The Cabin by the Lake

I woke up on Thursday morning with a chill in the air. I left my window open last night to get the autumn breeze to fill my room. Most of the bruins’ organization went home for thanksgiving, but some of the guys stayed and are doing volunteer work at a homeless shelter to help provide food for families who cannot have a real thanksgiving. For me, this gave the perfect excuse as to why I am not seeing my family on thanksgiving. I always try to find some charity event to help out so that I don’t have to answer all the questions pertaining to my family. Ryan had stayed with me, mostly due to his worries about me being alone but also his family didn’t celebrate the traditional thanksgiving like the Americans do. Silly Canadians. Ryan and I had the apartment alone for the majority of the holiday weekend. Casey was meeting Amanda’s family for the first time, and then they were going to Casey’s parents for black Friday. Sarah and Eric were doing a joint family thanksgiving in Hawaii, Eric comes from a wealthy family that are all too excited to see Eric get married. Zac went home to visit his family, which gave me some relief. I could sort of my feelings without him being here…

I’ve been trying to be intimate with Ryan since I got home from the hospital…but after what I told him about Patrick, and the cast on my arm…he hasn’t tried to peruse me. This has been causing some tension, at least in me, to build up. Is he having second thoughts? I leaned against the kitchen counter finished my oatmeal while I watched a shirtless Ryan get out of the shower. I put my bowl in the sink and walked over to him. “You know…we have some time before we have to go down to the garden…” I tugged at his towel and kissed his cheek. He grabbed a t-shirt, “Maybe later Em, okay?” He sounded aggravated, which pissed me off. I grabbed my camera bag and went back into the kitchen. I zipped up my tall black boots and sat on the couch waiting for him to be ready. I got the string of Happy Thanksgiving texts from various friends and sent replied back that were mostly half assed. Ryan came out with his jersey on, “You ready?” I nodded and we headed to the garden. We were in two different vans, which I was happy about. His being distant has only let my mind wonder…like me trying to figure out what Zac and I talked about after the Halloween party and whose future relationship would it have impacted. But I shook that out of my head, I can’t change the past…

We arrived at a shelter in the heart of Boston. The air was cold and I sensed snow, which made me long to be at the cabin, but only a month left. I planned to spend Christmas there. We got into the shelter before it opened; for the first 3 hours every member of the staff had to participate in giving out food. I was fine with this, I loved helping people out. Ryan and I were separated. The staff; photographers, media people, coaches, all had to give out the small stuff; plates, bread, napkins. But the players gave them the good stuff; turkey, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie. Every face looked grateful; especially the kids. There were a few moments I had to take a break because seeing the kids with dirty hair and clothes, whispering a “thank you” broke my heart. In the middle of the 2nd hour, a man walked through. He had gray long hair and a gray matted up beard, but his eyes were crystal blue. He was missing a front tooth and muffled a “thanks” when I handed him a piece of bread. Something about him didn’t sit right with me. After the third hour, everyone was allowed to get seconds, the man with the gray hair and blue eyes went up a few more times. Chris nudged my arm, “you ready to take pictures?” I nodded and we got our stuff ready. Chris was photographing for the Bruins while I was photographing for the shelter. I took pictures of the children enjoying their pie and families praying together. I photographed couples, single parent families, and people sitting alone. The man with the grey hair was sitting alone. I watched as Ryan went over to him with a plate of food and asked to sit with him; it was heartwarming. I walked closer and could hear the conversation, “You’re lucky man. You got the good job and probably a great family and a girlfriend.” Ryan blushed, “But me? I never had that. I had a wife and kids but I ruined it…I have no idea where my son is at or my daughter. My wife refuses to see me…I messed up and I want nothing more than to correct my mistakes…I found God you know? I go to church every week…I stopped drinking…hell I don’t even smoke cigs anymore. I hope my kids didn’t end up like their mother or me…I think my girl graduate college; college! I have no idea if my son did…God I miss them…thanks for sitting with me.” At first his story was heartbreaking…but then it hit me…his blue eyes, his tone of voice…I put my camera around my arm and walked to the other side of the table, “You…” The man and Ryan both looked up, confused at first…but the man’s blue eyes softened. He grabbed a cross that was around his neck and smiled. “Fuck you.” I said as I went around and punched him square in the face. He fell back on to the floor…I had no idea what got into me…I looked at the people looking back at me…And Ryan, a look of disgusted and confusion. I ran out of the building trying to catch my breath.

It’s been over 10 years…I can’t even remember the last time I saw him…but I know it’s been over 10 years…I leaned against the wall, trying to calm myself down and to get the tears to stop flowing. “What the hell Em?” Ryan said as he walked over to me. I just nodded, “I know.” I looked up at him and his eyes were mad. “What was that all about?” I looked at him, confused as to why he was even mad at me. “You just did something I have never done...You just had thanksgiving dinner with my dad.” Chris came running out, “Hey, are you okay? What happened?” I looked at Ryan, “at least someone is concerned…Sorry about that Chris…I know him…he wasn’t a very nice guy when I knew him…my feelings got the best of me.” He nodded and rubbed my arm, “Well just head home, Joe will take you. Send me your pictures and I’ll send them to here.” I nodded, “Again, I’m sorry.” He shrugged, “The manager still said it’s the tamest thanksgiving they ever had.” He left my bags and jacket with me and went back inside; and Ryan just looked at me, “There’s a reason I never talk about my family…” I put my jacket on and put my camera in its bag. Ryan and I didn’t say another thing to each other.

I grabbed some Chinese food (another thanksgiving tradition with myself) and brought it back to my apartment. I turned on the TV and put in Elf, one of my favorite Christmas movies. I usually start to get into the Christmas spirit on thanksgiving. I had a few ciders and was starting to forget the events of today. My phone buzzed, and I expected it to be Ryan. How’s charity going? I bit my lip at Zac’s message. It went good… My phone buzzed again what happened… I shoved shrimp lo mien into my mouth and replied,
Emily: I’ll fill you in when you’re home. Nothing big.
My phone buzzed again and it was a picture of Diesel. I smiled to myself and sent a picture of my Chinese good and Elf with the caption after it I wish you were here, Diesel.
Zac: Are you all alone?
Emily: I don’t celebrate thanksgiving
Zac: With family or in general?
Emily: Both ;)
Zac: Why?
Emily: I don’t have family to spend it with. Plus I like Chinese food more than turkey and stuffing.
Zac: You haven’t had my mom’s stuffing then, it’s perfect.
Emily: Bring me back some?
Zac: I can’t make any promises ;)

My phone buzzed again, another picture. It was of the cabin right before the sun set with the caption It misses you. It looked so peaceful, and for a second I felt relaxed…Then there was a knock on the door, and I paused the movie, returning me back to reality. I got up and opened it, “Hi…” My eyes went wide, not expecting to see him tonight. I looked at Ryan, he was red from the cold and walked into the apartment. “We need to talk about what happened today…and about everything.”

Notes

Thank you all for the comments and views <3
I know I keep saying this, but a new story will be up soon(ish) :)