“Hold me when I’m scared and love me when I’m gone. Everything I am and everything in me, wants to be the one you wanted me to be…”


“She’s gonna be okay. Sof’s a trooper,” Marco twisted around and looked at the back seat. Sofia was waving her arms as high as she could despite being restrained by her car seat.

Marie was apprehensive about taking a three month old on an airplane. It wasn’t a super long flight, but two and a half hours with an infant in a high-pressure cabin, was almost a recipe for disaster. However Marco was optimistic. But he wasn’t the one that would have to fly into Canada with her.

With the car parked by the curb, both hopped out of the car. While Marie went to unload the car seat, Marco moved for the luggage. Sofia was giggling when Marie looked down at her. She had been doing that lately. It was hard to tell if it was giggles or gas, but Marie liked to pretend it was the former. Sof seemed like a really happy kid, and it was so much nicer to believe she spent her days laughing rather than farting.

Marco set her suitcases on the curb and got the attention of a free baggage handler standing a few yards away. “Hi,” he shook the man’s hand, “my wife is flying Air Canada with our daughter. Would you be able to help her out with her luggage?”

“Of course, sir,” the handler smiled, retrieved a baggage cart, and began loading her suitcases onto it.

“Thank you,” Marco grinned and turned to face Marie. He bent down just enough to kiss Sofia’s forehead.

“You’re throwing that wife word around pretty easily… You got a diamond ring in that pocket?” Marie asked, talking softly so the handler wouldn’t hear their conversation.

“Wife holds more weight than girlfriend. I wanted you to get help, not stared at because you’re unmarried with a child,” Marco chuckled and cupped her face. “No diamond ring yet, darling.” He pecked her lips. “Call me when you land,”

“I love you,” she smiled and followed the baggage handler into the airport. After he led her up to a kiosk to get her boarding pass, another employee checked her luggage and car seat from there. From now until boarding time, Sofia would have to be held. And on top of everything Marie needed to hold, that would prove to be the first hurdle of the traveling experience.

Luckily people were patient with her. It was clear she was struggling with handling everything that was getting dished out at her. She never expected that actually sitting on the plane would be such a relief. Still on the runway, it was nice to be sitting down, able to get her life together. Sofia was still awake, but Marie wished she’d fall asleep. The take off might be rough on her little ears, and the last thing she wanted was an entire plane full of strangers to be pissed off at her because her baby was wailing.

They stared at each other; mother and child trying to communicate without words, like they had an unspoken agreement that they’d both be on their best behavior for this trip. Sofia sucked on her pacifier, and when the plane began to roll down the runway, picking up speed, her bottom lip began to quiver.

“No, no, no…” Marie pleaded, bouncing her comfortingly, “it’s fun. Don’t cry, honey.”

She let out a soft whimper when the wheels bounced along the gravel and eventually became airborne. Her pacifier fell from her mouth, and just when Marie thought all hope was lost, Sofia let out a shrieking giggle. The woman next to Marie smiled appreciatively and returned to reading her romantic novel.

Marie sighed contentedly and nuzzled her nose against Sofia’s cheek, “you are the best little baby in the whole entire world.”

And the flight, two and a half hours of airtime, could not end soon enough. Around the two-hour mark, Sofia began to get a little restless. She wanted off the plane and she wanted it bad. Thankfully though, she was easily subdued by the shaking of her cloth bunny. She lay mesmerized by the floppy ears, and by the time the plane landed, they had escaped from having a total breakdown.

What could’ve been a long and painful cab ride to Marco’s parents house, turned out to be not so bad, when Marie saw Sandra. She rushed towards her, as a French-Canadian baggage handler ran to keep with her.

“Hi, how are you?” Sandra reached out to hug Marie, careful not to squish Sofia between them.

“Good, good. How’s everything here?” They moved to the car. Sandra held Sof while Marie strapped the car seat into the backseat and the handler hoisted the luggage into the trunk.

“There’s good days and bad days. Fortunately today has been a good day so far,”

Marie smiled and tipped the man after he shut the trunk. They were ready to take off, and she hoped what she saw when they got back to the house, wasn’t too bad. “Oh good. It’ll be nice for Marco to be able to see him feeling well,”

“It really brightened Francesco’s mood when I told him you’d be flying up here with Sofia and staying with us for a couple weeks. If there’s anything that man loves more than his own children, it’s his grandchildren.”

Marie offered a tight-lipped grin. She knew he wasn’t doing too well, but all this talk made it seem like he was on his last leg here. And she desperately hoped that wasn’t the case. “I’m glad we were able to make it up here right now. It was important to us that they get to see each other.” Marie pulled out her cell phone and texted Marco. He’d be midway through a pregame nap right now, and she didn’t want to disturb him.

Getting back to the house in the suburbs of Montreal was a little surreal. The last time Marie had been here was when she and Marco had first met, over a year ago. It was hard to imagine all this was happening now. Marco would be flying in tonight after his game, which meant for now it was just her and Sof with his parents.

She was most nervous about how Francesco would look. Surely he wouldn’t look the same. With the cancer tearing through him, each day took a little more from him.

“Salve, nonno!” Marie cheered, waving Sofia’s arm as they walked into the living room.

Francesco was perched on the couch, and when he saw them walk in, a huge smile spread across his face. “Salve, cara. Lei è così grande ora,” She’s so big now.

She grinned and sat down next to him, handing Sofia over. “Forte come lei papà,” Strong like her dad.

“Bella come la mamma,” Beautiful like her mom.

Marie blushed and touched his arm gently, “come stai?”

He shrugged and rocked Sofia, “well. It’s a new day,”

“Really.” She knew he was putting up a strong front. That’s what fathers do. Even at their weakest, they try to remain strong for their families.

“You don’t believe me?” He smiled, but then looked down at Sofia, “I hurt. I’m torn between fighting this and giving in because I’m tired… weak. I’ve lived a full life though. A lovely wife and home, four children, grandchildren… it’s been a good life,”

“Marco’s not taking it well,”

“I know. He nearly yells at me every time he calls. It’s not easy on him, I know that. I never expected he’d handle it well.”

“He’s not ready to lose his papà,”

“And I’m not ready to leave him.”

---

The next morning came too early. Not that there was any sort of jetlag, the entire experience was just tiring. Plus mixed with the fact that the night had been particularly hard for Sofia. She cried more than usual, and Marie figured it was just because it was a new environment she wasn’t used to.

Seeing that Sof was still sleeping was a relief. It meant Marie could sneak in a little more sleep. She looked to her right and saw Marco beside her. When he got in, she didn’t know, but it must’ve been pretty late because she never noticed him after dealing with Sofia. Even in his sleep, Marco looked distressed. Where he once looked innocent and boyish was now replaced by wrinkles in his forehead and the overall air of uncertainty.

Marie scooted in closer to him out of habit and curled herself beneath his arm. It earned a deep breath from Marco and he rolled onto his back, stretching out his tired body. Even though his eyes were closed, she knew he was actually awake. Most mornings it just took him a little while to catch his bearings. She cuddled closer to him, setting her head down on his chest. Keeping time with the thumping of his heartbeat, she drummed her fingers against his stomach lightly.

Marco moaned and blinked open his eyes. Once he could open them without being blinded by the light, he glanced down at Marie’s hand as it rested on his abdomen. “This is what kept hitting me last night,” he mentioned, twisting his fingers around her sapphire ring. “Stabbing me every time you hit me,”

Marie giggled and rolled over on top of him, sitting up on his waist. He looked up at her and clutched his massive hands over her thighs. She curled her hand into a fist and playfully punched his chest with the ring. “You better be careful, Scandella. You gave me a weapon,”

“I know,” he held her hand still. “I might have to take that back,”

She smirked and bent down closer to him, pecking his lips over and over again. “The only way you’re getting this ring off my finger is if you replace it with an engagement ring.”

“You’re pushing this marriage thing pretty hard… Who’s to say I won’t leave you?”

“You won’t leave me,”

Marco chuckled and tucked his hands behind his head, “and how do you know that?”

“Because you know no one can give you head like I can,” she grinded her hips against his, scooting back just a touch in order to tuck her fingertips beneath the waistband of his boxers.

“Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” He smirked. But because of the new pressure Marie put on his waist, he bit into his lip, trying to stay in control.

“Because you live with the cow. And the cow is going to keep asking to be bought. And if you want the cow to keep giving you milk, you might want to buy it before someone else does.” She smirked and bucked her hips forward, just to tease Marco a little more. And when she felt she had made her point, she climbed off of him and rummaged through her suitcase to pull out a sweatshirt.

“Where’re you going?” He leaned up on his elbows and looked over at her, “I want one of these famous blowjobs you’re telling me about.”

“Oh I’m sorry, is this actually a diamond?” She looked down at the sapphire rock and tilted her head to the side. Chuckling, she watched Marco shake his head. “Strange…”

For awhile there, it was almost too easy to forget the reason why they were here in the first place. Being flirty was fun and all, but mostly Marie didn’t want to overshadow everything else. This trip wasn’t a fun family vacation, it was a chance for Marco to say goodbye to his father. So starting the day off with sex probably wasn’t the best idea. Sure she wanted to be a tease and drive home the fact that she wanted him to propose to her, but Marco was going to need time with this. So as much as it killed her, it’d kill him a little bit more.

Out in the kitchen, Sandra was putting together breakfast and Francesco was at the table, sipping tea and reading the newspaper. Marie took it upon herself to sit across from Francesco at the table, taking a cup for herself. A pot sat at the center of the table, and she poured herself some tea.

“Dove è Marco?”

“He’s hooking up the baby monitor. He’ll be up here in a minute,” she took a quick sip, recoiling as it burned the tip of her tongue.

“How’d you sleep?” Sandra chimed in.

“Fine,”

Everyone turned their heads towards the doorway and Marco came meandering through it. He had pulled on a pair of jeans and hooked the baby monitor on his pocket. If need be, he could be back downstairs in a second to get Sofia. Marco made a beeline for his father first. He bent over to hug Francesco before actually sitting down in the chair beside him.

“How you doin’, dad?”

“Eh, pretty good. How’re you?” He murmured back. Judging by the look on Marco’s face, he wasn’t amused. “What do you want me to say, son?”

“The truth, maybe?”

“I told you the truth and you weren’t satisfied with it. Marco, you know when you’re hurting and you try not to let anyone see?” He waited as Marco nodded. “Where do you think you learned that from?”

“You’re not scared?”

“What’s being scared going to do for me? For as long as I have left, I don’t want to be scared. I want to smell the roses in the yard, and drink my tea, and spend time with the family.”

Marie reached out and set her hand on Marco’s lap when he looked down. This was always going to be the burden in his life; having to go through most of his life without his father. Maybe a part of him even worried about his mother, and how she’d get along after he passed away. They had spent the majority of their lives together, and the thought of her having to go through he rest of it alone was nearly heartbreaking.

“Okay then. I’ve got a week here, and we’ll spend every minute of it doing whatever pleases you,” Marco mentioned.

“In that case, how about you give me a half hour to read my paper?”

They all chuckled, mostly because out of everything he’d want to do with Marco during their time together, reading the paper was the most menial of tasks. But reading it with his son made all the difference.

Notes

"When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down.

There's a bunch of fun stuff happening soon in this story!