Swipe

Elle fretted for almost an hour before falling back into an uneasy sleep. She woke up much earlier than she would have liked. If Jamie Benn hadn’t called the night before, she’d sleep until noon. As it was, she hadn’t wanted to miss his call; seven AM was a shit time to be awake after the night she’d had.

It was almost 11, though, by the time her phone rang. Elle was folding laundry, caught up in feelings of dread about having to go into work. She almost screamed when the ringer sounded, a pair of underwear flying out of her hands. She scrambled for the phone, hitting accept with a shaking finger.

When Jamie said hello, the air left her lungs. He sounded so, so happy that she’d actually answered. Elle’s heart broke. She’d blocked his number so quickly after breaking things off that she had no idea how many times he’d tied to get ahold of her. He sounded like he’d tried a lot.

“I am so so sorry I called so late last night. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay, Jamie.”

“It’s really not, Elle. Another stupid move on my part. This whole thing was stupid.”

Elle frowned, pulling her phone away to double check that it actually was Jamie and not some strange doppelganger. Nope, it sure was Jamie, telling her the whole thing between them was stupid. Or maybe he meant calling her and trying to get back into contact was stupid.

She was intensely confused. “If it was stupid, why did you call?”

“Oh god, no Elle. I meant my behavior. I just- I think I made a huge mistake with you. I didn’t even know how much you meant to me- how much we meant to me until it was gone.” This fucking dumbass. She sighed and leaned against her kitchen counter. She thought about the days they’d spent squirrelled away in this apartment. It had been good. They had been good. They’d been the best she’d ever had. She didn’t want to examine too closely what that said about her past relationships.

“I guess what I’m trying to say it I lo-“

“Jamie, stop.” She panicked, knowing that the bridge he was about to cross would be burned as soon as he was past it. “You can’t- please don’t say that. You can’t know that, not for sure.” Everyone always said absence made the heart grow fonder and Jamie Benn had missed her. She couldn’t accept a declaration of love though, not where they were at.

“But I do know. I think about you all the time. I wonder if you’re watching us play, if you’re looking up flights to come see me, if you ever stare at your ceiling and remember what happened when I was there with you.”

Elle’s face flamed at his suggestive words. She had, in fact, done all of those things. “I’ve been distracted more than I should, but that doesn’t mean as much as you want it to, Jamie.” She felt like she was pleading with him. “It can’t.” Her words were soft and desperate.

Jamie took a long time to answer. She worried a scratch in her counter top with a thumbnail. Even if he did love her, even if she still felt as strongly about him now as she did a month ago, their situation was still impossible. Her job-

“It can mean that much. If we both want it to. And I know I’m in. Are you?”

Outside, the sun was high and the birds were singing and the world was moving. Inside, Elle felt like her life was a broken record, skipping back to the beginning over and over again. “I can’t answer that. I just- it’s too much Jamie. Nothing is different, life is still happening. You can’t just call me out of the blue and ask me these things. You can’t.” Her cheeks were wet, tears of frustration slipping free. She wiped angrily at them.

“I’m sorry, again. But, Jesus Elle. I’ve been in hell for weeks. Tyler says you’ve been too. Like, why can’t we just admit that we were better together, even if we couldn’t be together physically?”

“It’s just not the right time.”

“There’s never been a better time, Elle. Beautiful, bold, smart Elle. And I’m going to prove it to you.”

She leaned her head back and let out a deep sigh. She’d been the focus of Jamie Benn’s determined will before. It had resulted in a few mind blowing orgasms and a lot of delighted laughter.

All she had to do was say yes and she could have that again. He’d be in Vancouver in a few weeks. They could- “I can’t say yes. I just cant’t.”

She could almost hear the grin in his voice, in the challenge of his words. “I’m going to convince you. Just you wait.”

Elle opened her mouth to tell him no again. She never got the chance, Jamie giving her a quick good bye then hanging up. She was momentarily stunned. Six weeks, almost, of radio silence and then last night. Now this morning. She wasn’t entirely sure she knew what to do with him.

The clock on her microwave read noon and she set her phone down. She had to get ready for work.

-------

Back in Dallas, Jamie hung up the phone with a satisfied smile on his face. He’d successfully had a conversation with Elle and it had gone well. It had gone phenomenally well. She hadn’t given him a definite affirmative, that yes she wanted to get back together. But he could hear it in her voice that she would. He just had some work to do, first. With all the joy of renewed hope, he made a quick list of all the things he wanted to accomplish for the day.

Number one was order a bouquet of flowers to send to Elle. Number two was text Segs and give him the good news. He was banking on his best friend chatting with Elle as well, passing along his congratulations. Step three was more tenuous; he needed to start making plans for the Stars’ return to Vancouver in a few weeks. He’d been eyeing the schedule, noting the times that the team would fly in and out, as well as the game. It looked like they’d get at least three days and two nights in Vancouver, the Canucks being the middle stop on the West coast string of matches. That was good. That meant he’d have some down time to actually plan the romantic evening he wanted to have with Elle.

His phone went off in his hand again, an incoming text.

Segs: Elle said you called her last night from my land line. Do you know how fucking expensive that is?

Me: You make millions of dollars a year. You made like 60k last night.

Segs: $$$$67k but who’s counting. Still fucking rude.

Me: It was necessary. She picked up when I called today.

Segs: !!!!!!

Jamie laughed. Segs was distracted with something, just sending exclamations.

Segs: I’m coming over in an hour. Be ready to spill.

He blacked out his screen and tossed his phone on the counter. Number two on his list was advancing nicely. He grabbed the phone again, placing a call to his go-to florist. It was painless to have the most expensive, gorgeous bouquet of Elle’s favorite flowers sent up to her, price for out of season delivery be damned.

As he hung up, he figured a half hour on his computer, looking up things to do in Van City that would work around the two full days the team would be there would yield good results. When Segs showed up they would have tons of time to make a real plan of attack.

-------

Nicole: Come out with me and Higgy tonight.

Me: You still call him Higgy? You guys have been screwing for a week and a half. Can’t use Chris yet, or don’t want to invest?

Nicole: Every time you insinuate I have no feelings, you hurt what few feelings I do possess.

Nicole: You still need to come out tonight. Take your mind off that Jamie Benn.

Elle smirked down at her phone. It had been a week and a half since Jamie had called her up, drugged out of his mind, and she’d let him back into her life. It had been a surprisingly pleasant week, its beginning marked with a delivery of lilies. Those deliveries had continued once a day ever since. She’d woken up with a smile on her face since they’d hung up.

Nicole: We’re dragging along Tanev. You have to keep him company.

Shaking her head, Elle sighed but shot off an affirmative. If she’d said no, Nicole would have just shown up on her doorstep with two hockey players. Elle had a blessedly free afternoon of work, Guerin back in Montreal for almost a week and the Canucks on a three day break. She had intended to clean her apartment which was long over-due for a scrub. She felt completely okay with blowing that off to grab a few drinks.

She deserved a real night off.

There was a knock on her door at seven on the dot. Surprised by the sudden sound, Elle’s hand jerked as she was finishing up her mascara. She cursed under her breath at the black smeared across her brow. The front door opened, Nicole letting herself in. Elle sighed and grabbed a tissue in an attempt to salvage her make-up.

Nicole floated to the door of the bathroom and leaned up against the jam. Elle met her eye in the mirror, rubbing lightly at the slowly disappearing black. “You’re actually on time. The world is going to end.”

Nicole let out a guffaw. “Hot plans for tonight. You look great. Also, we’re staying in.”

Elle’s hand paused and she glanced over at the redhead. Nicole wore a shit eating grin with her relaxed posture. “But I’m wearing my dancing shoes.” She’d spent half a month’s salary on these heels. They were bright red, sassy as hell, and more comfortable than a lot of her flats.

“There’s a blizzard advisory. Don’t worry, we brought food.”

She was about to ask about the ‘we’ when a crash was heard from the kitchen, followed by Tanev calling out that everything was okay. Higgins shouted something about replacing the glass. Elle frowned deeply.

Nicole grinned. “I also brought Cards Against Humanity. It’s going to be a great night.”

Sure enough, when Elle finally called it quits on fixing her make-up and entered her living room, the world was white through her windows. Higgins and Tanev had posted up at the coffee table, pillows on the floor and four wine glasses already full. A spread of Chinese food covered most of the table’s surface and both men beamed at her. They looked like puppies that had torn apart the trash but still greeted their owner with joy because they knew they’d still be loved despite their actions.

“Come grab a seat. We brought your favorite wine.” Tanev was already holding the glass out to her.

Once dinner was finished and cleaned up, Nicole produced four black boxes with a flourish. “The guys haven’t played yet, so no wild giggling when someone puts down ‘two midgets shitting into a bucket’.” It was as tactful of an ice breaker as Nicole was capable of. Both guys dropped their jaws in surprise and Elle cackled like a sleep-deprived student.

The evening went really well. Cards kept the four of them busy for the better part of three hours. They went through two bottles of wine and had been driven to laughter-filled tears at least eight separate times. It felt good for Elle to let go and just have a good time. She was out from under Guerin’s thumb for the moment and the world was righting itself with Jamie. Nicole forcing her to be sociable tonight was about the best way to finish off a few good days.

“Get up on the couch Higgy, I wanna get a picture of this night.” Nicole pushed Elle to the side, squishing her together with Tanev and forcing the four of them to huddle close. She squeaked at the fit and Tanev scooped her up onto his lap. It was a good selfie. The smiles were all genuine, the bottles of wine and cards in the background giving a great indication of the evening that had been had.

-------

Segs was frowning down at his phone when Jamie got out of the showers. They’d just won a hard game in Boston; he was elated but exhausted. The look on Segs’ face made him weary; there were only a couple of things that could put that sort of expression on his friend’s face after such a beautiful victory.

He dropped down next to Segs and glanced over his shoulder. He caught sight of Elle’s smiling face for just a moment before the phone was jerked away. “Hey, let me see.” Segs grunted and held the phone away from him.

Jamie was having none of that. He reached over Segs’s shoulder, grabbing him by the wrist. “Let me see, Segs. Come on.”

“You don’t want to see, trust me.”

“Stop being a dick.”

“Hey, hey! Settle down kids.” Jordie stepped in front of them, deftly snatching up the phone while shoving Jamie back with a hand. His human skills lacked from time to time but Jordie’s big brother skills were pretty well honed. He unlocked Segs’ phone, and how the hell did he know the password, and stared at the image on the screen. When Jordie looked up at Jamie, there was an excess of pity in his eyes.

-------

They scattered once Nicole had deemed the photo satisfactory. Elle bee-lined for the bathroom, ready to get rid of at least a half a bottle of wine. She stared into the mirror when she finished, noting how tired her eyes looked. She should probably kick out everyone soon and go to sleep. She had tomorrow off too; she could get up early and clean the apartment top to bottom, taking her time.

Tanev was alone in the living room when she returned, sipping another glass and playing on his phone. “Where’d the other two go?”

He glanced up at her. “Back to Nicole’s. They said they were going to get more drinks, but I’m pretty sure they just went to fuck.” He looked instantly apologetic. “Sorry. Get naked. Have sex. Make love or whatever. Sorry, sometimes I forget I’m not perpetually surrounded by hockey players.”

She laughed. “It’s adorable you think that offends me. I work with you, remember? I’ve heard worse.”

He had the good graces to color, himself being at the center of some rapidly exchanged swear words in the flight lounge in the past. “Regardless, I’m sorry.”

She flopped down next to him. “It’s okay, really.” She leaned forward, draining the last of bottle number three into her glass. She raised it to him and he clinked their glasses together. “So, I guess you’re welcome to crash on my couch.”

He laughed ruefully. “I appreciate that. I don’t think I’ll be able to grab a cab tonight.” His eyes flickered to the window; there was still a blizzard. She would never send someone out in this.

-------

When Jamie held out his hand, Jordie didn’t argue, just handed over the phone. It would have to be exceptionally serious if his big brother couldn’t crack a smile or make a joke.

And it was bad.

On an Instagram with an unfamiliar username that was easily deciphered as Nicole’s handle, four people had taken a really great selfie. It was well framed, the perspective was perfect, and each face looked relaxed and happy. Empty wine bottles littered a table, a card game scattered between the glasses. Nicole held the camera, Chris Higgins with an arm tight around her waist and his chin on her shoulder. Right behind those two, Elle sat delicately on Chris Tanev’s lap. Tanev’s hand rested at her hip; she had an arm around his shoulders and a hand on his chest.

They looked comfortable and drunk.

Jamie’s throat tightened. He’d done everything right over the last nine days. Flowers arrived in the morning, followed by flirty and light texts, capped off with a sleepy looking selfie he knew she was a glutton for. He’d been doing his absolute best to not push too hard, to just be around when he could. And she was carrying on with someone else, a rival player.

His chest clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut. This was familiar, this heart ache. He’d been fighting it for months after Elle had broken things off.

He felt a hand on one shoulder, Jordie’s voice telling him it couldn’t be what it looked like. Segs chimed in, saying the exact opposite.

Jamie needed to call Elle, like ten minutes ago.

-------

She was about to offer some pillows and blankets when her phone went off three times in quick succession. She grabbed it and frowned.

Tyler: WTF are you doing on Tanev’s lap? WTF dude?

Tyler: I thought you were getting back together with Jamie.

Jamie: Can I call you? I think I need to call you.

A sour feeling filled Elle’s stomach. Instantly, she knew what was wrong. Nicole must have put the picture of them up on social media, where Tyler was sure to find it. The Stars were playing the Bruins that night; she’d been keeping track of the score as surreptitiously as possible while they’d been playing Cards. They must have just gotten off the ice. And, of course, Tyler would reach for his phone as soon as the media let him go.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. Her gesture drew Tanev’s attention. “Everything okay?”

She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. She could only imagine what that picture must look like to Jamie, no matter how innocuous it had been when they’d taken it.

Jamie: Seriously, what the fuck is going on?

He had to see that she’d read her texts, thanks Apple technology. Yet, she didn’t know what to say. She was suddenly very tired and felt every glass of wine she’d sipped over the course of the evening.

“Elle?”

“I think I made a huge mistake. And I don’t know what to do.”

They were both silent, he waiting and she trying to gather her thoughts.

Jamie: This is not cool, Elle.

Tyler: WTF are you doing?!

Elle put her head in her hands. Next to her, Tanev shifted before he leaned in, bumping her shoulder. “Is it Benn?”

She raised her eyes, staring at the defenseman. “How the fuck-?”

“Seriously? After your melt down at the bar? It was pretty obvious. What’s going on?”

She blew out a breath, brushing her hair back again. “We had a thing, for a while, a few months ago. And then it got messy and I called it off. It’s really fucking hard to date a guy in another country through social media. And then that hit; we talked and it sort of was okay, for a little while.” She was fiddling with her phone the whole time, needing to see the picture and how bad it was.

Objectively it was a great picture. Subjectively it looked damning. She held it out to Tanev to look at. He whistled and leaned back. “Damn, yeah. Didn’t even mean to make that look suggestive. You had just seemed super uncomfortable wedged between me and Higgy.”

She nodded, bringing the phone back.

Jamie: I swear to god Elle, don’t fucking shut me out again.

“He’s freaking out. I have no idea what to do. I’m too drunk and tired for this shit.”

She could tell Tanev was thinking the situation over. He watched her with a pensive look on his face before leaning forward again. “Hockey players are kind of known for their jealous streaks. I can’t speak to Benn’s personally, I just don’t know him well enough. But if I was sort of seeing a girl and I saw a picture like that I’d be pretty pissed off.”

She shrugged. “So what do I do?”

“Call him?”

She sighed. She’d promised herself that she would be more responsible about keeping on top of shit with Jamie. She knew he’d try to woo her back and she knew he’d be successful. It would be okay to let him pull out all the stops for a while before putting him out of his misery. In her mind, he deserved to sweat. He’d been a fucking dick bag the first time around.

Her phone rang. Surprisingly, it was Tyler. She sent the call to voicemail.

“Seguin too? Jesus, Elle. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were secretly a Stars fan, parading as a Canucks faithful.”

That got a laugh out of her. “You’ve known me for years. I bleed blue and green, my whole life. Come on, now.”

He bumped her shoulder again. “You should call him, seriously. I can tell he means a lot to you. Don’t let it get all fuckered because of something this small.”

“Why Christopher Tanev, I had no idea you were so insightful.” He blushed again and she laughed, letting him relax a little. “You’re right, I need to call.”

“Do you want me to go crash Nicole’s place?” He looked a little frightened at the prospect of interrupting what was probably a marathon sex session.

“Nah. I’ll go to my bedroom. There’s some pillows and blankets in the hall closet. Help yourself. If you stick around in the morning I’ll even make you breakfast.”

Tanev held a hand over his heart. “You say things like that and I’ll actually try to make that photo a reality.”

She pushed at his bicep and stood. She stretched her back, rolling her shoulders and setting her jaw for the conversation to follow. She was totally the one in the wrong here, sort of, but she wasn’t used to crawling around anywhere with her tail between her legs. It was a foreign feeling.

She dodged two more phone calls from Tyler while she put on pajamas and made herself comfortable in her bed. When she could think of nothing else to delay the inevitable, she pulled up Jamie’s number and hit the phone icon.

Her phone call went straight to voicemail.

Notes

I'm coming into finals, which means more writing than should be humanly required and my grandma is about to die. Just a heads up. I'll try to get at least two chapters out before the end of the year, which will hopefully be the finale, but I can't make any gurantees. Thank you, faithful readers, for sticking with me this long.