Never Expected This

I lied. This trip was not great at all, well at least not for me. I lied when I said I was going to be fine because I was nowhere near okay. It's been 3 days since Annie left and honestly it's been a horrible 3 days. I literally didn't leave my appartement. Sad, I know. Especially since Montreal is such a beautiful city during the winter. But I couldn't bring myself to go outside. Lazy, maybe; afraid to be classified as a loner, definitely. Before she left, we went Christmas shopping for the family she was going to visit. And let me tell you it was a big list. Mine had 5 people on it; Alex, Anna, Annie, Brendan and my sister. Normally, it was just Annie and Cam so I was pretty happy that I was able to give more to people. I doubt that makes any sense but anyways that's not the point. The point was when Annie left that afternoon, I had convinced myself that I was fine. That I was a grown woman, that could live alone for 12 days. And boy was I wrong. I've never felt so alone in my life.
I know I had Brendan and Anna but I didn't want to bother them with my company. Crazy, I know but it might just be my insecure self talking again. Because Brendan keeps asking me to watch his games. I keep making up bullshit excuses. It was going fine but I was running out of them. Who knew they played so frequently? And I really didn't know why it was a need for me to watch his games. Sometimes I just want to say yes to get over the whole "Prove myself" thing he was doing. But I had a feeling that if I watched a game it would turn into games . So yeah my life is amazing... And currently amazing me was watching movie all night long. I had nearly fallen asleep. I think I would have if my phone hadn't rung.
"Hello?" I said slowly.
"Hey" I heard the person said. It sounded like a man but then again it could be a girl with smoking problems.
"Who's this?" I asked.
"Is it really important?" The person said. That voice sounded familiar.
"Kind off is... Wait, Brendan is that you?" I said.
"You're so smart El. So so sooo smart. You know you could have checked the ID." He said. I rolled my eyes.
"What's up?"
"Many things." He said.
"Okay... why are you calling me this late?" I asked.
"It's not late." He said.
"Yes it is."
"No it depends on how you see things. It's 3 am indicating the beginning of a new day. Therefore"He said strenching the word that he made fun of me for a while ago. "It's technically early." He finally said.
"Okay. But still why are you calling me?" I asked.
"Cause."
"Because what?"
"Wanted to hear your voice El." He said. What's with the El?
"It's Isabelle." I said incase he forgot.
"I know but you needed a nickname." He said.
"Okay but why not Iz like everybody else?" I said.
"Cos."
"Cos what?"
"It's not original enough. El is." He said. I had a feeling he was pulling a "yeah I'm smart" face.
"Okay... that's all?"I asked
"No, not really. I want to see you" He said.
"When?" I asked. At least someone will hangout with me soon.
"Now." He said. Not that soon. I really hoped he wasn't serious because right now the state I'm in is not the best side of Isabelle. My neglected hair is tied up in a messy pontail. I was wearing an old pair of shorts that had paint stains on them. The only thing decent was my t-shirt.
"Brendan, are you out of your mind? It's late... I mean early."
"And. I want to see you." He said. This time his voice sounded determined to get want he wanted. But honestly who am I to say no to someone's company right now. But I couldn't let him know that.
"I don't know."
"Please, I need ... I need to. I need to see you." He said it almost sounded like he was pleading me.
"Brendan, where is all of this is comming from?"
"I don't know El. I really don't. I guess after just laying down on my bed and not being able to sleep... I kept thinking of you." He was thinking... of me.
"Just then?" I asked. It's probably nothing just stay calm.
"El..."
"Answer me." He let out a sigh. He's going to let me know. Yes!
"Open your door first." He said.
"My door?" I said walking towards it.
"Yes." He said. I opened it and didn't see anything or anyone. I didn't know why he wanted me to open the door. I turned around to walk towards the kitchen. I need a glass of water.
"Well, it's open." I said. And at the precised moment I felt a pair of hands on my hips. Before I had time to scream or do anything else, they quickly spun me around and by doing so I ended up meeting a pair of green eyes.
"And now." He whispered still holding me close to him. Normally I would have pushing him away from me gently but now I was to in state of shock to do anything. I need to keep my calm on this. Iz, he's just messing with you don't let it get to you. It's Brendan, nothing to get nervous about.
"Brendan... I...er... I'm tired." I muttured. Great, now he knows you're nervous. Just great!
"Me too El." He said smiling.
"Well let's sleep then." I said. I started walking to my room leaving the mess I did in the living room. I'll fix it by the morning. He followed me to the bedroom once we were both insided looked back at him.
"You got any pj's?" I asked.
"Nope." He said popping the p. Before I had the chance to reply he removed his pants and jump into my bed. Okay then. I climbed into my bed from the other side and tired to sleep but let's admit this. I couldn't cause Brendan was there. I've never had a guy in my room yet alone sleeping on the same bed as I. That's why I laid down as far as possible, facing the opposite side.
"El dear." He said.
"Yes."
"Come closer." He said softly. Don't Iz, don't. But it seemed like my body wouldn't listen to a word that my brain was saying. Because I found myself doing exactly what he told me to do. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight. It felt... nice. Real nice.
"You're comfortable." He said. Okay? I guess soo.
"Thanks." I said slowly. I'm not able to be myself right now. Not when he's this close. Not when he holding me like this. And especially not when he looks at me like that.
"El, have you ever dated a guy?" He asked.
"No..." I said. I know it's sad. A 19 years old never dated anyone. I felt like he was going to laugh or move his hands away from cause I didn't anyone.
"Hey, don't be embarrassed. It's fine." He said in sweet voice. He didn't mind. He didn't mind at all.
"Okay." I said. It took some time before he actually said something again.
"El?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever kissed a guy?" He asked.
"No." I said.
"Why?" He asked suddenly curious on why I've never been kissed.
"I don't know. It just never happened. No guy has shown any interest in me I guess."
"It's cos they don't know you."
"Could be." I said. He didn't say anything else for sometime again. But all I could think about was what was the big deal in having another person's lips on yours? It's just skin on skin... Okay I would be lying if I said I don't want to be kiss because I've almost dreamed about it. But I try not think about it too much, I don't want to get my hopes up.
"How do you want it to be?" He asked twirling some hair with his finger.
"I don't know.. I guess.... I guess he would first touch my arm." I said. He was doing that now. And boy was I having troubles breathing.
"And." He asked.
"Gently brush my hair." I said
"And."
"Look deeply into my eyes with so much want." I said trying steady my heartbeat. Because he was indeed doing that. Good thing I forgot to close the curtains because I could see his eyes shining from the light that was coming from outside. His eyes...
"And." He said. He lowered his voice a bit.
"His nose would just touch mine causing him to have his lips neat mine." I said and he did it.
"How close?" he asked, his voice was hush like a whisper.
"Close enough to feel his lips brush mine when he spoke." I said. I too mirroring his voice. I said it and I could feel his soft pink lips slightly against mine.
"Then." He said. I couldn't barely feel my heartbeat but I could feel his. It was going fast, real fast.
"Finally kiss me." I said. And he did.
His lips against mine felt heavenly. He had brought me closer and honestly his hands was the only thing reminding me that I wasn't in some other world. I couldn't feel my heart beating, I couldn't feel my lungs giving air and I couldn't feel my blood running through my veins. I could only feel him. His hands on me. And his kiss on my inexperienced lips.
He had pulled away. By doing so he brought me back to reality. I just wanted to feel it again, the whole sensation. It left me breathless. And from the looks of it, it had also left him breathless.
"El." He said.
"Yes." I said in a low voice. I knew what he wanted to ask. If the kiss was good.
"How was it?" He asked. It was amazing, breathtaking, heart stopping, dam right perfect. Better than anything I had ever imagined. Was what I thought but I didn't.
"Yeah, it was all right." I said . Probably saying the 9th lie to him. And I'm sure he knew because he was now smirking at me.
"Sure El." He said.
"Yeah whatevs." I said. Whatevs? What the hell? Brendan was now slightly chuckling at me.
"Now I know for a fact that you liked it." He said. He got up to close the curtains so that the room could be dark.
"Maybe." I said before turning to my side. I felt the bed sink in, indicating Brendan came back. I wanted to feel his arms around me again. No, don't do that. My brain said but my body was acting all on it's own now. I automatically brought myself closer to his warm body. My back against his chest. I took a arm and placed it around me.
"Oh look at you being all cuddly." He whispered in my ear. His hot breath tickled my neck.
"Shut up and sleep would you." I said. He chuckled then adjusted himself to hold me properly.
"You're wish is my command." He said. I like this, I like this a lot. And before the darkness took over me,
He whispered goodnight.

Notes