Even The Score (on hold)

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Twenty two text messages, seventeen missed calls, and twelve voicemails - I ignored every single one of them.

The default ringtone played on an endless loop for the last seven days. Each time my phone would vibrate on my bedside table but I remained sprawled out across my comfy investment of a tempurpedic mattress. The velvety material molded against the curves of my body and melted away my all of problems.

What my mattress couldn't melt away I tried to eat away. Blue foil wrappers were sprinkled across the room - on the floor, on my dressers, in my drawers, underneath my bed. Each a reminder of the creamy piece of chocolate that was once wrapped up inside before I dug into my emergency stash of comfort food that I used to save for hockey games, particularly shootouts.

I had an organizational system going; one pile on the floor for the ones I ate on Monday and the two days that followed, more on the dressers that lasted until Thursday or Friday, and on the bedside table were the casualties of the two weekend days. The rumble of my phone's alert system threatened my organization, knocking off the wrappers onto the floor and mixing the days together. I thought about running my finger across the side and flicking the switch on the device to silence it, but it was easy to guess who sat on the other end of the line, and if I didn't look I would be able to look that person in the eye and tell them honestly that I did not see their call.

please leave a message after the tone, beep.

"Hey sis it's me," her voice sounded from my answering machine in the other room. It travelled passed the kitchen and through the closed door that separated my bedroom from my house phone.
"Just wanted to know what you're up to. It's been a week and you haven't returned any of my calls.." she trailed off, "I'm in California with Behati like I told you I would be, celebrating her return from her honeymoon. She says hi. Please call me back Addie, I'm worried about you." and the line cut.

My fingers were well trained from the last seven days of isolation. It was almost a thoughtless action to reach towards the bag of chocolates that were keeping me sane. And as I inhaled another piece of creamy deliciousness, I knew in the back of my mind that I would have to hit the gym twice as hard when I was ready to get back on my feet.

Or maybe I would lay here for the rest of my life; boxes of tissues to my left, a drawer of comfort food, my Netflix account. I wasn't sure that there was much else I could need.

"Get out of bed," I heard from the hallway just outside of my door. It was followed by a knock and the sudden uninvited entry into my room by the unwelcome visitor. "I let you hide for an entire seven days but this is bullshit and you need to get out of the house."

My breath was caught in my throat.. how? In the midst of my drunken stumble into my house last Friday had I forgotten to lock the door?

"Shower. Now." This time Kylie was physical. She stopped at nothing, not even the wrappers she was stomping over, until she had me up and out of my comfortable position here in this cluster of blankets.

I decided it was best not to test her. My feet dragged behind me as I lazily shuffled towards the connected bathroom. The door slammed shut and I struggled to remove the week old clothes from my body before jumping into the warmth of my shower.

My eyes were red in the reflection against the sliding metal on the shower doors. The black patches of mascara had run down my face, meeting with the puffy dark circles of sleep deprivation. I was somewhere in between a raccoon and a reindeer mix; my bright red nose raw from the friction of the tissues. Perhaps I was meant to guide a sleigh tonight.

I felt my muscles loosen as the water ran down my neck and off my shoulders before trickling down the rest of my body. It was soothing, but it was familiar. And then I remembered why...

"Shhh," my hand clasped over the mouth of my noisy boyfriend. His lips tugged up into a smile that I could feel against my hand as his stubble rubbed against my palm.

The stomps became louder and louder until finally..

"Addison, what's that noise? Is everything okay?" Clueless, but concerned. I hoped to keep it that way.

"Yeah dad, sorry!" I yelled over the sound of the running water. "I was just singing that new Taylor Swift song."

My lying was flawless. Endless hours of media training had done me well and not just in respects of learning to deal with the press.

"Ok, I'm going to work."

The pitter-patter of his steps faded out and when I heard the front door slam shut I let out a sigh of relief.

"Does it bother you that he didn't even say happy birthday to you?" my nosey boyfriend asked upon removing my hand from his mouth.

I shook my head no, "but it does bother me that you're bringing up my dad right now. Here. In this situation. "

"You're right," his face twisted at the realization. "Let's continue."

Derick's arms snaked around my waste as he brought his lips down against my own. My hands rested on his shoulders and ran along his chest while he pressed my back against the wall and we picked up where we left off.

This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to consume my every thought, to churn around in my mind until I was rendered helpless on the floor. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I wasn't supposed to be the one drowning.

A soft knock against the door had me wiping away the tears. I was quick to scrub away the smeared makeup as the door creeped open.

"Are you dressed, prinsessa?" It was a voice I would never get tired of. A shy Henrik Lundqvist took small forward steps, one hand stretched across his face to respectfully cover his eyes.

"Hank.." I croaked. My voice was unrecognizable and the sound of it alone brought back the title wave of depression.

At this point I was too far gone. My erratic breathing left me dizzy and my sobs scratched at the back of my raw throat. Henrik's face visibly sunk but he was quick to act. He had me wrapped in the towel on the counter and out of the wet tub in a short few seconds. Together we lay on the floor, my head on his shoulder, while he rubbed circles into my back with his palm.

"You're a mess," he mumbled under his breath, obviously not intended to heard.
"Prinsessa I love you. It's going to be okay."

His words of comfort plastered a bandaid over the pieces of my heart. Holding them together long enough to take slow, deep breaths and gather some of my thoughts.

Realization was the first thing to hit when I thought aloud, "You didn't come to Dallas just for me, did you?" His hesitation was all the confirmation needed.
"Okay so what is it then? Why did Kylie call you here; what's the big news she's asking you to break to me?"

A deer in headlights. He was caught, but he should have known better. Nine years of friendship; nine years of my sister paying that minor league hockey player who lived down the street to take her place as my babysitter. Nine years of watching Henrik grow into the man and the player that he is today.

"How did you-"

"Nine years, Hank,"

His grin was contagious, "that's right. Your dad never found out did he?"

"No," I shook my head. "but you're stalling and I want to know what's going on."

I knew it was bad when he ran his hands through his hair. A longer piece sat out of place and rested on his forehead, he didn't even bother to fix it.

"Derick has a new girlfriend."
Bam, there it is. He ripped the bandaid. Hard. I wasn't sure what was behind it either. Did it reopen the wound, was it back to bleeding? Or was it starting to clot and form a scab?

My arms untangled themselves from the warm body next to me. I stood straight up and put one foot in front of the other. Halting upon reaching the kitchen I moved robotically, my hands opening and shutting cabinets frantically until I caught sight of what I hadn't realized I was looking for.

Protests were being shouted in my direction by the two I should have charged for breaking and entering. I ignored them, or at least my fingers did, gripping onto the cap of the bottle and taking a swig. The taste lingered in my mouth, hitting the back of my raw throat with a burning sensation. I took another swig despite the pain.. and another, and another.

"Addison!" Kylie was the first to try to grab the bottle from my hands. The height advantage was on my side. It was as simple as raising the bottle up to my head, which allowed for another sip.

"No, you listen. I didn't ask for your help nor do I want it. Not to mention," I pointed towards Kylie, "you don't know jack shit about relationships." I took another swig.
"And you," I pointed towards Henrik. I racked my brain for something I could say that would evoke the same reaction I had gotten from Kylie. Maybe if I scared him off as well they could carpool together on their way out of here. "Quite frankly, Hank, your opinion is invalid too seeing as I've been in love with you for years and you never noticed a god damn thing!"

He choked on my words, literally. He inhaled sharply, clearing his throat and tensing up into a statue as he processed what I had just uttered. Even Kylie, who had been ready to up and leave with her jacket on and all, had stopped completely in her place.

"Addison," the use of my full name meant business.

I held up a hand, deciding not to let him finish. "Just get out. Please."

His soft gaze held my own and I was anxiously chewing on the inside of my cheek. Finally he nodded, heading out the door with Kylie trailing behind. The door slammed shut and I slid against the wall in defeat, my head in my hands.

A lot upset and a little tipsy I pulled my phone out of my pocket. We hadn't exchanged numbers but I remembered the mutual Twitter follow...

Ignoring the endless notifications from the past seven days I tapped on the blue and white app. 'Compose DM' lingered in the top right corner and I opened a blank one, typing away quickly.

to: @jamiebenn14.
- I'm not as intoxicated as I need to be. Gather your friends and help me out? You broke my nose it's the least you can do.. :)

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"So then you told him you were in love with him?" Tyler asked with a chuckle, bringing the bottle of bud light to his lips.

"Yeah," I nodded.

Jamie, Tyler, and I were sitting in my living room, working on the twelve pack they were gracious enough to bring along. I was thankful for his quick reply to my direct message, responding with a 'be there soon,' and doing just that after discussing the details of my address.

"That's gold," Ty replied, cranking up the volume on the television. "Might have ruined your friendship though."

That's the part I hadn't thought about. Would everything be okay once I explained to him that it wasn't true? That I had only claimed to be in love with him because I so desperately needed to be left alone? If the situation was reversed... I cringed at the thought.

"Hey," Jamie nudged me lightly. "I haven't seen much of you two together but the way you interact.." he trailed off. "Are you sure you don't feel anything for him?"

Laughter erupted from the deepest parts within me. It was a real, genuine laugh and it was a nice change of pace from the events that played out this evening.

"Oh you're serious.." I trailed off when his expression remained unchanged.

"Completely."

"Well, no. I'm not in love with him, he's family."

He briefly glanced over towards his teammate. Tyler was sprawled out across the couch with his eyes shut. I watched his chest rise and fall while quiet snores escaped his parted lips.

Jamie's head turned back towards me, leaning in slowly. He brought his lips down to my ear and spoke just above a whisper.

"I was hoping you'd say that."
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Notes

so i've decided to keep this story going! in the mean time i'm going to write another one about Derick Brassard that i might post in the near-ish future.

also, what kind of fan would I be if I didn't bring up Lundqvist's return today!! unfortunately we lost to the bruins (kjdgskjfgnsIHateMaxTalbotjnkrnfjkrfag) but it was cool the see him in net again. wish our defense would have helped him out a bit though :/

anyway, thanks for reading! xx