Russian Roulette

My heart’s pounding and I’m sure he can hear it. I can’t believe I said that out loud. I look at him and his eyes are wide and he looks shocked. What if he says no? Where would we go from there? It was way too soon to ask. I immediately regret saying it and wish I could go back in time 2 minutes.

“Say something,” I whisper. He looks at me and his face breaks out in a smile.

“I wanted to ask,” he says grinning. I smile and he nods his head.

“Da. Yes.” He crushes his lips against mine and we get lost in each other over and over again.
I wake up the next morning completely spent and notice Geno’s gone. I get up and get ready then head downstairs. As I walk in the kitchen Geno walks in the house smiling.

“Hi,” I say grinning.

“Hi,” he replies. He has a goofy smile on his face and all of a sudden this all feels surreal.

“So I guess we’re engaged?” I say smiling. He walks up to me and tilts my chin up and kisses me.

“You want ring?” he asks.

“I’d never be able to wear it because I’m always in surgery. Really all I want is a wedding band,” I say honestly. He grabs his laptop and skype calls his parents. They finally answer and they look happy to see us.

“Евгений, Куинн, как приятно видеть вас! (Yevgeni, Quinn how nice to see you!)” Natalia exclaims.

“У нас есть новости, (We have news),” Geno tells them. They look at each other and smile then look back at the camera.

“Занимались! (We’re engaged!),” I say smiling. Natalia starts clapping and crying and Vladimir cheers loudly. I can’t help but laugh at their reaction. They ask about the wedding and we tell them we’re not sure what we want to do yet. We visit for a little while then end the skype call. Geno turns to look at me and has a puzzled look on his face.

“Do you want big wedding?” he asks.

“No,” I reply.

“What wedding you want?”

“Honestly I’m not really into the whole wedding thing but I’m guessing you are so I guess I’d be fine with having a small gathering. If that’s what you want,” I tell him.

“You not want to marry in front of friends and family? Is special day.”

“I don’t have any family and I have three friends.”

“Is fine. We do small. Me you. Parents and few friends. Team.” I laugh at the fact that we’ll have an entire NHL team at our wedding. He kisses me then heads to practice while I stay at home watching old surgeries.

I was at work a week later and I repaired a distal radius fracture. After I finished I grabbed my lunch tray headed to the cafeteria to find Elias.

“You’re back!” I exclaim when I see Matt sitting at the table with Elias.

“I am. Feels good,” he tells me.

“So I have some news and you guys have to promise not to freak out,” I say eagerly.

“What?” Elias asks skeptically.

“I’m engaged,” I say smiling. They both go slack-jawed so I sip my water.

“Are you kidding?” Elias asks.

“He proposed?” Matt asks.

“Technically I proposed,” I reply grinning. They both sit there and stare at me in shock. I quietly eat my salad while they process this information.

“So that’s it for us then?” Elias finally says.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“That night, in your bedroom, this summer. That was all for nothing?”

“First of all you took advantage of me when I was drunk and vulnerable.”

“You have to admit I was a great distraction,” he smiles. I shake my head and throw a piece of celery at him. I look at Matt and he’s not saying anything.

“Matt you okay?” I ask.

“I have a patient I need to check on,” he says shortly then abruptly leaves the table. I look at Elias and he shrugs. We finish our lunch and I get scrubbed in for a knee replacement surgery.
It’s late when I finish the surgery and I couldn’t stop thinking about Matt. He seemed upset when I told him the news. I decided I should check on him before I head home for the night. I ask one of the nurses if they’ve seen him and she tells me he’s in an on-call room. I check all the on-call rooms until I finally find him sleeping on a bottom bunk in one. I go in and shut the door and gently wake him. He stirs before he sees me and then sits up.

“Hey,” I say softly.

“Hi,” he replies.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to drag it out of you?”
He puts his head in his hands and sighs exasperatedly.

“Quinn it was supposed to be me. All these years I’m the one who’s been there. After every loser you’ve slept I was there. After every fight and break-up with Bobby I was there. When you would break down during our internship I was there. When Geno broke your heart and left you shattered I was still there and you still don’t see me. I was the one you were supposed to end up with. Not him,” he says heatedly. I’m shocked. After all these years I never knew that that’s how he was feeling.

“I didn’t know you felt like that,” I whisper.

“I need you to hear me say this.”

“Don’t say it Matt please. You’re about to ruin everything,” I plead. He looks me in the eye and steps closer.

“I’m in love with you Quinn. I always have been.” He pins me against the wall and his lips find mine. I’m too stunned to process everything but I feel my body responding. His tongue enters my mouth and his hands go up my scrub shirt and find my breasts. He pulls me down on the bed and he unties the string on my pants. Before I know it my shirts off and his hand is down my pants and between my legs. I suddenly realize what I’m doing and picture’s Geno’s face. I feel nauseous and I push Matt off of me. I grab my shirt and put it on and tie my pants string.

“Matt I can’t do this. I love him. I’m sorry.” I leave the room and there are tears in my eyes. I can’t believe I did that. Geno would never forgive me for this. I drive home and I can’t stop the tears. I pull in the driveway and breakdown in my car. How could I have let that happen? I could have stopped it but I didn’t. I wipe the tears off my face and head inside. I knew I had to be honest with him about this. I walk in and stand in the brightly lit kitchen. I hear him call my name and I feel stuck. I stand there trying to figure out what to say. He comes into the kitchen and his face drops when he sees me.

“Quinn, what happened?” he asks while wiping away tears.

“Please don’t hate me. Something happened tonight,” I say sniffling.

“What?” he asks apprehensively.

“I was in an on-call room with Matt and he kissed me. Things got heated and they escalated and I’m sorry, I don’t know how this happened,” I say sadly. His hand drops from my face and he takes a step a back. He looks as though I just slapped in the face.

“You sleep with Matt?”

“Not exactly. I stopped it before it went that far.” He stands there and stares at me for a long while before he grabs his keys and walks out.

Notes