A Season of Firsts

Fight For It

Wednesday, 1/6/16

2 pm

J: When r u off work? I need hugs.

C: I should be done by 4. I miss your face. Sorry about the road trip, but congrats on the All Star nod. :)

J: Thanks. Segs is coming over around 6 to celebrate/drown sorrows in pizza n beer. Your invited if you can put up with us

C: I'm in. See ya 5ish?

J: Perfect. Gonna nap now. See u soon

...

5 pm

C: Just got home. Traffic was shit. Gonna be closer to 6 before I get to your place. Rinsing the horse smell off then omw.

J: :( hurry. But be safe.

C: I will.

...

5:45 pm

Cara heard a crash right as she rang the bell. Concerned, she tried the knob and, finding the door unlocked, let herself in. "J?" she called.

"Here," came the reply from the back of the house.

"You ok?" she asked as she followed his voice and the sound of glass scraping hardwood.

"Yeah," he said. "Clumsy."

Cara found him behind the wet bar, sweeping up a broken tumbler. When he saw her, he dropped the broom against the wall and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi," he murmured into her hair. "Missed you."

"I missed you too," she croaked, "but you're squishing me."

"Sorry." He loosened his grip but didn't let go, instead resting his cheek on top of her head and leaning back against the wall, pulling her with him.

"S'ok," she sighed into his chest.

They stayed that way for a few minutes before Cara pulled away to look up at Jamie, raising a hand to touch his face. He looked tired and a little sad and — highly inebriated. She was checking out his glassy eyes when he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She could smell whiskey on his breath. When he deepened the kiss, she lost her train of thought for a while, but when they came up for air, she felt a little drunk herself.

"I thought we were drowning our sorrows in pizza and beer tonight, not Crown and Coke. Been pregaming without me?"

"Well when you were late I got ..." he trailed off and looked at his feet, "... um, I dunno...mad? Disap...dis...upset," he slurred.

"How many did you have, J?" she asked gently.

"Umm...a few? Not sure. Wasn't counting. Was drinking," he snickered.

"Oh dear." She stifled a giggle and looked over at the whiskey bottle on the bar. It was nearly empty. "J, were you even putting Coke in it?" She looked back at him seriously.

"I was," he nodded. "... at first. Um, not the last few," he confessed.

"Oh, Jamie," she sighed. "I'm sorry I was late. Tell me you didn't drink all that on an empty stomach."

"Nope!" he gushed, brightening. "Had a candy bar too!"

"Oh god. You're going to be so sick," Cara sympathized. "Let's get you some water and go sit down before you break anything else. Come on." She grabbed a bottle of water out of the little fridge and pulled him down the hallway toward the den.

He swayed a bit but followed willingly for a few steps, then stopped and dragged her back to his chest.

"Don't wanna go in there. Wanna go to bed."

"Jamie, you can't go to sleep with nothing but whiskey —"

"And a candy bar," he interrupted.

"And a candy bar," she repeated patiently, "in your stomach. You need actual food. Tyler will be here with the pizza in a minute. After you eat something and drink some water, you'll feel better."

"Noooo," he complained. "Not sleep. Bed." He pressed his body against hers. "With you." And he kissed her again, more urgently this time, reaching down to grab her ass with both hands and pull her even closer to him.

Cara pushed away from him a little, appreciating the attention but not what was fueling it. "J, honey, stop." He fumbled with the hem of her sweater, trying to get his hands on skin. "Jamie. Stop it. Listen to me." He sloppily kissed her neck, his hands still wandering haphazardly over her body. She backed up a step, but he followed. "Jamie," she said patiently, "we are NOT doing this right now."

"C'mon, Cara. Don't you want me?" he breathed into her ear.

"Not like this," she insisted, pushing him away.

Jamie continued to paw at her, uncoordinated but persistent. He pinned her against the wall, pressed closer. "But I want you. I want —" he grabbed her ass again, "I want to touch you."

"Jamie, stop it. I am not going to bed with you," she said firmly, starting to lose her patience. "Tyler is coming over, and you need to eat and sober up."

"But I need you," he mumbled into her neck. His hands finally found their way inside her sweater and up her back. When he reached around the front and squeezed over her bra, she had enough.

"Jamie. Stop. Now." She grabbed his arms and shoved him back against the opposite wall. Drunk as he was, it wasn't difficult, even though he outweighed her by 90 lbs. But he didn't react well. His expression changed. Goofy, handsy Jamie turned serious — and angry.

"Fuck you. And fuck Tyler. You're prob'ly fuckin' him instead'f me," he growled, glaring down at her.

Cara stared open-mouthed at him for a moment before words could form in her brain. "Ok you're more shitfaced than I thought if you're gonna go there. I'm gonna go home before you can do anything else stupid."

She turned toward the door, but Jamie wasn't dropping it. He followed her down the hallway, bellowing "I knew it! You're gonna leave me and run t'him. Good. Go. I don't need you. Or Tyler. Fuck you both. Fucking whore!"

Just like that, he passed the limit of Cara's patience. Halfway to the front door, she whirled on him, eyes flashing dangerously. "You're going to call me a whore? Because I won't go to bed with your sorry, obnoxious, drunk ass? And accuse me of fucking your best friend, who I barely even know? No, uh-uh. I don't think so. I know you've had a shitty week, but you don't get to drink half a bottle of whiskey and then take it out on me. Fuck you, Jamie Benn. Go to hell. And sober up. You're a shitty drunk."

She punctuated the "fuck you" by throwing the water bottle at his head. Her aim was slightly off, and he dodged just enough that it hit him in the shoulder. He winced but didn't say anything else, just stared wide-eyed at the 5'3" ball of fury storming out of his house and slamming the door behind her hard enough to rattle the glassware in the bar.

Feeling suddenly, unfortunately sober, Jamie rubbed his shoulder where the water bottle had hit him. That was going to bruise. Girl had an arm. He sank down to the floor, closed his eyes, and thumped his head back against the wall, hard. Shit. That was stupid. Now his head hurt too.

Outside, Tyler pulled into the driveway just in time to see Cara slam the door and storm down the walk to her car. He got out of his car and jogged over to her before she could drive off. "Hey, Cara, what's wrong? You look pissed."

"I am," she fumed. "Do you know what your drunk-ass idiot captain just called me?? A whore." Tyler's eyes widened. "Oh and that was the cherry on top. He called me that after accusing me of fucking you instead of him."

"Come again?" Tyler sputtered. "Where the fuck did he come up with that??"

"Well for starters, he's shitfaced. He drank half a damn bottle of whiskey in about 45 minutes. On an empty stomach."

"Idiot," Tyler muttered.

"Yes. Colossal. I hope he enjoys the epic fucking hangover he's got coming to him. Anyway, I was running late, he was feeling sorry for himself, so he got hammered, and when I got here and tried to get him to sit down and drink some water, he got all handsy and tried to drag me off to bed. He kept at it after I told him to stop — repeatedly — and kept getting friskier, so I shoved him against the wall—"

"You what? How?" Tyler asked doubtfully.

"I told you, he's hammered. It didn't take much. Anyway, that apparently flipped the hulk switch, and he got all pissy and started throwing around accusations. I was headed out the door to let him pull his head out if his ass when he threw out the 'whore' bit and I kind of went full Irish girl on him. I threw a bottle of water at his head—"

Tyler's eyes widened. "Jesus, did you break his face?"

"No, unfortunately I missed. Hit his shoulder. He looked a little stunned, so I left before it went completely nuclear."

"Should I even go in there? You don't think he actually believes we're fucking, do you? I've seen Jamie the Hulk, and I don't want any part of that."

Cara's shoulders slumped and she leaned against the car. "I honestly don't know, Tyler. I still can't believe any of that came out of his mouth. I've never given him any reason to think I would fuck him over. Have you?"

"No. At least I don't think so. I mean, I've said you were hot, but—"

Cara's brows raised.

"I mean, like, I was just telling him you were a catch and stuff — oh god. You don't think that's where that came from, do you?" Tyler looked genuinely horrified.

"Beats the hell out of me. Drunk people say stupid shit. Sometimes it's stuff they're actually feeling, sometimes it's just rambling. I certainly hope he doesn't believe that. I'm not that kind of girl. But I'm not hanging around for round two. He's gonna owe me — and you — the mother of all apologies when he sobers up. I'm not sure I even want to hear it."

"Aww, come on, Cara, don't say that. You two are really good together. I can't believe he actually means it. It's gotta be the whiskey talking. What a dumbass. He couldn't wait until I got here with the food? Fucking amateur."

Cara giggled at that in spite of her hurt and anger.

"What? Am I funny?" Tyler grinned. "Yeah yeah, party boy knows how to drink. It's shocking, I'm sure."

"Thanks for the laugh, Tyler. I gotta get outta here." Cara climbed into her car. "Don't let him hurt himself too bad. You have a game tomorrow. Team needs him."

"Yeah, sure. Lemme find some armor and I'll go in. Maybe I can use the pizza as a shield," Tyler chuckled. "See ya later?"

"Maybe. Don't expect me at the game though."

"Understand." Tyler waved at Cara as she drove away. He grabbed the pizza from his car, took a deep breath, and squared his shoulders. At the door, he listened for yelling or shit breaking before he gave a warning knock and went in, braced for impact. He wasn't expecting what he found — Jamie, slumped against the wall, elbows propped on his knees and head in his hands. He squinted up at Tyler as he got closer, and both disappointment and relief flashed on Jamie's face when he realized who it was.

"How ya doin' there, Chubbs?" Tyler asked.

"I fucked up," Jamie replied dejectedly, letting his forehead fall back onto his palms.

Not wanting to poke the bear just yet, Tyler just said, "Oh?"

"I know she told you. I could hear her yelling from in here," Jamie sighed.

"Oh." Ok then. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"You gonna tell me your side of the story, or should I just go with hers?"

"Nah, what I heard was accurate. I'm an idiot. And an asshole."

"Oh so you don't actually think I'm fucking your girlfriend. That's good to know."

"No, I don't. I don't think you would do that to me. Either one of you."

"Well you're right there. I wouldn't. And I don't get that vibe off Cara either. She doesn't even flirt with me. And come on, dude, name one other chick who doesn't at least flirt with me."

Jamie side-eyed him. "Big head, much? Abbe Lehtonen."

"Ok ok one that's not married to one of our teammates."

"Jenny." Tyler gave him a look. Jamie surrendered. "Ok point taken. Anyways, you're right. I was just wasted and frustrated and saying stupid shit without thinking. I don't even know what came out of my mouth."

"So are you sober now?"

"More than I wanna be."

"Then get up and let's go eat this pizza." He reached a hand down to help Jamie up.

Jamie swayed as he stood and leaned back against the wall to avoid falling. "Ow, fuck," he groaned, grabbing his head with both hands.

"I thought she missed your head."

"She did. Hit my shoulder. Which hurt like hell too, by the way. I'm lucky her aim was off. Although maybe I'd be better off with a concussion. Fuck."

"Come on, idiot. Let's go get some food in you. Don't forget your water."

Jamie reached down to grab the water bottle Cara had thrown at him and instantly regretted it. "Shit. Gonna be sick." He dove for the trash can behind the bar and barely made it. Tyler left him to vomit in peace, taking the pizzas to the kitchen and wetting a dish rag, which he brought back to Jamie.

"Thanks," Jamie croaked.

"Better now?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Shit. No. Not really."

Jamie rinsed his mouth in the sink and followed Tyler back into the den, where he collapsed on the sofa.

Tyler grabbed a beer from the fridge and tossed the pizza boxes on the coffee table. He put a couple breadsticks on a plate and handed it to Jamie and plopped down to eat his pizza and sip his beer and wait for Jamie to talk.

"So you two were out there a while after the yelling stopped," Jamie said as he cautiously nibbled at a breadstick. "What else did she say?"

"Basically that you owe both of us a huge fucking apology but that she isn't sure she wants to listen. She'll cool off though. She still cares enough that she told me to babysit your sorry ass."

Jamie took a swig of water. "Great. That's encouraging," he said morosely.

"Shut up. It is. Sounds like you're lucky all she did was throw that at you and try to break your front door."

"Probably. She's right though. I do owe you both an apology. I'm sorry, man. I don't know what got into me."

"I do. And I bet you're not going to touch that bottle for a while. Don't sweat it. We're good. But you have some serious ass-kissing to do with your girl."

"Fuck. What do I even say?"

"How about 'I'm really fucking sorry for being a total dick'?"

"Poetic."

"Dude, I'm a hockey player, not a poet. Send her flowers. Isn't that, like, the universal apology?"

"Yeah but that's not gonna cut it. I need something bigger."

"First you gotta get her to speak to you. Then you can work on making it up to her."

"Yeah, ok. Flowers in the morning. I'll text her tonight. Then she can't hang up on me. She can read it when she cools off."

"Solid plan."

"Pass me the pizza. I gotta think of what to say. But I gotta be totally sober first."

"Be yourself, dude. That's who she's into. Not some fake-ass poet shit."

"Right. Good point. Hockey player, not poet."

...

8 pm

J: Cara, I am SO SORRY about tonight. I was a complete asshole and I didn't mean any of that stupid shit I said. I got wasted and let my temper get the best of me and that's unacceptable. Please forgive me. Day off Sunday. Let me show you how sorry I am. I promise I'll make this right.

Cara glanced at the notification on her phone and grimaced. She was still pissed. Too pissed. She'd read it later. She put the phone on do not disturb and turned her attention back to the tv.

...

Thursday

10 am

C: You should be sorry. And I hope you're hungover. But I still care about your sorry ass, so call me tomorrow night and we can talk about Sunday. Good game tonight, Captain.

C: Oh, and the flowers are beautiful. Jerk.

...

Friday

5 pm

Cara saw the FaceTime request on her screen and had to wipe the stupid smile off her face. She would NOT let him off the hook that easy. Same reason she hadn't texted him after the win last night. When she felt like she could control her face, she answered the call.

"Hey."

"Hi. I was scared you weren't gonna answer there for a minute."

"Was just getting settled on the couch."

"Ah. How was your day?"

"Fine. Same ol' same ol'."

"Good, good. Um, so let me say again how sorry I am about the other night. I was a total dick and, um, I'm just, um, I'm really really sorry."

He looked so sad. Cara could barely keep herself from touching his face on the screen. But she was determined. And stubborn. He was still in trouble.

"Look, Jamie ..."

"No wait, let me finish."

Cara zipped her lips and nodded. Jamie nervously ran his hand through his hair. Jesus, he really was going to be the death of her. She propped the phone on her knees and sat on her hands. There. That should do it.

He took a deep breath and continued. "So I want to show you how much I care about you and try to, um, make up for being a jerk. I want to spend the day with you Sunday, doing things you like to do. And I want to surprise you, show you that I do know you better than, um, well, better than my words the other night made it seem. Is that ok with you?"

Jamie waited what felt like forever for her to answer. He was about to give up and start babbling again when she sighed, nodded, and said, "You better bring your A game, Benn."

He couldn't resist a little fist-pump, but he quickly controlled his excitement. "Oh I will. You have no idea."

"Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?" she cringed.

"You're gonna love it, I promise," he beamed.

"And how should I dress for this adventure?"

"Comfortable but not too casual. We'll be inside most of the time, but I'd bring a coat for going from place to place."

"Ok. Well, I'm starving, so I'm gonna go eat dinner now. I'll see you Sunday. What time?"

"Um, is 8:00 ok? I'll bring breakfast to your place?"

"Sure. See you then. Sleep well. Good game tomorrow, J."

"Thanks, Beautiful. Good night."

...

Sunday

7:58 am

Jamie rang the doorbell and took a deep breath. He was nervous. This day had to be perfect.

Cara glanced at the time. Well, he was punctual. It was a start. She answered the door and immediately lit up. "Are those ... White Rock Coffee scones??"

"They are. Your favorite, right?" Jamie smiled. Yes! Nailed it.

"You are bringing the A game today, aren't you?" she laughed.

"Told you I would," he smirked as he followed her into the kitchen.

...

5 pm

"This is perfect, thank you," Jamie said as they sat down.

"Yes sir, Mr. Benn. Your server will be with you in a moment."

"Jamie, this is amazing. Look at the view of the city. It's beautiful," Cara gawked.

"You're beautiful. The city is ok," he waved dismissively, not taking his eyes off her.

Cara blushed in spite of the cheesy line. She stared out at downtown Dallas, 560 feet below them. "I've always wanted to come up here. Never had the occasion."

"We can come here any time you like," Jamie smiled. "No occasion needed. But I did think it would be special this time of day. That's why we're eating so early."

"I wondered," she laughed. "Thought maybe 10 hours of Cara's World was all you could take."

"Absolutely not. I've had the best time with you today. I'd never been to a horse show before. You're a good teacher. I didn't feel totally lost," he grinned.

"Well maybe we can go to a baseball game sometime and you can return the favor."

"I'd love to."

Shortly after their food arrived, the setting sun turned the wispy clouds and the sky around them shades of orange and pink and purple. Jamie went quiet, mesmerized by the beauty in front of him — Cara, golden hair backlit by the brilliant sunset.

She went on talking for a few moments, gushing about the photo exhibit he had taken her to that afternoon and about the food, before she noticed he was silently staring at her. "Hello? Earth to Jamie," she called, waving a hand in front of his face.

"What? Oh, sorry. I just — um, I uh —" He took a deep breath and tried again. "You just look amazing with the sunset behind you like that. I got a little distracted."

"Sunset?" She looked to her left out the window. "Ohhhhh. Wow. Oh my god. That's beautiful."

"Almost as beautiful as you. But not quite."

"Oh hush, flatterer," she said, still staring out the window.

Jamie pulled out his phone and snapped a photo of her, immediately setting it as his home screen. "No, seriously, Cara. Look."

She turned away from the brilliant sky to look at the screen. It was a really cool picture. Maybe her favorite picture of herself ever. It looked like something out of a magazine. She felt like a model with him staring at her. She blushed furiously again just the same, prompting Jamie to set down the phone and touch her cheek.

"You really are beautiful," he said softly.

She put her hand over his and turned her head to kiss his palm. "You make me feel beautiful. Thank you," she smiled.

They spent the rest of dinner chatting and laughing together, enjoying each other's company (and each other's food). When their server asked about dessert, Jamie declined and asked for the check. Cara gave him a look.

"I have plans for dessert," he grinned.

Cara cocked an eyebrow at him. "Oh do you now?" She raised her hands in surrender. "Ok ok. You've done an incredible job so far. I trust you."

Jamie smiled contentedly at that. He paid the check and stood to pull out Cara's chair for her. She giggled and let him guide her out of the restaurant with a hand at the small of her back. In the elevator, he wrapped his arms around her, and she leaned back against his chest and closed her eyes. "Tired?" he murmured in her ear.

"No, just comfortable," she smiled.

He squeezed her gently and kissed her temple, closing his eyes as well. The whole day couldn't have gone any better. He hoped she would like his last surprise.

...

When they walked into the house, Cara could smell wood burning. "Is something on fire?"

"Hopefully just the fireplace," Jamie laughed.

"We've been gone all day. How did you—?"

"I may have had some help."

"An accomplice?" she giggled.

"Something like that. My brother does have a key."

"Ahhh, Jordie. Should've known."

Jamie led her by the hand into the den, where a roaring fire warmed a large, soft blanket and a pile of pillows. "You get comfortable while I get dessert."

"Did you actually make dessert?" she asked.

"Not exactly," he replied from the kitchen. "You'll see in a minute."

A few minutes and some clatter later, he reappeared with a couple of cocktails and a picnic basket. He handed her a glass and set his down on the table behind them while he sat down and opened the basket.

Cara took a sip. "White Russians?" she asked.

"Yep," he grinned. He pulled out a couple of marshmallow roasting sticks and handed her one. "Thought they would go good with s'mores."

"Oh my god, I love s'mores!" she exclaimed. Jamie beamed.

After they assembled their s'mores and took a bite, they clinked their glasses together with a giggled "cheers!"

An hour later, they were on their third round of cocktails and feeding each other the last of the s'mores.

"Thank you for today," Cara said sincerely. "It was wonderful. You were wonderful."

Jamie beamed. "You're very welcome." His smile faltered a bit. "Thank you for giving me a chance to make it up to you. I don't ever want to hurt you, Cara. I can't promise I won't screw up, but I do promise to try my best."

"Nobody's perfect," she acknowledged. "I'm certainly not. And I appreciate a man who admits when he's screwed up. And who pays attention to the little things. I don't even remember telling you I wanted to see that photo exhibit. You're amazing."

Jamie, at a loss for words, leaned in for a kiss. It started out gentle and sweet, but they were both pretty buzzed, and it got heated quickly. Jamie pulled Cara onto his lap and kissed down her jawline to her ear. She let out a small whimper when he nibbled her earlobe.

The fire popping startled both of them and had them giggling at themselves. When they settled down, they rested their foreheads together, smiling softly.

Jamie tucked Cara's hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "Stay with me tonight," he said, barely above a whisper.

"Jamie—"

"I don't mean it that way. I mean, I'd love that too, but I just don't want you to leave. I'm not going to hide the fact that I want you. But I'm not gonna do anything you don't want me to. If you don't want me to touch you, I won't. It might actually kill me, but I won't."

"But—"

"I mean it."

"About not touching me or it killing you?"

"Both," he smiled. Cara rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Cara, I do want you. But I want you to be comfortable too. Stay here tonight. Sleep in my bed. I'll stay in the guest room if you want, but I'd rather be curled up with you, even if it's fully clothed. I promise to behave. Unless you don't want me to." He gave her his best suggestive eyebrow waggle, which made her giggle. He laughed too, softly, and brought a hand up to her cheek. "God, you're beautiful when you laugh." She sighed and closed her eyes. Jamie kissed her gently and drew back.

Eyes still closed, Cara very softly said, "ok."

"Ok?"

She looked up at him. "Ok I'll stay. In your bed. With you." She looked down at her clothes. "But I'm not sleeping in my clothes. Do you have something I can borrow?"

Jamie couldn't help the huge smile on his face. "Absolutely. Drawers full of t-shirts."

Cara smiled and leaned in to kiss him again. "Sounds good."

Jamie ran a hand through her hair. "I'm so glad you're here," he murmured, voice soft with emotion. "The last few days were awful." He kissed her forehead, let his eyes close and his lips linger there for a while, content just to have her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed.

"I missed you, J. We have till Wednesday, right?"

"Yeah. We leave for California after practice."

"But you're mine all day tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. I don't have any lessons tomorrow. I'm taking the day off and we're sleeping in."

"Fine with me." Jamie squeezed her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "Let's put this stuff away and go find you a t-shirt," he smiled. He smothered the fire and closed the screen while she put away the food. Then he took her hand and led her across the house to his bedroom.

"What's mine is yours," he said, sweeping his hand at the dresser. "Take your pick. I'll go find you a toothbrush." He kissed her cheek and went upstairs to the guest bathroom where he kept a stash for family and friends when they were in town.

When he returned, Cara was holding a well-worn Stars tee up to her face. She smiled sheepishly at him and murmured, "It smells like you."

"Ugh, sorry," he grimaced.

"That's not a bad thing!" she laughed.

He pulled up the edge of the shirt and gave it a whiff. "Huh. Smells clean to me."

"It is clean, you dork. But it smells like you. A little detergent, a smidge of cologne, but mostly just ... you."

"Um, ok. Is that ok?"

"Yes, silly. I love the way you smell." Her eyes went a little wide, but she buried her face back in the shirt to cover her blush and walked past Jamie into the bathroom.

He blinked at her, confused, but shrugged it off and went to dig himself up something to sleep in. Settling on a plain white tee and a pair of athletic shorts, he stripped out of his clothes in the bedroom, leaving Cara the bathroom to change in.

Cara breathed in Jamie's scent and smiled as she pulled on the Stars shirt. It fell a little past her butt, and it wasn't falling off of her. It would do.

As she walked toward the bedroom to tell Jamie she was done changing and grab her toothbrush, she was met with the sight of him in nothing but his underwear, bending over to step into a pair of shorts. Her breath caught in her throat, and she stood transfixed, admiring the expanse of smooth muscle across his back and holy mother of god that ass. He finished dressing and turned around to see her holding onto the doorway, staring, mouth slightly open, and all she could think was please don't let me actually be drooling.

Jamie grinned — shit, she might actually be drooling, and holy fuck those dimples were going to end her — and walked over to her, snagging the toothbrush from the top of the dresser on his way. He handed it to her and bent to kiss her softly.

She tasted of chocolate and kahlua, which reminded him that they were both still a little tipsy. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. He didn't want her to get the wrong impression.

"Cara, are you sure this is ok? I don't want you to think I got you drunk so I could get you in my bed," he frowned.

Cara laughed. Then she realized he was serious. "Jamie, I'm buzzed — I wouldn't drive — but I'm not so impaired that I'm being reckless."

"I wouldn't, y'know. Take advantage of you. Even if you were."

"I know," she smiled softly. "J, if I thought you were that kind of guy, I wouldn't be here."

"Good. I just don't want you to think the other night was the real me and the rest has been an act. 'Cause that's not me at all."

"Good. 'Cause that guy was an ass." It was meant to be a joke, sort of. But Jamie's frown deepened and he couldn't look her in the eye. She sighed. "Come on, let's brush our teeth and go to bed." She squeezed his hand and walked over to the sink.

Jamie sighed heavily and followed, and they brushed in silence. Cara mentally kicked herself the whole time. It had been going so well. He was being so sweet. Now it was awkward.

They finished getting ready for bed and padded back into the bedroom. Jamie propped himself against the headboard on his usual side, still quiet, and pulled the covers down for Cara. She climbed onto the enormous bed and leaned back as well, pulling the covers up to her waist. They sat in silence for a few awkward moments, then both started talking at once.

"Jamie—"

"Cara—"

"I don't want—"

"Maybe I—"

"I just—"

"I'm gonna—"

They both huffed in frustration.

"Let's just go to sleep," Cara managed to spit out.

"Yeah," Jamie agreed sadly.

She lay down with her back toward him. He turned off the light and lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Why did he have to bring it up again? Idiot. It was fine. They were fine. And then he had to remind her what an ass he had been.

Cara squeezed her eyes shut. She would not cry. Not now. She let out an exasperated sigh.

Jamie flinched. "Do you want me to go sleep in the guest room? I can. I want you to be comfortable."

Cara took a deep breath. This was ridiculous. She sat up and turned to face him.

"This is dumb," she said.

Jamie sat up too and turned the light back on.

"What's dumb?" he asked warily.

"This. Being afraid to touch each other. I don't know what the hell I'm afraid of, but it's not you. Yes, you were out of control the other night. Yes, it pissed me off. Yes, I felt a little threatened." Jamie's face fell. Cara grabbed his hands and scooted closer to him, sitting on her feet. "But I am absolutely not afraid of you, and I'm done punishing you. You apologized. Profusely. We got our first fight out of the way. All this awkward-as-fuck tiptoeing around each other we're doing is just plain stupid."

"So what are you saying, exactly?"

"I'm saying that we should stop being so nervous around each other. I want you to touch me." He swallowed hard. He hoped she wasn't just teasing him because he was sure he would explode. She set his hands on her hips, the thin cotton t-shirt the only thing between him and her skin. Ok, not teasing. "I want to touch you." She slowly ran her hands up his arms to the nape of his neck, sending chills racing down his spine.

"We are grown-ass adults," she continued. "I'm done acting like a scared teenager doing something I'm not supposed to. We're well past the 'irresponsible behavior' threshold. This is not a one-night stand. I think this is going somewhere. I want it to go somewhere." She paused. Jamie looked shell-shocked. "I'm doing it again, aren't I. Talking too much." It wasn't a question. "Am I crazy?"

Jamie stared, deer-in-the-headlights-style, for a moment. Then he shook his head. "You may be crazy, but I like it. All of it. Everything you said. I like you. A lot." He hesitantly ran his hands up her sides, just brushing the curve of her breasts, over her shoulder blades and back down to rest at the top of her ass.

She closed her eyes, barely breathing, heart hammering in her chest. God, she was more keyed up than when she lost her virginity. What the hell? It hadn't been that long since she was with a guy. She took a deep breath and told herself to relax, then looked up at Jamie's worried face.

"You ok?" Jamie asked, feeling her tension. "We really don't need to do anything. I mean it. Don't feel pressured."

"No no no, it's fine. I'm fine. I'm just ... really nervous for some reason," she sighed. "I don't know why. It's been a while, but not like, forever. Jesus, I feel like I'm 16 again. Like I don't know what I'm doing." She rolled her eyes in frustration.

Jamie laughed. Cara glared. "Oh god, no, I'm not laughing at you!" he said. "I'm laughing because I kinda feel the same way. Like ... I dunno. Like I'm gonna mess this up or something."

"Maybe that's it. Maybe we're just both terrified of ruining things. I ... oh." She paused, unsure whether she wanted to say what just popped into her head.

"You what?"

Cara blushed and looked at her lap.

"C'mon, you can tell me." Jamie ducked his head to make eye contact again.

She looked at his sweet, concerned face. She took another deep breath. "Maybe it's scary because I want this to go somewhere. I think with other guys I didn't — not that I didn't care about them, but it wasn't a big deal. Like I knew it was going to be fun for a while, and then we'd move on. This is ..." She looked at her lap again. "... different. I think it ..." Another deep breath, then just above a whisper, "I think you could break my heart. Like really break it."

Jamie pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her tightly. He pressed his lips to her forehead, again unable to find words. Cara sighed deeply and melted into him, tucking her head into the crook of his neck, feeling calmer.

Finally, Jamie murmured, "We're not gonna mess this up."

Cara smiled into his chest. "You sound pretty confident."

"I am. We're good together. We shouldn't doubt that."

"I don't. I really don't have doubts. Just ... maybe fears. Probably irrational ones, honestly."

Jamie stroked her hair. "Cara, I don't want you to worry about anything. We can go as slow or as fast as you want. I just want to be with you."

She sat back and looked him in the eyes. "How do you do that? You always calm me down when I'm freaking out."

"When I'm not making you throw shit at my head, anyway," he chuckled.

"Well yeah," she snorted. "Other than that."

"Not that I want to make you mad — ever again — but you're really something when you're all fired up."

"Tiny girl, huge Irish temper," Cara grinned sheepishly.

"Beautiful girl," Jamie breathed. "Temper and all." He cradled her face in his hand and kissed her deeply, sending every nerve in her body back to fluttering. This time, she just went with it. She turned in his lap to straddle him, getting a low moan in return. His hands traveled down her back to her hips and pulled her closer. His lips made their way along her jawline to her ear, where he whispered "Ok?"

When she hummed her assent, he continued to her neck, trailing gentle kisses down to her collarbone. Her skin tingled everywhere he touched. Nervousness be damned, she wanted more. She pulled away from him a little — Jamie let out a small disappointed whine — and pulled the Stars shirt up and over her head, tossing it to the side. His sharp intake of breath was satisfying, as was the drawn-out "holy shit" that followed.

Jamie was taken by surprise. He swore again, then drifted his hands up from her hips, across her flat stomach, up to tentatively cup her breasts. Jesus, she was beautiful. Every toned curve spoke to strength without sacrificing femininity. When she leaned into his hands, he teased her already-hard nipples with his thumbs, making her dig her nails into his shoulders.

She reached down to grab his shirt by the hem and pull it over his head, then dropped it behind her — it was only fair that she have access to his bare skin too. She kissed her way across his pecs and flicked his nipple with her tongue, making him hiss through his teeth and pull her back up to attack her mouth with his.

As he kissed her, he reached a hand around her back to turn and lower her gently to the bed. He hovered over her and ghosted kisses across her lips and down her neck, sucking gently at the point of her collarbone — he didn't want to leave a mark, yet — and down to the hollow between her breasts. He sat back then, taking a moment to admire her. She opened her eyes and looked at him with a combination of trust and need that simultaneously made him want to cradle her in his arms and fuck her senseless. He settled for tracing her curves with his hands, then following with his tongue. He trailed up from her belly button, tasting her, raising goosebumps as he went. He outlined one areola, then closed his mouth around it and sucked gently. Cara moaned softly and tangled her hands in his hair, tugging a little, making his cock twitch in his shorts. He sucked a little harder, gently squeezing with his hand and taking more of her in his mouth. He lightly grazed her nipple with his teeth, which made her moan louder, then he pulled off with a slightly obscene pop and shifted to give the same attention to the other one. When he involved his teeth this time, Cara arched her back and swore. He moved up to her lips, kissed her thoroughly and drew back again, breathing hard and trying to slow himself down.

Cara opened her eyes to see Jamie looking down at her, lips parted and eyes so dark she couldn't distinguish pupil from iris. She felt a little exposed under his gaze but also incredibly turned on. They locked eyes, unsure what they wanted to do next but definitely into whatever it was. Finally, Cara pulled him back down to her, wanting to feel his skin on hers. He was hot to the touch. She guided his mouth back to hers, sucking on his bottom lip, making him moan into the kiss. Her hands skimmed down his back to his hips, where she dug in, pulling him closer, close enough to feel his erection through his shorts, pressing against her thighs. Her hips moved of their own accord, rocking up to meet him.

"Fuck, Cara," he moaned against her lips. "I want you so bad." He pressed full-length against her, reveling in the softness of her skin, the contrast of her hard nipples rubbing against his chest. His body wanted him to rip the rest of their clothes off and bury himself in her, but his mind wanted him to take his time, make everything perfect. Suddenly needing reassurance, he asked again, "Still ok?"

"Mmhmm," she hummed. "Jamie, I want you too." She dug her fingers into his back. Her annoyingly responsible, logical brain butted in. "Shit, do you have condoms?" God, she hoped she wasn't killing the mood.

"Yeah, yeah, of course. In the nightstand. Cara, are you sure? I mean, I'm not trying to talk you out of it, I just ..." Shut. Up. Benn. Quit fucking this up. "I just don't want you to regret anything in the morning." Idiot.

"Absolutely sure. Fuck, Jamie, I've wanted you since the minute I met you." Jesus Christ, Cara, what the fuck? No filter whatsoever. Stop fucking talking.

To keep herself from babbling any further, she pasted her lips to his. Jamie was more than happy to shut the fuck up and kiss her rather than keep talking and make an ass of himself. He would circle back around to that comment later. Probably.

Cara needed Jamie naked. Like right now. She pushed at his shorts until he took the hint and stripped them off, kicking them to the floor. She reached to push her panties off, but Jamie stopped her. "Can I?" he asked hesitantly. Cara nodded and folded her hands over her belly button, looking up at him intently. He hooked his fingers under the lace at the sides and pulled them slowly down her legs and off, then skimmed his hands back up the insides of her legs, never taking his eyes off hers. When he reached her thighs, he gently pushed them apart, still watching her face, silently asking permission, which she silently granted. She wanted so badly for him to touch her, she was trembling.

Jamie surreptitiously palmed himself as he moved between Cara's legs. He was getting close to painfully hard, but he really really wanted to take his time with her. Mostly for her benefit, but he also wanted to savor this. He swept his hands along the soft skin of her inner thighs, brushed the curve of her ass, then ran a thumb up to her clit. Rubbing soft circles over and around it, he leaned forward to kiss her deeply. She moaned into the kiss and tangled her hands in his hair, digging into his scalp. She was clearly as aroused as he was. He explored every slick, sensitive fold, finding all the spots that drove her wild. She bucked her hips up into his hand. "Tell me what you need, Baby," Jamie whispered in her ear, sucking on her earlobe and kissing her neck.

"Fuck," she panted. "Fingers in, just a little bit." Jamie complied, and she reached down to guide his hand where she wanted it, then cried out when he touched the right place. His cock responded enthusiastically, but he concentrated on her, willing his body to wait its turn. Guidance no longer needed, she moved her hand to rub her clit while he focused on her g-spot. Her soft moans gradually turned to swear words, which was so fucking hot he could hardly stand it.

"Come on, Baby, come for me," he murmured in her ear.

"Fuck. Jamie. So close. Fuck," she panted. "Faster. Yes, fuck, right fucking there." She trailed off into incoherent swearing and dug her nails into his shoulder.

Jamie nuzzled her neck and whispered how beautiful she was while he got his hand around his cock, trying to ease the throbbing while she came down. Cara got a hand back into his hair and raked her fingers through it in bliss as she caught her breath.

When she had a handle on her nerve endings, she lifted the hand she had used on herself to push his hand out of the way and stroke his cock. Jesus, he was hard as a rock. He pressed into her hand and groaned into her hair. All of her blood raced south again.

"Jamie," she murmured into his neck.

"Mmm?" was all he could manage.

"Condom."

"Mmm? Oh. Right. Yeah." He started to lean back to reach for the nightstand, but as he pulled away from her, he whined at the lost contact and came back to bite at her neck and rut into her hand some more.

Cara almost giggled at him but managed to stifle it, stroking him a few more times and then pushing him away with both hands on his chest, eliciting another groan.

"C'mon, J. I want you inside me. Now."

That got his attention. He hissed a drawn-out "fuck" and launched himself at the drawer, grabbing a condom and ripping the wrapper open. Cara stopped him again, closing her hand around the condom and saying, "Let me."

Jamie squeezed his eyes shut and let go. He swallowed hard and looked down when he felt Cara's hands on him. He wanted to watch, but it was taking a lot of self control not to come in her hand like a fucking teenager. She carefully rolled the condom on, glancing up at him through her lashes, biting her bottom lip. She was trying to kill him, he was sure of it. When she was done, he practically tackled her back into the mattress and kissed her soundly. His cock rubbed against her slit. She whimpered into the kiss, and he rocked against her a few times just to hear her do it again. When he really couldn't wait any longer, he broke the kiss and hovered above her, just enough to see her face, then lined himself up and pushed in carefully. She was so much smaller than him, he was afraid he would hurt her. But Cara wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in until she held every inch of him. He felt momentarily lightheaded and had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. When he felt like he wouldn't pass out, he began to roll his hips. He dipped back down to kiss her, darting his tongue into her mouth, nipping at her lips, panting praise and swear words.

"God, Cara, you feel amazing."

"Damn, Baby, you're so hot."

"Fuck, so perfect."

Cara could barely make a sound, certainly no coherent words. Jamie was so gentle, like he thought she might break, that it was near torture, and she needed every bit of muscle in her legs to haul him down to her. She silently thanked 20 years of riding horses when she finally had him buried inside her and watched his brain short-circuit for a second. Her hands glided over his back, down to that luscious bare ass, which she gleefully dug her nails into — finally. When he got moving, she rocked her hips up to meet him and gasped a bit when he hit bottom.

He pulled back to look at her face. "You ok, Baby?"

"M'good. Christ. Do it again."

"Fuck. Yes ma'am," he moaned.

She felt so good, wrapped around every part of him, he wanted to make this last as long as possible. He really wanted to watch her unravel again, this time with his cock buried in her. He kissed her and thrust in deep a few more times so he could hear the incredibly hot little squeak she made. Then he sat back on his heels so he could lift her hips to a better angle.

Cara whined briefly when he took his mouth away from her, but the new position afforded her a view she could appreciate. From his dark hair falling into his face, to his beautiful chocolate eyes boring into hers, to his strong arms and muscled torso, down to his thick cock disappearing into her. He made short thrusts until he hit the spot he was looking for and Cara gasped. She couldn't even begrudge him his self-satisfied smirk.

Jamie watched her — watched her eyes lock onto his, then flutter closed, watched her grip the back of his thighs, watched her writhe in his hands as he brought her to the edge, watched her come undone again with his name on her lips.

While she was still tensed around him, he lowered her hips back down to the bed and leaned forward to kiss her deeply. It all felt so fucking good. He wanted it to last all night, but he couldn't go much longer. Forgoing any sort of rhythm, he sank into her a couple more times, her nails on his back urging him on, and then buried himself as far as he could and let go. He stayed there for a moment, face in her hair, panting, before kissing her softly and rolling off the bed to go toss the condom in the trash. Cara curled onto her side and propped herself up on an elbow.

When he returned, he crawled over the bed to her on his hands and knees, a sheepish grin on his face. Cara eyed him warily.

"What are you up to?" she giggled.

His dimples cut deeper into his face as he grinned wider. "Um, I was thinking."

"Scary!" Cara feigned horror.

"Rude!" Jamie stuck his tongue out at her.

"You gonna use that thing?" she winked.

Jamie's eyes widened for a second. Then he dove forward and planted an intense, passionate kiss on her lips — with lots of tongue. When he was satisfied that the challenge had been met, he sat back with a smug smile. Cara merely blinked up at him, slightly stunned.

"Now can I tell you my idea?"

"Only if you promise to kiss me like that again after."

"Promise," he smiled. "So I was wondering if you'd be interested in a nice, hot bath. With me. Right now."

"That sounds like heaven."

Jamie grinned. "Good. I'll get the water started." Making good on his promise, he kissed her passionately again before sliding off the bed and disappearing into the bathroom.

Cara couldn't help staring at his ass as he walked away. It was a thing of beauty. She wanted to bite it. She wondered what he would think. Hmm. She should probably hold off on that one.

Jamie ducked his head back into the bedroom when the bath was ready. Suddenly self-conscious, Cara blushed and looked down. Jamie came over and kneeled at the edge of the bed to look her in the eyes.

"Hey, what's up, Beautiful? Change your mind about the bath?"

Cara looked up at him. "No, just ... I dunno. Not used to parading around your bedroom naked yet," she laughed.

"Oh." He thought for a moment. "Um, I could go wait for you in there if it would help? I can try not to stare," he grinned.

Cara giggled. "No, no, it's fine." She waved a hand dismissively.

"So I can stare?"

"Shut up. Yes, you can stare," Cara laughed. "I certainly was," she mumbled.

"You what?" he chuckled. "I couldn't hear that last bit."

Cara blushed harder. "Yes you could. Hush. Go get in the tub, ass."

"Not without you." He stood and reached out a hand. Cara sat up and took it, then shrieked when he pulled her forward and picked her up, bridal style, and carried her to the bathtub.

"I can walk, y'know," she giggled. “I think.”

"I know, but this is way more fun. And I've been wanting to do this for a while."

"Carry me? Or the bath?"

"Both."

He kissed her softly, then set her down next to the tub. He held her hand while she stepped in, then climbed in behind her with his legs to either side and pulled her back against him, wrapping his arms around her and sighing contentedly. She snuggled into him and relaxed, cheek pressed against his chest and eyes closed. They stayed that way for a long while, enjoying the feel of one another's skin and the hot water.

Jamie trailed a hand up Cara's arm and neck to her temple, down her cheek to her lips. He traced them with his fingers, and she kissed his fingertips. He turned her face up to his and kissed her slowly, lazily. His hands drifted over her body, no intent other than touching her skin, memorizing her curves. Cara twisted in his arms so she could do the same.

The water had gone lukewarm by the time they broke the kiss. They quietly held eye contact for a long moment, then Jamie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

"Maybe we should finish up in here before the water gets too cold," he said.

"Mhmm," was all Cara could manage.

Jamie lathered his hands with soap and ran them over her body again, this time focused, washing away the sweat from their earlier activities and the hot bath. She held up her hair, and he placed a soft kiss on the back of her neck before he washed it, sending a shiver down her spine.

Cara took her time returning the favor. When Jamie turned around so she could get to his back, she reverently ran her hands over his shoulderblades and down his spine. This was one of her favorite parts of his body, and she touched every bit of it. She kissed her way across his shoulders and up the back of his neck, following with her hands. He leaned his head back into her touch, and she gave the back of his skull a gentle rub, loving the feel of his close-cropped hair.

"Mmmm that feels good," he murmured. She moved her fingers across the rest of his head, pressing softly with her nails, giving his scalp a massage, getting a quiet moan in return. She worked through the longer hair on top, so thick and soft. He had left out the gel today just for her — he knew she liked his hair this way, liked to run her fingers through it. And he loved the feel of her fingertips on his scalp, unruly hair be damned. She played with his hair for a bit, then rested her cheek on his back and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged them close and sighed happily.

"Come on, Babe, let's go to bed," he said.

Cara nodded sleepily against his back, then let go so she could stand up and step out of the tub. Jamie followed, and after finishing up in the bathroom, they headed back into the bedroom, where Jamie threw on a pair of boxers, and Cara slipped back into her borrowed t-shirt. They crawled under the covers and lay face to face, smiling softly at one another. Jamie held her hand and kissed it, then pressed it to his chest, over his heart. He cradled her face and leaned in to kiss her, still gentle and slow. Again, they got lost in the kiss, in each other, oblivious to everything around them. Eventually, they reluctantly broke away, both feeling sleepy. Jamie turned off the lamp.

"I kinda want to fall asleep kissing you," Jamie said softly.

"I could absolutely go for that," Cara smiled. She looked at him tenderly. "Thank you again, Jamie. Today was incredible."

"Are you kidding me? Thank you again for this day, for giving me a second chance, for staying here with me, for this amazing night ... " He ran his hand down her arm and back up to her face. "I don't deserve you," he whispered.

It was her turn to be speechless. She pulled him back to her lips and put all of what she was feeling into her kiss. When they separated, they stayed with their foreheads pressed together, their lips inches apart. After a few more soft, sweet kisses, Cara snuggled into the crook of Jamie's neck, and he wrapped his arms around her.

When her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep, he kissed the top of her head and whispered, "We're not gonna mess this up. I promise."

Notes