Differences

Two days later, Ryan met Michael and some of his friends, all Flyers players, at Citizens Bank Park. They drove together and Ryan took the train, simply because it was easier than trying to gather everyone into a few cars. When Michael saw her, he decided that he might have to kill her. Because she was wearing another dress, this one bright red and so short is barely covered her ass. Not to mention that it was made of soft cotton that clung to her skin and twirled with every step she took.

When Ryan found them in the parking lot, she fought hard to contain the smile that wanted to explode across her face when she saw the look he was giving her. Serves him right, she thought, for making me come to this baseball game just so he can show me off to his friends. And this is what she was convinced he was doing (it was, in fact), even though they had agreed, no PDA, she knew that all them were aware that they had a thing going on, as ill defined as it was. If he wanted to flaunt her, she was going to make him suffer for it.

Aside from Michael’s staring, everyone looked friendly and excited to meet her, except Del Zotto who was giving her harsh look. He just didn’t trust her, not yet, maybe never. Regardless of what Michael had told him, he wasn’t convinced that this girl was anything special and he was pretty sure she would hurt his sweet friend something fierce. So, no, he wasn’t going to play nice just because he was supposed to.

Michael made the introductions briefly. “Ryan, I know you know everyone, but everyone this is my friend Ryan.”

A round of hellos went up, but Ryan just locked eyes with Del Zotto, never shy. “Do we have a problem, Del Zotto?”

His tone was cold. “Not yet. I’ll let you know when we do.”

“Please do. And say it to my face like a fucking man, alright?”

“Oh, trust me, I will.”

Raffl defused them by putting arm around both their necks. “I’m so glad we’re all getting along.” To Ryan he whispered, “Sweetheart, please -”

“If you tell me to be nice I will fucking cut you.”

“Fine. Del Zotto -”

“Don’t fuking tell me to be nice either.”

Del Zotto and Ryan both broke from his hold and walked on, not together, but both in the same direction. Sweet Michael just smiled and trailed along, thinking that things were going as he had expected them to.

The group of them found their seats, with Del Zotto, Michael, and Ryan sitting in one row, and Scott Laughton, Brayden Schenn, and few of the other guys sitting behind them. Michael sat between Del Zotto and Ryan, hoping to bring some balance to their row.

The game was about as boring as Ryan expected it to be. The Phillies were in a transition year, so it was rough to watch most of the time. Still, she did her best to put on a pleasant face and pretend to enjoy herself at least a little. She kept to herself, mostly just talking to Michael. Del Zotto would throw her hard looks whenever she looked over and she would return them with equal malice.

Ryan told Michael, “If your friend keeps eyeing me up, I’m gonna find a bat and beat him with it.”

“Calm down, he’s like you, more bark than bite.”

“What are you trying to say? That I talk shit, but can’t back it up?”

“Not at all, I’m just saying, both of you like to act meaner than you are. Just watch the game.”

Ryan did her best to do just that and mind her own business. However, she just couldn’t keep quiet when in the third inning the Marlins had men on first and second, Jose Fernandez hit a fly ball that stayed on the infield and was caught for an out. Laughton scoffed, “He should have let it drop and turned a double play. This fucking inning would be over.”

Ryan turned in her seat. “Good idea, except that that’s against the rules.”

He had a sour look when he said, “No it’s not.”

Firmly, struggling to not tell him off, she said, “Yes, it is. Infield fly rule, if a fly ball is hit on the infield, you can’t let it drop if you’re able to make the catch with ordinary effort. Google it.”

Laughton muttered something and Ryan could only imagine what. When she turned again, about ready to punch him, Michael put a calming hand on her shoulder. However, it was Del Zotto who cooled her temper the most when he said, “She’s right, that’s an illegal play.”

Laughton finally accepted his defeat (the sexist prick, she thought) and Ryan offered Del Zotto a genuine, “Thank you,” as he nodded in response.

Michael leaned closer to her and said, “I thought you didn’t like baseball, now you’re pulling out obscure rule references?”

Ryan smiled because he was impressed and then shrugged. “I never said I didn’t like it, I said it’s boring, which it is most of the time, but the rules and the nuances of decision making can turn it into a fascinating game. I just need to be in the right mood to really appreciate it.”

Del Zotto, overhearing, leaned over Michael and said to her, “Personally, I think NL play is much more interesting. When you take the pitcher out of the lineup it also takes away a ton of decisions that can make the game really fun to watch.”

With true surprise Ryan said, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but fucking right, Del Zotto. The designated hitter is such a bullshit position that basically rewards hitters for being inept at playing in the field.”

“Oh, for sure. Have you seen David Ortiz try and play first base? Fucking embarrassing.”

“You’re telling me. And it makes them lazy. Give me the good old days where pitchers would throw for nine innings and also hit home runs in the same game. Fucking pansies now adays can barely make it out of the dug out without spraining something.”

Del Zotto laughed and nodded. “Totally, I’ve been saying that for years, they’ve gone soft. Now -”

“Hey, guys, uh, you know I’m sitting here right?”

Ryan and Del Zotto both realized they were each leaning an elbow on one of Michael’s knees as they leaned together to talk over him. Ryan grinned as Del Zotto sat up smiling and she patted Michael’s thigh. “Sorry, Raff. Switch with me.”

He happily did so, swapping seats so she could sit next to Del Zotto and continue their analysis of the current state of baseball, which went on for several more innings. When Laughton tried to interject, Del Zotto and Ryan both basically waved him off and Michael nearly laughed out loud. He knew they were very alike and now that they had found some common ground they could get along, at least for now.

When she and Del Zotto got up to go grab some food, Michael followed, not even feeling like a third wheel, but just enjoying their banter. They split up to use the bathrooms and Michael met her outside the door.

“Is anyone in there?”

“No, why?”

Michael shoved her back in the bathroom and then into a stall, kissing her like crazy. Ryan giggled, but let him do it.

He mumbled as he pressed her against the stall door, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being nice. Talking to Del Zotto.”

“Well, he’s the only of you who actually knows anything about baseball, so…”

“I still appreciate it. I knew you guys would get along if given half a chance.”

He smiled and Ryan could tell it really meant a lot to him. She asked, “You’re pretty tight with him, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s like a brother. I love the rest of the guys, but…I really just wanted you to meet Del Zotto and for him to meet you. You both mean a lot to me.”

Here would be a good time for her to respond to his sentiment in kind. Instead, she patted his arms and said, “Thanks, Raff. Come on, I don’t want Schenn to eat my hotdog.”

They escaped the dirty stall together and found their seats once more. Ryan sat between Del Zotto and Michael now, talking to both and being sassy to anyone else who tried to butt in. When the game ended, everyone but Del Zotto and Michael were left with the impression that Ryan was not very friendly and in fact kind of an asshole.

Michael didn’t care, because as they were walking out Del Zotto pulled him aside and said, “You were right, she’s not that bad.”

Michael slapped his back. “Thank you, my friend. I’m taking the train home with her, but I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Ryan, nice to meet you.”

Del Zotto pulled her in for a hug and she allowed it. “Yeah, you too. Boys, take care.” She waved to the rest of them and they returned the gesture and she and Michael walked away.

When they were a reasonable distance, he put his arm around her neck and tugged her body against his, kissing her forehead. “Good day, now let’s go home and make it a great one.”

She grinned up at him. “Best idea I’ve heard all afternoon, Raff.”

Back at her house, he didn’t waste anytime slowly seducing her as he had the last time she wore a dress for him. In fact, he didn’t even bother taking the dress off before he pulled her panties off and shoved inside her.

On her back, Ryan giggled and tugged the tight fabric off her body as he started to fuck her. “Been thinking about doing that all day?”

“Christ, yes.” He bent to kiss her neck, saying, “I can’t decide if I hate or love when you wear dresses. I think both.”

He stroked deep and hard and Ryan gasped before she answered, “I like the result, Raff, fucking love it, in fact.”

Afterwards they lay together in bed, letting the breeze from her open window cool their sweaty bodies.

Randomly, Ryan asked, “What would you do if I fucked him? Del Zotto I mean.”

Michael let his initial shock at the question wear off and then realized he wasn’t sure what exactly he would do, but he did know it would break his heart. However, he knew that answer wasn’t going to get him anywhere. So instead he shrugged as if he couldn’t care less and did his best to sound casual. “Nothing. We’re not dating. Your body, your choice.”

Ryan nodded once. “Good answer.”

He asked tentatively, “Do you want to fuck him?”

Ryan’s first instinct was to say yes, even though that would be a lie. A part of her still didn’t want Michael to be too comfortable, too confident that he was the only one doing it for her right now. That was why she had asked him the question to begin with, to throw him off guard. She swallowed down this urge to be unnecessarily cruel and told him the truth because he was already looking like a sad puppy and for some reason that bothered her.

“No, he’s not my type. I’ll talk baseball, tolerate him when I have to, but that’s it.”

Michael didn’t mean to, but he smiled like she had just confessed her love for him. As far as he was concerned, she may as well have. “Thank you.”

“You look awfully smug right now, Raff.”

“Not smug, just happy.”

“I’m still not yours.”

He leaned in and kissed her. “Close enough.”

That conversation was important to him because it made him realize that even if he made himself an institution in her life, it may take something more dramatic to spur her into advanced action when it came to their relationship.

Right now, Ryan was comfortable and if Michael didn’t alter anything she would keep on being comfortable and nothing would change, for better or worse. While Michael didn’t want things to end, he knew he might have to risk that possibility if he wanted things to move forward. And that was all he wanted. What they were doing was nice, but it would not be enough for him forever. At the same time, he knew he couldn’t push her too hard or he would lose her immediately.

So, he hatched another plan and after Ryan went to sleep that night, he went online to do some searching, plotting, and scheming. Finding what he hoped for, he went to bed, held her close and prayed that he knew what the hell he was doing.

The next morning, the next day, the next several weeks he kept things the same. He was there everyday, every night. He cooked for her, at least twice a day and continued to deny her offers to help or do the dishes. She loved everything he made for her and always moaned out sounds that went straight to his cock and his heart. He did the laundry like always and then he started doing other things: vacuuming, sweeping the kitchen, cleaning up her yard as Contessa’s mother had told her to. He did these things not because he wanted something from her. He only wanted to see her smile, to feel her soft hands gently touching his shoulder as she said thank you. That was all he needed.

And Ryan kept doing what she had been doing: letting him take care of her and rewarding him with wonderful amounts of sex so good that it made his head spin. When he wasn’t doing an odd chore or another, they were in bed, or on her couch, or in the kitchen, or he had her on the dryer again, or in the shower, or in Contessa’s old room, or even the floor in the living room where they had been lounging watching a movie before his hands started to stroke the fire in her belly.

He fucked her on every flat and slightly bendy surface he could find in her house. When he had used them all up, they went to his place for a while and did the same exact thing: he took care of her, she took care of him. She even stayed over for days the way he had been doing, brought a small duffle bag full of her things and made herself at home.

Michael who had always been invested in the idea of grand gestures when it came to romance realized that wooing Ryan was easier and more fun. She would have balked at flowers and chocolates and sappy gestures, but she swooned every time he cooked for her and also made sure he knew how much she appreciated his other efforts around the house in one way or another. He still felt like he was being romantic, but it was different, the sort of romance old married couples might have when mundane tasks take on an erotic value.

And Ryan? She was in seventh heaven. No one had ever done the things Michael did, around the house or in bed. She had noticed that he was there all the time and never left. She also had noticed his toothbrush that randomly appeared in her bathroom cabinet one day. And the fact that he went grocery shopping for both of them as if they were living together. She noticed and she should have been horrified by what her life had become, but she was just…happy. His stuff was never in the way and he was always around when she wanted him. She purposefully chose not to think about the gravity of what he was doing and just enjoyed the result.

In the middle of June, Contessa and Sidney got engaged. And when she called Ryan, she was stunned at the conversation they had.

When the news was out, Ryan said, “Aw, babe, that’s…really great. I’m so happy for you.”

“Alright, who are you and where is my friend Ryan? You know, the one who told me Sidney wasn’t good enough to lick my boots, the one who told me being in love with him was a terrible idea, the one -”

Ryan laughed. “Listen, you little whore, if you want me to be an asshole about this I certainly can be. Because Crosby is certain not worthy of -”

“I take it back. I like this Ryan. Do you mean it? You’re really happy?”

Strangely enough… “Yeah, I am. You mean the world to me, my love, and I’m glad you found him. I know, I know, I wasn’t exactly supportive, but your mom is right, I don’t think there’s anyone else who could love you this much. I want you to have that.”

Contessa was crying and tried not to let it show through in her voice. “Ry…thank you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, are you crying?”

“Yes! I’m just so happy, with Sidney, with you, with everything! Everything is perfect and I’m overwhelmed with joy and it’s coming out my eyeballs so just let me have a moment, alright?”

Ryan sighed. “Fine, have a moment.”

Wiping her eyes and sniffling, Contessa asked, “So you’re gonna come to the wedding?”

“When is it?”

“August 13th, a Saturday.”

“Nope, I’m busy, sorry.”

“Ryan!”

“I’m fucking with you, of course I’m coming. I would miss the opportunity to punch Sidney Crosby on his wedding day for anything on earth.”

“I swear, if you ruin this for me, I will kill you.”

“Can I at least slap him? That won’t leave too bad of a mark.”

“No! No hitting my husband.” She gasped. “Oh my God, I’m gonna have a husband. I’m gonna be someone’s fucking wife! What is my life?!”

“Yes, terrible I know, but you’ll survive.” The girls laughed and Ryan said, “I’ll let you go, babe, I’m sure you have a list of people to call.”

“I do, but just so you know, I called you first. I haven’t even called my parents yet. That’s how much I love you.”

Okay, that felt really nice and Ryan smiled so damn hard. “You probably just called me first because you were prepared for an argument from me.”

“No, I called you first because even if you didn’t approve it was important that you be the first to know. And tell Raff he’s invited, all the Flyers will be, of course, but will you tell him? That it’s happening?”

“Yes, I will tell him. Go tell everyone else.”

“Tell everyone that I’m getting married! Woohoo!”

“Bye, crazy lady!”

“Bye, you fucking angel, I love you!”

Ryan hung up, still smiling, actually happy for her friend. She told Michael and thought he was even more excited than Contessa. All Ryan knew was he made vigorous love to her that night three times and that was the best part of the engagement announcement as far as she was concerned.

After that, they feel right back into their routines. Everything was perfect, placid, nothing was going to change, which is exactly what Ryan wanted, but the opposite of what Michael needed. His new plan was soon ready for action.

One evening in early July while they were lying in bed together, Michael looked over at her as she held a book over her face and said, “I think I’m going to go home for a while.”

She didn’t even remove her eyes from the page. “Alright. You want me to come over there for a few days?”

“No, Ry. I mean I’m going to go home, to Austria.”

Now she lowered the book. In fact, she closed it and put it on her night stand and turned towards him. Her face was blank and unreadable when she asked, “Why?”

“To see my family. I have friends there as well. I was also thinking of traveling a bit, going to Budapest, Prague, maybe Munich. It’s lovely in Europe in the summer.”

“For how long?”

“A few weeks, maybe a month.”

“What - When did you decide this, just now?”

“I’ve been thinking of going for a while. There’s a flight leaving in two days and -”

“Two days?! You’re serious.”

“Yes.” He moved closer, pulled her into an embrace as they both laid on their sides now. “I want you to come with me.” She started to protest, but he knew her objection already. “I know you have your dance camp in July and then Contessa’s wedding in August, so if you say yes, that you want to come with me, we can go after the wedding. If you say no, I’ll go in July, take the flight in two days.”

She wanted to be furious with him, but all she felt was a kind of fear. What the hell is that about, she thought. The truth is, she knew, was that she had gotten used to him, she liked having him around, and it was really, really nice not to have to worry about laundry or cooking or dishes. She knew that wasn’t just it though, it was the sex, it was his laughter, it was his everything. And now he was going to take it all away with hardly any warning. Hence, why her first reaction was fury.

Michael watched the emotions play on her face before she said quietly, “I don’t want to go to Europe, Raff. I want to stay here.” With you, she added in her mind only.

“I understand, but I want to see my family.”

A normal person would have said they understood that desire, but Ryan just said, “What the hell am I supposed to do for sex while you’re gone? And who’s going to feed me? I’ll die of starvation in two days.”

Michael half-heartedly laughed at her last comment and then reached up to smooth her hair back. “You’ll survive, somehow, you always do. As far as the sex…” He swallowed hard, knowing he had to say this while still being terrified of what it might cause to happen. “We’re not dating, so you keep telling me. You can see anyone you like while I’m gone.”

Okay, now she was pissed. “Are you gonna see girls in Europe? Is that what this is about? You’re bored with me?”

Michael had never been so happy to see her angry. If she was angry, she cared, and if she cared, this was going to work out alright. He hoped. He told her, “I’m not bored with you, but I am bored with Philly. I want to go home, I want to travel, but no, I don’t want to see other girls. I’d like to only see you and for you to only see me, but that’s your choice, Ryan.”

She tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. She gave up and said, “I don’t do well with ultimatums.”

“I’m not giving you one. I want to go, so I’m going to go. If you want to come, you can come. If not, stay here, do your camp, do…whatever you like. I’m not asking you for anything. I don’t expect anything.”

That was the hardest part, telling that lie. Because he wanted everything and then some. He wanted to be able expect fidelity from her, but he knew he couldn’t. Not until she decided that’s what she wanted and not a moment sooner. It was killing him, but he had to back off and let her do this her way. That’s really why he wanted to go, he needed to know how she would react without him, to see if she missed his presence, if she would see anyone else when he was gone. He didn’t know what the hell he was going to do if she did sleep with someone or if she didn’t miss him, but he figured that was a bridge he would cross when he got there.

She met his eyes for a long moment and then just said, “Okay.”

He asked hopefully, “Okay you’re going to come with me?”

“No, okay, go.”

“Are you going to be here when I get back?”

“If you’re asking if I’m gonna wait for you…I don’t know. I guess you’ll find out when you get back.”

He smiled and he almost felt it in his heart. She was teasing, she had to be, she would never come out and say she was going miss him or anything even close. But he knew, somehow he just knew, that she would miss him, that this would be a good thing, that his absence would make her heart grow fonder. Right now he just said, “That’s fair. Are you gonna kiss me goodbye?”

“Yeah, sure, in two days when you leave.”

He laughed and rolled on top of her. “No, no, I want you to kiss me for two days straight before I leave.”

Ryan sighed like she was annoyed, but she also grabbed his ass. “I guess I can do that.”

She had thought about arguing with him, asking him to stay, but she was too proud for that. She thought about going with him, but Ryan wasn’t into travel, she was into vacations that involved sitting on a beach somewhere getting drunk and fucking the locals. Finally she decided that if he wanted to go, he should go and she would be fine.

So, he spent two days kissing her and then some. He left her embrace the evening before his flight and went home to pack a bag. Then he came and spent the night with her and kissed her some more. The morning before he left, he did her laundry one last time and later in the afternoon, she drove him to the airport.

In the car, he leaned over and kissed her one more time. She grabbed his face with one hand and held him closer for a longer kiss than he had intended and he smiled against her mouth, but kept his comment to himself.

“Call me when you land.”

“I will, but I forgot to tell you, I don’t bring my phone when I go, so you’ll get a call from my parents’ number.”

“What? Why don’t you use your phone.”

“It costs too much to call and it’s just a bother. I can’t make a lot of calls from their landline either, so I’ll write to you.”

“Like emails?”

Michael chuckled, “No, I’ll write you letters.”

Ryan looked appalled. “What fucking year is it?”

“Letter writing is a lost art, if you ask me. I’ll make it worth the wait.”

“So…Raff…” She looked at him hard, her eyes narrow and her mouth pursed from confusion and possibly a little sadness. She wanted to say something and he wished he knew what it was because all she managed was a sassy brush off that he knew wasn’t what she had been thinking. “Go. Write me your fucking letters, but I’m not writing you back.”

He laughed hard and pulled her back in for a real last kiss. “I’m gonna miss you, little brat. Be good, alright?”

Quietly she said, “Yeah…bye.”

He stroked her cheek with his palm and then one more time leaned over to breathe in the scent of her hair that he loved so much. “Bye, sweetheart.”

And then he was gone and the person behind Ryan was honking and she was flipping him off before she sped away from the curb. When she got home she sat down on the couch and wondered out loud, “Now what?”

Notes