Even though he couldn’t wait to get there, he stood in front of her door for nearly five minutes, taking deep breaths to calm down. The last time he’d been alone with her in a room, he’d held her close, not wanting to let her go. He knew that this urge would return, despite the fact that she’d kept their child from him.
Eventually he rang the bell, buried his hands deep in the pockets of his jeans. He didn’t even know what he expected from this evening. He hoped that he’d get to know something about his son and his life. Hopefully without getting too worked up about Emily.
When Emily opened the door she looked calm. Calmer than she’d thought she’d be. She wore jeans and a simple black shirt. Her blonde hair fell loosely around her face, and her green eyes looked up at him. Even if she looked calm, her eyes gave away her uncertainty. She was probably not sure whether this was a good idea or not.
But it was a good idea. She’d already made the wrong decision when she’d stopped talking to him six years ago. So, now was her chance to make it at least a little better.
“Patrice,” she said, pushing up the corners of her mouth. “Come on in.”
“Thank you.” He took his hands out of his pockets and walked past her inside the house. It was beautiful, and children’s toys were in a box in the corner. She’d cleaned up earlier that day.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Yes, please.” He could have killed for a beer, or whiskey. “Just some water.”
“Coming right up. You can sit down on the couch if you want to.” Emily headed towards the kitchen where she took a deep breath. It was awkward. Even worse than she’d thought. She could only hope that it would change once they started talking about Lucas.
With a glass of water in hand she returned. Patrice wasn’t sitting on the sofa, though. Instead he was standing in front of the fireplace and looked at the photos on the mantle. There were three altogether. One of her mother and herself, one of Lucas and his best friend Jack, and the third one had been taken one day after his Lucas birth. He was sleeping in her arms, and Emily was looking somewhat dreamily down at him.
“You look happy there,” Patrice said, taking the glass of water from her.. When she indicated the sofa, both of them sat down.
“I was. But I was also exhausted.” She glanced briefly at the box on the table, before she returned her attention to Patrice. “I was so scared, but I wanted the baby. After the fear, there was happiness, so I couldn’t wait till he was born. And then I went into labor. For 36 hours. I just wanted him out of my body, wanted it to be over.” With a smile on her lips, she shook her head. “But as soon as I saw him, everything was forgotten.”
“I wish I could have been there.” Patrice sighed, clasping his hands together. “I hope you weren’t alone.”
“No, I wasn’t. My best friend was with me.” Patrice nodded, which prompted Emily to apologize again. “I’m really, really sorry, Patrice. I know what I did was wrong. I hurt you and I robbed Lucas of a father. I can’t turn back time and change my decision, but I can try to do my best now.”
“Then you can start by telling me why you broke off contact and didn’t tell me about Lucas. That’s his name, right?”
“Lucas Patrick Moore, yes. Lucas after my Dad and Patrick… well.”
Patrick rubbed his yes before he took a sip of his water. She’d really given him the anglicized version of his name as a second name? “Go on…”
“Well, back then I thought it was the best decision. For me and you. You had your hockey career and I didn’t want you to feel obliged to take care of me and a baby. I thought it was for the better that I didn’t tell you, because that way you were able to concentrate on your career. If I had called you and told you that I was pregnant, I think you would have wanted to talk to me about that, take the responsibility.” Emily bit her lip, searching for the right words. “That’s why I broke off the contact with you. It hurt too much to talk to you at that moment, because I didn’t want to put the burden of a baby on you, but at the same time, I wanted the baby to be born and I wanted to take care of him. So naturally, I couldn’t talk to you anymore. I missed you so badly.” She shook her head at the memory. “But I wanted what was best for you, and I thought that was hockey.”
“Emily, I appreciate the sentiment, but really, you should have told me. We would have found a way.” Especially because he’d missed her as well. He’d tried to contact her numerous times, but had given up in the end. In a way, he could understand her behavior, and he really believed her, that she’d wanted the best for him. But still, he’d missed the first five years of his son’s life because of this.
“Can we… try to put this behind us? Start new?”
“We can at least try. That doesn’t mean that I won’t be pissed off about this anymore, but I want to get to know my son, want to be a part of his life, so we’ll have to get along.”

“That sounds like a good start.” Emily finally took the box she’d prepared from the table and opened it. There were different photos inside of Lucas and her together with Lucas. Some photos from kindergarten and different parties where she’d dressed Lucas up.
“He likes hockey, doesn’t he?” Patrice had to smile at a photo of Lucas from Halloween the year before- He’d dressed up as a hockey player with an old school goalie mask.
“Yes, he does. He loves being out on the ice and he watched some of your games, depending on how you play.”
“Are we his favorite team?”
“What a question!” Both adults grinned at each other. “I had nothing to do with this, but Jack’s parents suggested ice-skating, so we went together and Jack and Lucas got interested in hockey so quickly, it was unbelievable.”
“That’s my boy.” Patrice looked at the other photos, a smile on his lips. It was still unbelievable, but seeing this photos made it a little bit more real for him.
“We’ll go ice-skating on Sunday with Jack. You’re welcome to join us.”
“Really?”
“Of course. The boys will go nuts when they realize who you are.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“And you can keep all the photos. These are copies I made for you, becausethought you might want to have some.”
“Thank you, Emily.”