Ever since Jamie and I have decided to try and start a family we have been having sex almost everyday, or more than that. The only break I get is when he is gone on road trips or when I got my period. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, I want a baby so bad. But after almost two months of trying, I am getting hopeless. What if I can’t get pregnant? How am I supposed to tell Jamie that I can’t give him the one thing I was made to do. As you can tell, I have been very stressed and it has taken a toll on my sleeping and eating patterns. Jamie, being in the middle of a push to get the best spot in the standings before playoffs and a long road trip hasn’t noticed my different attitude. However Mel has.

Mel has been on my ass about eating and sleeping while Jamie is gone so much that she or Ashley babysit me and force me to eat. Mel even had the nerve to call my doctor to set up an appointment to see if I can get pregnant and that appointment has brought more stress on me.

I know I need to tell Jamie what is going on but I don’t want to bother him during one of the most gruelling parts of his season.

So this is why I am sitting in my doctor’s office waiting room biting my nails and taping my foot anxiously with Mel, Jaiden, and Ashley there to support me. I am glad Mel had booked the appointment on a day where Jamie was out of town, so I can debrief the information that will be given out today before telling my husband.

“Calm down Mads, Jesus.” Mel says to me as we are waiting.

“If Jaiden wasn’t here, I would be screaming at you.” I respond as a nurse with scrubs comes out of a door. “Mrs. Benn?” She asks and I quickly shoot out of my seat and head over to the nurse who leads us back into an examination room.

“Doctor Fitzpatrick will be in soon to speak with you.” She says nicely and closes the door and I let out a big sigh.

“It’s gonna be okay. Jordie and I had troubles getting pregnant at the start too.” Ashley tries to calm me down. “My birth control hadn’t successfully worn off yet.”

“I stopped taking my birth control over two months ago. I think it has worn off.” I snap which I instantly regret but don’t have time to apologize as the door is opening up and Doctor Fitzpatrick is walking through.

“Ahh, Madison. Its nice to see you again.” The Doctor comments with a smile before looking over the file in his hands. “What seems to bring you around? You had a check up only 6 months ago.”

“Well I was uhh. Jamie and I want to start having a family and we have been trying and nothing so far.” I try to explain the situation but I was fairly nervous about this appointment.

“You were taking birth control before correct?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“How long ago did you stop taking it?”

“Two months ago.”

“Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?” Doctor Fitzpatrick asks.

“I had one back in university because I forgot a birth control pill.”

“Ok, I think I am gonna run a test and see if you are fertile and are able to conceive children. It would be a couple of days before the results would be finalized. Is that ok?”

“Yeah.” I breathe out.

“Theres no need to be nervous. If you had a scare before than there are pretty good chances that you can get pregnant.” he assures me before getting up. “I will take a blood sample and a swab and then you are free to go.”

“Uhh Doctor.” Mel pipes up. “Is falling into a depressive state common when something like this happens? I’ve noticed Mads isn’t eating normally and she doesn’t get a lot of sleep.” I glare at Mel.

“Something like this can affect how you are. It can be very stressful on the family when trying to have a baby and it just isn’t working at the time. Does your husband know you are doing this?” He asks.

“No, I don’t want to worry him like this with the playoffs coming up. I just am stressed about it, I want to have a family with Jamie and once the idea of not being able to have a baby comes into your head, it doesn’t really stop.” I tell him feeling a little guilty for this.

“I see. Has Jamie been home much in the past couple of weeks?”

“No, they have been on a road trips.”

“So he hasn’t noticed?” Doctor Fitzpatrick asks.

“No, I don’t want to add that onto his plate. I will try to eat more and try to sleep more.” I plead to my doctor.

“Its okay Madison. I would encourage you to eat and sleep and not think about you being pregnancy for awhile. Make sure everything is ok at work and at home. Enjoy yourself. I will take the tests and after we get the results we can see what our next step is. Has Jamie been tested?”

“No, once I get the results I will talk to Jamie and see if he needs to get tested too.” I tell my doctor, ready for this conversation to be over.


“Thats a good plan, lets get you tested and then you can go.”

____

It has been two days since my appointment and Jamie is due to be home any minute. The team flew back this morning from L.A after their win over the Kings last night. I am supposed to get a call from Doctor Fitzpatrick today or tomorrow with the results from the tests. Mel and Ashley have been making sure that I have been eating and the night after the appointment, I crashed and slept for over 12 hours.

“Mads? Im home.” Jamie calls into our house and Kelowna jumps up from his position on the couch and goes to greet his human.

I get up as well to greet my human, too. “Good game last night babe.” I smile at him as he comes into view and he is getting kisses from Kelowna.

“Thanks Mads.” He smiles and stops petting Kelowna to give me a kiss.

“How was the flight?” I ask as we walk into the living room and I head towards the kitchen to get started on lunch. I think Jamie would enjoy some twice baked potatoes and pork chops and I will make a side salad and vegetables to go with it. He does have the rest of the day off anyways so we can spend it together.

“It was good, I wish we flew back last night instead though.” Jamie tells me and reaches around me while I’m looking in the fridge to grab himself a water bottle.

“It would have been nice to have my personal heater in our bed, but Kelowna is a close second.” I tease him.

“You know he is not allowed in our bed.” Jamie’s “man” voice that is only reserved for the team and other players comes out and it doesn’t make me scared one bit.

“Down boy.” I chirp. “I am not Ty or Toews so stop using that tone with me.” Two can play at his game.

Jamie’s face visibly softens right as the words come out of my mouth. “Sorry.” He apologizes. “But Kelowna knows better.”

“Yeah well when Daddy isn’t home, he listens to me.” I say to Jamie as I start preparing the pork chops.

“Traitor.” Jamie mumbles. “I missed you.” Jamie whispers in my ear and wraps his arms around my waist.

“I missed you too J. How is the team doing?” I ask as I finish seasoning the pork chops.

“Can we not talk about my team?” He groans. “It’s a boner killer.” He whispers the last part in our ear and kisses my neck.

“Jamie, can we talk about something?” I ask needing to get this whole family thing off my chest.

“What’s up babe?” Jamie asks.

“I think we need to sit down for this conversation.”

“Whats wrong?” Jamie asks concerned as I lead him into our living room to the couch.

“I don’t really know where to start but I have been feeling the effects of not getting pregnant yet mentally and I guess they have started to show physically. Mel and Ashley booked a doctors appointment for me the other day.” I started to say before my husband’s booming voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jamie says exasperated.

“I didn’t want to worry you.” I whisper.

“Mads? You didn’t want to worry me? I’m pretty fucking worried right now. What has been going on?”

“I DIDN’T WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I THINK I CAN’T GET PREGNANT AND THATS NOT SOMETHING I WANT TO ADMIT OKAY. I THINK I AM NOT ABLE TO DO THE ONE THING I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO.” I scream at Jamie, tears running down my face.

“Baby.” Jamie’s face instantly shows regret and his hands cup my face. “We do not know is thats true. It could be me thats the problem, maybe it just hasn’t worked yet you know. Please stop stressing Mads.” Jamie is staring intently into my eyes.

“it’s so hard.” My voice cracks at the end. “Ashley and Mel said I have lost weight and muscle tone because of the stress.”

“Why had’t I noticed?” Jamie whispers I think more to himself and runs his hands down the sides of my body. I just lay my head on Jamie’s shoulder and silently cry. I had never realized how bad I felt about myself until now sobbing on my husband chest almost ruining our family that we wanted so badly.

“What did the doctor say?” About 5 minutes after my meltdown, Jamie asks.

“I got some tests run to see if I can get pregnant, they said since we had that scare when I was in university that there shouldn’t be a problem with getting pregnant. It just hasn’t happened yet. But he’s supposed to call in a couple days with the results.”

“Should I get tested?” Jamie asks.

“The Doctor suggested it, but I said once we get the results back, then we will think about that.”

“Do you think he is gonna call today?” he asks.

“it would be nice, but also I’m terrified for his call.” I admit.

“Lets finish lunch and we will wait for his call.” Jamie picks me up from his lap and off the couch and brings me back into the kitchen. “I love you, you know that right?” Jamie says to me and kisses my head.

“I love you too J.” I reply and start on the salad and Jamie takes the pork chops out to the barbecue.

I finish the salad and check on the potatoes in the oven, taking them out and piling cheese on top.

Jamie is just plating the steak when my phone rings from the kitchen table. The Caller ID shows the doctors office.

“Jamie.” I breath out staring at my phone screen.

“yeah honey?” Jamie says coming inside to the kitchen. He sees my worried face and rushes over to me.

“Its the doctor’s office.” Is all I say and keep staring at my phone.

Jamie takes the liberty of picking up the phone and answering it for me.

“Hi its Jamie.”

“Yes she’s here.”

“Speakerphone? yes.”

“Hi Mr. and Mrs Benn. I got the results back from your test. Its good news.” My doctor says.

I feel like the world has been lifted from my shoulders.

“And whats that?” Jamie asks.

“Well, Madison is able to have kids because she is with child. Congratulations, you’re pregnant.” the doctor tells us and I break down bawling on the kitchen floor. I’m pregnant, I’m so relieved.

I hear Jamie tell his goodbyes to the doctor before he wraps his arms around me and we sit there on the kitchen floor crying. We are pregnant and everything is okay in our lives.

“I love you so much.” I hear Jamie whisper in my eyes.

At a loss for words I kiss Jamie as passionately as I can to show my love for my wonderful husband. WE’RE PREGNANT!!!

“Babe, how are we gonna tell everybody?” Jamie asks and I go through the list of ideas that I can think of in my head.

Notes

sooooo here is the new update!! I hope you enjoyed this, next chapter will probably be a flashback.

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