All Hands on Deck

It started to rain somewhere between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. Tessa saw a rest stop and pulled over, not because it was hard to see or because she was tried, but because she couldn’t help the way the gloomy weather worked its way under her skin and settled in. Watching water drip down the windshield, she felt one tear fall from her eye. Then another. She shook herself, bit her lip to stop them, but it was no use.

She called Sidney, knowing he wouldn't answer; he would be napping, his ringer silent. She left him a message. “Hey you. I’m about halfway there.” She felt her voice crack and she swallowed hard before she went on. “It’s raining, but I can see the sun breaking through way off so it should get better. I…so stupid. I miss you, Sid. I’ll call you later. Bye.”

She hung up, tossing the phone in the passenger seat. Nova Blue who was roaming the car happily chirped at her from the backseat where he was navigating the boxes. “Yeah, mama’s ok. We’re alright.” She did the only thing left to do, she just kept driving, kept moving forward.

Philadelphia. The Birthplace of America. The City of Brotherly Love. The P. And for Tessa, for a long time, it was simply home.

When she saw the skyline rise up in the distance, she fought back more tears, these of joy. While she had visited a lot when she was in Reading working for the Royals, this was the first time in many years that she would be coming home to stay. And that was a good thing, a pure and happy thing, something she could cling to.

Ryan lived about fifteen minutes outside of downtown in a fixer-upper of a tiny house on a quiet street. To the untrained eye it was a rundown shack, but to Ryan it was a point of pride, to own a home still meant something to the people in this area and this one, while not pretty, was well loved.

Walking up the path to the door, Tessa smiled at the dancing fairy statues decorating the lawn in obnoxious numbers that had grown even since her last visit a week ago. That was pure Ryan. Tessa’s oldest friend was an accomplished dancer who was now an instructor/professor at Penn State. She also volunteered her nights and weekends teaching inner city kids. She was also a collector of junk, or as Ryan like to call it life enriching paraphernalia.

Tessa didn’t bother knocking, but just let herself in with her key. Ryan met her at door, pulling her in for a smothering hug. “My darling baby girl!”

Dropping her bag to the floor, Tessa used both arms to hug her back, squeezing her tightly. Tall and skinny where Tessa was tall and curvy, their heads rested easily on each other shoulders and they fit together perfectly. And it was just the sort of familiar comfort Tessa needed after her long drive and parting from Sidney. “Hey, Ry.”

“I should be slapping you, but I love you too damn much.” Ryan pulled back and gently patted Tessa’s cheeks. “You got stuff in the car?”

“Yeah, we should get that in right away.”

“What the fuck is that?” Ryan yanked Tessa’s head to the side to eye her bruise.

“About that…”

“Well?”

“I owe you a story, let’s just get the boxes and I’ll tell you everything.”

The girls hauled in the few boxes of Tessa’s stuff, along with the cat carrier holding Nova Blue. They put the kitten in Tessa’s room right away, since Ryan had a cat as well they wanted Nova Blue to adjust to a small space first and then they would introduce him to the whole house and Ryan’s baby Iverson.

With that done, they settled in the kitchen at her small, round table. Ryan started, “Ok, spill. I need to hear about the man who feels the need to put a mark on you bigger than his dick.”

Tessa chuckled. “I don’t know about that, his dick is pretty big.” Ryan just raised her eyebrows and folded her arms across her relatively flat chest, waiting for her to go on. “Alright, alright. Just…you got some vodka or something?”

“Wow, that bad or that good?” Ryan grabbed the bottle from the freezer and pour them each a shot, which Tessa took like medicine to steady herself. For some reason, this was shaping up to be harder than she thought. Telling the truth can feel like that sometimes.

“It’s that good and that bad.” That was as far as she got before she took another shot. Ryan just watched, waited. “Ok, so I feel like I should just start with the most important part. It’s…the guy…he’s like…Sidney Crosby.”

Ryan did a good job of giving Tessa a hard time. “He’s like Sidney Crosby or he is Sidney Crosby?”

“Um, well, he is Sidney Crosby. The guy, who did this.” She touched the bruise, finding an odd strength in the contact. “The guy I’ve been seeing. Is Sidney Crosby.”

Ryan opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, like Tessa choosing alcohol before she could even start. She took two shots, poured Tessa another, which she threw back and they sat in silence that felt oppressive and extremely uncharacteristic for their long friendship.

Tessa finally put her hands on the table and folded them for lack of anything better to do. “Please say something, I can’t believe after all these years I’ve finally made you speechless. Are you mad?”

“No, I’m not mad for fucks sake, what would I be mad about? I’m just…Sidney fucking Crosby?”

“Yes.”

“The Sidney Crosby?”

“Yes.”

“Captain of the Pens and probably the greatest hockey player in the world? That’s who you’re dating? Sidney Crosby?”

“Yes.”

“Sidney -”

“Babe, yes, Sidney fucking Crosby. Please say something else.”

“How did this happen?”

“I gave him a massage. And then we had sex in his car. And then again at my hotel. And then I got the temp job with the team and we just…” Tessa shrugged, smiling at the memories that came flooding back to her. “We kept having sex whenever we could.”

Ryan returned her grin, knowing what it was for. “And no one knows about this?”

“Kris Letang found out, he’s the only one. I told my mom I was dating a lawyer named Patrick.”

Ryan looked angry now, which was at least something Tessa could handle. “You told your mom before me?”

“I told her lies, I didn’t want to do that to you. But I also wasn’t ready to tell you the truth, not when we were so far away. This is really more of an in-person conversation.”

“Well, that’s something I guess. What…I guess I mean, you told me you’d never hook up with a player. Isn’t this basically career suicide for you?”

“I know, I should never have gotten involved with him, but it’s too late now. If it gets out, I’m done. I know that, he knows that. And this didn’t happen because he’s…who he is. He’s special, different and I know people say that all the time when they do something stupid, but this time it’s really true. There was something about him from the moment we met, something that pulled me towards him. I couldn’t have resisted if I tried, and I really didn’t even want to try.”

“Well, I know I’m shaming our beloved city when I say this, but he is a fucking stud.”

Tessa sighed, “Yeah, he’s hot, but that’s not it.”

“I was just teasing you.”

“Come on, Ry, I need a reaction from you. What are you thinking about all this?”

Ryan sat back and took another shot. “I’m thinking that this is the worst possible thing that could have happened. You leave me and go to Pittsburgh and you hook up with the Captain? Gross. We’re fucking Flyers fans, does he know that?”

Tessa laughed a little. “He does, he doesn’t care. And neither do I. Now give me a serious answer.”

“Sweetie…I don’t give a shit who he is. I know you and that’s enough. I know you’d only do something if it felt right, so there’s nothing more for me to say. Tell me how you feel about it, about him.”

“Amazing. Happy. You know…I know, he knows, we all know that me and a player, that can never be public if this is what I want to do. And it is. It’s all I want. I know I’m just delaying the inevitable, but I’m trying not to think about where this is going. To just enjoy where it is now, which is a really fucking great place.”

“Except now you’re here. He’s there.”

“And that’s ok. It’s not gonna be easy and it hurt like hell to smile at him and walk away, but I want to try. We both do.”

“Of course you do. How’s the sex?”

“Jesus Christ, the most incredible, mind-blowing orgasms of my fucking life. Every single time it’s better than the last. He’s a gift to women.”

Ryan reached across the table, taking ahold of Tessa’s hands. “Then fuck him to your heart’s content, my dear. But please, for the love of God and everything holy, don’t, do NOT fall for him.”

Tessa nodded, appreciating that Ryan was so succinctly practical and blunt. Then, she lied to her for closest friend for the first time in their lives, unwilling to admit that was she was halfway down the rabbit hole already. “I won’t.”

When their eyes met, Tessa could tell that Ryan didn’t believe her, but she only smiled and said, “Good. Now, I need more drinks, I need good food, and I need some fucking stories about this wild sex you’ve been having with that gorgeous Captain.”

Tessa was happy to oblige her on all accounts, taking Ryan out, getting her good and drunk while she told her everything she and Sidney had been getting up to. By the time they came stumbling out of a cab in front of the house, it was nearly one in the morning. After putting Ryan to bed, she settled in with Nova Blue and called Sidney.

A few hours ago she had left him a message that she was safely in Philly and going out for a bit, that she would call him later. Sidney got her voicemails while at the arena, listening to her sweet voice in his ear as he sat in his stall. He heard the tears deepening her tone in the first and her genuine joy in the second. No matter how strong she had tried to be, she was sad to leave him, and while it probably shouldn’t have, it made him feel marginally better, less alone in his emotional struggles. He justified this by sharing her happiness; his girl was back in Philly, far away from him, which was disappointing, but she was with people who loved her, she was happy there. That would have to be enough and it was.

He stuffed his phone back into his bag and put on his game face. No, not the tough guy hockey player one, the one where he pretended that he didn’t feel like he was being eaten alive by loneliness. Geno’s smile helped. He wasn’t with Tessa, but he wasn’t alone either.

Jack walked in and Sidney asked, “You know when Nessie’s gonna be in Philly?”

Just as Jack was shrugging, Kessel answered, “She got there today, texted me a little while ago.”

Sidney swallowed down his selfishness and reminded himself that Tessa was allowed to be friends with whoever she liked. Besides, he had gotten a phone call, much more personal than a text. “Yeah? She doing alright?”

“I think so. Glad to be home. Told her we’ll have to do dinner when we’re there next week.”

Sidney smirked. “Yeah, I was more thinking we need to come up with an epic prank to pull on her. Something to let her know how much we disapprove of her choice in employers.”

Geno agreed, “Ah, yes. Something good.”

The boys started plotting that very evening, tossing out ideas as they dressed for the game. They needed something just right, nothing cruel, but something extreme. Hockey players are good at these sorts of things and before they hit the ice, they all agreed on what had to be done.

It was a grind it out sort of game, with neither team giving much in the way of time and space. Eventually, the Pens prevailed, creating a buoyant mood in the locker room. Sidney accepted Hagelin’s offer to grab some food afterwards and they shared a meal downtown before Sidney started to drive home.

At least, that was where he planned to go. He headed towards the freeway on-ramp, but never made it there, going straight instead of turning. His thoughts were elsewhere, on the game, Tessa, the upcoming road trip, hoping that Kessel’s back held up because they were going to need him to make a push for the playoffs. His body worked on it’s own, muscle memory taking over as if he was running drills on the ice.

Only this time, instead of mindlessly yet fluidly handling the puck, his body took him somewhere that wasn’t home, but was close to it. When he surfaced from his thoughts, he found himself in Monroeville, parking on the side street up the block from Tessa’s apartment, the out of the way spot he always chose when he came to see her.

He sat there, dumbfounded for several moments, then laughing slightly at himself. She wasn’t here and this wasn’t his house, but the familiarity of the block was comforting on it’s own. He turned off his car and got out, making the short walk to her building and letting himself in with his keys.

He stood in the living room in the dark, foolishly seeking out her crumpled form on the couch where she usually waited for him when he got there late. He listened for Nova Blue’s mew or sleepy purr that would echo from under the bed. Tessa had left the remaining roses in the apartment, having asked Sidney to throw them away when they died, so the space still smelled like her.

This was a mistake. Without her, without the kitten, this wasn’t even close to a home and the emptiness was making his heart ache. He glanced around the corner into her bedroom, almost as if he refused to believe she really wasn’t here. It was as desolate as the rest of the apartment, but something caught his eye and he stepped in further, flipping on the light.

There, on the bed, resting on her pillow, was a picture of her and Nova Blue. A silly selfie he had watched her take with a wide grin on her face and the kitten pressed cheek-to-cheek with her. On what he thought of as his pillow was another - this one of the three of them, faces similarly scrunched together with Nova Blue in the middle. Sidney had been laughing when she took it and his eyes were crinkled shut. He knew she had never shown that picture to anyone, never posted it on any site, it was just for them and that made it even more precious.

He put the picture back on the pillows and went into the bathroom, knowing that his Tessa would never have stopped at just two pictures. He found another snapshot of her smile wedge into the bottom of the bathroom mirror. Near the top of the frame was another that didn’t show her face, just her naked body partially covered with a sheet and making her look like an artist’s model.

He went through the living room and kitchen, flipping on the lights and looking for more of her. She was there, stuffed in between the couch cushions just waiting for him to sit down and find her, some were of her and Nova Blue, or him and the kitten, or just her.

Sidney opened every cabinet and drawer in the kitchen and there she was smiling back at him. On the inside door just above the spot on the counter where he loved to corner and kiss her, the picture was one she must have taken while he slept after sex. His eyes were closed, his half smile content, her head was on his chest, her face tilted towards his as she kissed his throat.

He closed the cabinet slowly, putting his hand on the wood as he thought of her running around the house to plant these all. He knew there were probably more hiding, she was cleverer than him. The thought of finding them later made him grin.

On the fridge was not a photo, but a note in her small and neat handwriting. “Someone (???) once said, ‘Wherever you go, there you are.’ I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean, but I do know that wherever I go, there you are. Wherever you go, there I am. I hope you find my decorating both annoying and delightful. When you read this, I’ll be in Philly and yet, all around you, there I am! That’s me making a joke as I try not to cry while writing this. I’m not even gone and I miss you already. I know I said I wasn’t going to stand for dramatic goodbyes and here I am getting sappy. Call me a phony when we talk today, ok? What a shit note this is, please burn it. Let me just say, you are perfection itself and my heart is full of you. Stop and smell the roses and think of me when you have the time.”

Sidney wasn’t sure there was anyone else on earth who could project themselves through words on a page as well as Tessa did. Reading it he could hear her voice, the tears giving way to a self-conscious laugh. He put the note back on the fridge and then felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

“You shouldn’t quit your day job, Tess.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your sense of design is pretty niche.”

Miles away, Tessa bit her lip and he could imagine it. “Why aren’t you at home?”

“Why’d you put them all up?”

“Because I knew you’d go there, eventually.”

“And here I am.” He opened the cabinet again. “My favorite is the one where I’m sleeping.”

“As creepy as it is? I wasn’t sure I should let you know about that one.”

“It’s not creepy. I like it.” He ran his finger down her back in the photo and ached with the desire to do it for real, right now.

“How was your day? I saw you guys won.”

“We did. Good game. Hagelin and I had dinner. I thought I was going home, but ended up here. How’s my son?”

“Adjusting, smelling everything. He knows there’s another cat lurking beyond the door and he’s itching to make friends. I’ll let you know how the introductions go.”

“Please do.” Sidney had made his way to the bedroom and started stripping down. “You should be asleep. Big day tomorrow.”

Tessa could never sleep when she was excited and he knew that. She laid in bed in the dark, Nova Blue snoozing between her legs. She asked, “Remember San Jose? Did you really run into me on accident that morning?”

“Or was I following you? It was pure chance, Tess.” Without knowing it, Sidney mirrored her position in bed, laying on his back, phone between his shoulder and ear, arm tucked under his head. He set the photos she had left on floor so he didn’t wreck them during the night. “Why do you ask?”

“I can’t decide which idea I like better, fate or you stalking me.”

“Again, I have to point out that your taste in men must be pretty questionable.”

Tessa giggled quietly. “I suppose so. Look at who I’m talking to.”

“Funny. Forget about San Jose, tell me what you’re wearing and you better give me the right answer.”

Tessa ran her hand over the Penguin’s logo across her chest. “A jersey.”

“Which one?”

“Guess.”

“Give me a hint.”

“There’s two Cs on it.”

The idea of his name on her back, the C on the front above her breast, made Sidney almost instantly hard. “Perfect. Fits nice?”

“Barely. You should have let me put it on for you before I left, my boobs look effing huge.”

Sidney smiled at the thought. “I’ll see it soon. What else? Just the jersey?”

“And panties, yellow to match.”

“Mmm.”

“That’s it? ‘Mmm’?”

“I don’t want that, I just want to hear your voice today.”

“Are you my bed?”

“Yup. I’d say it feels bigger, but it’s still too goddamn small.”

Tessa’s laugh came out as a snort. “That’s only because you’re so big and lovely.”

“Thank you, my sweet. Now go to sleep. You need to rock their socks off tomorrow.”

“You’re really not gonna whisper filth in my ear until I get myself off?”

“Some other time. Your pictures made me sentimental. This is nice, just you and me talking.”

“I knew I should have left only nudes.”

“If you had done that I would be driving to Philly right now to fuck you senseless.”

“Good to know.”

“Don’t get any ideas, you pervert.”

“I’ll behave, for now anyway. Call me tomorrow?”

“I will. Text me if anyone’s rude to you so I know who to fuck with next Saturday.”

“I’m sure they’ll all be nice, but I will. Good night, Sid.”

“Night, Tess.”

Notes

Alright this is shortish (by my standards) for a few reasons. 1. I have a HUGE paper due next week that I need to work on. Oops. And 2. I have a really awesome thing planned that I didn't want to shove on the end of this part, so you have to wait, sorry!