AUTUMN LEAVES

The Pittsburgh Penguins have lost their last game against the bruins before their one-week break. It was an ugly loss, the team lacked all signs of urgency to win, players took unnecessary penalties, and Geno and Sidney’s lines were unproductive. The captain was distracted and getting caught in verbal and physical battles that did nothing to help his team.

Once Sidney was ready to leave the rink after the game, coach Sullivan asked to see him in his office. “I know what you’re going to say, that penalty was uncalled for and I…”, Sidney spoke. Mike shook his head, “it’s not just that, Sid. You’re the leader of this team, and our coaching staff had never doubted your leadership, until recently.” Sidney raised his eyebrows surprised.

“You’re distracted, Sid. And I don’t know what it is that is happening with you, but we’re almost halfway through the season, it’s not too late to find your focus again. Everyone on this team look up to you, including superstars like Geno and Phil”, Mike said firmly, choosing his words carefully as he held tons of respect for his team’s captain.

Sidney took a seat and looked at his hands, he felt like a jerk for planning on abandoning his teammates, his coaches, the whole Pens organization in the middle of a season. His team needs to fill in the hole that he will so unexpectedly leave. They could use some heads up. As he looked up at Mike who was waiting so patiently for him to speak, he couldn’t tell him about his plans, how could he tell his coach that, on top of being a bad leader, he was about to abandon his team altogether?

He felt a lump in his throat and covered his face as quickly as he could. He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Sid, we’re a family here. Whatever you’re struggling with, we can help you. You can talk to me or to the team’s counsellor if you need to. Just don’t let your problems consume you, you don’t have to go through any of it alone. Your wellbeing comes first, before hockey. These 7 days off should do you and us good. Are you flying home?”, Mike asked calmly as he stood next to Sidney.

“Yeah. I mean, that was what I had planned”, the captain answered as he rubbed his face.
Feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders, Sidney drove home where Autumn was waiting for him. He resigned to the fact that no matter what he chose to do, someone was bound to be hurt. But he had already made the choice that Autumn will not be that someone.

*****

The second Sidney stepped into his house, Autumn had him in her arms. “A tea or a beer”, she asked quietly, knowing better than to ask him about the game. “Tea is good”, he answered weakly. She was taken back by his choice, he was never one to drink tea, he must be in a worse shape than she had thought. He went up to his room to change as she brought their cups into his living room.

“You watched the game?”, he asked upon his return. Autumn nodded and gave him a sad smile. Normally, she would reassure him that the team will bounce back, but can she really say that now? Was it even going to be his team after the break? He looked tired as he slumped onto the couch, a deep frown on his face.

“I’m sorry”, she whispered with a tear in her eye. Sidney knew that she was not talking about the game. “I know”, he whispered back. “You should go to bed soon, you have a flight to catch tomorrow morning”, she said as she stood up and turn her back to him to hide her tears.

“Let’s go away”, he spoke, as she gave him a questioning look. “Let’s go away to a place where no one can recognize us, get away from it all. I have 7 days off, Mario is not here and I’m sure you can take time off from work”, he listed as he held her at arm’s length.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea? With all this mess?”, she spoke hesitantly. “Exactly! We both need a break from this mess or we’re going to lose our minds. When Pat comes next week, we will have so much on our plate, it’s not going to be pretty. It’s our last chance to relax a little before ‘all hell breaks loose’ like Tanger said”, Sidney said, trying to convince her, hoping she wouldn’t ask him about his chat with Kris.

“I’m not sure that escaping is a logical solution here. That said, having a small break does sound appealing, God knows I need it too”, she said as the wheels in her head started turning.

“I told my boss a while back that I may take a few days off around Christmas time. We had planned a college reunion, but our plans fell through”, Autumn spoke as her eyes suddenly lit up.

“I know where we could go! It’s not too far, it’s isolated, it’s the epitome of privacy!”, she said excitedly. Sidney’s face split into a huge grin. “That’s the spirit baby. So, where are we going?”, he asked, already feeling better at the thought of spending alone time with Autumn, happy to have her all to himself for a whole week. He gripped her waist and pulled her close to him to peck her lips.

“Nate has a beautiful cabin in Northern Quebec. We were supposed to have our college reunion there. It’s in the woods on lake Saint-Jean, in the middle of nowhere, literally”, she told him, noticing that his smile faltered at the mention of Nathan’s name. “Are you sure Nathan would give us his cabin? He was ready to murder me just a day ago”, Sidney pointed out.

“I will talk to Nate. He will not say no to me. Tiff and I watched the game at his place tonight. I told them about our plan, by the way”, she said, trying to gauge his reaction. “I didn’t want them to be blindsided later. They’re my only family and they deserved to know”, Autumn confessed. “You don’t need to explain it to me, baby. I understand. What did they say?”, Sidney asked curiously.

“Well, at first they were shocked. Nate said that there was no way that Sidney Crosby is leaving the Penguins. I guess that was the fan in him talking. He’s in denial”, she answered. “Then, they both voiced their doubts about you actually going through with this plan”, she added in a lower voice.

“And you’re frowning because you have your own doubts about it, don’t you?”, he said as started pacing, getting upset that she did not seem to trust him, despite everything he was going through to be with her. “Do you even comprehend what I’m giving up to be with you?! And here you are doubting me, AGAIN!”, he continued, outraged by her silence.

“I never asked you to do any of it”, she spoke calmly, trying not to add fuel to the fire. He groaned in anger making her jump. When she has had enough of his irrational outburst, she decided to speak up.

“You’re asking me if I have any doubts! Look at you, throwing your sacrifices right in my face at the first opportunity! You talk like you’re the only one suffering the consequences, like I’m not sacrificing anything to be with you! My reputation even my practice is at stake here! My career is built on my patient’s trust in me. What do you think would happen when my patients’ parents learn about the kind of wife I was? Or my boss? Do you think he will give me a sterling recommendation, knowing what I did to Mario Lemieux?”, she responded furiously.

Sidney froze as he realized how selfish he was being. He was too focused on his own career that it had never occurred to him that their decision would affect hers as well, maybe even more than his. He knew his value in the league, he was certain that somewhere someone will be willing to turn a blind eye to his personal mistakes. It may not be the case for Autumn, no matter how good of a doctor she was.

Autumn was right as usual, he thought with a heavy sigh. When he walked towards her, he noticed that she was putting her phone in her hand bag. “Autumn, don’t leave. I’m sorry”, he said hurriedly. “I overreacted”, he added but she did not budge. “Baby, you see. That’s why we both need this getaway”, he said trying to diffuse the situation as he wrapped her in his arms. He felt her start to relax but she did not say anything.

“Autumn, I’m sorry I yelled. My day at the rink was hard, from start to finish. I admit it was difficult being around the team knowing what I’m about to do. I did not expect any of this to be easy, but I honestly never thought that it would be this hard. That’s all there is, though. I promise you that I’m still committed to us. I’m not regretting my decision, believe me”, he confessed.

“Okay”, she simply said as she buried her face in his chest. “You need to trust me, none of this will work if you don’t”, he said firmly. “I trust you, Sid”, she said as she pecked him on the lips. “Good. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect your career”, he said to her.

“I love you, Auts”, Sidney said after a few moments of silent embrace. “I love you more”, she answered him chuckling at his use of her nickname that he despised so much.

“Nah…not possible”, he answered as he admired her beauty that no puffy eyes or tousled hair could hide. “Let’s get out of here,” Sidney added, looking as determined as ever.

*****

“There isn’t much network in the area so I will text you when I can. You don’t have to worry. Good luck for your upcoming meeting. Okay, me too. Bye now”, Autumn hung up the phone as she settled in her seat and fastened her seatbelt before their private jet took off. “He bought it?”, Sidney asked anxiously. “Yeah. He knew about a possible college reunion. I technically did not lie either, there is no network except in couple of spots outside the cabin. I can’t wait for this lying to be over”, she said with a low voice closing her eyes.

“And that ‘me too’ at the end?”, Sidney questioned. She stared at him wanting nothing more than to punch him. “You said you did not lie, so, I want to make sure you did not actually mean it”, he spoke defensively. While he was partly joking, she knew deep down that he wanted to be reassured. “No, I did not mean it. I thought that I did all this time, I truly believed that I was in love with him”, she said pensively. “Back in med school, I took this psychology course. I went on and on about it to convince my friends of the importance of self-knowledge and self-awareness, when in reality, I was being the biggest hypocrite. I should have been reminding myself of those principles”, she said as she linked her fingers with his. “What made you realize that you weren’t in love with him?”, he asked a fair question.

“You know the answer to that”, she said softly, but the look he gave her told her that she was wrong. “You, Sidney. My love for you, from the start. I have always loved you differently. When I saw you with Jessica, I was very jealous, something I never really felt before. It was then when I had finally admitted to myself that I loved you. I couldn’t have been in love with Mario knowing how much I love you”, she spoke candidly. “I guess I liked Mario but I never loved him the way I love you, Sidney”, she added.

Sidney averted his eyes from hers and looked outside the airplane window. “What’s wrong?”, she asked confused expecting him to be pleased with what she had just said.
“You married him, Autumn”, he answered, with a hint of judgement that surprised her. “You loved him, you wouldn’t have married him if you didn’t, that’s all. You don’t have to lie about that to make me feel better”, he said sadly. She had just explained to him that she felt a different kind of love towards Mario, but he clearly wanted to hear that she had no feelings for a man she married.

“It’s fine, I can’t change the past, I will live with it. I had to live with it, may be a better way of putting it”, he added, his frown lingering still. “I’m not lying to you, Sid. I thought…”, she stopped herself before going into a useless, and likely painful, discussion. “It doesn’t matter. Like you said, it’s in the past now. What matters is now. And now, I love you and only you. And this time, I am absolutely sure of it, beyond a shadow of a doubt okay?”, she reassured him.

He nodded and kissed her temple as she linked her arm with his and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to get some sleep during the 5-hour flight to their destination in Canada.

*****

“You weren’t kidding when you said it’s in the middle of nowhere”, Sidney spoke as he navigated the narrow, dark and icy roads leading to Nathan’s cabin. To make their travel more challenging, they were losing the GPS signal the further they went into the wooded area. “Good thing I had written down the directions then”, Autumn said with an eye roll. Ever since they landed, he had been poking fun at how anxious she was for being unprepared for an impromptu trip to such a remote location.

Once they made it to the cabin, Autumn exhaled a sigh of relief. “Go inside, I’ll bring in the bags and groceries. Turning on the torch light of her phone, Autumn entered the dark cold cabin. Although it was still late November, Northern Quebec was covered in snow and the temperatures were below zero. As she managed to light up some candles, she opted to start the fireplace only to realize that she has never done it before. She needed wood logs, that was for sure, wasn’t it? She wondered for a second. As she was looking around all lost, she heard Sidney try but fail at stifling his giggles.

“What’s so funny?”, she asked pretending to be annoyed. “You’re such a city girl”, he answered as he leaned on a wall, his arms crossed, amused by her struggle. “Is that supposed to be an insult?”, she asked giving him a pointed look. He continued to chuckle as he worked on setting up the fireplace. “Are you agreeing with me?”, he asked entertained by how easy it was to tick her off. “I’ve never done it before because I never had to. That doesn’t make me a ‘city girl’”, she pouted as she handed him the old newspaper he pointed at.

“You’re in luck, baby. I happen to know my way around this kind of life”, he spoke smugly. “You mean fishing or hunting innocent animals? Or even worse, using an outhouse?”, she asked scrunching her nose at her second question. “Thank god we have a generator and a fully functional bathroom, plumbing and all”, she joked, grateful nonetheless. “This week is going be so much fun”, he grinned as he hugged her to him.

As they managed to get the power going, Autumn gave Sidney the tour of the cabin. It was spacious with one master bedroom and two guestrooms, a large open space that had the kitchen with a dining area along with a tastefully furnished living room where the large fireplace was. Sidney was impressed by how well the cabin was maintained.

“I wanted to buy it from him, but he refused to sell. I’ve been here twice before with our friends”, she told Sidney as they stared out at the lake that was at the backside of the cabin. The moon was low, and though it was almost midnight, they could see the half-frozen lake.

“It’s so peaceful out here. Reminds me of home”, Sidney said wistfully. She hummed as she leaned against him with his arm around her shoulders. “It’s just us now”, she whispered as she turned to kiss him. “And the wolves!”, she jumped at the distinct sound of howling, startling Sidney. “Not so sure about calling this week “fun” anymore. I may have a heart attack before leaving this place”, he joked and she laughed with him. His light mood was contagious.

“Let’s get something to eat”, he suggested. “You’re always hungry. And you were making fun of me for buying so much food earlier”, she said with a shake of her head. The couple shared some sandwiches in front of the fireplace before retreating to bed, both exhausted from the trip. They kept each other warm under few layers of blankets.

Autumn woke up to the sun on her face, turning around she realized that she was alone in bed. She huffed when she remembered that Sidney was an early riser, a trait that they certainly did not share. This is something that she will need to get used to. She smiled widely at the thought. Well, he better gets used to my crankiness in the morning, she mumbled. “Are you talking to yourself, or to that fox at the window?”, Sidney asked as he stood in the door wearing nothing but his briefs and a lopsided grin. Autumn eyes widened as she briskly turned to look at the window, fully alarmed.

“Asshole!”, she threw a pillow at him when she saw nothing at the window. “This is not funny, there are real foxes in this forest!”, she exclaimed as he laughed at her reaction. “They’re real?!”, he mocked her after he joined her on the bed. He caught her before she tried to punch him. “Damn those reflexes”, she muttered as he pulled her close in an embrace, his warm lips moved sweetly against hers.

She could feel him, all of him as he covered her body with his. He tasted of minty toothpaste and smelled of his shampoo. She moaned as his tongue delved into her mouth, experiencing the familiar feeling of her intense need for him, the need for their bodies to unite, in all possible ways.

“Baby”, he whispered as he released his lips from between hers, as she groaned disgruntled. “As much as I would love to eat you all out right now, I need breakfast, and you do too. I can’t risk you passing out, because that’s the level of pleasure I’m promising you”, he said huskily, winking at her. The sight of how turned on she was almost made him change his mind about delaying his promise. “Are you serious now?! You’re cruel!”, she pouted as she left the bed.

“is it warm enough in here?”, he asked as he took a big bite of his toast. When she nodded, he continued, “good, because I’m setting some rules for this vacation, from the very beginning.” “What kind of rules?”, she asked confused by his serious tone. “The dress code”, he said, his face breaking into a grin. “Or shall we call it the ‘undress’ code?”, he pondered. “You’re crazy”, she said laughing. “I’m crazy about you.”

Notes

Hello!

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you're enjoying this Holiday with your loved ones.

Thank you for reading and for all your lovely feedback on this story.

Stay tuned for the next chapter! Won't be too long until it's done.

Let's Go pens!

Charlie