Never Expected This

Different
Things have been different lately. Things have been happening that I wouldn't expect.
I crave for things by nature. Always have. But these days I've been craving for Brendan. For his company, his touch, his embrace. To hear his laugh and soft yet manly voice. Never, and I mean never have I been as attached to a guy before. Never have I needed a man to make me feel this way. A man that makes me feel weak and vulnerable. So exposed. Yet so invincible. So at peace with such serenity that I find myself being happy.
Right now, I'm in my bed, under my covers. From the other side of my bedroom door, I hear the clinging of glasses and spoons and the sound of the pantries. He's making me breakfast. A Christmas breakfast. He's been at it for awhile now but I was too lazy to get up.
I sat up straight and removed my hair tie, letting my brown hair fall to my shoulders. And sighed happily. My door opened slowly and revealed Brendan. I closed my eyes and breath in the wonderful scent. Now I'm hungry, I thought.
I felt my bed sink in infront of me.
"Merry Christmas." He said smiling cheerfully.
"Merry Chirstmas to you " I said. And this time, I'm pretty sure we had the same level of excitement.
"Slept well?" He asked me.
"Yes. And you?" I asked. I saw his smile grow a little bit bigger.
"I slept perfectly." He said. Hearing him say that, made my heart flutter and cheeks burn. Yet it was a simple sentence. A sentence meaning in other words " I wouldn't have it any other way"
"You should probably get ready. Breakfast is getting cold." He said. I nodded and made my way to my bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and rinsed my face before making my way to the living room.
He had set up the breakfast on the coffee table. I was a little confused though
"Why are we eating here?" I asked.
"Because I like it here." He said. Before I ask more questions, he patted at the empty spot on the carpet next to where he sat. I walked over and sat down next to him. He placed a few pancakes on my plate and did the same on his. We sat quietly eating our delicious breakfast. I wonder where did he learn to cook like that. Because that food way beyond something, even for myself, that I wouldn't be able to do. Everything look perfect. Or it's because I'm not alone that it's so perfect. I thought.
Maybe that was it. But I didn't mind. And I don't think any normal personal person would mind having company. Christmas is by far the worst holiday to be alone. It's that time when you're suppose to be at home, with your loved ones. But that hasn't been the case for me. Not since I was a little girl that is...
" Hey, you okay?" He asked. I wanted to say I was fine but I knew my voice would betray me. I wanted to look into to his eyes and show him I was fine but I knew that I wouldn't be able to control my emotion. That if I were to look at him I would feel a tear slowly roll down my checks. Breath I reminded myself. Just breath.
" Yeah, just thought of something." I said. I continued to eat without waiting for his response. And to my surprise he didn't ask.Not having much conversation after that, we finished quickly our meal; brought our plates to the kitchen. I was about to start cleaning them but he stopped me.
"Ah ah ah. You aren't doing that today." He said. The atmosphere completely changed the moment he said that. Must be an art. I thought.
"What do you mean I not doing this today?" I asked.
"I mean." he said taking the plate from the sink. " You aren't cleaning today." He said proudly.
" And who is then?" I asked crossing my arms.
"Me and my little friend!" He said with a huge grin. His little friend? I thought. But before my question even left my lips, he had already made his way to the dish washer; opened it and prompt the dishes.
"Great!" He said clapping his hands together satisfied with his hard work. " Now that that's out of the way, we can get down to more important things." He said. Just by looking into his eyes I could tell he was about to burst with energy at any given moment. Presents. Of course he would be excited for those. But then again he got excited over a lot of things. He quickly made his way back to the living room, where Ann and I's Christmas tree was set up. When I finally got to him, he was seated at the foot of the tree. With a present in hand, he looked up at me. I find it kind off weird seeing him look up, considering that I'm always the one look up at him. I wiped my hands on my pyjama bottoms, trying to smoothen it out. It's not like I looked attractive but hey you can't blame a girl for trying. I sat down next to him. I was about to under the tree to find my gift but then remembered that I didn't have anything to expected. Okay, I'm not saying that I didn't get anything. I did get something from Ann. But when Annie and I went shopping... Well lets just say, she sucks at keeping the present a surprise. Kind off makes sense why he so excited; he's most likely eager on knowing what I got him
What if he hates it?
I felt a pit in my stomach. I had carefully thought of this gift. The moment I saw it, I knew it was perfect. And mind you, it took me time to find his. Longer than I took to find my sister's gift. And believe me when I say this; their was no way in hell that I was going to give him something without carefully thinking. At the time I found it very clever. But now, I'm not so sure.
"I wonder what it is?" He said. His eyes shined like it normally does when he gets curious.
"Well, how about you open it up?" I said. My voice not showing any sign of nervousness. In fact it had more of a humouring tone to it. He smiled at my comment. And I smiled back, mainly because he's completely unaware of the anxiousness I felt presently.
I watched him as he was about to undo the wrapping paper. But then he stopped.
"Aren't you going to open yours?" He asked. I shocked my head.
"I don't need to. I already know what it is." I said. Remembering the new outfit that Ann had bought for me. She thought it would be funny to give me a full on Habs get up. She said and I quote ' Might as well dress up like a Habs fan if you're going to hang out with them so much. You know just to show that you support them'
"How's that possible? Do you have like X-Ray vision or can read minds?" He said. Read minds....Is he serious
" Who... How can I possibly read minds?" I said. " That's logically not possible"
"Then it's gotta be the X-Ray vision!" He said. I was about to ask how on earth did he come up with this conclusion from 2 abnormal and unrealistic hypothesis. But he broke the serious act with a smile.
"Yes Brendan. I have X-Ray vision." I said, playing along with his joke.
"See I knew it!" He said. I rolled my eyes playfully.
"Argh you caught up on my secret." I said pretending to be upset. "But between me and you it's not pretty seeing people without their cloth." I said making a disgusted face.
"Hey what about me!" He said.
"What about you?" I said, playing the dumb girl act for once.
"Am I like the rest?" He asked. I placed my chin on my knuckles and looked up at the sky acting like I'm thinking. I sneaked a quick glance and saw him sitting there with his lips parted; as if he couldn't believe that I didn't find him attractive. But you and I both know that is not the case what so ever.
"Nah. You're good" I finally said, afraid that I might be deflating his ego. He smirked at me.
"Oh I know I'm good. I just wanted to hear you say it." He said.
"So now back to the whole gift thing." He quickly added. Smart move I thought. "Why aren't you taking one?"
"Annie and I went shopping on the same day. And she couldn't wait till Christmas like every other normal person. So basically, I already know what I got." I said.
"Yeah... But what about mine?" He said.
His?
"Yours?" I asked. He placed the present I got for him on the side and reach for under the tree and grabbed a small rectangular box. The wrapping paper matched the onesie I wore the other day; vivid red with snowman heads.
"Before you ask," he started. "I had already got this for you before we went to that party."
"What are the odds." I whispered. I'm still in a bit of a shock. I wasn't really expecting much from him. But now that I see this, it leaves me wondering a lot of questions. When did he get this? How long has he been planning this? And why?
"Cos he likes you dummy!" My beating heart screamed.
"Likes me" My mind was asking.
And before I entered a long and exhausting battle with myself, I decided it would be best to ignore it.
"Well, I did not know of this gift." I said. "I didn't bother to look..." I said admitting my fault.
" It's okay." He said smiling. A sign of reassurance. I felt myself exhale, a breath that I didn't even know I was holding back.
"Okay, now that's taken cared off, we can finally open our presents!" He said with a smile that shined brighter then my tree.
"Agreed" I said looking into his eyes before turning back my attention to the box in my hands. I carefully undid the wrapping. It's not like I was trying to avoid making mess, it's just I couldn't get my hands to steady themselves. They've been shaking for God knows what reason. I looked back at Brendan, who got through the wrapping and found his present.
"A book?" He said, looking at it as if he didn't know what to do with it. He hates, I thought.
"Yeah." I said. The anxiety coming back once more. "You know so you can read while you're away." He nodded at my suggestion before turning his attention back to the novel.
"The stranger." He said in a low voice. God he hates it! , my mind screamed. How could I be so stupid? Of course he wouldn't want a book. His eyes analyzed it intensely. Probably trying to find the brighter side of this disastrous gift. After some time, he finally spoke.
"Have you read it?"
"Yes. It's one of my favourites." I said. Hopefully that would convince him. He nodded again, before turning his attention back at the book.
"Then I'll read it." He said looking at the novel in his hands. He's just being nice, I thought. He looked back at me and smiled. I smiled trying to convince my mind that he might genuinely like it. But I'm only fooling myself if I think I could change my mind.
"Thank you." He said.
He placed the book next to him and open his arms. I got closer and felt his strong arms wrap me up. His chin rested on the top of my head. He doesn't mean it; my mind kept screaming but everything else in my body didn't care if he didn't. He was trying for me. Letting me know it's okay like this.
"Well maybe now I might understand you more." He said. I pushed him away and slapped his arm gently. He broke into a fit of laughter.
"Whatever." I said trying to suppress my own laughter. He placed his hands up and apologized repeatedly.
"Okay enough of that." He said. But you could still tell he wasn't quiet done. "Open yours" He said.
Right!
I turned my attention back to the box on my lap. As I was removing the paper I could feel a soft fabric. Almost as if it was velvet. I kept on going until the paper was completely removed. I was left with a jewelry box. Explains the velvet, I thought. I couldn't bring myself to open it. Never have I dreamt of receiving a gift like this from anyone. But now, here it is, laying on my lap. I don't dare to think what could be held in here. But I know that this couldn't have been cheap. Without thinking, my hands opened the box. A necklace. A silver necklace with a small diamond piece.
"Merry Christmas." He said. I averted my gaze from my gift to look back at his beautiful green eyes. They held some sort of uncertainty. As if he didn't know what else he could say.
"Brendan..." I whispered looking back at the gift. "It's beautiful." I finally managed to say.
"You think?" He said. I returned my attention to him.
"You know, it's not too much?" He continued. His voice cracked a bit. He's nervous.
"Maybe." I said teasing him. And he actually believed me.
"Really? Dam it. I knew I should have gotten you..."He babbled till I stopped him.
"Brendan, I'm just kidding. I love it." I said smiling. I placed my hand on his shoulder now. "I really do love it." I said as genuinely as possible. His previous expression left and returned to its normal one; a gleeful one.
"You." He said pointing at me.
"You're such a tease." He said coming closer with every word said until we were face to face.
"Is that so?" I asked wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Yes." He said.
His hands found their way to my waist. Effortlessly and swiftly, he lifted me up and placed me on his lap. My legs wrapped themselves around his torso. With arms still around his neck, and his hands on me. I knew I was leaving myself in a situation in which I may not be able to control.
"Well then, what are we going to do about that?" I said sarcastically.
"I have a few ideas." He said. His right hand left my waist to reach my neck. Tracing the long of my neck, leaving trails of goose bumps. His left hand found the small part of my back and gently pushed me forward. Our foreheads touched. Our noses touched. But our lips were barely touching. A thin layer of air separated them. But it wasn't enough. It just fuelled the desire I had for him.
To feel his lips, his kiss, his hands running fierce fully all of my body. I have a few ideas of my own... He moved in closer, kissing my lips so softly. Then he started to leave trails of those on my cheek till lips reached my ears. His hot breath against my neck was too much for me to handle. He was enjoying himself a bit too much. Not happening, my curious side said. I placed my hands on his shoulders and quickly pinned him to the floor. My legs no longer behind him but beside him. His face told me that he was certainly not expecting that. Not giving him a chance to recollect himself, I lowered myself on to him. I placed one hand on his chest and the one in his hair. And kissed him. For a good 2 second, he was still in a state of shock but once I took his hands and placed them back my body; one on my hip, the other one on my cheek, he kissed me back. He kissed me with a sense of urgency. You're crazy my realistic side said. I wanted to stop but at the same time I wanted to know what would happen if I continued.
His tongue kept licking the bottom of my lip. Teasingly asking for entrance. Not a chance it kept saying. But I was soon proven wrong. He bit my lower lip causing me to gasp and took this advantage to explore my mouth. Every inch of my mouth was not left undiscovered. Even thought I was the one on top, Brendan was still the dominant one here. His experience over me is showing my mind reminded me.
His lips left mine and slowly made their way to my neck. His hand tilting my head, he first kissed my jaw line. Underneath my chin, the moving toward the left side of my neck to settle on my collar bone. There, he kept changing between kissing me softly, to biting and sucking it.
"Brendan." I whispered. But he carried on, ignoring me. I don't know how he was doing this, but I didn't care. He was bringing me somewhere else. Some place where I've never been before. And God was I loving it. Merry Christmas to me.
He kept sucking on the same spot intensely. My body felt weak. My chest felt tighter. I wasn't sure of anything. But the only thing I knew, at that moment, were his wild hands on me and his hot breath on my neck causing me to moan. This man is special. Repeatedly, I said his name. But that only seemed to encourage him. Just as I thought I was going to lose it, he slow down. Returned to kissing my neck, then my jaw line and oh so carefully kissing my lips a few more times. He managed to bring us back to the position we once where. With arms around his neck, my legs wrapping him and his hands on my waist. I pulled away first and looked at him.
His lips were all puffy and a darker shade of pink. His cheeks were red and his hair was a mess. He looked different. The only thing normal about him now was his smirk.
"Now will you stop being a tease?" He said. Stop? Not a chance. I crocked my head to the side and shrugged.
"That depends." I said. "Is this always going to be the outcome?"
"It most certainly will." He said.
"Then I doubt it." I said. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.
"What am I going to do with you?" He said. I giggled and shrugged my shoulders once more.
"I don't know. I guess you're going to have to learn to live with it." I said.
"Or" He said lengthening the o. "I could keep on kissing you till you stop." He said planting a kiss on my lips. I giggled once more.
"Either way the outcome suits me." I said. I turned my head to the side to see what time it was. 11 am. I needed to go to Anna's place and give her my gift. And Alex's too. How did it get so late?
"Well, we got to go." I said.
"No we don't" He said. His green eyes pleaded. And I was about to give in but I knew I had to be logical one here. I rolled my eyes at his comment and got off his lap. I picked up the box and walked towards my room. I could hear Brendan's footstep close behind me.
"Wait." He said. I turned around to meet his gaze.
"Aren't you going to wear it?" he asked pointing at the box.
"Yes but not today. I'll wear it on a special occasion. I don't want anything to happen to it." I said. He shocked his head at my response.
"Trust me, if I wanted to buy you something that was meant for special occasions, I would have. Come on." He said taking grab of my forearm. He opened the bathrooms door and turned the light on. He then took the box from my hand and removed the necklace. I was staring at him from the mirror. He carefully placed it around my neck. I lifted my hair so he could have a better access that is for securing purposes. Once he finished, he placed his hands on my shoulders and stared to rub them.
"There." He said smiling at me "You look wonderful." He said.
"Well thank you." I said. He wrapped one arm around my neck and rested his head on the top of mine. I'm not short but because I was slightly slouching, it made it seemed that way.
"I'm leaving tonight." He said. Eye contact still being made by using the reflection.
"Oh."
"Yeah, its a longer road trip." He said. "I probably wont be back till the end of next week."
"Oh" I said again. I didn't know what to say. Well yeah I did but Im not going to tell him not to go. Its his job. I cant.
"Thats cool." I said covering up.
"Hey! I have an idea." He said smiling wide.
"What is it?"
"How about you come to the game tonight?" He said. "You know your first Habs game."
There is no way in hell I'm going to a Habs game. Ever!
"Uhm no thank you." I said nicely. "Maybe some other time."
"Okay now I know for a fact you're avoiding this." He said. "What gives?"
"Nothing gives. I just don't feel like going." I said looking at the ground. It wouldn't feel right. It was my dad's and I's favorite team and sport. It was our thing. And I can't do that without him. Not without him cheering and cursing them with me. The hundreds of times we would watch the games late together. I remember on game night I had to finish my homework early so I wouldn't miss a single minute of it. Soku Koivu was his favorite; mine was Jose Theodore. We would always cheer them on. Even thought we lived in Ottawa, we were diehard fans. Crazy diehard fan, that would make the tricolour team proud. I can't.
"Isabelle? Is everything okay?" He asked one more time. I shocked my head. I knew talking would result into me breaking down in tears.
"Hey whats wrong?" He asked facing me. He tried to lift my head but i kept looking down. Don't cry, I kept telling myself.
Don't cry.
"Isabelle." He said. Again he tried to lift my chin so he would be able to see me. And I let him.
"What's wrong?" He asked once more, showing genuine concern.
"I can't go." I said in low voice, almost like a whisper.
"I can't go without him. It wouldn't be right." I said.
"Who's him?"He asked.
"My dad. Him is my dad. He was a fan of them. We both were. I can't go without him." I said my eyes getting watery just thinking about it all of our moments spent together.
"Was? What do you mean by was?" He said.
"Was as in he isn't around anymore." I said. It felt strange to say that out loud.
"Oh. I didn't know." He said.
"I know." I said. The mood wasn't the same. And I knew it was because of me. I felt really bad but how could I just go. I stared at the mirrors reflection and saw the disappointment he had. The better question is how can't I just go. I knew this meant a lot to him. It's been a decade since he left. And I know right now if he were here. He'd probably think I was stupid for not taking up his offer. Heck, he might be saying it now as I find some courage.
Breath. Just Breath.
I intertwined my hand with his gave it a squeeze. What do I have to lose by going to the game?

"I'll go." I finally said.
"You'll go?" He repeated. He had probably ruled out that possibility of me going.
"I'll go to the game tonight." I said. His eyes shined bright realizing what I was agreeing to.
"Really? You're sure?" He asked barely holding in the excitement.
"Yes, I'm sure." I said.
"This is great. I'm sure you're going to love it. I don't know how long it's been since you've watched any hockey but I know you'll love it. I know you will." He said hugging me tight once more.
"I'll make sure it's a perfect game." He said in my hair.
"I promise."
I sure hope so.

Notes