I slipped my headphones from my ears as I spotted the mop of brown hair piled high in a messy bun behind the desk in the studio.
“Beth?” Karen’s head popped up as the bell in the door chimed singling that someone, in this case me, has opened the front door. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same question.”
“I’m just getting my end of the month paperwork sorted through.” Karen took a deep breath in though her nose as she looked back down at the papers in front of her and moved a sheet of paper from one pile to another. “Jennifer said she organized my papers for me but they are due tomorrow and I just wanted to make sure I had them. God,” she shook her head. “I picked a good day to be sick.”
“You sure did.” I gave her a soft smile as I approached the desk and leaned my elbows on the counter. “So are you feeling better?”
“Yea,” she nodded as she looked up at me. “Must have been some weird 24 hour flu because I work up this morning and I felt fine. Well as fine as someone who hasn’t eaten in 24 hours.”
“Karen…”
“Relax Beth, I have a bottle of water,” she sighed and lifted up the bottle next to her, “I’ve had a couple crackers this morning and V, dropped me off here on her way to work.”
I nodded.
“So, um, what are you doing here?”
“I just had a few moves I wanted to try out and I need to clear my head, so…” I shrugged.
“Yea, sounds like you got yourself in a bit of a pickle yesterday.”
I groaned as I laid my head in my arms, “so you’ve talked to Veronica.”
“I have,” Karen laughed as she stood up from the chair and rested her head in front of mine.
“It’s not funny Karen.”
“Come on Beth, you have to admit it kind of is. I mean first you hook up with Jamie’s teammate, without knowing it, then in an attempt to hook up with other people you just end up hooking up with another one of their teammates, and you’ve already hooked up with another guy on their team.” She shook her head with another laugh. “And to think you just saw the roster from this season.”
“Oh Karen,” I whined because she was right, there was no telling what other guys from the team that I may have slept with. “That’s so true.”
My confession only made Karen laugh harder as she sat back down. “How ‘bout I finish this paper work and then I’ll join you… well I’ll look over your moves for you since I don’t think I’m going to be able to do much dancing.”
“Yea, that sounds like a plan.” I assured her as I head to the first open room.

---

As promised after Karen finished up her paper work she joined me in the dance studio and not to long after that Veronica stopped by to see if Karen wanted to go to lunch. So at quarter past one we found ourselves in the little Italian restaurant down the street from the studio. More jokes were made at my expense, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to spend some quality time with my girls. Little did I know that I would be spending a lot of quality time with the girls the next couple of weeks, not having heard from Jamie, Tyler or anyone else for that matter.
“So are you sure you’re okay?” Karen asked me again as I stretched out my legs after my last class of the day and Karen joined me, just having finished her last class as well.
“Yes Karen, I’m fine,” I assured her for what felt like the millionth time as I lead back on the hard dance floor and stared at the ceiling above me.
“Are you sure Beth because you’ve been really kind of… space outed these past couple of days.”
“Well Karen unless you want to lay here with me and talk about how I haven gotten laid in over 2 weeks, then be my guest.”
Karen nodded as she came over and sat next to me. “Is this about the fact that you actually haven’t been laid or the fact that neither Jamie nor Tyler have called.”
“A little of both,” I confessed with a groan as I turned my head to look at her. “I just… I don’t know why Tyler hasn’t call, I mean I can understand why Jamie hasn’t, I mean I did kind of ditch him for Tyler but I thought that Tyler and I had something… or might have had something... or whatever you want to call it.”
“You like Tyler, don’t you?”
“No,” I scuffed. “I just miss…” I trailed off not sure what to say.
“You miss hanging out with Tyler.”
I sighed, “Is that stupid considering we hung out like one time…”
“No,” Karen shook her head. “It’s not stupid. You found a guy you like. It’s normal.”
I shook my head. “Karen this wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“I know, but we don’t always have control over what happens, especially when it comes to our hearts.”
“Yea, but my heart and I took a vow that we were never going to like someone after what happened with Billy. I don’t know if I can handle that pain again.”
“Well that’s the nice thing with Tyler, you guys are nothing which means it may sting a little but he can never hurt you the way that Billy hurt you.”
“I guess so,” I shrugged.
Karen rolled her eyes with a laugh. “So I know it’s against your ‘rules’ or whatever, but if you really want to know what’s up why don’t you just text Tyler.”
I took a deep breath as I thought about all the read, but un – replied text that I sent him over the past couple of days.
“You’ve already have, haven’t you?”
I sighed, figuring there was no reason to lie to her. “I have.”
“Have you tried calling him?”
I nodded as I remembered the call disconnecting before the third ring.
“Well you know where he lives right? So why don’t you go to his apartment and talk to him. He can’t really avoid you in person, can he?”
I shrugged, “But maybe I don’t want to know.”
“Beth I know that you’ve been hurt but if you keep pushing everyone away you’re never going to know what could have happened. I know Billy hurt you, but no relationship is perfect and there’s always going to be a little pain, but when you find the right guy all the pain you’ve been through will be worth it.”
“You think so Karen?”
“I do.”

---

I just didn’t understand how Karen could be so optimist when it came to love after what happen with her dad and after what happened to me, but maybe Karen was right. Maybe my problem was that I didn’t give anyone a chance. Well not everybody, only guys and I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Karen was right.
Which is how I found myself parked outside of the house that I haven’t seen in two weeks. I sat in my car debating if I really wanted to do this or not. Ideally Karen was right. I didn’t have anything to lose, did I?
I took a deep breath as I opened the car door before I could talk myself out of it because Karen was right. Tyler could avoid my texts, and my calls but he couldn’t avoid me in person and I knew it was going to drive me crazy unless I got some answers.
At least that is what I told myself as I walked up the driveway to Tyler’s front door. I took a deep breath as I stepped onto Tyler porch.
I could feel every breath I took as I stood outside Tyler’s door and my heart pounded wildly in my chest as I lifted my hand and knocked.
There was some shuffling and I could hear Tyler tell Marshall to relax as he gave out a few barks before the door cracked opened.
“Mary,” Tyler’s eyebrows pulled together when he seen me. His hands fumbling with the tie around his neck.
“Tyler,” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I studied Tyler in his white bottom up shirt and gray dress pants. “I’m sorry for just dropping by like this but I… did I do something wrong?”
Tyler’s face fell and his chest heaved as he looked down at me. “No,” he shook his head his hands working on his tie once again.
“Then why haven’t you replied to any of my text and ignored my calls?”
“Because…” Tyler sighed as he dropped his tie once again. “Because Jamie’s in love with you.”
“What?”
Tyler ran a hand thought his dark hair as he slumped against the doorframe. “All Jamie’s talked about since I’ve gotten here is this girl that he’s met and how she’s not like any of the other girls that he hooked up with. We’ve all given him crap for it though because apparently every time he’s tried to ask her out she always turns him down. Personality if that I was me I would have given up already but Jamie…. Jamie’s stubborn and that day that he caught you running out of my place I’m pretty sure it nearly broke his heart. And I don’t know how much you follow hockey but I didn’t have the best record in Boston and when I came here I promised myself I was going to be better, a better person, a better player, a better teammate and that day that Jamie walked in here to find you I knew I broke my promise to myself and I felt like shit. So I told Jamie that he could have you, I wasn’t going to text you, or call or even think about again, which is pretty hard because well you are pretty amazing so I can see why Jamie likes you.”
I watched Tyler fumble with his tie again as everything he just told me sank in. “So we’re done,” was the question that came out. Here he was confessing that his best friend was in love with me and the only thing that I could comprehend was that whatever we had was over. What kind of monster was I?
“Yea,” Tyler confirmed as he finally tightened the damn tie around his neck.
I nodded. “Do you think we could at least be friends because Veronica and Karen really seemed to like you…” and I liked you, I thought to myself.
He shook his head, “Mary I don’t know if that’s the best idea but I’m pretty sure your friends would really like Jamie too, if you gave him a chance.”
I nodded once again but wasn’t able to answer before Tyler’s door closed in my face. There was an unexplainable tightness in my chest as I turned around, defeated. I didn’t know exactly what I expected to happen, but it definitely wasn’t that.

---

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear the car pull up next to mine, so head snapped up as I heard a car door close.
“Sarah,” Jamie’s soft voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
I slowly looked up, the air catching in my lungs and I couldn’t help but wonder if this is how he felt when he saw me at Tyler’s place. All this time I was so preoccupied with not getting hurt that I didn’t think that I was actually hurting Jamie, but that only proved my point though, someone always get hurt when it comes to love.
“Jamie,” I greeted as I tried to step around him but he didn’t budge.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded my throat tightening now as a tear run down my check.
“No you’re not,” Jamie exhaled as he wrapped me in his arms and he let me just cry into his chest. Not caring that I was staining his freshly pressed suit with my tears.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I pulled away but I wasn’t just apologizing for his shirt, which was now stained with my tears, or the fact that he caught be crying, but because I finally knew how much I must have hurt him, plus I wasn’t one to normally cry.
“It’s okay Sarah,” Jamie assured me as he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
I nodded for what felt like the millionth time today.
“So I hate to um, leave you here like this but I… I have to go.”
“No,” I shook my head as I wiped another tear from my cheek. “I understand… you go.”
Jamie gave me a nodded as he took a step back, and Tyler’s words replied in my head, I’m pretty sure your friends would really like Jamie too, if you gave him a chance, so before I even knew what I was doing I grabbed his wrist.
Jamie’s head snapped up as he turned to look at me. “So I know I’m a little late but um, I would love to go to dinner… with you, if the offer still stands.”
He nodded, “it does, but it’s going to have to wait until Tuesday night.”
“That’s fine,” I gave him a small smile as I let go of his wrist.
“Well then I guess I’ll see you Tuesday night,” he beamed as he walked up Tyler’s driveway, backwards. “I’ll pick you up at 6.”
I nodded “and Jamie?” I called before he turned around.
“Yea Sarah.”
“It’s Beth.”
“Beth?” The name rolled off his lips carefully as if questioning what that was supposed to mean.
“My real names actually Beth.”
“Well then I’ll see you Tuesday night, Beth.” He grinned one last time before he turned around and I opened the door to my car and I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about my name on his lips. I never thought I liked hearing my name off of another’s guys lips after Billy, but the way Jamie say it, it didn’t sound all that bad.

Notes