My One Shots

Missing you like the sun

Tyler Seguin

I was sitting in an old diner, the news in front of me but I just couldn´t keep my attention on the article I tried to read. My brain was floated by memories I had made in this diner years ago and I had to read the same sentence over and over again as I forced myself to focus. It didn´t work…at all. I wish I would have never come here cause I knew I wouldn´t be able to handle all of this getting so close to me again.
But when I was at the park it suddenly started to rain dogs and cats and the nearest place to get inside was this diner. I sighted and pushed the newspaper to the other side of the table to make some space deciding it would be best to let everything sink for a moment to give my brain a chance to relax.

I ordered a coffee and leaned back in my chair looking around the diner, taking every detail in. Nothing has changed since then except for the missing Christmas lights that used to hang at the ceiling. He always called them “our stars”. I missed him so bad. We had our first date here in this diner at the exact same table I was sitting on right now. A smile crept onto my lips, a sad smile. I had all of this pushed away from me for so long now and I still wasn´t over him. Will I ever be?, I asked myself.
I knew the answer, of course I did, but I still held on to the thought that one day I´d be ready to let go of all of this, to let him go. Again I was left with all these memories and question. I was so lonely since he left me. Tears rose in my eyes when the day of our `goodbye` popped into my head. The day he told me he was leaving Canada to live his dream. I wasn´t mad at him, I mean it was all he ever wanted and I loved him so how could I ever hold him back from what he dreamed of his whole life?!

He broke up with me, saying that he had to focus now, focus on hockey and his new life. Telling me a long distance relationship would never work. Looking at me with his warm brown eyes, leaning in for a last kiss and suddenly he was gone. Gone forever, leaving me alone and broken. He had texted me once to let me know he had a safe flight and that was it, nothing else. I tried to call him more than once but he didn´t answer his phone.
When I had swallowed my pride and went to one of his games he acted like a total stranger towards me and that´s when I finally realized that was what we were. Strangers, Strangers with memories but nothing more. Does he even know he broke my heart? My friend always told me to give it some time and things would work out themselves but they didn´t.

I felt the first tear flowing down my cheek but I didn´t wipe it away. I remembered the one night I was watching TV and I saw a report on him. And what I saw made my stomach turn. I saw him kissing another girl. The reporters talked about who she was and how serious they were but I didn´t care. I was hurt by the fact he had moved on as if I never meant anything to him. I was hurt so bad that I couldn´t think clear anymore, I couldn´t tell right from wrong.
That´s when I went to a club cause I just didn´t care anymore and all I wanted was to forget. I got drunk, found some guy and I went home with him. The next day I felt horrible, not because of the hangover but because I felt like I betrayed him, like I betrayed myself and my heart. I felt dirty and knew I had made a mistake. Since that day I never hooked up with a guy. I didn´t went on dates anymore because the only thing I was thinking of was him. I just didn´t care about the others because they weren´t him.

Sighting I took a sip of my coffee and instantly burned my tongue. Was it just me or did the coffee taste different? It was so much bitterer that how I remembered the taste of it from all the coffee dates he and I had here, it just wasn´t the same. I grabbed some money out of my wallet enough to cover the bill and to leave some tip for my waitress, placed it on the table and left. I couldn´t take it anymore, it brought back too many memories of a time I knew would never come back.
When I went outside it was still raining heavily but I just walked on. Everything I had experienced with him was still on my mind. I couldn´t get rid of these memories.The one time I went to a frozen lake with him and I faked that I couldn´t skate so he would hold my hand all the time. Or when I fought with my parents and called him late at night he would always try to calm me down and make me laugh by telling me funny childhood stories.

The rain has caused my clothes to be soaking wet by now. How ironic this was. The weather today described the whole situation. It represented every detail of the story of him and I.
When I got up this morning the sun was shining bright and I went to the park to enjoy it. Same with our relationship, it was perfect. It made me happy and just thinking of him would make the butterflies in my stomach go crazy, causing a little tickling. Just like the nice little breeze on my skin this morning. He allowed me to let go and feel comfortable and warm.
Then the rain came, unexpected and without a warning. No clouds announcing the downpour. And that´s exactly how we ended. I always thought we had everything, thought our sun was still shining. But then he left and took all the warmth away from me, left my heart in the pouring rain. And even though I knew the rain would stop sooner or later, there would still be these dark clouds keeping all the sunlight from reaching me again.

He was my sunshine. He caught me up in his light. Caught me up so tight, I didn´t even saw the rain coming. He made me shine just to watch my fire get killed again.

But maybe when the storm is over there is still some hope for our rainbow, Tyler Seguin.

Notes

Soooo, I´m actually kind of nervous to upload this right now. It´s thie first time I release something in English, so I´d be really happy to know if you liked it.
While writing this I listened to a few songs by Madeline Juno (a German singer, but most of her songs are in English). She is really amazing, you should go check her out!
Anyways, I appreciate any kind of coments.
If you have any requests, let me know ;)