“The birthday boy is here!” Sidney exclaims when we enter the front door of his parent’s home. The place is covered in streamers, red and white balloons and a huge sign says “Happy Birthday Squid” in bubble letters. Obviously the work of his sister and his mother.

“Surprise!” Voices yell out as they appear from all sorts of hiding spots in the house. I nearly jump out of my skin; Sidney’s grip on my hand tightens a bit as well.

“Holy crap,” he laughs. “I didn’t know it was a surprise party?” His mother walks over to him for a big hug.

“I know that’s the point silly! Happy birthday, honey,” Trina says planting a kiss on his cheek. His father and sister come over and say the same to him and so do many strangers. Feeling a little lost and out of place, I make my way to the kitchen to keep myself busy. All kinds of treats and food are spread across the island countertop. I take a paper plate and load it up with chocolate chip cookies. Sid is going to be so jealous when he sees this; I doubt he’ll even eat much of his cake.

“Oomf,” I say as I bump into a body trying to leave the kitchen. “Sorry about that,” I say as I look at Emma. She’s wearing a stylish yellow maxi dress with brown gladiator sandals, her hair in loose curls. Her wrists are decorated with gold bangles as the right-hand reaches out to me in an apology.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She exclaims. I do my best to not look at her with disdain. I don’t know why Sid and Emma broke up so I have no room to not like her but then again, she is his ex-girlfriend.

“It’s okay, Emma, right?” I ask as I straighten myself. She smiles.

“Yes! You’re Seraphina. Gosh, that’s such a pretty name. Hard to forget,” Emma chuckles. Her voice is inherently feminine and I find myself jealous for no reason.

“I think that’s what my parents were going for. I didn’t know you were coming,” I state. And it’s true—why would someone’s ex be at their family and friend birthday party? Emma’s face tightens.

“It’s okay, Sidney’s mom invited me. It’s been awhile and they’re good people.” I nod knowingly.

“I know they raised a wonderful man.”

“I didn’t know you were still in town, Sera. I thought you’d be rushing back to the office,” Emma says. I cock my head to the right, my eyes narrow slightly.

“Well, here I am!” I say with fake enthusiasm. “I couldn’t miss my boyfriend’s birthday. I’ll be going back soon.”

“Working in New York must be exciting and working at Vogue! Even better,” Emma says. I desperately want to get away from her and find Sidney but when I look over her shoulder, I only see strangers. I start to panic.

“Uh, it’s great. It has its ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. If you’d excuse me, I need some air,” I say as I rush past her, leaving my plate behind. I hear her say something but I’m too far as I shimmy through the throng of people in the Crosby’s small home. I finally make it to the backyard, which isn’t as busy as it is inside. Sitting at the table on the deck, I put my head in my hands and try to calm down.

1…2…3…

I count in between breaths. I live in New York City for Christ’s sake, I shouldn’t be this overwhelmed by people. But then again, anxiety is an issue I have. A hand gently touches my back. I look up to see blue eyes staring back at me with worry.

“Jack,” I gasp suddenly very relieved to see a face I recognize. Jack smiles and sits in a chair to my left.

“Hey kiddo, are you okay?” He looks so kind and adorable in his navy board shorts and a red polo.

“Yeah, I just needed some air… I almost had an anxiety attack.” I whisper. Jack takes my hand in his, rubbing the backside with his thumb.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His face is shrouded in worry. I chuckle inwardly.

“Yes Jack, I’m fine. I just got overwhelmed. Uh, have you seen Sid? I haven’t seen him since we got here.”

“Yeah, he was in the living room when I last saw him,” Jack says. There’s an awkward pause for a bit, neither of us knowing what to say but both knowing something needs to be said.

“Did you tell Sid about your… issue?” Jack asks hesitantly.

“I did.” Jack shifts awkwardly in his seat, his hand is still holding mine.

“How’d he take it?” I reflect on that night; it was an emotional night for both of us but he took it better than I thought.

“He was mad at first and we argued about it a little but I explained and now we’re fine,” I finish. I move to get up and Jack lets go of my hand. “It was nice talking to you Jack, I’m gonna find Sid.” He gives me a small smile and waves.

“Likewise, Sera, see you later.” I smile and nod, going back into the home.

---

Everyone has gathered around to sing for Sidney who is standing at the counter in the kitchen. A huge cake in the shape of a puck (how fitting) is in front of him, decorated with twenty-six candles. Instead of me being by his side, Emma is there, glowing like a proud wife or something. I smother my anger and join in song.

“Make a wish, Sidney,” Emma says, her hand on his shoulder and everyone else repeats after her in scattered yells.

“Okay, okay,” Sid says holding his hands up for silence. He thinks for a second and closes his eyes to blow the candles out. In two blows, all the candles are out and everyone claps. Everyone cheers and call out to eat cake or to go back to the barbecue. Troy and Taylor have cake cutting duties as people line up for a piece. I leave the kitchen, feeling claustrophobic all over again and go upstairs to Sidney’s old bedroom. I lie back on the bed and try my best not to weep. My eyes grow heavy and I snuggle one of his pillows and fall asleep.

---

“Hey,” a voice says in my ear. I spring up, nearly hitting the source of the voice. When my eyes clear up, I see Sid looking back at me, slightly frightened.

“Oh, it’s you,” I reply irritated. I lie back on the bed, staring at the white ceiling.

“You missed a good bit of the party,” he says softly. “Are you okay?” I snort.

“Now you remember me?” He’s silent.

“I’m sorry, I got pulled everywhere. I should’ve looked harder for you.” I roll my eyes.
“Yeah, you should have. You bring me to a family gathering and fail to introduce me to people. Fail to keep me around and when it’s time for your cake, your ex is by your side instead of me.” Sidney moves to sit near my waist, he rests his arms on either side of me to stare me down.

“I am truly sorry. I have no excuse. I dragged you to a family event and neglected you. That was shitty of me,” he sighs. I refuse to look at him because I know I might cry.

“I almost had an anxiety attack,” I whisper. Sidney gasps. “After I met your ex again and realized I couldn’t find you and I didn’t know anyone here.” Sidney reaches to stroke my hair but I turn from him.

“I am so sorry to hear that, baby. God, I’m such an ass,” he groans, resting his forehead on my collarbone.

“You were today. Everyone forgot about me. I’m usually good with people but this is your family. Your friends you grew up with. I don’t know anyone besides you, your sister and your parents and you all forgot about me. Maybe I should’ve tried a bit more but that’s beside the point.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Sidney mumbles into my neck. “What can I do to make it up to you?” I think for a bit.

“Well, you’re definitely not getting birthday sex that’s for sure,” I start. “You could try to include me in your life since I am your girlfriend, not just some girl you screw. For now, I want to go home.” He sits up and nods at me.

“Those all make sense. I will try harder next time,” his voice is determined. “Promise.”

“Promise all you want, I want to see action,” I sit up and slide off the bed, walking toward the door. “Is the party still going on?” Sidney stands up and meets me at the door.

“A little, I didn’t open everything. The gifts I mean. We can go home,” he says ushering me out the door.

---

It feels so nice to be in a surrounding I actually recognize once we get home. I kick off my sandals at the door and trudge upstairs. In the closet, I remove my clothes and change into an old t-shirt. I remove my makeup and brush my teeth and but my hair in a bun. I should wrap my hair to protect it but I’m just far too annoyed and tired to care at the moment.

Crawling into bed, I find myself drifting off as quickly as I got in. Sid comes in a few minutes after I get in; I listen to him strip and dress and brush his teeth. He gets ready for bed far quicker than I. When he makes it into bed, he turns off the lights with a remote we keep by the bed. His right arms curls around my waist and pulls my back flush with his chest.

“I am so sorry for today. I’m going to treat you better. Goodnight baby,” he whispers in my ear before kissing the back of my neck. Suddenly my face is wet with hot tears.

Notes