The Cabin by the Lake

I heard the front door slam open and then a “oops”. I smiled to myself as Zac entered the apartment, looking tired. I sat up and he looked over, his smile faded. “Zac…” He shook his head. “You left and I found out from my mom?” I nodded, “I know…” He put his suitcase down and shook his head, “You left to come back here?” I shook my head, tears swelling up again. “I went to see Ryan…”He nodded, “oh…how’d that go?” I shrugged, “It didn’t. He said right now wasn’t a good time…” He sat down on the couch next to me. “He didn’t seem happy to see me…” Zac put his arm around me as I cried. He didn’t say a word, he just let me cry. “You should go to bed. You’ve got a game later tonight.” He pulled me close and adjusted himself on the couch. “I’m fine right here.” I nuzzled into his chest, but I didn’t feel better…I didn’t sleep, I cried.

I avoided Ryan all day, asking Jim if I could do shots from different areas to avoid contact with any of the players really. Marchy caught up to me, “Hey Lady! How were your holidays?” My eyes were still red and puffy, and I smiled at him. “They were fine Brad.” His face changed, he knew something was wrong. He put his arm around me, “2016 is coming up. New Year. New adventures Lady!” I gave a weak smile and he walked away like he was on a mission, not his usual relaxed walk. The boys won their game, which only hyped them up more for the winter classic game that was just days away. I did not congratulate the team like I usually do, I went straight home avoided anyone wearing black and gold. The boys had an away game the next day, so staying home was nice. I invited Casey and Sarah over, and they instantly knew something was wrong. So I told them everything. I told them about Zac and I kissing at the bar…going to Ryan’s house…The poured the wine as I spoke, taking it all in…After about 4 bottles, we were feeling drunk. We had some cheesy romance on the TV, Sarah called Eric and drunkenly told him how much she adores him…Casey called Amanda and drunkenly talked dirty to her…I sat there, watching my friends be in love…I grabbed my phone and pressed his name. “Hello?” I waited a second, “Emily, is everything okay?” I smiled to myself. “I love you.” And then I hung up. I sat on my bed and looked around my bedroom. I never knew what love felt like…but I’m pretty sure this was love…but love feels a lot like your about to throw up the 2 bottle of wine you drank yourself…

December 30th came faster than I wanted…the guys had the day off before the winter classic game against Montreal. I got a call from Ryan, but I was still upset with him…not that he knew that…so I answered. “Hey babe, I haven’t seen you in forever…come over?” I swallowed hard, “Sure, I’m busy right now though…” I played with the string on my sweatshirt. “That’s fine! Come over around…11?” I bit my lip, “Sounds good, see you then.” And I hung up. I laid on my back and Zac knocked on my door. “Hey, you alright?” I looked over at him and nodded, “Everything is fine…” I sat up and grabbed my bag. “Hey, Emily…you can talk to me…you know that right?” But I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to be alone…”I know.” I said with a smile, and I grabbed my keys. “Woah…you’re driving?” I nodded, “It’s what someone does when they need to go somewhere…” He nodded with a laugh, “Your car is awful. Take my truck, it’s safer.” He handed me the keys. “I’m not sure that’s safe for anyone…I can’t drive that thing.” He laughed, “I trust you Emily. Please take my truck. I’ll feel a lot better.” I smiled and took his keys. “Thanks…I’ll be a few hours.” He nodded, “I won’t need it.”

The roads were icy, but Zac’s truck did better than my car ever would. It was only 9am and I needed to go somewhere. I needed to get away. I needed to think. I keep telling myself I’m going to think, but I never actually do. I do impulse moves like fly to Ryan’s house and then get shut down. I drove to the Aquarium in Boston and got a ticket. I leaned against the glass and watched the penguins swim, sing, and move about. I laughed at their silly antics and then noticed two penguins close to each other. “They are our newest arrivals.” I looked over to a young girl who worked here. “They are in love and it’s impossible to separate them.” I laughed, “Do penguins ever break up?” She smiled, “No they don’t. They mate for life.” I looked over at the love birds, “They make it sound so simple.” She smiled, "Even if they are separated, they always find each other" and walked away. Penguins have it so easy…why is it so complicated for humans?

I walked around, trying to avoid the giant crowds of school children running in circles. I made it to the top of the middle tank, and looked down at the fish swimming. Zac and I have feelings for each other…feelings that we aren’t willing to admit…but why? Is it because of Ryan? They are on the same team…and that might make things complicated…Did I love Zac this summer? Do I still? Could I love Ryan? My head swirled with all the questions I couldn’t answer, but should have been able to…things were simple before I met Zac. I was on my way to a career in photography in a cute little cabin…but he interrupted my plans…and why did he have to be a player for the bruins? If he was still on the flyers things might not be so complicated…I should tell Ryan that I kissed Zac over Christmas…well Zac kissed me…but I did kiss him back…didn’t I? I looked at the time, almost 11. I headed out of the aquarium after purchasing a small penguin paper weight.

Torey and Melanie were out for the day, so it was just Ryan and I. We sat on the couch watching some stupid golf thing on ESPN. Ryan started to kiss me and tried to take things further, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want him touching me… “Ry…can we talk?” He sat up, “That sounds bad…” I scooched away from him, and put my hands on my lap. “Why didn’t you invite me inside?” He bit his lip, “I told you…it was too crowded…” I nodded, “But even for a second?” He faced away from me, “Steph was there.” I felt a lump swell in my throat. “My mom invited her…I didn’t know how to explain it…” I nodded, “Did you kiss her?” He paused, “There was a mistletoe…my family pressured it!” I reached for his hand, “I kissed Zac…we got drunk and it just sort of happened…” His eyes went sad, “I know. He told me.” I looked at him with confused eyes, “What?” He nodded, “He felt bad, and he said the same thing though. You got drunk and kissed him.” It took me a second, but his words hit me. “We both got drunk…it was a mutual kiss…” He smiled, “Babe, it’s all okay, I’m not mad. You don’t have to try and even it out…he told me how you thought he was me or something.” Why would he do this? What game was he trying to play? Ryan took my hands, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve…celebrate with me?” I nodded and he kissed me lightly, and then he went back to watching the boring golf on ESPN and I got lost in my thoughts.

I avoided Zac as much as I could the next day. I was busy getting pampered to look good for the New Year. I got my hair and nails done, eyebrows done, I bought a new outfit and bought champagne. I went to visit Sarah and Casey to have one last lunch date before 2016 started. We went around the table to say what our new year’s resolution would be. “My resolution to stop being a maniac with all this wedding planning!” Sarah laughed into her mimosa. “Mine is to have no regrets!” Casey nodded. They looked at me, “Mine…mine is to be out with the old, and in with the new. No second guessing.” We said cheers and pinged our glasses together.
I got my sparkly dress on and my black heels. I finished my makeup, and I have to say, I looked hot. I grabbed the bottle of Champagne. Zac was sitting on the couch and glanced over at me. He kept looking, “Do I look okay?” I did a little twirl and he smiled, “You look beautiful…” I rolled my eyes at him and walked towards the kitchen. “What are you most excited for in 2016?” I put my coat on and grabbed my keys, “Getting over you.” I grabbed the bottle and headed out the door.

I sat on the couch with Ryan, waiting for Melanie and Torey to be ready to go out for a nice dinner. “You look insanely gorgeous today babe.” I smiled at me, “And you look very handsome.” He kissed my lips softly. “What’s your new year’s resolution?” He smiled at me, “To make you happy.” I laughed, and he asked me the same questions. “Mine is to do more things for me instead of putting others first all the time.” He kissed my cheek, “I can’t wait to start 2016 with you.” We got to the restaurant and we shared laughed and good times and things we wanted to do in 2016. I sat and watched the small group, this would be my life with Ryan…fancy dinners, dressing up…with Zac it wouldn’t be like this. Zac is nothing like this.
We made it back to the apartment and put on the TV to watch the ball drop. We all had our champagne ready, and I looked around the room as the countdown started. 20, 19, 18…I looked at Ryan, and smiled at him. He was simple. He wasn’t complicated. I’m going to start 2016 right. 10, 9, 8…Melanie and Torey faced each other, and I faced Ryan. “3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!” We all shouted and I kissed Ryan with all the passion I could muster up. He looked at me and I smiled as the words slipped out of my mouth, “I love you Ryan.” It took him a second, but a smile crept on his face and he kissed me again. “I love you too Ems.”

Notes