“I’d like to settle down someday. And I need to know your past, something that’ll take you back, ‘cause I wanna live like that one day…”


What could’ve been a very brief separation, turned into something that would last longer than expected. For the first few days after Marie had first said they should take a break, Marco had been persistent in trying to reach her. But like he had said, she was stubborn. So with each call, Marie let it go to voicemail as she saw who it was. It was easier that way. Breaking up was supposed to be just that. They weren’t supposed to be contacting each other on a daily basis.

But now, four days after the separation and a quick check online, she could see that Marco and the team were off on another road trip. Now even if she tried to get in touch with him, he’d never pick up the phone. Thinking there was no commitment between them, he’d never actually check his phone.

Thankfully though with him leaving, Jess had made a surprise visit. She up and left Boston and booked a flight for Minneapolis, only to arrive at Marie’s doorstep three hours later. They shrieked and hollered, jumping in circles while they grasped the fact that they were reunited for a short amount of time.

“What are you doing here, crazy?”

“Well Boston was getting really cold and the Lambda Chi guys were getting on my nerves. Plus I had to tell you in person that Professor Shef got fired and his replacement is a hunk of a man that I plan on sleeping with in the future.”

“How far in the future?” Marie asked, leading Jess over to the couch.

“At least a few months. Hopefully by winter break because he won’t be my professor by then, and I’m not trying to get him sent to jail.”

“How kind of you,”

Jess clenched her fists in excitement, “his name’s Christopher Hunter. He’s twenty-eight, my environmental law professor, and a stunning six foot eight.” After seeing the otherwise consumed look on Marie’s face, she glanced around the apartment. “Wait, where’s Marco?”

Marie looked up at the ceiling and thought of the best way to tell Jess that they had broken up. She had never been super supportive of their relationship in the first place, and now that they were over, it gave her full entitlement to gloat. “I broke it off,”

“What? Why? You were obsessed with each other,”

“I was overwhelmed. We’d be on the street and people would pass by and look at him and then at me, and I could tell they’d be wondering why he was with a girl like me.”

“I’m sure that was all in your head,”

Marie shook her head, “it wasn’t. Even his team thought it. I think I need some time to myself. I love this city, it’s great, and now I get the chance to explore it on my own. I was wrapped up in trying to be what Marco needed and in the process neglected what I needed to be for myself.”

Jess leaned her head back against the couch. When they looked at each other, it was evident both girls were trying to figure something out about the other. “Has he tried contacting you?”

“He called me a few times for a few days. But they left on a trip last night so he’ll be gone for almost a week. He’ll be busy so I won’t get any more calls from him.”

“Marie you’re taking this pretty well considering you moved a thousand miles for this guy. Aren’t you the tiniest bit sad you left Boston for this?”

“No,” Marie shrugged. “This move, whether it was for Marco or not, got me out of Boston and out from beneath the microscope my dad had me under. I will never regret leaving Boston.”

“You look sad though. You don’t look like the girl I used to know. Something’s different, and I don’t know if that was Marco’s doing, or if just along the way you lost a part of you. I don’t want to pretend that I know what it’s like, because that’d just be a lie to you. My parents are still married, my dad always treated me well… but this is changing you and I always hoped it wouldn’t.”

Marie looked down at her lap. She couldn’t even summon the courage to look her best friend in the eye. Marco said she had been the best thing in his life, but truth was, he had been the best thing for her too. The decision to end things hadn’t been an easy one. But going through life never feeling good enough for him wasn’t the way Marie had planned on her life turning out. She had been under one microscope, and didn’t plan on moving to another.

“Well I love you Marie. And whatever you choose to do concerning your parents, and Marco, and life in general… I got your back,” Jess reached for Marie’s hand and held it tightly.

---

Jess’ visit was welcomed and much needed. But a few days after she had arrived, she was off again back to Boston. Alone again with not much going on, Marie was forced to do schoolwork and when she was done with that, she flicked on the TV. Despite hundreds of channels being offered, there wasn’t anything on. That is, except for the hockey game. She turned it on, using it mostly just for background noise.

And days after Jess had left, Marie was still watching the hockey games. She wasn’t even doing it in the hopes of seeing Marco on the screen. There was just nothing else to do.

Then one night she curled up in bed, wishing she had invested in a pet. At this point, anything would do; a dog, a cat, maybe even a lizard. She just wanted something to keep her company. Although she wanted to get to sleep, Marie found herself lying awake in bed, watching as the hours ticked by. Eleven turned to midnight and midnight turned to early morning.

She turned onto her back and looked at the beams in the ceiling. Hoping that counting them would lull her to sleep, she started that endeavor, only to be interrupted after beam number nine. She lifted her head and looked at the front door. The knock happened again and Marie sat up. When it happened a third time, she scurried out of bed and pulled the door open. She didn’t know who to expect, but seeing her neighbor leaning against her doorframe was a shock.

“I locked myself out. Do you have the spare key I gave you?”

Marie half smiled and ran to her kitchen and pulled open a drawer. Her neighbor Glenn, had come up with the idea of giving each other keys. That way if anything like this ever happened, they could sort it out. She ran back and handed the key to Glenn, who took it and slunk away to his own apartment.

As Marie shut her door and started back for her bed, another knock sounded at her door. She went back to it, expecting Glenn to be standing there with the same dull expression, waiting to give her the key back. Yanking open the door, she held her hand out for the key, but it never dropped into her palm. She looked up and felt her breath catch in the back of her throat.

“I miss you,”

Any response would’ve sufficed, but Marie just stared at Marco, taking in every little bit of information about the way he looked. Although he was wearing a pair of sweats, he was still in his dress shirt from earlier in the night. And apart from clothing, his hair was perfectly coiffed but everything else seemed a bit off. His eyes looked heavier than she remembered, as if he hadn’t slept in the past week. And his face seemed more swollen than usual. Marie reached for his wrist and guided him into her apartment, leading him towards the bed.

“Are you okay?”

Marco shrugged and curled up onto the bed, turning on his side and nuzzled his head against the back of his hand. “I’m sick,”

“With what,” she pulled up the blankets over his shoulders before crawling into bed next to him.

“I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to find out. They think mumps,”

“I heard that was going around.” She felt sorry for him. Even his expression as he tried to sleep was distraught and she wished there was something more she could do for him. “Do you need anything,”

Marco opened up his eyes and took a few shallow breaths, “I don’t wanna be broken up.”

He was staring at her, waiting for an answer. But she didn’t know what to say. Of course part of her missed him, but another part thought that breaking up had been for the best. Instead of giving him a verbal response, she set her hand on the back of his neck and leaned in to press her lips against his forehead. It had been something he’d done to her countless times before, and now she felt it was the most meaningful thing she could do.

Sometime around the two o’clock hour, Marie drifted off to sleep. Judging by the quiet snores coming from Marco, he had fallen asleep shortly after their brief conversation. She hoped that by morning he’d have forgotten about what he’d said.

For the first time in nearly two weeks, they slept together; albeit with their backs towards each other. Unfortunately for Marie, it was one of the most restless nights she’d ever had. She scampered out of bed at eight, which felt like hell considering she’d only gotten somewhere around three hours of decent sleep.

She scurried around her kitchen, trying to keep herself distracted. But every time she turned to face her bed, she saw Marco half covered by the blankets, breathing evenly and innocently. That was her favorite side of him; the side that was unassuming and boyish. As Marie began the process of starting her morning, she had the overwhelming feeling of someone watching her. And when she turned around, Marco had sat himself up in bed and was looking at her.

“How’re you feeling?” Marie lifted the kettle off the stove as it began to whistle. She poured the hot water into a mug where a teabag was perched, and carefully carried it to Marco.

He cleared his throat and reached out for the cup, “pretty sore. I feel like I’ve been roughed up a little bit,”

“You’ve got practice in a few hours,” she mentioned, walking back to her tiny kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator, hoping to find something to eat.

“I can’t practice. Coach has me on lockdown until we figure out what’s wrong. I’m seeing the doctor in an hour or so,” he lifted the mug to his lips and took the smallest of sips.

“Can you drive?”

“Yeah I’ll be okay… Can we talk about us? You never really gave me an answer last night, and I feel like your hospitality and generosity is stemming from a place that feels sorry for me.”

Marie grinned and shook her head gently, “out of all the things I feel for you, sorry is not one of them. I feel bad that you’re not feeling well. It’s never good to see someone you care about sick.”

“You care about me?”

“You’re holding tea, aren’t you?”

Marco wrapped the teabag string around his fingers and bobbed it in and out of the liquid. “I still love you. I know that the other women made you feel inadequate, and though the jokes of my teammates at your expense were infantile, there was never any doubt in my mind. And I think mine and your opinions are the only ones that matter in terms of our relationship… and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Not fighting harder for you. Not running after you, but just watching you go. I should’ve fought harder to keep you, but I just watched you slip away. And for a while there, I thought letting you do whatever you wanted was the best thing. But then I was miserable… I don’t want to be apart from you for longer than I have to be,”

Marie found herself focusing on the dirty dishes in the sink. She found they gave her something to think about other than the confessions Marco was expanding on. “I tried being a certain way for a man, and I tried that for fifteen years. And that man still treated me like shit. If I’m gonna fall in love, it’s gonna be with a man that loves me for all the things I am, and accepts me for the things I’m not.”

Marco didn’t answer for quite some time, and Marie thought that he just didn’t know what to say. She was thankful that the dishes seemed to be never ending. But after a moment, she felt a hand on her arm and she got startled, dropping a plate back into the sink. When she turned, Marco was in front of her, one hand on her arm and the other clutching his mug.

“I just want to love you. Simply love you.”

She snatched the mug out of his hands and set it in the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. With his illness still mostly unknown, Marie knew he wouldn’t try to kiss her, but that didn’t stop him from looking at her like he was looking at a treasure only he knew the value of. Her eyes began to sting as tears welled up, because she knew that despite everything, Marco actually did care and love her. And more than that, he was the first person to really show it. Ever.

“I’ve got a lot of issues, Marco,” she tried to protest, folding her arms across her chest.

“So do I,” he rebutted.

“And there are sides of me that are best left out of the daylight.”

“Everyone has those sides,”

“And I’m hard to love because I’m not really sure I’ve ever seen love,”

“I’ll love you all the same,”

Marie sucked in a deep breath and thought about what else she could say that would change the way Marco looked at her, but there was nothing. She had laid everything out there and thought something would scare him away but he remained unnerved.

Marco backed up some, looking around for the shirt he had thrown off sometime during the night. “I have to get going, but I’ll call you after I’m done with the doctor. Let you know what’s up and everything.”

“Marco,” she blurted out as he was halfway out the door of her apartment. He turned back to look at her. “I’m afraid of what’ll happen if you don’t come back,”

He smiled reassuringly, “I’ll always come back.”

Notes

"If I'm Gonna Fall In Love" by Rocket to the Moon.

There's some draaaaama coming up, y'all. Buckle up.