Love that We Deserve
XI
~ "When I'm around you I feel like I'm falling. I need to stop before I smash into the ground." - Anna McPartlin ~
Magdalena stared out the window and watched as Tyler sped down the Los Angeles boulevard. Palm tree after palm tree Magdalena’s eyes never shifted in any other direction. The amount of tension that had built up in the vehicle was enough to power all of Las Vegas. She could hear Tyler squeezing on the leather steering wheel of his brand new white Ferrari. Magdalena had just managed to complete her photoshoot that was cut short due to Tyler’s random outburst. Neither of the two were happy about the way they had ended their discussion. Magdalena couldn’t be more obvious about what she wanted from Tyler and Tyler did like he always did and ran away from confrontation.
Magdalena had finished the shoot and when she walked out Tyler was parked outside waiting for her. Her cue to get in was the sound of the doors unlocking, and Tyler never took his eyes off of his cell phone that kept him busy.
And now here they were.
Nothing had been said, but Tyler knew what Magdalena wanted. Commitment. He glared forwards focusing on the road, glancing at the mirrors a few times while driving. He inhaled sharply through his nose as he clenched his jaw. He wanted to talk, but he didn’t want to be the first to say anything.
“Meg, I’m sorry about earlier today,” Tyler said, swallowing his pride. He looked over at Magdalena and she was still staring out the window. “...I-I just didn’t know how to deal with watching you like that. I didn’t expect it, you know?” Tyler sighed, pressing the brakes at a red light.
“I’m going to Indonesia,” Magdalena spoke.
“What?”
“They like me and have a campaign that's going to be in Indonesia for the summer. They asked me if I wanted to go,”
“Meg, I just finished my season, this summer is all we have together,” Tyler scoffed.
“I said yes,” Magdalena said coldly as she turned to meet Tyler’s brown eyes looking at her confused. She looked directly into his eyes, glaring at him. She could sense the anger in him.
“Without talking to me?!”
“Mhm,” Magdalena nodded and turned to look out the window once more. She knew how upset Tyler was going to get. She knew him like the back of her hand, he loved being in control and getting what he wanted. Her going to Indonesia was like New York all over again, except this time, she wasn’t going to let anything he said get to her. If he wanted to have any important say in her life he would have committed to her. He would have made a devotion to her, and her only. Magdalena saying yes to Indonesia was a message to Tyler:
Too little too late.
“Meg what the fuck!?” Tyler huffed as he dangerously switched over 3 lanes and brought the car to sudden stop in front of a small cafe. He forcefully pushed the gear shift forwards into park and turned his entire body towards Magdalena.
“Don’t ‘what the fuck' me after you blew up like that!”
“I said I was sorry! Mags, I’m only human! Give me a damn break!”
“This isn’t even about the shoot! I’m just going to come out and honestly say it. Are you sleeping with anyone other than me? Do you think this is just a game? Because if that’s how you see this, then we’re done and I-”
“No! I’m not! I really,” Tyler sighed. “...really like you, don’t you know that?”
“Then why won’t you commit? Why can’t I be Tyler Seguin’s girlfriend?” Magdalena exclaimed fighting tears.
Tyler opened his mouth to respond to her possibly rhetorical question but all that came out was a small crack that emerged from the back of his throat. Tyler instantly swallowed hard.
“You keep reminding me how much you like me, and how much you need me and yet you’re so afraid of having a relationship with me? Why are you making this so hard? It’s so simple Tyler, just tell me if we’re serious because I am not doing this again, not after last time. Fool me once Tyler,” Magdalena paused, taking a sharp inhale.
“Mags,” Tyler choked dryly. “I am serious about us,” he sighed as he leaned over the console and grabbed her hands. His heart tore as he heard a sniffle come from Magdalena. “I’m going through a lot right now, I’m not sure where my head’s at,”
“What could you possibly be going through right now Ty!?” Magdalena turned to face Tyler, letting him see the redness of her eyes and the tears streaming down. She pulled her hands away from him and ran them through her hair. Tyler felt as if one of his heart strings had snapped seeing Magdalena tremble and cry the way she was in front of him. It always pained him to have to watch her like that. It reminded him of how much he affected her; it reminded him of how much he had damaged her, and that his ridiculous fear was the reasoning behind all of her pain. Tyler’s fear of losing Magdalena was what was stopping him from taking another step in their relationship. He already had a taste of it, but Tyler was well aware of the actuality that the second he and Magdalena became exclusive, a couple, things were always going to be different. Little things such as an argument between the two of them would actually worry him because they could blow up in his face. Everything Tyler would do from that point on would have to be done extra carefully due to how fragile everything between Magdalena and himself was. Tyler had pretty much glued back together all the small shattered pieces and was trying to let the glue dry out before trying anything. He didn’t want to watch everything fall apart in front of him, because of him.
“I’m scared alright!? If we try to be anything more than what we already are, it’s going to go two ways: really good, or horribly bad. And that’s what I’m afraid of, I don't like those options! I don’t want to know that we could end on bad terms and then I’ll never get to see or hear from you again. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” Tyler exclaimed. “Do you have any idea how hard those five months without you were? I never, never in my entire life believed that I could ever feel so awful about something like that. I was so miserable, so alone. I felt like I was drowning in my own bull shit. I fucked up bad and I thought I could never take it back. I thought you’d never forgive me. I was so sure, and I felt like there was a dark cloud constantly hovering over me. And... I can’t. I just won’t let you slip from my fingers.” Tyler watched as Magdalena sobbed in her hands. He always found it hard to hold himself together whenever she cried. "Mags," Tyler reached over to Magdalena.
"Don't you dare say you're sorry!" Magdalena cried out pushing Tyler's arm away from her. "You are tearing me apart, piece by piece. I thought you changed but you haven't, not one bit. You're still that immature asshole that I met three years ago. You make me feel so insecure, I hate it." Tyler's expression gave him away as he looked at Magdalena. Gloss-eyed and confused. The last thing he wanted was for Magdalena to feel insecure. If anything, he was supposed to bring her security, and make her feel safe and comfortable. "You say you don't want to lose me...why don’t you just take me then? Tyler I'm right here waiting for you, I've always been right here. Am I not good enough? I gave you everything, everything! All I want is for you to commit-"
"I am! Why can't you see that? I'm here, in LA, with you! Why? Because all I want is to be with you. I'm committed. I'm with you right here, right now. God! I thought you'd know that by now," Tyler spat. It made him feel horrible to know that Magdalena couldn't see how much he had changed. Just the mere fact that she still considered him as that 'immature ass' put a hole in his chest. He wanted to prove her wrong so badly. "I didn't give you my everything, because I couldn't give you my everything. You're my everything. You're my whole world. I don't know why you're so insecure, but I promise you, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you." Tyler watched Magdalena waiting for a response, but silence-which seemed to be their favourite thing, was all he got. He turned to face the road ahead and he turned the engine on. "I don't want to fight, you know how much I hate when we fight." he said sternly as he put the car in drive and begun to drive down the boulevard.
Magdalena remained silent in the passenger seat. She terribly needed to get out of the vehicle, somehow the car had gotten smaller than before and she felt trapped. The silence was suffocating and knowing that Tyler had gotten the last word made her blood boil. He made her feel so stupid. Like always, Tyler made her feel small, little, like she was a tiny speck of dust that could be flicked off. But Tyler was right, there was no reason for her to feel insecure. It was all in her head. Here he was in Los Angeles, he had no business there, he could have been in Toronto visiting his family, but instead he was solely there for the purpose of spending whatever time he could have with her.
Once they had arrived at the hotel that they were staying at, Magdalena stepped out of the car before Tyler could even turn the engine off. She quickly made her way to the elevator, avoiding Tyler. Close but no cigar; Tyler was right behind her in her tracks. He stood next to her while they waited for the elevator. Magdalena kept her eyes low, trying to maintain her composure. She realized that there was no escape, she was going to have to cry in front of him regardless.
The elevator popped open with a ding, and Magdalena stepped in first, she glanced at the button pad and contemplated pressing the 'shut doors' option. Before she could do so, Tyler had already stepped in and stood next to her. This time even closer, he leaned forward and pressed the number ‘7’ on the pad; his body heat radiating onto her and causing her body to grow ten times as warm. Somehow, with all this pent up anger that built up on the drive back to the hotel, she still desired him. Her hormones were bouncing off every corner of the small rectangular space that they stood in. His scent of whatever cologne he wore plus his natural masculine smell crept up her nose and she felt her knees buckle. She heard a huff come from him and she forced her eyes to remain looking downwards. As much as she wanted him, she was upset, whatever it was she was feeling had to be ignored.
Ding.
The doors opened up and Magdalena, again, was the first to step out. She walked with long strides towards their room and searched her bag for her key once she reached the door.
"Crap.." She sighed realizing that Tyler had the key, and regretting that she had decided earlier on not to bring her own. She turned to face Tyler, whose tall, bulky frame stood behind her. She could tell that he was fighting that annoying smirk of his.
Ass.
She thought to herself. It was true: she could never stay mad at Tyler for a long time. She always forgave him, no matter what, not that she had to. It was because she always wanted to forgive him.
Tyler reached around Magdalena, briefly making contact with her skin, and slid the card for the room in the slot and instantly turned the door knob. Instead of pushing forwards, he moved to the right, brushing passed Magdalena and walked into the hotel room. He sat down on the California king bed and began to remove his shoes. Magdalena silently followed. It was going to be a long night if they kept up with the silence.
Tyler clenched his jaw, stopping himself from saying anything.
"Ty," Magdalena sighed, sitting next to him on the bed. She placed her small hand over his own and inched closer. Tyler turned towards her and kissed the side of her head.
"Meg," he mumbled, while his lips remained on her head. He felt a tug at his shirt and heard a sniffle come from Magdalena.
"I am so sorry," She whispered, pulling on his soiled shirt even harder. Crying seemed to be something that she couldn't even fight anymore, it was like an involuntary reflex at this point. Tyler gulped.
"It's fine," He whispered, he was shocked. Magdalena hardly ever apologized, mainly because she was never in the wrong, and also because she hated apologies. "I just hate when we fight," Tyler softly spoke. Magdalena looked up at him with her watered eyes that were covered with a mixture of smeared mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow.
"Me too." She weakly smiled. Magdalena felt a strong pair of hands cup her cheeks. Tyler lifted her head up closer to his own and gazed at Magdalena. Just like reading a book, Tyler started from Magdalena’s left cheek, he traced and studied every freckle. His eyes moved from her left cheek to her nose and straight to her right cheek, adoring every little speckle that splotched on her face. He linked his lips onto Magdalenas and gently sucked on her lower lip. Magdalena placed a hand on his chest, lightly pushing him back.
“Ugh, why are we so complicated?” Magdalena pouted after pulling away from the kiss. Tyler sighed and shrugged. Magdalena reached around Tyler’s waist and leaned into a side hug. She rested her head on his right shoulder and let out a sigh of her own.
Tyler, using his strong hands, got a grip of Magdalena hips and lifted her over so that she was sitting on his lap. Magdalena wrapped her arms around his neck and gently placed her head on his left shoulder instead. Tyler placed forgiving kisses on her hair covered head.
This was them. This is how it always was with Magdalena and Tyler, a wild never ending roller coaster ride that consisted of incredible highs and heart shattering lows. Them fighting and making up within the same hour wasn't new. No matter what, they would always make a full circle, even if they tried to avoid it; it was bound to happen.
Magdalena going to Indonesia had to be some of the worst news Tyler had heard in a while. It took him by surprise, he felt totally out of control. He wanted to crawl to the end of the earth and just scream. She was leaving him, not in the sense that they were no longer going to talk, but physically. Tyler craved Magdalena physically the most and he needed to touch her, to feel her at all times. He wanted to feel her own small soft hands on his own body, tracing his tattoos, massagings his tweaked muscles, anything, any sort of touch, he was desperate for
So there they sat. Clutched onto one another's hold, breathing in sync. No words, just the two of them desperately holding onto the other praying that one won't leave the other.
Tyler scrolled through his instagram feed, while Magdalena bathed in the tub next to him. A playlist off of Magdalenas phone was playing to make up for any silence that would occur.
The bathroom was covered from the ceiling all the way down to the floor, in tiny round light grey tiles. The tub itself had a silver outline and the inside was made up of a deep creamy green stone.
Tyler was sitting on the floor with a bottle of wine and his own glass that was still full and untouched. Magdalenas glass was almost empty and she was clearly enjoying her soothing bath. It was almost past midnight and they had been in this bathroom for the past hour, talking. Besides the fact that neither of them were touching, it was quite intimate. There were candles, the room smelt of lavender, and the sound of the bubbles popping and the water moving was soothing.
Tyler finally shifted his gaze away from his phone and towards Magdalena. She was clearly reading something on her own phone but Tyler couldn't help but be mesmerized by how captivating she was. Even doing something as simple as reading made his heart ache for her. Thoughts about the past three years with Magdalena popped into his mind. He thought about the first night they had met, he was in a similar situation, watching her, and totally being attracted to her. He was surprised at himself for taking so long to fully see how important the two of them were to each other.
*****************
December 2011, 2:19am
“Ah, there are way too many to choose just one,”
“C’mon Ty! Just say whichever you think would be the best,”
“Fine. Flying,” Tyler caved.
“Flying!? Out of every super power out there, you had an unlimited number to choose from and you chose flying?” Magdalena playfulling scorned.
“Flyings awesome! What would you pick? Oh wait let me guess, invisibility?” Magdalena could feel Tyler rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone call.
“No...I’d want the power of healing.” Tyler shut his eyes at the sound of Magdalena’s voice just then. He could practically feel her compassion all the way in Winnipeg, where he was nearly three thousand miles away. Her heart was always in the right place, and Tyler could only dream of being as selfless as she was.
Tyler was lying on his stiff, uncomfortable hotel bed in Winnipeg, talking to Magdalena on the phone after she was stressing over her exam that she had just written. He was doing his very best to comfort her; and after his many attempts of assuring her that she would be fine, he decided to switch up the conversation into something less depressing.
“Why are you quiet all of a sudden?” Magdalena asked after waiting a few awkward moments for Tylers response.
“I was falling asleep cause you’re so boring,” Tyler joked. In reality, he was beginning to feel an inexplicable sensation in his gut; it was warm, and overwhelming. He felt an overpowering pain flutter up towards his chest as it tightened and for a split second Tyler found it difficult to breathe; breathing, something he had been doing his entire life, had suddenly become difficult. For that short moment where he hadn’t said a word, Tyler felt queasy and slightly dizzy. But it all was for a matter of seconds. He automatically hated the feeling. So he did what he felt that he had to do, and suppressed this strange feeling far, far, far in his brain, where it would remain untouched.
“Ha-ha, very funny Seguin,”
“Wow, I’ve never heard you call me that, sounds weird coming from you. Let’s just stick to Tyler.” Tyler laughed. This time, Tyler could feel Magdalena rolling her own eyes on her end of the line.
“I can call you whatever I want.”
“Alright sassy pants,”
“You’re sassier than I am! Are you kidding? I’m pretty sure I get all my sass from you,”
Tyler chuckled on the other end and continued on with the conversation. As he did so he couldn’t help the smile that had become permanent on his face. She was funny, sweet, relatable, and super quirky. It was a strange mix but he was fond of her. He missed her. It was unusual, but it was true. Not even a year had gone by since they had met, and yet Tyler had become a parasite, attached and almost reliant of her. A girl like Magdalena was precious, invaluable. She had seen him for who his was, not for what he was from the get-go. Tyler never felt like he had to impress her with the luxuries that came with his occupation. He knew that even getting her a rock that he picked off the ground would more than anything make her entire day. He knew that Magdalena had accepted him for everything that he was, wholly, and rarely ever judged him. To tell the truth Magdalena was probably the realest friend that he had made since becoming a Bruin. This relationship, friendship, whatever it was; it was something pure, something that was totally out of touch.
The next morning Tyler shot up from his bed. He was late. Jordan Caron, his roommate was gone. He checked his phone. Not only was Tyler late, but he was screwed. Team breakfast was at 7:30, and it was already quarter to nine. Morning skate was in an hour. He couldn’t even remember how or what time he fell asleep.
“Tyler, come with me.” Coach Julien said sternly, while the rest of the Bruins hit the ice to begin their short morning practice. Tyler sighed, he knew that he was going to get a talk. Tyler obliged and followed Coach into the hall. Before he could even give reason to, or defend himself for being late for breakfast the words ‘Healthy scratch’ rolled off of Coach’s tongue. Tyler hung his head low, in defeat.
“No negotiations. It’s settled. You’ll be up in the box watching, maybe next time you’ll learn to stop screwing around.” Coach turned on his heels and walked back towards the rink. Tylers shoulders dropped, and he dragged his feet back to the locker room.
*************
“Meg, I’m sorry.” Tyler arrogantly said. Magdalena remained silent. “If going to Indonesia matters to you this much, then, it should matter to me too. I need to start respecting what makes you happy, and not just what makes me happy. So if going to Indonesia makes you happy, then... it makes me happy.” Magdalena finally looked at Tyler after moments of silence. A huge grin was on her face and Tyler felt his heart beat at least a hundred times faster. He flashed his pearly whites chuckled. “And...as much as you hate apologies, I’m sorry for freaking out earlier”
Magdalena made a face. “Just come join me in the tub silly, it’s getting lonely in here.”
Tyler chuckled. He stood up and promptly removed his shorts. His cheeks turned a rosy colour after hearing a small snicker come from Magdalena in the tub. He walked towards the tub and stopped when Magdalena put up one finger.
“Bring the wine,” A devilish grin formed on her face. Tyler smirked and obliged, bring the wine with him to the tub. Before stepping in, he mentally prepared himself for the either hot, or cold temperature in the water for a brief moment and stepped in. He sat himself behind Magdalena and pulled her closer to him once he got comfortable.
“Mmm, you smell good,” Tyler smiled. He wrapped his arms around her let them rest on her flat stomach. “Holy shit,” He muttered.
“What?” Magdalena started to get worried and insecure at his reaction to touching her skin.
“You’re like...toned.” Tyler chuckled, giving her cheek a peck. Magdalena let out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t even notice, Goddamn…”
“What was I before?”
“How am I supposed to remember?” Tyler began to move his hands up and down Magdalena’s sides, working his way up to her to breasts. Once he reached his destination he began to leave tender loving pecks along her shoulder and up to her neck.
Magdalena was left dumbstruck as she became entranced in his touch. She adored it when he touched her, anything from an innocent hand holding to his grasp on her naked body. She loved it. It made her feel loved, ensured her security, and reminded her that he was there, he was real. As Tyler’s hands and lips continued to explore her body, she shut her eyes. Flashes of every memory she had of Tyler began to play in her mind like a movie. From the moment they met to now. She thought about the first time she went to one of his games. She could still feel the exact exhilarating rush that she had gotten throughout the game, she could feel the cold air that hit her cheeks every once and a while, and the distinct smell of the cool air at the TD Garden Arena. She thought about the look in his eyes after the game, the spark that ignited the passion inside of him, and that’s when she realized it was then, that she had completely fallen for him. Before it was a crush, Magdalena assumed she would get over him eventually, but after being with him after a win and seeing the way he was, all excited practically bouncing off of the walls, she was totally in love with him.
Tyler began to massage Magdalena’s shoulders while gently kissing them every once in a while. Magdalena went limp under his touch and she slid down lower against his chest. Her soft shoulders against his rough hands rose up and went back down each time she breathed. She was sinfully beautiful and Tyler fell under her spell. Despite longing for her physical touch, it wasn’t a physical attraction for Tyler. It was her faith and compassion that had enticed him. How she would do anything possible to make ensure his happiness; on nights before an exam she would come out at one in the morning to be with him when he was alone, and had no one. She had faith in him when the rest of the world had turned their back on him. Tyler didn’t know where he’d be if she didn’t believe in him, if she didn’t push him right back up whenever he fell down. She was always there for him. And he loved her with every fiber in his body and every single drop of blood that he had running in his veins.
Magdalena stared out the window and watched as Tyler sped down the Los Angeles boulevard. Palm tree after palm tree Magdalena’s eyes never shifted in any other direction. The amount of tension that had built up in the vehicle was enough to power all of Las Vegas. She could hear Tyler squeezing on the leather steering wheel of his brand new white Ferrari. Magdalena had just managed to complete her photoshoot that was cut short due to Tyler’s random outburst. Neither of the two were happy about the way they had ended their discussion. Magdalena couldn’t be more obvious about what she wanted from Tyler and Tyler did like he always did and ran away from confrontation.
Magdalena had finished the shoot and when she walked out Tyler was parked outside waiting for her. Her cue to get in was the sound of the doors unlocking, and Tyler never took his eyes off of his cell phone that kept him busy.
And now here they were.
Nothing had been said, but Tyler knew what Magdalena wanted. Commitment. He glared forwards focusing on the road, glancing at the mirrors a few times while driving. He inhaled sharply through his nose as he clenched his jaw. He wanted to talk, but he didn’t want to be the first to say anything.
“Meg, I’m sorry about earlier today,” Tyler said, swallowing his pride. He looked over at Magdalena and she was still staring out the window. “...I-I just didn’t know how to deal with watching you like that. I didn’t expect it, you know?” Tyler sighed, pressing the brakes at a red light.
“I’m going to Indonesia,” Magdalena spoke.
“What?”
“They like me and have a campaign that's going to be in Indonesia for the summer. They asked me if I wanted to go,”
“Meg, I just finished my season, this summer is all we have together,” Tyler scoffed.
“I said yes,” Magdalena said coldly as she turned to meet Tyler’s brown eyes looking at her confused. She looked directly into his eyes, glaring at him. She could sense the anger in him.
“Without talking to me?!”
“Mhm,” Magdalena nodded and turned to look out the window once more. She knew how upset Tyler was going to get. She knew him like the back of her hand, he loved being in control and getting what he wanted. Her going to Indonesia was like New York all over again, except this time, she wasn’t going to let anything he said get to her. If he wanted to have any important say in her life he would have committed to her. He would have made a devotion to her, and her only. Magdalena saying yes to Indonesia was a message to Tyler:
Too little too late.
“Meg what the fuck!?” Tyler huffed as he dangerously switched over 3 lanes and brought the car to sudden stop in front of a small cafe. He forcefully pushed the gear shift forwards into park and turned his entire body towards Magdalena.
“Don’t ‘what the fuck' me after you blew up like that!”
“I said I was sorry! Mags, I’m only human! Give me a damn break!”
“This isn’t even about the shoot! I’m just going to come out and honestly say it. Are you sleeping with anyone other than me? Do you think this is just a game? Because if that’s how you see this, then we’re done and I-”
“No! I’m not! I really,” Tyler sighed. “...really like you, don’t you know that?”
“Then why won’t you commit? Why can’t I be Tyler Seguin’s girlfriend?” Magdalena exclaimed fighting tears.
Tyler opened his mouth to respond to her possibly rhetorical question but all that came out was a small crack that emerged from the back of his throat. Tyler instantly swallowed hard.
“You keep reminding me how much you like me, and how much you need me and yet you’re so afraid of having a relationship with me? Why are you making this so hard? It’s so simple Tyler, just tell me if we’re serious because I am not doing this again, not after last time. Fool me once Tyler,” Magdalena paused, taking a sharp inhale.
“Mags,” Tyler choked dryly. “I am serious about us,” he sighed as he leaned over the console and grabbed her hands. His heart tore as he heard a sniffle come from Magdalena. “I’m going through a lot right now, I’m not sure where my head’s at,”
“What could you possibly be going through right now Ty!?” Magdalena turned to face Tyler, letting him see the redness of her eyes and the tears streaming down. She pulled her hands away from him and ran them through her hair. Tyler felt as if one of his heart strings had snapped seeing Magdalena tremble and cry the way she was in front of him. It always pained him to have to watch her like that. It reminded him of how much he affected her; it reminded him of how much he had damaged her, and that his ridiculous fear was the reasoning behind all of her pain. Tyler’s fear of losing Magdalena was what was stopping him from taking another step in their relationship. He already had a taste of it, but Tyler was well aware of the actuality that the second he and Magdalena became exclusive, a couple, things were always going to be different. Little things such as an argument between the two of them would actually worry him because they could blow up in his face. Everything Tyler would do from that point on would have to be done extra carefully due to how fragile everything between Magdalena and himself was. Tyler had pretty much glued back together all the small shattered pieces and was trying to let the glue dry out before trying anything. He didn’t want to watch everything fall apart in front of him, because of him.
“I’m scared alright!? If we try to be anything more than what we already are, it’s going to go two ways: really good, or horribly bad. And that’s what I’m afraid of, I don't like those options! I don’t want to know that we could end on bad terms and then I’ll never get to see or hear from you again. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.” Tyler exclaimed. “Do you have any idea how hard those five months without you were? I never, never in my entire life believed that I could ever feel so awful about something like that. I was so miserable, so alone. I felt like I was drowning in my own bull shit. I fucked up bad and I thought I could never take it back. I thought you’d never forgive me. I was so sure, and I felt like there was a dark cloud constantly hovering over me. And... I can’t. I just won’t let you slip from my fingers.” Tyler watched as Magdalena sobbed in her hands. He always found it hard to hold himself together whenever she cried. "Mags," Tyler reached over to Magdalena.
"Don't you dare say you're sorry!" Magdalena cried out pushing Tyler's arm away from her. "You are tearing me apart, piece by piece. I thought you changed but you haven't, not one bit. You're still that immature asshole that I met three years ago. You make me feel so insecure, I hate it." Tyler's expression gave him away as he looked at Magdalena. Gloss-eyed and confused. The last thing he wanted was for Magdalena to feel insecure. If anything, he was supposed to bring her security, and make her feel safe and comfortable. "You say you don't want to lose me...why don’t you just take me then? Tyler I'm right here waiting for you, I've always been right here. Am I not good enough? I gave you everything, everything! All I want is for you to commit-"
"I am! Why can't you see that? I'm here, in LA, with you! Why? Because all I want is to be with you. I'm committed. I'm with you right here, right now. God! I thought you'd know that by now," Tyler spat. It made him feel horrible to know that Magdalena couldn't see how much he had changed. Just the mere fact that she still considered him as that 'immature ass' put a hole in his chest. He wanted to prove her wrong so badly. "I didn't give you my everything, because I couldn't give you my everything. You're my everything. You're my whole world. I don't know why you're so insecure, but I promise you, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving you." Tyler watched Magdalena waiting for a response, but silence-which seemed to be their favourite thing, was all he got. He turned to face the road ahead and he turned the engine on. "I don't want to fight, you know how much I hate when we fight." he said sternly as he put the car in drive and begun to drive down the boulevard.
Magdalena remained silent in the passenger seat. She terribly needed to get out of the vehicle, somehow the car had gotten smaller than before and she felt trapped. The silence was suffocating and knowing that Tyler had gotten the last word made her blood boil. He made her feel so stupid. Like always, Tyler made her feel small, little, like she was a tiny speck of dust that could be flicked off. But Tyler was right, there was no reason for her to feel insecure. It was all in her head. Here he was in Los Angeles, he had no business there, he could have been in Toronto visiting his family, but instead he was solely there for the purpose of spending whatever time he could have with her.
Once they had arrived at the hotel that they were staying at, Magdalena stepped out of the car before Tyler could even turn the engine off. She quickly made her way to the elevator, avoiding Tyler. Close but no cigar; Tyler was right behind her in her tracks. He stood next to her while they waited for the elevator. Magdalena kept her eyes low, trying to maintain her composure. She realized that there was no escape, she was going to have to cry in front of him regardless.
The elevator popped open with a ding, and Magdalena stepped in first, she glanced at the button pad and contemplated pressing the 'shut doors' option. Before she could do so, Tyler had already stepped in and stood next to her. This time even closer, he leaned forward and pressed the number ‘7’ on the pad; his body heat radiating onto her and causing her body to grow ten times as warm. Somehow, with all this pent up anger that built up on the drive back to the hotel, she still desired him. Her hormones were bouncing off every corner of the small rectangular space that they stood in. His scent of whatever cologne he wore plus his natural masculine smell crept up her nose and she felt her knees buckle. She heard a huff come from him and she forced her eyes to remain looking downwards. As much as she wanted him, she was upset, whatever it was she was feeling had to be ignored.
Ding.
The doors opened up and Magdalena, again, was the first to step out. She walked with long strides towards their room and searched her bag for her key once she reached the door.
"Crap.." She sighed realizing that Tyler had the key, and regretting that she had decided earlier on not to bring her own. She turned to face Tyler, whose tall, bulky frame stood behind her. She could tell that he was fighting that annoying smirk of his.
Ass.
She thought to herself. It was true: she could never stay mad at Tyler for a long time. She always forgave him, no matter what, not that she had to. It was because she always wanted to forgive him.
Tyler reached around Magdalena, briefly making contact with her skin, and slid the card for the room in the slot and instantly turned the door knob. Instead of pushing forwards, he moved to the right, brushing passed Magdalena and walked into the hotel room. He sat down on the California king bed and began to remove his shoes. Magdalena silently followed. It was going to be a long night if they kept up with the silence.
Tyler clenched his jaw, stopping himself from saying anything.
"Ty," Magdalena sighed, sitting next to him on the bed. She placed her small hand over his own and inched closer. Tyler turned towards her and kissed the side of her head.
"Meg," he mumbled, while his lips remained on her head. He felt a tug at his shirt and heard a sniffle come from Magdalena.
"I am so sorry," She whispered, pulling on his soiled shirt even harder. Crying seemed to be something that she couldn't even fight anymore, it was like an involuntary reflex at this point. Tyler gulped.
"It's fine," He whispered, he was shocked. Magdalena hardly ever apologized, mainly because she was never in the wrong, and also because she hated apologies. "I just hate when we fight," Tyler softly spoke. Magdalena looked up at him with her watered eyes that were covered with a mixture of smeared mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow.
"Me too." She weakly smiled. Magdalena felt a strong pair of hands cup her cheeks. Tyler lifted her head up closer to his own and gazed at Magdalena. Just like reading a book, Tyler started from Magdalena’s left cheek, he traced and studied every freckle. His eyes moved from her left cheek to her nose and straight to her right cheek, adoring every little speckle that splotched on her face. He linked his lips onto Magdalenas and gently sucked on her lower lip. Magdalena placed a hand on his chest, lightly pushing him back.
“Ugh, why are we so complicated?” Magdalena pouted after pulling away from the kiss. Tyler sighed and shrugged. Magdalena reached around Tyler’s waist and leaned into a side hug. She rested her head on his right shoulder and let out a sigh of her own.
Tyler, using his strong hands, got a grip of Magdalena hips and lifted her over so that she was sitting on his lap. Magdalena wrapped her arms around his neck and gently placed her head on his left shoulder instead. Tyler placed forgiving kisses on her hair covered head.
This was them. This is how it always was with Magdalena and Tyler, a wild never ending roller coaster ride that consisted of incredible highs and heart shattering lows. Them fighting and making up within the same hour wasn't new. No matter what, they would always make a full circle, even if they tried to avoid it; it was bound to happen.
Magdalena going to Indonesia had to be some of the worst news Tyler had heard in a while. It took him by surprise, he felt totally out of control. He wanted to crawl to the end of the earth and just scream. She was leaving him, not in the sense that they were no longer going to talk, but physically. Tyler craved Magdalena physically the most and he needed to touch her, to feel her at all times. He wanted to feel her own small soft hands on his own body, tracing his tattoos, massagings his tweaked muscles, anything, any sort of touch, he was desperate for
So there they sat. Clutched onto one another's hold, breathing in sync. No words, just the two of them desperately holding onto the other praying that one won't leave the other.
Tyler scrolled through his instagram feed, while Magdalena bathed in the tub next to him. A playlist off of Magdalenas phone was playing to make up for any silence that would occur.
The bathroom was covered from the ceiling all the way down to the floor, in tiny round light grey tiles. The tub itself had a silver outline and the inside was made up of a deep creamy green stone.
Tyler was sitting on the floor with a bottle of wine and his own glass that was still full and untouched. Magdalenas glass was almost empty and she was clearly enjoying her soothing bath. It was almost past midnight and they had been in this bathroom for the past hour, talking. Besides the fact that neither of them were touching, it was quite intimate. There were candles, the room smelt of lavender, and the sound of the bubbles popping and the water moving was soothing.
Tyler finally shifted his gaze away from his phone and towards Magdalena. She was clearly reading something on her own phone but Tyler couldn't help but be mesmerized by how captivating she was. Even doing something as simple as reading made his heart ache for her. Thoughts about the past three years with Magdalena popped into his mind. He thought about the first night they had met, he was in a similar situation, watching her, and totally being attracted to her. He was surprised at himself for taking so long to fully see how important the two of them were to each other.
*****************
December 2011, 2:19am
“Ah, there are way too many to choose just one,”
“C’mon Ty! Just say whichever you think would be the best,”
“Fine. Flying,” Tyler caved.
“Flying!? Out of every super power out there, you had an unlimited number to choose from and you chose flying?” Magdalena playfulling scorned.
“Flyings awesome! What would you pick? Oh wait let me guess, invisibility?” Magdalena could feel Tyler rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone call.
“No...I’d want the power of healing.” Tyler shut his eyes at the sound of Magdalena’s voice just then. He could practically feel her compassion all the way in Winnipeg, where he was nearly three thousand miles away. Her heart was always in the right place, and Tyler could only dream of being as selfless as she was.
Tyler was lying on his stiff, uncomfortable hotel bed in Winnipeg, talking to Magdalena on the phone after she was stressing over her exam that she had just written. He was doing his very best to comfort her; and after his many attempts of assuring her that she would be fine, he decided to switch up the conversation into something less depressing.
“Why are you quiet all of a sudden?” Magdalena asked after waiting a few awkward moments for Tylers response.
“I was falling asleep cause you’re so boring,” Tyler joked. In reality, he was beginning to feel an inexplicable sensation in his gut; it was warm, and overwhelming. He felt an overpowering pain flutter up towards his chest as it tightened and for a split second Tyler found it difficult to breathe; breathing, something he had been doing his entire life, had suddenly become difficult. For that short moment where he hadn’t said a word, Tyler felt queasy and slightly dizzy. But it all was for a matter of seconds. He automatically hated the feeling. So he did what he felt that he had to do, and suppressed this strange feeling far, far, far in his brain, where it would remain untouched.
“Ha-ha, very funny Seguin,”
“Wow, I’ve never heard you call me that, sounds weird coming from you. Let’s just stick to Tyler.” Tyler laughed. This time, Tyler could feel Magdalena rolling her own eyes on her end of the line.
“I can call you whatever I want.”
“Alright sassy pants,”
“You’re sassier than I am! Are you kidding? I’m pretty sure I get all my sass from you,”
Tyler chuckled on the other end and continued on with the conversation. As he did so he couldn’t help the smile that had become permanent on his face. She was funny, sweet, relatable, and super quirky. It was a strange mix but he was fond of her. He missed her. It was unusual, but it was true. Not even a year had gone by since they had met, and yet Tyler had become a parasite, attached and almost reliant of her. A girl like Magdalena was precious, invaluable. She had seen him for who his was, not for what he was from the get-go. Tyler never felt like he had to impress her with the luxuries that came with his occupation. He knew that even getting her a rock that he picked off the ground would more than anything make her entire day. He knew that Magdalena had accepted him for everything that he was, wholly, and rarely ever judged him. To tell the truth Magdalena was probably the realest friend that he had made since becoming a Bruin. This relationship, friendship, whatever it was; it was something pure, something that was totally out of touch.
The next morning Tyler shot up from his bed. He was late. Jordan Caron, his roommate was gone. He checked his phone. Not only was Tyler late, but he was screwed. Team breakfast was at 7:30, and it was already quarter to nine. Morning skate was in an hour. He couldn’t even remember how or what time he fell asleep.
“Tyler, come with me.” Coach Julien said sternly, while the rest of the Bruins hit the ice to begin their short morning practice. Tyler sighed, he knew that he was going to get a talk. Tyler obliged and followed Coach into the hall. Before he could even give reason to, or defend himself for being late for breakfast the words ‘Healthy scratch’ rolled off of Coach’s tongue. Tyler hung his head low, in defeat.
“No negotiations. It’s settled. You’ll be up in the box watching, maybe next time you’ll learn to stop screwing around.” Coach turned on his heels and walked back towards the rink. Tylers shoulders dropped, and he dragged his feet back to the locker room.
*************
“Meg, I’m sorry.” Tyler arrogantly said. Magdalena remained silent. “If going to Indonesia matters to you this much, then, it should matter to me too. I need to start respecting what makes you happy, and not just what makes me happy. So if going to Indonesia makes you happy, then... it makes me happy.” Magdalena finally looked at Tyler after moments of silence. A huge grin was on her face and Tyler felt his heart beat at least a hundred times faster. He flashed his pearly whites chuckled. “And...as much as you hate apologies, I’m sorry for freaking out earlier”
Magdalena made a face. “Just come join me in the tub silly, it’s getting lonely in here.”
Tyler chuckled. He stood up and promptly removed his shorts. His cheeks turned a rosy colour after hearing a small snicker come from Magdalena in the tub. He walked towards the tub and stopped when Magdalena put up one finger.
“Bring the wine,” A devilish grin formed on her face. Tyler smirked and obliged, bring the wine with him to the tub. Before stepping in, he mentally prepared himself for the either hot, or cold temperature in the water for a brief moment and stepped in. He sat himself behind Magdalena and pulled her closer to him once he got comfortable.
“Mmm, you smell good,” Tyler smiled. He wrapped his arms around her let them rest on her flat stomach. “Holy shit,” He muttered.
“What?” Magdalena started to get worried and insecure at his reaction to touching her skin.
“You’re like...toned.” Tyler chuckled, giving her cheek a peck. Magdalena let out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t even notice, Goddamn…”
“What was I before?”
“How am I supposed to remember?” Tyler began to move his hands up and down Magdalena’s sides, working his way up to her to breasts. Once he reached his destination he began to leave tender loving pecks along her shoulder and up to her neck.
Magdalena was left dumbstruck as she became entranced in his touch. She adored it when he touched her, anything from an innocent hand holding to his grasp on her naked body. She loved it. It made her feel loved, ensured her security, and reminded her that he was there, he was real. As Tyler’s hands and lips continued to explore her body, she shut her eyes. Flashes of every memory she had of Tyler began to play in her mind like a movie. From the moment they met to now. She thought about the first time she went to one of his games. She could still feel the exact exhilarating rush that she had gotten throughout the game, she could feel the cold air that hit her cheeks every once and a while, and the distinct smell of the cool air at the TD Garden Arena. She thought about the look in his eyes after the game, the spark that ignited the passion inside of him, and that’s when she realized it was then, that she had completely fallen for him. Before it was a crush, Magdalena assumed she would get over him eventually, but after being with him after a win and seeing the way he was, all excited practically bouncing off of the walls, she was totally in love with him.
Tyler began to massage Magdalena’s shoulders while gently kissing them every once in a while. Magdalena went limp under his touch and she slid down lower against his chest. Her soft shoulders against his rough hands rose up and went back down each time she breathed. She was sinfully beautiful and Tyler fell under her spell. Despite longing for her physical touch, it wasn’t a physical attraction for Tyler. It was her faith and compassion that had enticed him. How she would do anything possible to make ensure his happiness; on nights before an exam she would come out at one in the morning to be with him when he was alone, and had no one. She had faith in him when the rest of the world had turned their back on him. Tyler didn’t know where he’d be if she didn’t believe in him, if she didn’t push him right back up whenever he fell down. She was always there for him. And he loved her with every fiber in his body and every single drop of blood that he had running in his veins.
Notes
Chapter Eleven :) Dun Dun Dun...I'll be posting Chapter Twelve real soon! Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoy!
<3
Please update soon!!!
11/12/15