Although my heart is falling too

"Holy shit! Did you see that?" Sawyer yelled to me when Jamie hit someone from the Arizona Coyotes right in front of where we were sitting at the glass to the side of the net.

I laughed and nodded, "I told you it gets crazy!" I said, playing with the hem of my Seguin jersey.

"How are they not all bruised up and shit all the time?" Sawyer asked, watching as they flew down the ice.

I smiled, "He gets bruises! One time he got hit a few weeks ago on an away game and he Facetimed me, his shoulder look literally so disgusting."

Sawyer made a face as the whistle got called for something and he finally relaxed in his seat for a second, "Told you it was fun, right?" I asked him.

He smiled over at me in his matching Seguin jersey that Tyler gave to him, "This is so awesome!"

I smiled at him and leaned my head on his shoulder for a second, "Thank-you for coming with me!" I told him, before moving my head away.

He grinned and looked down at me, "Anytime!"

The rest of period continued on with the score remaining 0-0. The first intermission came and Sawyer and I were still sitting in our seats watching the jumbo tron.

"I kinda wanna learn how to skate now," he told me.

I put the lid back on my water bottle and nodded, "Right? That's what I thought after the first game I saw!"

"Do you think Tyler would teach me?" he asked.

I nodded, "Absolutely he would!"

Sawyer smiled at me, "Ya know, I really do like him," he told me innocently.

I smiled and nodded my head, trying to cover up how much those words actually did mean to me.

"He's a good guy," I shrugged.

"I mean, I think we all really like him," he continued, "me, mama, and dad do for sure. Mae would love him, obviously."

I sighed and kept my eyes focused on the guy riding the thing that Tyler told me the name of plenty of times, but I couldn't remember it for the life of me.

"What are you getting at?" I asked him.

I chanced a look over at him from the corner of my eye, "Nothing," he said with a small smile, "I'm just saying that I think Tyler is really cool, ya know? I think he's been good for you, is all."

I shrugged and watched the machine leave the rink, "He's a really nice guy, Sawyer, I don't really know what else you want me to say about it."

Sawyer laughed from next to me, "I just want to make sure you know that we all really like him, and we're all pretty sure that he likes you more than just him being a good guy."

I shook my head, "Sawyer," I whined, looking over at him. My eyes met his and I saw the seriousness behind the playfulness of his words.

I bit my lip and shook my head, "I can’t talk about it, Sawyer."

He turned a bit in his seat, as much as he could he face me a bit better, "You know you can tell me anything. You know I'll keep any secrets, since you've kept all of mine," he said with a small wink.

I laughed, "Yeah, well, my feelings about Tyler and Markus are different than you sneaking out of the house."

He laughed and nodded, "Valid," he agreed, "but," he began, all traces of teasing melting away from his face and his voice, "you know you can tell me anything, or come to me for advice. I'm know I'm only sixteen and whatever, but I love you to death, sis. And there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

I sighed, "Bible?" I questioned.

He smiled, "Bible," he repeated, using the word we had been using since we were children to let the other know we were telling the truth. So I knew he was going to keep this to himself.

I pursed my lips, "I do like Tyler," I admitted quietly, which only caused Sawyer face to light up and a warm smile to form on his face, "that doesn't mean anything, though!" I explained, "I'm with Markus, Sawyer. That's what it comes down to."

Even with me talking about how it doesn't make a difference, Sawyer was still just smiling at me, seemingly without a care in the world.

"Sure, you're with Markus," Sawyer agreed, "but that doesn't mean that you don't see Tyler. You see how he treats you, Rae. You see how he looks at you. You see how he treats us."

"I see it, I've seen it," I told him.

"Markus doesn't do these things, Rae!"

I tightened my ponytail and leaned back in the seat, "Sawyer, you have no idea how hard this is. I remember that Markus from high school. So to be with him now, with how he is...it is heartbreaking to me. I love him. And I stay because I'm praying that my Markus will come back. He's in there, I know he is."

"What happens when you're eighty years old and, what a surprise, Markus is still the same jackass that's been?" he asked me.

I breathed in deeply, unsure of my answer. That was a huge possibility. What if he didn't change to the guy I loved. Love. I would have wasted years at that point. I didn't want that. I wanted a happy life. And I knew that if my old Markus was back, that's what I would have.

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it," I said lightly, "I want to make it work with Markus. I've put six years of my life into this with him. You don't just leave because the times get tough. That's when you get tough and get through it."

"You can't be the only one getting tough to make it work," Sawyer retorted easily, "it's gotta be equal. There's two people in the relationship, and it's not fair that only one of them is genuinely trying," he took my hands in his; "you don't think I hate hearing you yelling on the phone with him? I hate seeing your face when he's blown you off once again, Rae! You look like a puppy that's been kicked repeatedly, but keeps going back to try and get some love and attention from that person. Because you're such a good and pure person that just wants to love him and be given love in return, but he keeps kicking you back down."

We were silent. All of the noise in the arena was gone. There was nothing that I could hear other than my heart beating so loudly. Sawyer was right. My baby brother was right about everything.

"I know," I agreed, "it's just really hard, Sawyer," I said through a strangled voice, "It’s hard because I know him, ya know? I remember that it was like. And sometimes I can still see flashes of the old him, but they're gone as soon as they come. And it hurts because I don't know what I did.

"But I don't know what to do about Tyler," I explained, "he's...he's amazing, Sawyer. He's such a sweet guy, and I mean, he's told me he's got a crush on me. And it's sending me for a loop, because I don't know how to respond. He'll say sweet things, or show me honest affection, and I don't know what to do with it, I don't know why he's saying all of it to me. And Tyler knows me as this Raeanne, and if something changed between us...or something happened between us...who's to say that something wouldn't change. That he wouldn't change like Markus did? I don't know if he would like me in another context other than a friend that he's got a small crush on."

Sawyer watched me such intensity. His face showed such confusion and worry that I didn't know what to think. Had I said too much?

"Wow," he breathed finally, "Markus has...really warped how you view yourself."

I looked at him, questioningly.

"You just said that you don't know how to respond to Ty half the time for the things he says, or the way he treats you. That's because you haven't been in a position to hear or see those things in so long," he told me, "Rae, you are so worthy of a guy showing you affection, that you shouldn't even question it. You shouldn't be left questioning it in your mind after someone says it. It should make you happy not confused."

"I'm starting to reciprocate little things with Ty," I admitted with a small smile, "I've been flirtin with him a bit."

Sawyer laughed and nodded, "I think that's awesome, Rae! Lord knows Markus doesn't flirt with you at all anymore."

I snorted and nodded, "Obviously," I muttered.

Someone hit the glass in front of me that made me cry out in surprise and Sawyer to jerk up in his seat and let out a loud, 'Whoa!'

I looked and saw one of the Coyotes just getting up from the ice in front of us with Tyler to the side of him. But he was looking at me, with a bit of worry written across his face.

I was watching him intently as his lips began moving just slightly, "You okay?" he asked me silently.

And I felt myself become light. I felt the anxiety and worry slip away from me quicker than it came to me.

I sent him a smile and nodded, "Yeah," I whispered.

He sent me a small smirk and winked at me before skating to the middle of the ice with the rest of the guys.

"He's got it bad," Sawyer sang to me.

I laughed and shook my head, reaching for my phone in my messenger bag. I pressed the home button and my face lit up. I was looking at the photo of Tyler and I from dinner a few nights previous, the old photo of me and Markus had been removed before that night had been over.

I tucked my phone away again and watched the guys on the ice once more; with Arizona taking a 2-0 lead by the end of the second period.

My conversations with Sawyer during the second intermission were a lot less serious than the other one, with both of us making jokes and taking funny photos on Snapchat and posting them.

The third period started and within two minutes, Spezza got a goal! Sawyer and I jumped up along with everyone else and cheered as they played music and we all cheered with them.

Halfway through the period Patrick Sharp got one to tie the game. I had never been so excited and nervous while watching. I was sitting right at the edge of my seat and gripping onto Sawyers arms we were down to the last few minutes of play. Tyler swiped the puck mid-pass from one of the Arizona players and began skating fast to the other end of the rink, Sawyer and I jumped up along with others around us, trying to see what was happening. The light went off, Tyler had scored! I began screaming and jumping around, giving high fives to people that I didn't know.

And the game ended with a 3-2 win!

Sawyer and I watched as they announced the stars of the game and the arena began to slowly filter out. I smiled as they announced Tyler as the first star, he came and skated by us and smiled at me as I smiled and clapped for him.

Sawyer and I left our seats after a few minutes and I led him down the hallways, using the screenshot of the directions Tyler sent me via text a day earlier. The directions had gotten pushed way up in the messages since we had continued to text constantly.

We got through the guards with no problem, since Tyler had informed them about me. Sawyer and I stood in the hallway rehashing the game. Which to anyone that actually had any hockey knowledge was probably hilarious since we had no clue what anything was actually called.

The girls all came over to greet me and I introduced them to my brother and we talked aimlessly until the guys began come out of the dressing room dressed in their fancy suits with smiles on their faces.

Tyler was out closer to the end with Jamie and they were laughing and joking about something. But then Tyler made eye contact with me, and he walked away from Jamie while Jamie was still talking. But then Jamie saw me and I saw him nod and smile before talking to Spezza.

Tyler walked to me and wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, as my arms wound around his neck as I smiled and giggled into his neck.

"You played so well, Ty!" I said, still pressed into the crook of his neck.

I felt t the vibration of his laughter, "I played so well because you were here watching," he explained, "That one was for you," he told me, talking about his goal, I was sure.

I pulled back from him, but still kept my arms locked around his neck, just as his were around me, "Well, how could I say no to that?" I smiled.

He leaned his head back in mock concentration, "How about this," he began, bringing his head back and staring at me, "how about from now on, every goal I get is for you?" he proposed.

I giggled as warmth radiated through my body at his words. My brain went to complete mush, and I felt myself melting in his arms.

"That'd leave a whole lotta girls angry at me," I told him, seeing what his response would be.

He playfully scoffed and pulled me closer to him, "You're the only girl I care about," he told me simply, "so I stand with what I said...every goal from now on...is for you, Rae."

I smiled up at him and sent him a small nod, "Well then you better be gettin a whole bunch of goals," I said as I toyed with the hair right at the nap of his neck.

He smiled, "Of course. I’d do anything for you."

My smile grew even bigger if that was at all possible. I felt people looking at us so I broke eye contact with Tyler and looked over and saw the guys avert their stares but the girls looked at me smiles and Jennifer was giving me thumbs up. I looked to Sawyer who I think had been watching our whole interaction, but he was grinning just as much as me.

I looked back to Tyler before clearing my throat slightly and letting go of him, he dropped his arms too, but kept the smile on his face.

"I have everyone's baskets in Tyler's car!" I said to the girls, almost losing my train of thought when he wrapped his arm around my waist, letting his hand rest right on my hip after he pushed the jersey material up a little bit.

The girls all smiled and we then proceeded to make our way to the parking lot were the players parked their cars. Tyler unlocked his car for me and I went into the trunk of his Range Rover and gave the girl each a basket filled with new merchandise. We were only out there for a few minutes before we decided to depart. The boys decided against going out since they had a really early morning practice the next day.

I climbed into the front seat and Sawyer took the seat behind Tyler. We turned on a station that was playing a countdown of current hits for some background noise. Sawyer was going on in the backseat about how amazing the game had been and how he needed to see another one, which Tyler assured him wouldn't be a problem and that we could go whenever we wanted to.

I had my arm resting on the console between me and Tyler tapping along to whatever song was playing. We were about five minutes from the house, and the two of them were still talking away, with Tyler explaining some of the rules that Sawyer didn't understand.

I then felt something touching my fingers so I looked down and saw Tyler's hand there toying with my fingers. He was tapping lightly on top of my fingers to the beat too, then he would gently lift a finger up with one of his before letting it fall. I smiled and looked away, back out of the windshield, as he continued to play around with my hand.

I felt so calm. I felt so happy sitting with him and my brother in the back. And I could tell how much they were already getting along and that honestly...meant everything to me. It was all so natural and I loved that. I loved knowing that Tyler was here. I loved knowing that he would be here. I loved feeling the way I did when I was with him.

And...It didn't make me feel afraid anymore. I had been so afraid about me liking him, and about him liking me. Maybe it was because I had told Sawyer and he had talked to me that I was feeling better about my feelings and thoughts. I felt like it was okay to like him, even while I was trying to figure out what to do about the Markus situation.

"Rae?"

I turned and looked to Tyler who was looking at me quizzically, "Are you okay?" he asked me, taking my hand in his on top of the console.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine," I said, noticing that we were stopped; I looked out my window and saw that we were at my house. I looked in the backseat and saw Sawyer was gone.

"Sorry," I breathed, "I just zoned out is all."

He laughed as I looked back at him, "It's all good. Did you have a good night?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded, "Of course I did!"

He smiled, "I'm glad."

"I should get in there...I have to go to the shop for a bit in the morning, and then I wanna work on some of the packaging before we hang out."

He nodded, "I'll text when I get home."

"Thanks," I smiled with a small laugh, "I'll see you tomorrow, Tyler," I said undoing my seatbelt.

He nodded and finally let go of my hand, but he undid his seat and leaning across the console to me, wrapping his arms around me in a hug, which I returned, of course. His face went to the crook of my neck and I rested mine on his shoulder, facing his neck.

"Thank-you so much for tonight," I told him, "it meant so much to Sawyer."

"Anything," he replied, "we'll have to get your parents and Mae there too soon."

I smiled, "That'll be great," I whispered.

I felt him move his head and then I felt his lips press firmly against my cheek. My eyes slid shut in contentment. This felt good. I felt good.

Once he moved his lips from my cheek I moved my head up and kissed his cheek too, leaving my lips there for longer than what people would probably do. I moved my head back from him and looked up at him, seeing him with an almost shy smile on his lips. Which was a first, Tyler was anything but shy.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ty," I whispered, unwinding my arms from around him, as he did the same thing.

"Tomorrow," he agreed.

I smiled again before opening the door and sliding out of the car.

"Hey," he called, before I closed the door, causing me to turn back to him, "I'll miss you," he smiled.

I laughed and nodded, "I'll miss you too, Tyler," I said before closing the door and walking up to my house.

I turned on the front porch and saw him waiting to wave to me like he always did, with the passenger window down. I waved and saw him do the same. So I went inside the house and I heard him drive away.

I bypassed everyone, even though I could hear them in the living room. I went right up to my room and closed the door behind me, unable to wipe the smile from my face. I grabbed my phone from my purse and laid on my bed, sending a message to Mae.

I'm in really deep with him, Mae

From Maehey
What do you mean???

I sighed deeply and let my fingers go across the screen quickly.

I just...I don't know, Mae. I really REALLY like Tyler. More than I should like someone when I'm with someone else. But me and Markus are at such a standstill right now. Like, I shouldn't have to put my life on hold and hope he'll change. That’s not fair to me, right? But it's easy with Ty. I'm myself with him, and I like being with him. I like who I am when I'm with him. I like how I feel with him, I like how he makes me feel. I hate being away from him when he's at away games. I don't like being away from him. I'm feeling more things for Tyler now than I did for Markus when we first started dating. And it's scary but it's wonderful all at the same time. And I'm just confused because I don't know what to do.

And I sat, waiting for a couple minutes, but it actually felt like an hour. Finally I saw the bubbles pop up. And three words changed it for me.

From Maehey
You love him.

Notes

Let me know what you think!!!!