Russian Roulette

“You can’t be serious,” Matt says stunned. Audrina had told them about my relationship with Bobby and they weren’t happy.

“Quinn he’s a bad guy, he’s going to hurt you again,” Elias says seriously. I ignore them and continue updating my charts.

“Is this like a cry for help?” Elias asks. I get up and leave without saying a word. I scrub on a spinal surgery and then head to Bobby’s. I got to his place in the early hours of the morning and I knew he would be home from the bar by now. I walk in and Bobby’s sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me. There’s an empty bottle of Jack on the table and an ashtray.

“Hi,” I say carefully.

“You’re home late,” he says smiling.

“I had a long surgery,” I reply. I take my coat off and grab a glass of water.

“If you’re sleeping with one of them just tell me now.”

“One of who?”

“Those two doctor’s you’re always with. I know they like you.”

“They’re my friends. Relax Bobby nothing’s happening.” I felt the anger simmering inside of me and if I were smart and I would just go straight to the bedroom and end this night.

“Was that a tone I hear?”

“Yeah it was, because you’re being an asshole and starting shit for no reason,” I say angrily. He gets up and traps me between him and the wall and I stare him in the eyes.

“I’d be careful if I were you,” he says, his voice low.

“Why you gonna hit a girl? You’re a coward with daddy issues and you’re honestly the most pathetic person I’ve ever met,” I growl. I feel the strike immediately and I fall to the ground. He crouches over me and hits me again. I taste the blood in my mouth and he stops. He stands up and goes to the bedroom and slams the door. I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. My eye is turning black and I have a busted lip. I clean my lip out and then go into the bedroom. I should have cried. I should have ran, but instead I crawled back into bed with monster that hit me.

“I’m sorry I said those things,” I say quietly. I lift his arm up and crawl underneath of it. I baited him and I knew it. I was so far gone that I actually wanted Bobby to hurt me. There was no turning back for me now. Nothing would be able to reverse how fucked up I was.

We get to the bar the next night and I immediately start drinking. I hadn’t been sleeping so my nerves felt shot. Bobby had decided that he liked me when I dressed up so I borrowed Audrina’s tightest dress and highest heels. I curled my hair and did my make-up the best I could. My eye was black and my lip was cut and swollen but I didn’t care. I looked like a totally different person. I was attached to Bobby’s hip and I casually listened to him and his buddy’s conversation. Once I start feeling hammered I excuse myself to the bathroom. I look in the mirror and realize how trashy I look but then realize I look exactly how I feel. I’m on my way back when I feel someone grab my arm. I look and see James smiling.
“Whoa Quinn it’s been awhile,” he says hugging me. Before I can say anything he drags me to a table where Sidney, Beau, Kris, Paul, Robert and Geno are sitting. My heart stops and my stomach sinks when I see him. For a second I forget how to think, act and breathe. I finally tear my eyes away from him and look at the rest of the group. They all have concerned looks on their faces and I remember how I must look.

“Hey guys,” I manage to get out.

“Quinn?” Sid says shocked.

“Doc it’s been awhile!” Beau exclaims.

“Come have a seat,” James says patting the seat next to him.

“I was actually going out for some air, excuse me,” I say before leaving. I walk outside and light a cigarette. A few minutes later Geno comes out and I feel like breaking down.

“Quinn?” he says softly. I see him glance down at the cigarette in my hand and I shake my head.

“Can I help you?” I ask harshly.

“What happened?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not your concern anymore.”

“Quinn I care.”

“You don’t get to care. You dumped me and then flew around the world and started sticking your tongue down random sluts throats. You don’t get to care about me not now, not ever. “

“I explain,” he pleads.

“Screw you Geno,” I hiss. Bobby comes out and gets in Geno’s face.

“You should probably go,” Bobby says seriously.

“You did that to her!” Geno yells while pushing Bobby. They’re about to start fighting so I put myself between them.

“Bobby let’s just go,” I say while dragging him to his motorcycle. We drive home and Bobby doesn’t say a word until we get back to his place.

“Why were you talking to him?” he asks angrily.

“He just came outside and started talking to me,” I tell him. He pushes me against the wall and grips my throat tightly and I struggle to breathe.

“You’re mine, got that?” I nod and he lets go and leaves to the bedroom. I go outside and I start running. I don’t know where I’m running to but I keep running for miles until I collapse on a deserted trail and break down. I didn’t want to do this anymore. I couldn’t keep dancing with the devil. I wanted Geno but I knew deep down that that wasn’t a possibility. I just wanted things to be how they used to be. My life was so far gone I didn’t know which way was up anymore. I was so tired, I just wanted sleep the rest of my life away, but I still couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t live like this anymore so I headed to one place I knew I shouldn’t go.

I knocked and knocked and knocked until he finally answered. It reminded me of the day I came to his house and we finally admitted our feelings to each. I was amazed at how much had changed since then. He looks shocked to see me but invites me in. I walk in and I miss the familiar smell. I missed the large staircase and I missed calling this place home. We stand there awkwardly and I realize I’m shaking.

“Quinn-“ he starts.

“How could you? How could you just walk into my life and make me fall in love with you and then just leave? You completely broke me Geno and now I’m so fucked up because of it. My life is a mess and I can’t do it anymore,” I say shaking. I’m crying and he looks so sad.

“I thought was best. I not know it be this hard. I love, Quinn. I’m sorry,” he says stepping closer to me. I wasn’t expecting him to say that.

“What are you saying?”

“Я люблю тебя так сильно. Я так жаль, что я причинил тебе боль. Я думал о тебе каждый день я ушел. Ты казался таким несчастным со мной я думал, что я делал то, что лучше для вас. Я был неправ. Мне нужно тебя обратно в моей жизни. (I love you so much. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I thought about you everyday I was gone. You seemed so unhappy with me I thought I was doing what was best for you. I was wrong. I need you back in my life)” My mind is reeling and I take in everything he just said.

“I have to go,” I whisper. I was all over the place and my thoughts were racing. I just needed them to stop. I leave Geno’s house and head to the apartment. I walk into my room and look through the drawers until I find what I’m looking for. I read the pill bottle and it reads: ‘Take 1 pill at bedtime’. I needed to sleep. I pop off the lid and swallow the whole bottle. I lie down the carpet and wait for the pills to take effect. Twenty minutes later I’m lulled into a dreamless sleep.

Notes

This is a pretty dramatic chapter