“For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can’t be broken. I will be here don’t you cry…”


The shaking was enough to wake her from the sleep she’d fallen into in order to forget everything. Usually people saw nightmares in their sleep, but for Marie, sleeping was the only time she didn’t see a nightmare. It had only been a few days since Sofia Rose Scandella entered the world. But already she was fighting for a life that had been pretty cruel to her so far.

Although Bill tried to reassure them that Sofia’s heart murmur was nothing, that story changed rather quickly. The emotional agony Marie now felt was all because of an Atrial Septal defect. Her dad swore that most times, the defect closed on its own without any medical assistance. That night, Marie slept pretty well. But the next day, Bill checked on Sofia again, and the story changed yet again. The hole in her heart was a little bigger than he originally expected and instead of leaving it up to fate, Bill thought it best to surgically mend her heart.

So at two days old, tiny Sofia went under the knife for open heart surgery while Marco and Marie waited in the NICU for her to be returned to her cradle. They were nervous wrecks, waiting to hear any news about how their daughter was doing.

Now Marco was shaking her awake. It had been a few days since her surgery and they took every opportunity to visit with their daughter. Bill had said the operation went exceptionally well, but it was no secret that Marco had some reservations about trusting him.

“We can see her for a little bit. The nurses want her to get some skin on skin contact. Apparently that helps with surviving,”

Marie wasted no time in jumping up from the couch. She had been released from the hospital the day after giving birth was supposed to take it easy for a couple weeks. But she couldn’t possibly do that with a child in dire need of care and comfort. It was already dark outside, and Marie hoped they’d get to the hospital quickly so they could spend as much time with Sofia as possible. At times like these, she liked the fact that Marco drove so fast because the faster he drove, the faster she could have her infant in her arms.

Judging by what the nurses had to say, Bill had left for New York earlier in the evening. From here on out, he was leaving Sofia in the hands of the neonatal specialist. Marco couldn’t have been happier to have Bill out of Minnesota, but Marie was nervous because their daughter was still so small. Any little infection could take her out in a minute.

Marie rocked back and forth in the rocking chair with Marco sitting across from her. In her arms, Sofia lay cradled in a fuzzy blanket with a cotton cap on her head. Down the center of her chest, a bandage covered her stitches and the scar that was surely forming; a reminder of the battle she’d already endured. Other parents were scattered around the NICU, holding their own children and worrying just as Marco and Marie were.

“She’s looking pretty good,” Marco bent forward and brushed the back of his index finger against her cheek. In the days since her birth, he’d taken on the role of the doting father.

“I want to take her home already. I’m tired abiding by visiting hours. I want her at home with me twenty-four hours a day, not in some cold hospital room being poked and prodded.”

Marco nodded and smiled, resting his hand on Marie’s leg. “We’ll see what the doctor has to say. Let’s not rush her recovery,”

Marie lowered her head and kissed Sofia’s nose, then held her out towards Marco so he could get his chance to hold her.

He reached out and took her in his arms, beaming down at her like she was a tiny, precious gem. “Cuore mio. Sei la mia rosa,” My heart. You’re my rose. “Papà ti ama,” Daddy loves you.

While they were consumed with Sofia, a figure appeared by their side. They looked up simultaneously, into the eyes of a doctor they both assumed to be the neonatal specialist. He looked tired given the early hour of the night, and Marie guessed he was close to the end of his long shift. “Mr. and Mrs. Scandella,”

“Oh… we’re not… actually…” she began, then thought better of it. It’d probably be easier to allow the doctor to assume they were married.

The doctor looked back and forth between them before finally continuing. “As you know, Doctor Thatcher left Sofia in our care for the rest of her stay. You can probably tell by your frequent visits, but she’s doing phenomenally well post-surgery.”

“When can we bring her home,” Marie was quick to ask.

“Given that everything stays the same, I’d say in a few days. She’s managed to ward off infection for four days; the big one being sepsis. I don’t expect her to contract anything, so if she’d still infection free in three or four days, we’ll let you take her home. A week from the day she’s released, I want to see her back to check the incision.”

Marco nodded and returned his attention to Sofia. His face shifted into a big smile as she began to wiggle in his arms, waking from her sleep. Marie managed to say a few more parting thoughts to the doctor. But really, with Sofia getting closer and closer to consciousness, she just wanted to focus on her.

“Salve! Sei sveglio,” Hi! You’re awake.

Marie grinned and noticed out of the corner of her eye, a young father was watching them. He was rocking his own child, but most of his attention seemed to be on Marco and Marie. When the father spotted Marie looking his way, he smiled softly.

“Come stai facendo, principessa?” How’re you doing, princess? Marie looked back at Marco, unable to hide her own smile. “Magnificamente,” Beautifully.

“A few days and she’s all ours. Our tiny principessa,”

Marco looked up at Marie and grinned. That look had been plastered to his face for days now. They both just wanted the same things; to have their daughter with them unconditionally, and safe from all the dangers that seemed to be waiting for her. Both believed that the realm of things they could do while she was in the hospital was rather small. Because of rules and protocols, there was actually very little they could do.

---

“This is your bedroom. See we made it all cute and adorable, just like you, with a bunch of stuffed animals and books and pillows. Nice and cozy.” Marie walked into the den with Sofia perched in her arms, just looking wide eyed at everything. “And this is the living room… Kind of messy right now because we have so many things for you and nowhere to put them,” her voice got higher and higher and it earned a toothless grin from Sofia. “Marco, she did it again!”

Marco looked up from his work in the kitchen and flung a hand towel over his shoulder. “Babe the doctors said babies can’t smile. It’s just gas,”

“No, she’s smiling. I can see her gums. Her little lips are turned upwards. It’s a smile,” Marie walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table with her.

“Or she’s just pushing out a major crap. She’s a poop factory,”

“But she’s the cutest poop factory you’ve every seen,”

Marco came to the table with a plate in each hand consisting of broccoli, roasted potatoes, and chicken. “Undoubtedly,” he leaned forward and kissed Marie’s forehead before doing the same to Sofia. He nudged his food around with his fork before settling on one of the potatoes and pushed it into his mouth. “We’re gonna have to bathe her tonight. She smells too much like a hospital,”

“Doesn’t help she’s got thread trying to become one with her chest,” Marie too began to eat her food, keeping Sofia cradled in curve of her arm. “I’m not going to be able to look at it… It’ll kill me,”

Instead of responding verbally, Marco reached out with his free hand and held onto Marie’s arm. They looked at each other, answering each other’s questions and validating their parenting fears with glances.

That night Marie lay on her side, staring at Sofia’s crib. Because of the surgery, she insisted that it be moved to their bedroom for the time being; at least until she was in the clear. So Marco had disassembled the crib and reassembled at her bedside. Her eyes were locked on Sofia, analyzing the way she slept on her back with her tiny arms up by her head.

When Marco crawled into bed, Marie glanced back at him quickly before returning to the act of watching Sofia. He curled up behind her, draping his arm over her waist and maneuvered himself up against her body.

“It’s nice to finally be able to wrap my arm around you again,” he let out a long sigh. After a moment of getting no response, Marco leaned up on his forearm, “how long are you going to watch her for?”

“Forever,”

Seemingly dissatisfied with that response, Marco twisted her onto her back and crawled on top of her, making a place for himself between her legs. “Pay attention to me… please? You’ve been consumed with her.”

“You can take care of yourself, she can’t.” Marie jerked her head back towards Sofia as she hiccupped in her sleep.

“You’ve barely even looked at me since she’s been born. And whenever you talk to me, it’s about something you want me to do for Sofia,”

“There’s someone more important than us now…”

“I know,” he sat back on his knees in between her legs. “But that doesn’t mean our relationship has to go to shit. I love you Marie, but I need some attention,”

She pursed her lips and looked up at him. His face looked completely defeated, and she knew she had gone a bit far. Truth was, Marco wasn’t wrong. She had spent the days worrying endlessly about Sofia, and while she felt that just made her a good mother, it made her a rotten girlfriend. Marco didn’t deserve that treatment. After all he was still here and hadn’t shown signs of jumping ship. She truly did appreciate him, but showing her appreciation had fallen to the wayside with the birth of their daughter.

Marco was still looking at her when she sat up and wrapped her arms around his body. He reciprocated her hug and held her tightly, running his fingers through the ends of her hair. Marie turned her head into his chest, and sucked in a deep breath.

“Thank you for being here, Marco. I know I haven’t been the best lately, but I love you too. I’ll try to improve,”

He set his hand down on the back of her head and kissed her temple. “You’re a good mum. Stop worrying that you’re not,”

She took a deep breath in and scooted back down in bed, lying on her side towards Sofia again. Marco retook his place behind her and wrapped his arm back over Marie’s hip, moaning quietly as she set her hand on top of his. In a couple hours Sofia would wake up, needing to be fed or changed, so Marie figured she’d better get some decent sleep in before then.

Marco’s breathing had already evened out, drifting off into sleep. That was something she really envied about him. How easy it was for him to fall asleep like he didn’t have a care in the world. No matter what was going on in his life, he never seemed to let it affect his sleep. At least one of them would be well rested.

Notes

"You'll Be In My Heart" by Phil Collins.

On a totally unrelated topic, I think Tarzan is the best scored Disney film... Like better than Lion King. Phil Collins is a God, y'all.