Russian Roulette

It had been three weeks since he left. I had cried it all out and now I just felt numb. I lay in bed day after day sleeping in his t-shirt, in his bed, in his house. It felt liked someone had ripped my heart out and left me here to bleed out. I hear the doorbell ring for an hour before I finally gather enough energy to drag myself out of bed. I answer the door and Elias and Matt are standing there and they looked shocked.

“Holy shit you’re alive,” Elias says loudly.

“Quinn you look awful,” Matt notices. They walk in and I don’t have the energy to entertain them.

“Can I help you?” I croak.

“What the hell happened?” Elias asks.

“You look like a skeleton,” Matt states. I remember how Geno always called me skinny and I feel a sharp pain in my chest at the thought.

“Where’s Geno?” Elias asks. I thought I was done crying but fresh tears sting my eyes and I blink them away quickly.

“In Russia,” I say quietly. They both have confused looks on their faces and I know I’m going to have to say the words out loud.

“We broke up.” Tears escape and I wipe them away hastily.

“Shit I’m sorry Quinn,” Elias says softly.

“Can we do anything?” Matt asks.

“You can help me pack,” I tell them. Being in Geno’s house with all his things was killing me and I couldn’t do it any longer. They help me pack all my belongings and Luka and we head to the apartment.

We get to the apartment and Audrina’s at work. I sit on the couch with the boys and we watch episodes of House, M.D.

“Don’t you guy’s have better things to do on your day off?” I ask them.

“Nope. By the way Collins asked us where you were so we said you were on a personal leave and he said to take as long as you need.” Matt informs me.

“Thanks.” I say bleakly and think about the job that ruined my relationship. The job that was so important to me at one time was now just one thing I could care less about. I get tired so I go to my room and grab Geno’s sweater from one of my suitcases and put it on. I breathe in the familiar smell and my heart breaks for the hundredth time that day.
I wake up when I feel the mattress shift underneath me. I turn around and see Audrina laying there facing me.

“The guys told me what happened. I’m sorry buddy,” she says softly.

“It’s all my fault,” I whisper. She wraps her arms around me and strokes my hair and I fall back asleep.

I spend the next two weeks sleeping. I was amazed that I spent 15 hours a day sleeping but it still wasn’t enough. I was tired and the gaping hole in my chest still felt empty. I felt like a zombie and life was once again in black and white. I woke up in the middle of the night one night and had this urge to see him. As stupid as I was I turned my laptop on and googled him. I found an offseason thread with pictures of what he’s been doing. Most of them were rehabbing pictures and fishing pictures. I scroll down and I find a bunch of pictures of him partying with his arms around several different women. I keep scrolling and I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. There’s a picture of him sloppily making out with another woman. I slam the laptop closed and I get up and start pacing. I look in my mirror and I don’t recognize myself. My cheeks are sunken in and hollow and I had dark deep circles under my eyes. I lift up my shirt and I can clearly see my ribs. I looked cold and dead and it was all because of him. While I sat here and rotted and he was having the time of his life. I feel the anger boil within me and I welcome the new emotion with open arms. I wind up and smash the mirror and it shatters into a thousand pieces. Blood starts pouring out of my hand and I’m entranced by the color. Audrina comes running in and her eyes go wide when she sees the blood.
“Call Matt,” I say dejectedly.

“Jesus Quinn,” Matt says while cleaning my very large cut. I had shown them both the picture that caused this little episode. “I don’t have any lidocaine with me, we’ll have to go to the hospital to get this stitched up.”

“No I can’t go to the hospital, I don’t need lidocaine just stitch me up.”

“It’s going to hurt.”

“I don’t care.” He shakes his head and starts closing the wound. I wince as he pierces the skin and pulls the suture through. I welcomed the pain as a distraction though.

“He’s an idiot. I would never take you for granted like that,” Matt says while stitching. I look at my blonde friend and appreciate how important he is to me. Matt, Elias and Audrina were my family. Geno was my family until he took himself out of the picture. This is what I was afraid of the entire time. Making someone your entire world so that when they leave you’re left with absolutely nothing.
Matt finishes stitching my arm and I go back to bed. I try to erase the picture of him kissing someone else but I couldn’t. I knew the only thing that would possibly help. Alcohol.

I texted the boys to meet me at Jack’s after their shift and I was already several tequila shots in by the time they showed up.
“Looks like the party started without us,” Elias says smiling.

“My boys are here!” I exclaim.

“How many have you had?” Matt asks.

“Enough. So tell me, what’s new in the surgery world?” I ask.

“Gave the hottest woman implants today. They were an anniversary gift for her husband,” Elias says smiling.

“I did a good ol’ heart transplant,” Matt adds.

“I think I’ll go back soon. I miss it,” I tell them.

“That’s good to hear,” Matt says before taking a sip of his beer. We catch up and I drag Matt out on the dance floor.

“You’re drunk,” he says smiling. We dance for a while before he tells me he has to go.

“But you just got here,” I whine.

“I have an early angioplasty. But have fun,” he replies. He leaves and it’s just me and Elias.

“So you’re stuck with me,” I tell him.

“Sweet,” he says smiling. I drink two more shots and I know I’m way past my limit.
I look at Elias and realize I’ve never truly stopped and noticed how attractive he is. I look at his long dirty blonde hair and green eyes and I’m sold.

“So why aren’t you on a date tonight?” I ask.

“Aren’t I?”

“I guess now you are,” I say smiling.

“You’re the first date that’s gotten drunk by herself beforehand,” he chuckles.

“I like being memorable.”

“Oh trust me, you are.” I notice how close we’ve gotten and I close our gap completely. I press my lips against and his tongue meets mine. We make out for a few minutes before I invite him to my place. We walk the short distance laughing and goofing around. We get to the apartment and Audrina is in the living room watching Netflix.

“Hey guys,” she says confused.

“Hey,” I reply. I drag Elias into my room and close the door. I strip my clothes off immediately and Elias just stands there shocked. I press him against the wall and start undressing him. I drop to my knees and unbuckle his belt. I take his member out and start stroking him. Elias closes his eyes and throws his head back. I put him in my mouth and start bobbing my head up and down. I continue stroking him with my hand while I flick the head of his penis with my tongue.

“Fuck Quinn,” Elias groans. I take him all the way to my throat and I feel him come in my mouth. I swallow and stand up and smile at him.

“Wow, that was amazing,” he says smiling.

“Let’s see what you got,” I challenge him. He takes off the rest of his clothing and pushes me on to the bed. His tongue finds my clit and he traces it slowly. I moan appreciatively and he starts sucking on my clit. He inserts two fingers inside of me and starts pumping them. His tongue flicks my clit while his fingers hit my g-spot. I knew with the amount of woman Elias slept with that he’d be good at sex. I feel my orgasm take over and I yell out his name. He stands up and his lips find mine. I can taste myself on his lips and I’m so turned on. He lines up with me and enters me slowly. I adjust to his size and he starts off at a steady pace. I bite his neck and he starts to thrust faster. I continue my assault on his neck and I feel the familiar tingling take over. Moments later I’m crying out and my body spasms with pleasure. Elias tenses and twitches above me before rolling off of me.

“I have thought about this moment for five years,” Elias says smiling.

“Is it everything you hoped for?” I ask.

“And more,” he chuckles.

“Glad I came through.” I pull the blanket up and turn to stare at the wall. My vision starts to get blurry and tears fall down onto the pillow. It was so easy for Geno to move on, so why couldn’t I?

Notes