have to go” Tyler entered her bedroom and sat next to her, rubbing her knee. “Meg?” He said trying to see what was wrong. “Please don’t cry,” He inched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her petite frame. Magdalena shook her head in her knees and shrugged Tyler off of her. “Are you okay?”
“I just don’t understand, why does this have to be so hard?” Magdalena lifted her head and Tyler noticed the redness of the brim of her eyes. Tyler was stumped at the question that she had asked and he had no words. Tyler looked around her bedroom awkwardly and then looked down at his socked feet.
“I have to head out. I’ll text you later or something,” Tyler got off the bed and scurried out the door before his own emotions could take over. Magdalena sighed and reclined down onto her bed and laid on her side. Tyler always left her without answers, it was like her whole life was a cliffhanger, or a bottomless pit. She could never get an answer, a solution.
Magdalena and Tyler had known each other for only a year now but it felt like eternity for the both of them. They had spent a numerous amount of time with one another and it was hard to really distinguish when they began to feel something for each other. Tyler hadn’t noticed the effect she had on him for a while until he found himself crying one night just at the thought of her. He craved her so desperately and he had her in his grasp, it was just some kind of fear that stirred up in his body that stopped him from doing anything. Fear of losing her and hurting her. Magdalena on the other hand had tried her best to fight the feelings she had for him, she knew how he was and she didn’t want to end up like any of the notches that he had on his belt of women that he slept with. Used up and tossed away. She felt like a fool for falling for someone like Tyler.
*****************************
Tyler sat fidgeting in his seat on the airplane as it prepared for lift off. The Dallas Stars were on their next destination for their next game after their loss against the New Jersey Devils. Although they had lost the past 4 games, everyone on the plane was still bright and happy, which Tyler admired about his new team. On the Bruins a loss meant harder dry land practices, negative feedback, tension, lots of glares and silence. It was all fun on the Dallas Stars private jet; to them it was either win or learn, never a loss.
“Boys, we have arrived in New York City” Vernon Fiddler said as he pointed out the window.
Notes
Dun Dun Dun..Chapter Cinco! :) I am so excited to post Chapter Six because it has to be one of the most intense chapters I've written.
Thanks and enjoy reading :)
5/1/15