The following evening Will, Sam, and I joined the guests from the dinner the night before to watch a play that had come into town. Mr. Hall had a box in the theater house that overlooked the crowd and the production from a far. Not feeling interested in the Musical I joined Max at the bar, who ordered us mojitos. Three rows of seats were before the bar we were seated at. Sidney was in the first row, face angled so that I could only see the side of his cheek.

During intermission, the party we were in separated to get food or go to the bathrooms. Having had my third serving of alcohol, I was feeling tipsy and a little too happy.
Max turned to me, equally drunk.
"Your treatment of Sid the other day was ballsy. It's been awhile since I've seen someone give him a hard time."
I searched the room for Sidney, not noticing him in the corner of the box with his phone to his ear.
"I'm surprised. Someone with his attitude should be called out on their shit more often."
"He's not usually like that. Actually he's a really good friend."
Max leaned in a little closer, dropping his voice to a whisper. The alcohol was giving him more inclination to spill information.
"While on my way here I heard he broke up his friend's little fling before she could use him."
Intrigued, I almost jumped to ask the next question.
"Who was he?"
I inquired, a little too loudly, (the alcohol in my system raising my volume) checking to see if Sidney noticed. He looked nice today. Clad in a dress shirt that complemented his broad shoulders. Realizing I was staring my focus shifted back to Max, who paused as well to make sure no one else was listening in.
"His team mate, Evgeni Malkin."
"And what was the reason?" My words were barely inaudible now.
"Apparently the way her friends and even herself acted, she seemed to only be in it for money."
I looked back at the man who seemed almost charming the night before, the information sobering me up a little. I didn't care if it was obvious that I was blatantly staring. It seemed that I almost couldn't stop. I needed to peer into his eyes just once more. To look and see the selfishness I knew was behind them.
"So Sidney-
"Broke them up." I interrupted, voice quivering slightly in rage.
Finally he met my gaze. A small smile appeared one his face. Bile rose up my throat as I realized that he had me fooled all along. That I should have known he was bad from the moment he said those words at the club so long ago. He was the cause of Charlie's pain, and meanwhile I had been flirting with him. I needed some air. I needed to get away from this house. Max barely noticed me leave, too inebriated to care.
Quickly excusing myself, I rushed towards the exit of the box. The moment I left the building I leaned over the side, throwing up. Maybe I had drunk more than I thought. Taking out my phone I texted Sam, asking her to drive me back home. Tiny droplets had started to liter the ground and an icy down pour drenched my clothes. Unfortunately the effects of the wine had worn off, and I was left with only the impulse to hurt Sidney.
"Caroline."
I jumped; surprised that Sam had gotten here so quickly. However when I turned around, Sidney was there, water sticking his shirt to his body.
"I don't know the how to even begin telling you what I've gone through these past months."
He fiddled with his fingers, shifting his weight from side to side.
" I can't hold it in any longer though. Ever since you started working for the team I've been-distracted. It seems I can barely play anymore, much less function off the ice. I was supposed to leave yesterday. But I stayed here because I knew you would visit and I wanted to see you again. I've thought it over and over, fighting against my judgment and what I assume to be the views of others. Despite your lack of grace both socially and physically in addition to the behavior of your friends I'm still- affected by you."
I stepped back, "I'm don't understand."
"I can't stop thinking about you."
I stared at him for what felt like an eternity. In that moment I knew some fraction of myself had developed an attachment to him. His words had awakened something. Some part of me was elated. She had wanted to here these words come out of his mouth the moment she saw him. However in that moment I wanted to hurt him for what he had done to Charlie. Selfishly not because he had separated her from a man she was beginning to love, but because I knew I couldn't allow myself to be with someone who had done that to her. I resented his actions for how they would affect my ability to be with him, not for the repercussions that had put Charlie in despair.
"Say something. Please."
His eyes bore into mine, searching for some sort of sign. I took my time savoring each word that would come out of my mouth, wanting to see him injured at the hand of my one sentence.
"I apologize for putting you through such distractions."
I turned up my chin, forcing an emotional wall over myself.
"It was not my intention."
His expression immediately closed off. A switch had been turned, his features becoming cold and distant.
"You're rejecting me."
"I'm sure you can find a women that doesn't have the baggage you mentioned earlier. A girl who can be marketable, someone without friends who behave like mine."
"How can you be so nonchalant about this? Please, enlighten me."
"Being told that you care about me In spite of your better judgment is hardly a way to confess ones feelings. But there's more than that and you know it. You ruined the relationship Charlie could have had with Evgeni. How could you do that to her? To your friend?"
"She didn't like him! I saw the way they acted together and it was obvious he was more invested in her than she was in him."
"She just has a sense of self preservation! She's been a mess ever since her first call went ignored. There were others too, and texts. She felt pathetic!"
I was yelling now, barely containing myself.
"I think there is a difference between self preservation and total indifference!"
"Her emotions are barely even shown to me!" I screeched, frustrated that he thought he knew Charlie. I was on the verge of angry tears, turning away slightly to shield them from him.
"It was implied by your roommates on several occasions that the source of her attraction was Geno's wealth. You can't deny the fact that every time we went out your friend, Schechter was hell bent on exploiting the richest man in the room!"
My voice got quitter then, playing the last card I had against him.
"And what about Tyler."
Sidney clenched his jaw, stepping dangerously close to me.
"Tyler?" It came out strangled, as if the mere mention of his name put Sidney into a rage.
"What you did to him at the game. You should feel like shit, especially after the pain he's gone through."
"Oh I hope he's in pain. I hope he never recovers from it."
I stood back, shocked that he had just unapologetically stated that he was glad he had taken away Tyler's happiness.
"I cannot be with someone like you."
His eyes glinted from the lights of the surrounding cars. The finality in my words had settled in the air between us. The moment he left I started to cry, letting myself drown in self-pity. We didn't know each other that well, but I felt as though I had thrown away something that could have been good. When Sam drove me to the hotel, I was grateful she could not distinguish my tears from the rest of the rain that had soaked through my clothes. Charlie had tried to question me upon taking in my appearance, but I did not find it in me to indulge her. I promised myself to tell her later, when the self-inflicted wounds began to heal. After slowly peeling off every article of clothing I went to bed. But I didn't sleep that night, the previous events haunting me. I hadn't taken time to analyze the feelings I had developed for this man, or the loss I would take when I rejected him. The next morning I felt no better than when I went to sleep, but I forced myself to get ready anyways.
"How was the play?"
I looked up from my untouched coffee to meet Charlie's gaze. She was concerned, but I didn't have the energy to make her feel better about my situation. I hadn't even told her.
"You seem so out of it. Did something happen?"
Focusing back down to my cup, I started to stir in some splenda. Wanting to distract myself for a moment.
"I'm just tired, that's all. Didn't get much sleep last night."
I could tell she didn't buy it. However, Charlie knew me well enough to know when she should and shouldn't push for information. We both kept some secrets from each other, being private people. She was like a sister to me, but even I had to guess her true feelings sometimes. A rapping on our door interrupted my thoughts. I looked over at Charlie not wanting to get up from my place at the table. She quickly approached the incessant noise, opening the entryway. In my daze I could not decipher the specific words being passed between Charlie and the visitor, only that she was surprised to see whom ever it was. After a few moments Charlie closed the door, handing me a few crumpled pieces of the hotel's letterhead that was hastily written on.
"Its from Sidney."
She eyed me as I took the sheets, hovering slightly as I started to read them:
During the Olympics my sister came to visit me. She met all of my teammates. As a result she became close with one particular player, Tyler. I didn't know the depth of their relationship. When he had gotten what he wanted from her he left without explanation. I can't even begin to explain her devastation. She was seventeen at the time. I do not and will not apologize for my aggression against him after the game.
As for my actions against Charlie, I know now that they were inexcusable. I thought I was acting in my friend's best interest, though these past events have only been harmful towards your friends and mine.
I quickly swiped away fresh tears.
"Are you alright?"
My hands, now shaking, slowly put the letter behind me. Charlie was perched by the window, having almost packed up our entire luggage.
"I don't know."

I turned away before she could see the rest of the tears fall.

Notes