Never Expected This

I screwed up. I've had accepted that. I did this to myself. But that's not the guilt that's bothering me. What's bothering me is the fact that I want to tell him why I had said no then. Why I wasn't allowing myself to love him. But I after numerous unreplied text messages and phone calls. I knew my chances of explaining myself were over. Whatever Brendan and I had seemed to be over.
And I screwed up.
After 14 days of staying inside Anna's appartement. I finally got out. The city is in playoff mode. The series is 3-2 against Tampa Bay. And going out would have just remind me of what I screwed up. Montreal was his city now. It always had been I guess. But I was out food, so I needed to go grocery shopping. I was making my way down each isle and collecting the food Anna and I would have needed. I kept hearing some shoppers talk about how Brendan had help the team win the last game. That if it weren't for him, they would have been eliminated from the race for the Stanley Cup.
I heard a modest thank you from what someone. I turned around and saw him. He hadn't seen me yet. He was signing something for a fan. She was bursting of joy. Star truck by his presence. I remember how I use to be like that. I knew I had to look away so he wouldn't see me. But my eyes missed seeing him. They rested while looking at him. He gave me some serenity. When he finally turned towards me, he face fell. The man that had been happy to sign the girls stuff wasn't anymore. But meeting his eyes. Meeting his eyes here, at this time, was needed. And it was like fate was by my side this time.
It was as like hearing your favorite song at the grocery store. Unexpected but it still gives you those familiar chills. That's what it was. Hearing my favorite song at the grocery and seeing him. I wasn't expecting to meet him here. I don't know why we held eye contact for so long. Every second I kept starring into his lifeless green eyes. I would remember it all. How I felt when we first meet. How I thought he was too good for me. How I made him feel when I told him I didn't love him. A coward thing that I did. He had - still has- every single reason to walk away from me. After all he's been through with me. Yet he stands here, starring at me. After all I made him go through. The sound of Almost Paradise sang to me in the same way that Brendan knew my soul. He touched it from where he stood. My soul ached from not being with him.
"Isabelle." He said. And that was enough to make me want to die at that moment. I destroyed him. I murdered the Brendan that once was. And this brought me to tears.
"Brendan." I struggled to say.
"I'm sorry." He closed his eyes and toke a deep breath.
"Do you love me?" He asked. "No feeling sorry for me, or doing what you think its right." He says. I look at him letting the tears stream down my face.
"Yes." I tell him.
"Do you love me?" He asked again. His voice was shaky.
"Yes Brendan. I do. I love you." I told him the tears were now running down my face.
No more hiding my feelings from him. I'm putting everything out there. Laying it all on the table. And man was I scared. But when he didn't answer me back I knew I had to something. Really let it all go.
"If you don't want to feel the same way. I understand Brendan. I really do." I tell him.
"Isabe--"
"No Brendan. I'm leaving it all here." I tell him.
"I love you. My love for you is something I've never felt before. I was scared. I got scared. Heck, I'm still scared--"
"Isabelle."
"No Brendan." I say. The tears still running fearless down my face.
"You walked in when everyone walked out. I was at my breaking point. And man did you help me. I kept thinking that I was helping myself." I say. I take a deep breath.Let it all go.
"Because I take pride in my accomplishments. You made me stop running. You made the world stop itself from spinning. You gave me stability. And in a way, I was afraid of it."
"Isabelle."
"Brendan. Please let me finish." I say. "Nothing good stays in my life. Nothing is permanent. Things are constantly changing and that's life. I've expected that. But I would not be able to live a normal life if you leave me." I take a breath. I stare into his eyes, his green lifeless eyes. I did to him. But the thought of us not being together anymore if I allow this to continue would kill me.
"The last 2 weeks have been a hellish for me. It's already killing me Brendan, not being with you. And that's after just 4 months. What about after 2 years? Will you wake up one day and decide that you don't love me?"
"El" He says.
That nickname made my heart break. My instincts were tell me he still cared and that he would always care. But my mind couldn't continue anything without sharing its every thought.
"Please." I tell him wiping the tears off my face. "You were the greatest privilege I've ever had. You don't have to say "I love you too" to me. Just being underneath the same stars as you at night is a privilege." I tell him.
" I love you Brendan. Remember that." I finish. I stood there looking at him. He was looking at the ground.
"Mon ange" He says finally looking at me in the eyes. The french words he spoke shocked me. He'd been practicing.
"You're hell you know that?" He says. My heart dropped but I still nodded.
This was it I thought. He was done with me. That fine line between love and hate had been crossed for him. I made him hate me. I would hate me.
"But you're also a goddess. You know that right?" He says. He took a step towards me and grabbed my hand. I took a step towards him too. I needed him close to me. My soul needed to be close to him.
"You're the goddess and hell of my life El." He says. He placed his hand on my face, drawing it closer to his.
"Tell me Isabelle, would you give up a goddess?" He says. "Logically, would you?" I shocked my head.
"Neither would I." He says. Our foreheads touched. I felt his warm breath against my lips. His hands were now on my hips. We were at a grocery store but we didn't care.
This felt like being home.
He was my home.
I was finally back home when he kissed me. It felt like the very first time. He still seems to good to be true.
Looking back at it now with everything he's given me. My 4 kids and him being a loving husband. I can't help but thank every single day God for allowing me to have meet him on that day at the Hunter Hayes concert.
I was invisible to the world. But he somehow noticed me. And with that I knew I had it all.

Notes

And the story is done!!!! It took me about a year but I finally finished Never Expected This!
I may or may not be doing a spin off but that wont be any time soon. I have 3 more stories to work on. I love you all for reading a sticking with me!
«Je vous adore»
Habon xox

P.s if you guys saw this story on this website before, it's me. I just forgot my password and its not letting me log in -_-... Oh! I also have an account on wattpad. My username is @gallymonkey.