The Gentle Giant

The next two weeks dragged on as Andreja continued her fight and Danielle and I spent every moment we had at the hospital. Between practice, games and spending time at the hospital, I was burning out quickly.

She was two weeks old and getting a little bigger each day. She still had issues digesting and was still being fed through a tube. She was pretty much off the oxygen. Dani was pumping breast milk constantly for her and probably spent about ten hours a day at the hospital since they released her.

Maman was staying in town for as long as necessary. My parents stayed a week but my dad had work and he had to go back. I called them each morning to let them know what was going on. I was on my way to the hospital to see Andreja when Dani called me. “Listen, Raina is going to meet you up there. Her and Danny are insisting we go out to dinner and take a break tonight. They tell me neither one of us look good.” I agreed, but let her know I was dropping by to say goodnight to her. I walked down the familiar hall and scrubbed myself thoroughly.

The bassinet had two holes so I could actually touch her now. I stroke her face with my finger, cooing her name. The doctor came over and said hi. “Andrej she is doing well today from what I hear. Little victories are huge. We are going to try and feed her again as early as next week.”

I shook his hand and thanked him as Raina walked in. “My beautiful tiny little girl. How is she?”

I smiled, the first genuine one in two weeks. “Doctor says good, getting stronger.”

Raina gave me a hug. “Good, now get out. You guys need a break. Go have fun, make my sister in law smile.”

I picked Dani up at the house. She was actually dressed in a skirt and heels, she looked amazing but skinny. She wasn’t eating right at all and had dropped most of the baby weight. I pulled her towards me and kissed her. “You look great. Let me get ready and then we can leave.” I said to her as I hugged her.

I showered and dressed and pulled her out the front door. We went and had dinner and I made her order the most fattening stuff on the menu. “Baby you gotta eat. I know you don’t feel up to it, but you need nourishment.” She obliged and I felt better. As we were leaving dinner I noticed she had gotten really quiet. “What’s the matter Dani?”

She had tears in her eyes as she explained that she didn’t get a chance to say goodnight to Andreja. I held her close and she fell apart.

"Honey, Rainy is there. She got this. She will give her a kiss and say good night. You needed a break." She gave me a forced smile and I kissed her on the nose. “Come on, let’s go back to the apartment and rest. You need it and so do I . I leave tomorrow for four days, you know you aren’t going to want to leave the hospital."

We got back to our place, undressed and got into bed. She kissed me slowly and ran her hands along my abs. I returned the affection pulling her gently closer to me. “I need you” she said as I kissed her neck.

“We aren’t supposed to for like eight weeks baby, I don’t want to hurt you.” I said, ignoring the growing desire inside of me.

“I don’t care, just be gentle.” She said softly as she ran her hands all over me. I lifted myself up and grabbed a condom from the nightstand, putting it on quickly. She moaned loudly as I entered her. She wrapped her legs around my back and it was only a few moments before I felt myself start to lose control. I tried counting sheep, reviewing power play set ups and anything to take my mind off it but it didn’t work. It had been too long and I was too tired to exercise self-control.

I gripped her tightly as the orgasm ripped through my body, her nails digging into my back as she finished with me. Tears ran down her cheeks as emotions were released. I was still inside of her, her holding me tight as she cried and pleaded with God to make our daughter recover quickly. It brought me to tears to see her so broken-hearted and we held each other as we fell asleep.

The next morning, I awoke and we went to the hospital together. We sat for a few hours with Andreja, rubbing her back and talking to her. I had to leave at noon and Dani walked me to the door, throwing her arms around me. “I love you. Score some goals for us Daddy. Tell the guys I miss them. I’ll call you later.” I prayed on my way to the airport that those two would stay safe while I was gone. I felt like I was abandoning them in a way.

Danny gave me a pat on the back as I arrived at the airport. “How is my beautiful goddaughter?” he asked.

“She is doing good, having a good day so far.” I said as Lavy had walked by.

“You don’t win the war without small victories.” He commented.

Mike chimed in. “Ain’t that the truth.”

We boarded the plane and started off towards Toronto. I slept for a while on the plane trying to catch up and get myself into game mode for tonight. When we hit the ice tonight, I wanted to prove to everyone that I was ok and prove to Dani and Andreja that I could handle hockey and home life, no matter how hectic.

I scored a power-play goal and had an assist. Dani called me to congratulate me. She was staying with Maman and Raina until we returned. I’m sure Maman was torturing her about eating which made me smile. I didn’t want to see her so unhealthy. I asked her how our daughter was doing. She said she had a rough morning and kept dealing with apnea episodes, but did much better this afternoon.

We hung up and the guys dragged me out to the bar. “Time to go release some tension. No game tomorrow.” Claude and Kris pulled me towards the door. Danny had a beer in his hand as we headed towards the bar. Shots were passed out. Even Lavy joined us for one, toasting to Andreja’s health. Danny and I got wasted, the guys feeding us shots, and then finally taking us to bed.

The hangover this morning was well worth it. It was nice to get away from the stress of everything. Practice was tough. I sweated out alcohol for the entire two hours we were on the ice. Danny was sick as could be and I was thankful I wasn’t as bad off as him.

When we got back into the locker-room, I had a missed text message from Dani. She had texted me a picture of her holding Andreja skin to skin. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. They both looked so peaceful, eyes closed. I showed it to Danny and then put it away considering my fiancée’s chest was barely covered.

I hit the photo shop after I showered, getting it made into an 8x10 for our bedroom. I couldn’t help but smile every time I looked at it.

Notes