It Feels Like

Keri woke up sprawled on eight hundred threat count sheets in a massive bed. The pillows were soft and the sheets were cool and she felt like she was in heaven. What a strange evening. What a strange guy. The bedroom door was cracked open, and she could hear movement in the kitchen or living room.

To avoid putting him in the uncomfortable position of kicking her out of his place so he could go to work, Keri shed the pair of sweatpants and T-shirt that she’d borrowed from him and wiggled back into her jeans and sweater. After combing through her hair with her fingers, she shuffled down the hallway to find her host.

Brad was standing in the kitchen with his back to her. He was in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. She could smell breakfast. Her heart thudded in her chest. He let her commandeer his bed for the night and now he was making her breakfast? What kind of man was he and where could she find more of him?

“Morning,” she said, sitting down on a stool at the island.

He looked over his shoulder. “Hey, I hope you like omelets. I used the leftover asparagus from last night.”

“I love omelets. Why are you making me breakfast?”

“Because you made me dinner.”

“Why are you so nice?”

“Am I?” He looked over his shoulder again.

Kerri narrowed her eyes at him. “You are. You gave up that gorgeous bed so I could enjoy a night sprawled out like a slob. And now you’re feeding me.”

“I’ll be mean after that because I’ll be kicking you out. I have to leave in thirty minutes.” He carried two plates over and sat down beside her.

“Bring on the food, then. I need to get back to my apartment to change for work.”

They ate in silence, and then Brad showed her out. She walked backwards down the sidewalk, watching him standing in front of his building. “I’m totally using your kitchen again, secret agent Brad.”

He smiled. “Only if I get to eat what you cook.”

“Try to have a good day,” she called out.

Brad nodded and waved at her just before she turned around to walk the four blocks to her stop.

************************************

It was early May and she hadn’t seen Brad in over a week. Keri assumed he was out of town, but she found herself missing him. It was silly because they hadn’t even gone on a real date. She didn’t even know if he liked her or just liked having her around when he was feeling down.

She was working on Saturday night when he shuffled through the door at ten o’clock and slumped onto a stool at the counter.

“Hi, Keri,” he said softly.

He looked used up and hollow. Any annoyance she felt at him not calling her after their dinner dissipated. “Brad, you look like hell.”

He forced a chuckle. “Thanks, good to know.”

“Shitty day at work?”

“It’s bad.”

She turned around and mixed up a mug of hot chocolate. Just like old times. Carefully, she pushed it across the counter. “I wish I could help.”

“You do. Trust me, you do.”

“Want me to tell your boss he should get off your ass?”

“Ha, no. That’d be bad for you and me both.” He took a sip and looked up at her. “Can you add cinnamon again?”

She did as he asked. “Next thing I know you’ll be coming to Aurelia for your hot chocolate needs.”

“No, I think I’m sticking with you. Or at least I am as long as you’ll put up with my sorry ass.”

Keri frowned. “You need to find another job that doesn’t make you think you’re a piece of shit. Because you aren’t.”

“Things will get better, I hope. When are we having dinner again?”

“Whenever your schedule allows, secret agent Brad.”

“Would you hate me if I put it off until later this month?”

Keri sighed. “Work?”

“Work,” he agreed.

“Call me when your life isn’t consumed.”

He shifted on the stool and took a drink. “Are you pissed at me?”

“No. But I think you need a reality check. Work isn’t life. Maybe that’s part of your problem.”

An older woman walked through the door and settled herself in a booth by the window.

“Gotta go,” Keri told Brad before she walked over to the woman’s table to take her order. When she came back to the counter, Brad was gone. There was a hundred dollar bill on the counter by his half-full mug.

************************************

She didn’t see or hear from secret agent Brad until Friday night. She had the evening off and was working on a few designs at her desk by the window. Spring was just around the corner and she was able to crack the window to let in some fresh air. It was almost midnight when she heard her phone vibrating across the coffee table. She leaned over and grabbed it from her seat at the window.

It was Brad. He’d never called her before. She accepted the call and pressed the phone to her ear. “Hi, secret agent Brad.”

“Hey,” he replied.

“Why are you calling me at midnight?”

He was silent for several moments. Finally, he said, “Can I come over to your place? I really don’t feel like being alone right now and you’re the only person I think I can be around.”

Keri sighed and switched the phone to her other ear. “Yeah, you can come over. I’ll text you my address as soon as I hang up. Call me when you’re close and I’ll come downstairs and meet you.”

“Thank you, Keri.”

She hung up, texted him, and glanced over her tiny apartment. It wasn’t in terrible shape, but she could tidy up a bit. She straightened the duvet on her tiny twin bed in the corner and picked up some clothes that needed to go into the closet by the door. Finally, she wiped the crumbs from her dinner off the coffee table and straightened the pillows.

And then she sat by the window and watched the street below. Her neighborhood wasn’t trendy or pretty, but it was safe enough and as quiet as you could get in Brooklyn. After thirty minutes of waiting, a slick, black sports car pulled up and parked across the street. Her phone rang a few seconds later. Of course.

It was Brad, telling her that he was outside. She hurried down the stairs and met him at the door. “Brad, you look...”

“Like shit, I know.” He slipped past her and waited at the foot of the stairs while she shut the door to the building. “Can we just watch a movie and pretend my job isn’t killing me?”

“Sure.” She started up the stairs, letting him follow her up the five flights to her tiny studio apartment. “Just to warn you, my apartment is the size of your closet.”

“I don’t mind,” he replied as they stepped inside. He shut the door and immediately threw himself onto her couch.

It wasn’t until then that Keri noticed he was in a suit. The tie was loose, but he was still wearing an expensive, tailored suit. “I’ve got Anchorman on DVD. Unfortunately, I have no fancy wine. Just a bottle of cheap Chardonnay. Want to share it?”

“Yes.” He was slumped over and staring at her blank television screen. Something had done a number on him She wasn’t sure what.

Keri poured two glasses of wine and stepped over the chest in the floor to sit down beside him on the couch. She handed him a glass and delicately clinked hers against his. “To forgetting tonight ever happened,” she said.

“Cheers to that,” he replied, knocking the entire glass back in one swallow.

“Jesus, Brad. What happened to taking your time and enjoying?”

“I’m having a bad day.”

“You don’t say,” she replied. Keri refilled his glass from the bottle on the coffee table.

He drank the second glass much slower. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this," he said.

She pressed play on her DVD player. While the opening credits played, she drank her first glass of wine and he drank his second. Without asking, she dumped the rest of the bottle in his glass. He slammed it back and then stood up to take off his jacket and tie. They ended up in a pile on the floor. Keri winced over the thought of such expensive clothing thrown on the floor with such disregard.

When Brad settled back on the couch with her, he laid down and put his head in her lap. It seemed so natural that she didn't question it. Instead, she gently ran her fingers through his hair.

"That feels so good. Please don't stop," he mumbled softly, pressing his cheek into her thigh. Keri smiled and continued. A moment later, he kicked off his designer dress shoes and sighed in contentment.

She settled in and played with his hair, every now and then tickling his scalp with her fingernails. Just twenty minutes into the movie it was obvious from his deep, rhythmic breathing that he was fast asleep. Keri's heart ached for him. He always seemed like he was under so much pressure, too much pressure for one person to take. But he wouldn’t give her specifics, so all she could do was listen or, in this case, let him sleep on her lap.

She turned her attention back to the movie, but continued stroking his hair. Before she knew it, she was opening her eyes to the DVD menu replaying over and over again. Brad’s head was still in her lap and his long legs were folded up to fit on her couch. He was still asleep.

Keri ran her hand over his shoulder before she realized the shirt he had been wearing underneath the suit jacket was the one she’d made him. It made her smile. She settled into the cushions and leaned her head back. Brad looked too peaceful to move, and he probably needed sleep. She’d just stay where she was.

*********************************

When Keri woke the next morning, sunlight was filtering through the open window. Because she had left it cracked, her apartment was a bit chilly. Brad was sitting next to her, running his fingers through his hair. He looked like he’d just woken up.

“I can’t believe I fell asleep on you,” he said.

She yawned into the back of her hand. “I don’t mind.”

“You should have kicked me out after the movie ended.”

Rolling her eyes, Keri stood and shuffled over to the tiny fridge in the corner. There was a small container of orange juice. “You looked like you needed the sleep. Plus, I dozed off, too. Don’t worry about it.” She split the juice into two glasses and carried them over to the couch. “Drink this. You might have had a bottle of Chardonnay last night.”

He sat back on her couch and drank it. After a full minute of silence, he said, “I don’t want to go to work today.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

Brad glanced over at her. “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

“What? That you don’t want to go to work?” Keri laughed. “You’re such a weird guy. I say that all the time. Everyone says that.”

“I don’t. I love what I do. But right now I wish I could just disappear. I can’t deal with...” He trailed off.

“What?”

“Everything.”

“Like?”

He sighed and finished the glass of juice. “Like talking about what a shitty job I’m doing.”

Keri raised her brows and turned on the couch to face him. “They make you talk about it? At like reviews and stuff?”

“Something like that.”

“Every day?”

He nodded.

“Ugg, pressure. I didn’t know. That sucks.”

“I have to be there in a hour,” Brad said. When she didn’t respond, he stood up and added, “I wish I could just stay here in your apartment. Does that make me a coward?”

Keri put her glass down on the coffee table and stood up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. His body stiffened for a brief moment and then he melted into her, wrapping his arms around her waist and returning the hug.

“No, you’re not a coward.”

Brad pulled back and gathered up his things--his suit and jacket, his car keys--and turned back to her. “Thank you for last night.”

She smiled softly at him. “You’re welcome.”

Keri watched as he leaned forward, took her cheeks between his hands, and pressed a kiss on her forehead. It was like it all happened in slow motion. Before she even had time to react, he had taken the three steps over to her door and left.

Notes