Ride (Reposted)

November 2015

Jamie wasn't sure if she had left for Europe or not. She wouldn't even return his calls. That's how mad she was at him.

He couldn't blame Emily. He had fucked up, trusted Kaitlyn way to much, knowing how much she had lusted after Jamie, despite her knowing fully well he was engaged. He thought Kaitlyn was helping him set up a surprise for Emily, knowing it was cutting it close to her coming home from a Wives meeting. Kaitlyn wouldn't leave, saying she would sneak out the back, but as soon as they heard the Ferrari engine pulling into their drive way and the garage door opening and closing Kaitlyn had sprung, forcing herself onto Jamie on the couch. Kaitlyn was strong, despite how much he tried to force her off. She was a good kisser, there was no denying that. Thinking back he could hear the rage in Emily's voice. The hurt when she screamed at him telling him get out, throwing her engagement ring at him.

He saw a look on Emily's face he had never seen before when she swung the baseball bat at Kaitlyn. It was the Backwoods South Carolina Redneck that she had always warned him about, that he never bared witness too. But when she turned to him after chasing Kaitlyn out of the house, that's when it broke his heart.

He was having his best season ever, to make the wound so much deeper. He had been sleeping at his brother's house in the meantime. He knew she been planning to go to Europe with Shadi and Huda, to see family in France, get some early season skiing in in Switzerland. He just didn't know if she had left early to get out Dallas and away from him. Pulling into their driveway the house looked vacant, no lights were on.

Opening the door he listened for any noise. Another sign of the house being empty was it being quiet. It was clean, aside for the ring sitting on the counter, where it hadn't moved since he picked it up and placed it there before he left. All the cars were in the garage, her truck and Range Rover sat outside. She would have most likely had someone drive her to the airport. Bailey was a Jordie's with Juice. Then he spotted the suitcases and snowboard. She was home.

"What are you doing here?" He heard her ask from behind him as he walked his way back into the house. It made him jump as she had been so quiet. She knew how to sneak up being a hunter.

"I'm just getting a few things, and I'll be out." He turned to look at her. She wouldn't look him in the eye, just at something in the distance.

She was pale, her hair clean but left with its natural wavy texture. She had no make up on.

"Ali's picking me up in a few minutes to take me to the airport." She shrugged, her eyes were blood shot.

"Were you doing cocaine again?" He crossed his arms.

"No. And you have no right to get mad at me if I were to do coke anyways after what you did to me." She turned around and walked away.

He wasn't going to start a fight. He went downstairs and hid until he heard the front door close.
It hurt him so much so see her in such pain, knowing that he was the cause of it. All he wanted to do was hold her until she believed he didn't do it, it was all Kaitlyn. But it was the second time she caught him around another girl forcing themselves on him, he couldn't blame her. He walked up to their bedroom and that's when he knew she hadn't left the room. Pizza boxes, liquor bottles, the duvet in a pile in the middle of the bed, the picture of them from Tofino she kept on her bedside was smashed against the wall, another photo collage had fallen off the wall, broken.

***

Settling in at Shadi's flat in London she felt a wash of relief come over her. She was out of Texas and away from Jamie. Emily was embarrassed as to how she reacted but the redneck switch got flipped, and she was so mad she blacked out.

Despite all of Jamie's messages and voicemails of him apologizing, even crying on some of them, she couldn't forgive him. She didn't know if she would at some point. He never fully forgave her initially for her drug use the last time this happened. She was trying her hardest to stay clean. But once she got to Amsterdam she couldn't keep any promises. It was one of her favourite cities, especially with the cafes.

She heard her phone ring in the middle of the night, it was Jamie again. Turning her phone off she rolled back over and slept till about 1 in the afternoon, still on Dallas time.

"Do you want to go with me to my appointment?" Shadi asked as Emily came into the living room, "coffee?"

"Yes to everything. I need to get over this Jet leg before we get to Paris." Emily yawned.

"Oh you will in no time. You slept almost 14 hours though."

"It was the first decent night sleep I had in a two weeks. Every night I'd sleep in Jamie's clothes and his side of the bed, reaching out for him in the middle of the night and knowing he wasn't there cause I kicked him out." Emily sniffed.

"You had every right too. Do you think she actually forced himself onto him?"

"I don't know. He's women stupid. I believe him a little bit, but he knows I did not want her in my house. And he wanted her help to set up a surprise for me. The cunt doesn't even know me."

"If you weren't my cousin I'd throw myself at him too. Luckily hockey players are not my type." She winked.

"No, posh footballers are your type. As proven by this flat." She laughed, speaking in a fake British accent, "and you are way to high maintenance for him."

"Being a footballer's ex-wife has its perks you know. What are you going to do with that Ferrari. Ship it to your favourite cousin?"

"And being another footballer's girlfriend? It's a good thing I love you. And you aren't getting my Ferrari. How did we both end up to be WAGs?"

"Because we both can't have Prince Harry. Despite me having a much better chance then you."

"Oh you think so eh? I think him and I would have a better conversation. I played rugby, he loves rugby. And not to mention soccer too. Also I'm Canadian."

"And American. But I'm British and right down the bloody road! When does Huda come in again?"

"She will be here tonight. She's turned into quite the little hipster since she moved to New York."

"I'm happy for her. She needed that. I wish she had gone somewhere closer to you but she's happy."

"I'm going back to work in the New Year and I'll be in New York at least one week each month so I can keep an eye on her."

"That's a good game plan. What are you going to do with your wedding dress appointment in Paris?"

Emily never even thought of that. Shadi had been so kind to set it up for her and everything.

"I'm gonna go. Might as well." Emily shrugged as Shadi gave her a fresh cup of coffee.

"Do you think you'll be prepared for it? We can cancel if you want."

"I think I'll be fine. I know I will have to talk to Jamie when I get back, see where things are. And I haven't told my parents."

***

Jamie had just come in from an afternoon at Dave & Busters with the guys. Everyone was trying to keep him busy, to keep his mind off of things. He sat down and turned on the news to find breaking news about Paris. The city was under attack. Emily was in Paris.

He didn't know what to do. He knew he shouldn't call her but he did, and it was going straight to voicemail. He didn't know if she was scared, or was the voice of reason with Shadi and Huda. If she was on the train to Amsterdam by now. Tossing his phone in frustration he sat staring at the TV.

He heard his phone ring, breaking him out of his trance. It was Emily's parents. According to Ali, her parents were in the dark about what was happening in their relationship.

"Are you seeing what's happening?" He heard Behar, panicked.

"I just turned on the TV. Have you heard from her?" Jamie asked, trying to keep calm.

"I think the service has been shut off. We can't get through to Shadi and Huda either. They were supposed to be on a train to Amsterdam."

"Hopefully they're almost to Amsterdam. I'll keep an eye on social media. Have you heard from Shadi's parents?"

"Not yet. It is quite late, but I will give them a call. Call your parents too. I'm sure they are quite concerned."

"I'll let you two know if I hear anything. I have friends in Germany still that might be able to get a hold of her a little better."

"Talk soon Jamie." Despite how worried Behar was for Emily, she gave him a sense of comfort.

"You too Behar. Let me know if you hear anything." He smiled into the phone.

Hanging up the news flashed that one of the shootings was by the train station. He prayed that she was fine, the train had already left.

Bailey sensed that Jamie was on edge and sat between Jamie's legs, trying to get his attention.
Jamie normally didn't coddle Bailey like Emily did but he pulled the dog into his lap and held him close, burying his face in Bailey's fur. Remembering Behar's advice to call his parents, he went to call them, but they beat him too it. Like her parents, he kept his in the dark about what was really happening.

"Mom." He answered uneasily, the fear really setting in.

"I know. You haven't heard from her have you?"

"No. I just spoke with Behar and her phone calls can't get through. She's supposed to be going to Amsterdam."

"The trains are still running. She got out Jamie. She may just be in an area that does not have service."

"I'm hoping." His voice shook.

"How are you coping?" She could hear he was upset. He couldn't hide anything from his mom.

"We had a big fight before she left. It was my fault. Mom what if I can't get her back?" He choked out.

"Have you apologized?"

"I've tried. We're just both so hot headed. I asked for my bachelor party hangover style in Las Vegas and in turn she retorted that if I did she would be going to the cafes in Amsterdam. And then I took it a step further." He made up, he didn't want to tell her what really happened, his mom would be incredibly disappointed in him.

"Just let her blow off some steam. She's been looking forward to this trip for a while. And don't get mad at her if she does go to the cafes. It's Amsterdam."

"But mom."

"No, Jamie. Let her do her thing. Hell I wish I was in Amsterdam with her."

***

The train they were on came to a stop in Brussels, which was unexpected. She was confused as her phone came back into service, receiving about a million and one missed calls and text messages.

"We weren't supposed to switch over were we?" Shadi asked Huda, Huda had booked the tickets.

"No, straight through to Amsterdam." Huda shrugged.

Emily started flipping through the messages, bombing in Paris, and a shooting at a concert. That explains the smoke from Stade De France. There was about 20 text messages from Jamie. He must have been so worried.

"Did you lasses see?" Shadi piped up.

"Yeah. My phone is about to die from all these text messages coming in." Emily groaned.

"Anything from Jamie?"

"Yeah, about 15 missed calls from him and 20 text messages."

"You should really tell him we're fine so he doesn't do anything irrational." Huda stated.

"Why are the police coming on board?" Shadi noticed officers coming into their train cabin.

"Maybe to look for the suspects? If they have any." Emily suggested.

"Just act normal. We'll be fine." Huda stated.

Handing over their passports and train tickets the officers spent just a short while with them, they were stopped for about two hours before getting on their way to Amsterdam. Emily had been sitting across the Huda and Shadi, who were sound to sleep on each other's shoulders.
Opening up her phone again she clicked to Jamie's messages. Deciding on calling him he picked up before it even rang.
"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine. We're just crossing into the Netherlands now." She said.

"I miss you."

"I'm still mad at you."

"Do you still want to get married?" He asked, hopeful.

"I don't know Jamie." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "I don't know if I can trust you."

"Nothing happened. Babe. You can trust me. You know me."

"Do I? Or has the past almost three years been a big joke to you."

"Would I have bought a house with you if I had? Would we have gotten a dog? Would I have gotten your initials tattooed on my arm if I had?"

"This isn't the time to do this." She said through gritted teeth.

"When is? When you come home? Who knows when that will be Emily." He was growing frustrated.

"Before Christmas."

"That's over a month away."

"Just keep focusing on hockey Jamie. You're having a great season."

"Babe, just please come home after Amsterdam. I'll let you smoke. Do hash. Whatever pleases you."

"Don't make my trip go into the New Year. I need space."

"Where the hell could you possibly go?"

"Thailand, Vietnam, Bali."

"All places we were looking to go honeymoon. How the hell is that fair?"

"How is letting a girl your fiancee did not trust, nor like, into the house for a 'surprise' fair!" She shouted, drawing attention to herself.

***

The conversation evidently went no where. He grew too frustrated with her and hung up. He was relieved she was fine. He wanted her in his arms so bad, he knew she needed space. Deep down he knew she believed him. Never in a million years did he think a girl would be worth fighting for this much. He needed to smell her, tangle his fingers through her thick hair, keep her so close to him. The smell of her was fading from her side of the bed, and starting to smell more and more like Bailey.

The house felt so empty without her there. He wandered around aimlessly when he was home. Hoping she's come in through the front door at anytime with a big smile on her face. Deciding on going for a run he decided to leash up Bailey and take off out the front door. Bailey needed to wear off energy as he hadn't been making his usual trips to the dog park, and was being rough on Juice whenever he popped over, as well as Marshall and Cash.

He didn't even take his phone, just the small little iPod shuffle, mostly so he wouldn't know the time, or be tempted to call her again.

He didn't know how long he was gone for. Well after the sun went down. Locking up he went back into the kitchen to make some dinner and feed Bailey, who was already well on his way to a nap, until he heard the cheese wrapper.

"We both needed it buddy." He looked at Bailey, who was sitting proudly, "and not the cheese. The run."

Bailey whined looking at the front door. As much as Jamie sometimes called him stupid or an idiot, he was pretty sure Bailey was smarter than him.

"I know. I want your mum home too, but your dad fucked up again and now she's in Europe getting high."

***

Sitting in Heathrow, definitely not ready to head back to Texas, she did not want her trip to end. Finishing it off with a few days of shredding early season powder in Switzerland. Emily forgot how much Europeans looked down at snowboarders, and she didn't feel like lugging her skis along with her. She had way to much fun to care anyways. She didn't want her 4 weeks in Europe to end, but reality reared its big ugly head and she knew she needed to go home.
She wasn't looking forward to seeing what kind of situation she was coming home too. Jen Spezza was picking her up from the airport, and she had a long lay over in Toronto. Just the kind of things the nerves needed.

She had smuggled a few edibles throughout their trip, and Shadi had made some the night before, so she made sure to eat half before she went through security. By the time she boarded she was well on her way to having a nice long nap, falling asleep not to long after take off.
By the time the plane landed in Dallas the edibles wore off and she was nervous again. Her plane was taxiing by the hangar the team's plane resides and seeing it still there shook her. They were supposed to be leaving for a game in Arizona tomorrow night.
By the time she made it through customs and immigration, and only received a small grilling,
she was more then ready to grab her board and bags and look for Jen who had been waiting.

"It's so good to see you." She sighed, embracing Jen into a big hug, minding her baby bump.

"It's been quiet without you, that's for sure. We miss you." Jen smiled, rubbing her belly.

"I miss you girls so much. How was dealing with my overgrown man child?"

"He's still pouting."

"When isn't he pouting. Did you find out what your having?!"

"Another girl!" She said excitedly.

"Jason's gonna be in for it. Four against one."

"And the dog. C'mon, cars this way." Jen lead her out.

The closer and closer they got to her house, the more antsy she got, and Jen picked up on it.

"He learnt his lesson." Jen assured her.

"I'm not nervous to see him. I may of had a very strong edible before getting on and I'm coming down from it."

"Emily. You don't have to lie." Jen glanced sideways at her.

"I'm just still so mad at him. I know I can't keep punishing him forever. But..."

"We know. And he's pretty remorseful. He's come over for dinner quite a lot."

"He looks up to Jason. All the younger guys do."

"It's a good little family here. Ottawa was the same, but everyone here is just so much more tight knit."

"When you are so far away from family, you need to make your own."

"Well in the next couple of months your parents are going to be..."

"I don't wanna talk about it! And it's not confirmed. So there's still hope."

"Where ideally would you like them to go?"

"Back to Charleston. We still have a lot of family friends there. They still have a house there. My brother and I essentially grew up in Charleston. It's far enough away, but still close."

"When you and Jamie start to have babies, you'll wish they would be closer. Especially your first one."

"Babies aren't happening anytime soon sister."

"You two aren't on the same page at all. Ever since you lost the baby that's all he talks about whenever he comes over, is when you two start trying for the next one after the wedding."

Emily felt her lips creep up into a smile. She loved Jamie.

"It's just a fact of being with a hockey player. Jason was a lot like Jamie when he was younger. Jason gave him a nice long talk after the whole thing. And the girls have been loving Bailey."

"Bailey loves kids."

"See. I give it less then a year." Jen rubbed her stomach again.

"Would you like to place a wager on that?"

"I don't need too. Call it mothers intuition."

Emily rolled her eyes at Jen as they pulled into the drive way. The gate was open so Jamie was obviously home. Her nerves kicked into high gear. Typing in the code to open the garage she unloaded her bags and said thank you to Jen.

She stood in the garage for about 10 minutes staring at the door. She heard Bailey barking on the otherside of the door, fully knowing she was there. Opening the door slowly she got pounced on by Bailey. He was a strong dog, knocking her over with love. Four weeks away from him felt like an eternity. Once Bailey made sure she was sufficiently covered on dog hair, he let off a little bit, resting for a second before starting all over again.

Finally getting up off the floor she made her way into the house, finding Jamie standing at the kitchen island, clearly waiting for her. He looked just as nervous as she felt.

"Hi." She said.

"Hi." He replied, before they fell into an awkward silence.

After staring at each other for what felt like hours, he made the first move, coming around the island to close the gap.

"You look good." He said quietly.

"Thanks." She crossed her arms, putting up a block.

"I'm sorry." He looked down, clearly embarrassed with himself.

All of a sudden she felt a rush come over her, she wanted him. She didn't even realize she ran to be in his arms, until she was there. It had been almost 6 weeks since she had touched him. The next thing she knew she had her legs wrapped around his waist he carried her effortlessly up the stairs to their bedroom. Jamie missed her as much as she missed him.

***

It felt so good to have Emily in his arms. He couldn't let her out of his sight once her had her in bed. He could still feel where her nails dragged down his back, laying on their sides facing each other.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" He asked, hopeful, running his finger down the side of her face.

"It's going to take a lot more then that Jamie." She looked away, covering herself with the bed sheet.

"Tell me then."

"It's not easy Jamie. It's going to take time."

"Was 6 weeks not enough? We've been through fucking worse."

"You inviting someone over who clearly had all intentions just to fuck you, and you letting her straddle you, is at the fucking top." She shot up, the same look in her eyes that he saw that night.

"How was that much fucking worse then losing our baby? Or almost losing you entirely?"

"Because it looked like you were giving up the relationship! Everything we had, out the fucking door."

Boy was she wrong, he almost had to bury her 9 months ago.

"I almost had to plan your fucking funeral, Emily. Because you had to drive your stupid fucking Tonka truck in freezing rain and almost get yourself killed. Most guys wouldn't even stick around after losing a baby, which we would have been having any day now. And then fucking Paris."

"Get out."

"No. I'm not letting you push me away this time. I made an honest mistake. You know I did. If you can't trust me, fine. We can go to counseling, build that trust back."

"I said get out." Her voice was low, threatening.

He went to her jewelry box and grabbed her engagement ring.

"So this doesn't mean any fucking thing to you, does it?" He quoted her from the night she almost killed him with a baseball bat.

"Well it clearly didn't to you."

"It fucking did for me to spend six fucking months planning it, designing it. Making sure it was sized perfectly. Asking your parents like you wished me too."

"Get the fuck out Jamie."

"I love you to much to-"

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT." She screamed, before footing off to the bathroom and locking herself in.

He knew he shouldn't have gone to the door. The baby statement was fair game. He gave the door a light knock to see if she would respond.

"Baby. I really am sorry for what I did. And I shouldn't have brought up the baby thing." He told her.

There was no response from the other side, beside for a few sniffles.

"I'm not leaving, but I will go sleep in one of the spare bedrooms. We leave for Arizona at 10:00 tomorrow morning."

***

She woke up in the middle of the night and reached for Jamie, the same thing happened every night. She forced herself to stay awake as long as possible to get herself acclimated back to Dallas time.

She shouldn't have snapped on Jamie like she did. She knew he was innocent, but something just came over her. She knew she could trust him, but she couldn't.

She had Bailey sleeping at her feet, but she wanted to be next to Jamie. Quietly getting out of bed and putting her robe on she quietly padded down the hall to the only spare bedroom with the door closed. Sneaking into the room and closing the door behind her she crawled into bed, wrapping her arm around him, being the big spoon. She startled him when she crawled in. It felt weird, he was in a t-shirt and pajama pants and she was stark naked.

"Em..." he said quietly, rolling over.

She kissed him, running her fingers under his shirt, feeling him against her.

"Are you sure?" He pulled away to ask her quietly.

"I think so." She breathed.

"Your not going to tell me to get out again are you?"

"No. I love you Jamie. This is just going to take some time."

"I don't know how to show you I'm sorry. I know you hate material items for apologies. I've said I'm sorry so many times." He kissed her chest.

"Just let me go at my own pace. I promise. Be patient."

"Can I come back to our bed? Or do you want me to stay in here."

"Come back to bed. Make love to me." She ran her fingers through his hair.

He slid off of her and out of bed. He picked up her robe and wrapped her up in it. She wasn't expecting him to pick her up to carry her to their room. Usually it was over his shoulder or with her legs wrapped around her waist, but it was bridal style, saying he needed to practice for the wedding. In their three years he seldom carried her like that.

Once he had her back down on the bed he kissed her in a way that made her dizzy. He hadn't kissed her like that in along time and it made her toes curl.

They look their time with each other. Exploring their bodies carefully, like they have never touched each other before. She loved his 3 day shadow, how it scratched and tickled her skin. They weren't out of breath like earlier, due to the fast paced, rough fucking. He was slow at filling her with his cock, his strong hips and glutes keeping him at the pace they both desired. He didn't break eye contact the entire time he was in her, his warm brown eyes locked into her green eyes. This was something much more intimate. His eyes pleaded for forgiveness, they were sad, like hers.

"I love you." He said quietly, rubbing her back.

"I love you too." She smiled, feeling him kiss her back.

"Do you still want to marry me?" After a few moments of silence, his voice was shakey.

"Yes."

She felt him get up, rolling over she saw him go into their closet, coming out a few moments later with her engagement ring in his hand and sitting back down on the bed.

"It was such a long 6 weeks without you. And seeing this on the kitchen counter was a reminder of what I did to you. It's going to stay with me forever."

"We'll get through this Jamie."

When she held her hand out, it felt good to have the giant rock on her finger. He also noticed her newest tattoo, a small J on her finger in cursive where the ring would sit.

"When did you get this?" He asked, checking it out.

"In Amsterdam. After a few joints I didn't feel a thing." She laughed.

"I didn't hear that last part."

"It would help you wind down. Or mid season pain. You don't get tested for it."

"Let's talk about that another time. Now are you going to kick me out or let me sleep in my bed."

"Come to bed baby." She crawled back, pulling him with her.

Baby steps. This was progress. She slept the best she had in a long time.

Notes