Russian Roulette

I’m pacing when his car pulls up. He climbs the stairs and looks down at me.

“You okay?” Geno asks. I nod and gesture to the door.

“It was like this when I got here. I haven’t gone in yet,” I reply. Slowly he walks through the door quietly with me on his heels. I look around and the entire apartment is trashed. Broken plates scatter the floor and I stand there shocked. Geno checks around the rest of the apartment and tells me that there’s no one here.

“Break-in?” he asks me.

“This was Bobby,” I say dejectedly from my spot in the middle of the room. I walk into my room and all my pictures of Bobby and I are shredded on the floor.

“Why he do this?”

“Because he’s pissed at me.” I couldn’t believe he broke in my apartment and trashed the place. I feel the anger boil inside me and I start cleaning.

“I stay?” I wanted to get mad at him and tell him to run off to his Russian bride but truthfully after the incident tonight I wanted him around.

“If you want to,” I reply shrugging. He grabs a broom and starts sweeping up the glass. I pick up the torn up pictures and pieces and arrange them back in their place. The first photo was a picture of us on his motorcycle. The second picture was of us in New York. The couple in these photos look so normal, so happy. I throw the pictures in the wastebasket and shake the nostalgic thoughts from my head. Bobby was a psychotic control freak and I had to remind myself that I was better off without him. I remind myself to change the locks tomorrow and to throw away all of his things. I sit down on the couch and put my head in between my knees. I feel the couch shift under me and his hand starts rubbing my back. I’m about to say something when his phone goes off. He answers and the conversation is in Russian. After a brief while he hangs up and clears his throat.

“I go now. You okay?” he asks.

“Yeah I’ll be fine. Thanks for coming.” He hugs me and I don’t want him to let go. We stand for a while until he finally pulls away and leaves. The apartment feels creepy without Audrina here so I grab my stuff and head back to the hospital.

“Okay but why do I have to go?” I ask Audrina. She was dragging me to another Penguins game and I wasn’t ecstatic about it.

“It’s your night off what else would you do?” she replies.

“I don’t know, go to the bar.”

“You need to drink less plus this is way more fun.” I thought I’d be happy about seeing Geno but in reality I found it quite painful. Wearing black skinny jeans and a black leather jacket, we head to the arena and find out seats. The game had already started and I spot Geno quickly. I wasn’t the biggest hockey fan but even I was entranced by the way Geno played hockey. He played with so much skill and finesse, I understood by he was one of the best. He gets the puck on a breakaway and splits the defense. He goes forehand, backhand then shoots the puck passed the goalie. The arena erupted with cheers but I sat and clapped politely. The Penguins ended up beating the Hurricane’s 4-2. Audrina dragged me towards the dressing room where we wait for James. He comes out with his hair still wet and wraps his arms around Audrina. Feelings of envy wash over me and I lean against the wall and try to think about something else. Geno comes out of the dressing room and his face lights up when he sees me.

“Nice goal,” I tell him smiling.

“Thanks,” he replies.

“Quinn are you coming out after?” James asks me.

“I don’t know if I should.”

“Of course she is,” Audrina interjects. I roll my eyes and we head to the bar.
The music is loud and I would much rather be in bed. We find everyone at a table and of course Oksana is there. I take a deep breath and force a smile on my face.

“Hey Quinn it’s been awhile,” Sidney says smiling. I smile back and take a sip of my beer. Geno’s arm is around her but you can tell she’s loving all the attention the guys are giving her. She was blonde and beautiful and she entranced the entire room. I was jealous because I would never be that kind of girl. They start making out so I get up and go outside. I light a cigarette and take a long drag. I wasn’t a smoker but I had found this pack in Bobby’s stuff. As a doctor I knew how bad they were for you but I felt so shitty about myself already I figure a cigarette wouldn’t hurt. The door opens and Sidney comes out looking concerned.

“You smoke?” he asks surprised.

“I do tonight,” I say evenly.

“Must be hard seeing that.”

“Seeing what?”

“Geno and Oksana. I know you like him.”

“Yeah well I messed that one up so I can’t really play the victim.”

“I think if it’s supposed to happen it will,” he says simply. I start to feel sick so I put the cigarette out. We head back inside and Oksana was now sitting in Geno’s lap. She had her head back and was laughing at something at Kris Letang had said. I grab the keys from Audrina and tell her I’ll see her at home. I don’t know if it was the nicotine or seeing them together but my stomach couldn’t handle anymore. I feel tears stream down my cheeks and I’m angry that I’m crying over this. I’m walking down the street when I hear him call my name. I turn around and he’s standing right behind me.

“Why crying?” he asks concerned. He lifts his hand to my face and gently wipes away a tear.

“Because I thought I could do this but I can’t,” I say sadly.

“Do what?”

“I can’t see you with her. Look Geno I know I pushed you away but it was just because I was scared.” He looks shocked and I know he’s trying to figure out what to say.

“I’m with Oksana,” he says, his voice strained.

“I know. And I hope you guys are happy, I really do.” I kiss his cheek and get in my car. I start the vehicle and pull away and I can still see him standing in my rear view mirror.

“You told him how you feel that’s huge,” Matt says in surgery the next day. The patient had a sternal fracture and a hemothorax so Matt and I got to team up for the surgery.

“Yeah but he told me he’s with Oksana, like nothing I said was going to make a difference,” I reply.

“He’s just in shock. You told him your feelings and now he’s caught between two women he cares about.”

“These last few weeks have been hell. I hate having emotions.”

“Yeah I tend to avoid them altogether,” he says smiling. We close up and I tell him about the cool surgeries Dr. Reid will be doing that’ll I get to scrub in on.

“You’re like his prodigy,” Matt laughs.

“He’s one of the best in the country. It’s not my fault you hate your attending,” I say while shoving him.

“He goes through these weird phases where he wants me to do everything and then he turns around and wants to do every surgery and I have to watch,” he says annoyed. I shrug and start reading through patient files.
I get home late one night after work that week and I find James in my kitchen in his boxers.

“Well hello to you to,” I say smiling.

“Sorry I didn’t think you’d be home,” he says guiltily. I walk past him and pour a bowl of cereal. “So why don’t you come out with us anymore?”

“I came out last week,” I say defensively.

“But that was the first time in weeks. It’s Oksana isn’t it?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I lie.

“You were subtle about it but I picked it up. You totally didn’t like her.”

“So? Do I have to like everybody?”

“No but you don’t have to worry, they broke up,” he says casually. I drop my spoon into my cereal and stare at him wide-eyed.

“When?” I ask.

“A couple days ago. Why?” I ignore his question and go to my room. He broke up with her but he hasn’t tried to contact me in anyway. Maybe he doesn’t want me or Oksana. I toss and turn in my bed until I finally give up. I grab my keys and head in the early hours of the morning and drive to his house.

Notes