Hold On Tight

Tyler sat in a dark corner of the bar, watching Haley set up on stage. He felt his stomach clench every time she smiled, and had the urge to punch the two men helping her, especially when they made her laugh and were able to touch her so freely. He would give anything to have her smiled at him again.

Jamie slid a beer over to him as he sat down. “Are you going to go say something? Or are you just gonna stare at her the whole night?”

Tyler gave a dejected sigh. “She doesn’t wanna see me man. I’ve tried. I don’t even know why I’m here.”

“What do you mean? You told me you haven’t seen her in five years.”

He shook his head. “I looked everywhere for her, man. I regretted what I did as soon as it happened, and I tried to tell her how sorry I was. When the season ended, I figured I would give her some space – let her stop being so pissed at me that she would want to hear me out. But then I got traded, and she left Boston, never to be seen again.” Tyler took a long pull from his beer. “She hates me.”

“That was a long time ago. Just, after she’s done, we’ll go talk to that guy. He doesn’t seem to know who you are, at least not to her. He’ll introduce us, and she’ll be forced to either play nice, or let her boyfriend know that her ex is Tyler Seguin, Dallas’ hometown celebrity that he’s a huge fan of.”

Tyler ignored the stinging in his chest at the mention of her new boyfriend, a man who looked like he worshiped the ground she walked on. From what he could see as he watched them interact, he loved her and knew exactly what he had – a mistake Tyler was still haunted by.

Haley smiled as she adjusted the microphone. She looked at the brown haired guy strumming a guitar on the stool next to her while the surprisingly large crowd started to clap and holler. A pretty blush rose on her cheeks.

“Hey everyone! I’m Brayden, as most of you know already – hey, don’t roll your eyes!” The blonde stuck his tongue out at Haley before addressing the crowd again. “I’m just here to introduce my very best friends Haley Anderson and Noah Taylor! They have some new songs to sing for you all tonight, so who’s excited?”

Tyler looked over to a group sitting in a booth who cheered louder than the rest of the bar patrons. There were three couples and a toddler, all of them wearing what looked to be shirts with Haley’s face on them.

“Oh my god!”

Tyler looked at the stage to see Haley staring at the group in shock, a laugh erupting from her throat when she turned and saw Brayden and Noah taking off their jackets to show the same t-shirt.

She held a hand over her heart and put the microphone to her lips. “I have the best friends I could ever have asked for, you guys. Thank you. I love each and every one of you crazy assholes. And James, you’re the cutest of them all.”

Looking back at the group, Tyler let out a breath when the young toddler waved at her.
“Hey man,” Jaime whispered, jabbing an elbow into Tyler’s side. “Calm down, would ya? I can’t focus with you moving your leg like a jackhammer.”

“Huh?” Tyler looked down at his knee, realizing for the first that that he was bouncing it up and down. “Sorry, sorry. What if- what if she wrote a song about me?”

Jamie shrugged. “I have no doubt in my mind that she did.”

He just looked at him, not able to process what was going on.

Jaime must have saw the whirlwind of emotions going through his friend, because he lightly bumped his shoulder with his own. “That could be a good thing. It means she was able to process everything she felt and got it down on paper so it wasn’t just stewing any more. Will the songs be harsh? Maybe. Will you feel like shit when you hear them? Hell yes. But does it mean that she might be more open to talking to you again? Isn’t that the whole point of coming here tonight? To finally talk to her again?”

“Hey all! Thank you so much for coming tonight. Like Bray said, I have some new songs for you to hear, and they are pretty personal to me, so I hope you like them.” She smiled at Noah and he started to play. “As you can probably tell, I’m not originally from Dallas. I was born and raised in Boston, and after a relationship crashed and burned, I ran like the wind and go out of there. These songs tonight are a little about that relationship, words that I was never able to express until I learned to write songs about them, and a little are about relationships that have happened since then.”

Tyler swallowed, not sure if he was ready for this. He knew that if he had ever saw her again, there would angry words from her, he just never thought he would be in a bar of people while they heard them.

“This first one is called Stilettos, and I wrote it about the months before I was finally able to leave Boston.”

Go ahead and say what you’re gonna say
Give it to me straight, don’t sugarcoat it
Go ahead and do what youre gonna do
We’re already done, I already know it
So you can take your new blonde out to get your drink on
For everyone to see
But you don’t get to get to me

I wear my pain like stilettos
As bad as it may hurt, no you’ll never know
I keep walkin’ with my head up, puttin’ on a show
And frontin’ like nothin’ is wrong
I talk the talk like I’m a tough girl
‘Cause there ain’t room for weakness in a rough world
That keeps sayin’ you were never enough, girl
Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong
I wear my pain like stilettos

I ain’t stayin’ down, tonight I’m goin’ out
Yeah, even if I have to fake it
A little black dress to cover my mess
So you won’t know my heart is breakin’
I’ll pull myself together from the fallout of forever
For everyone to see ohhh
You don’t get to get to me

I wear my pain like stilettos
As bad as it may hurt, no you’ll never know
I keep walkin’ with my head up, puttin’ on a show
And frontin’ like nothin’ is wrong
I talk the talk like I’m a tough girl
‘Cause there ain’t room for weakness in a rough world
That keeps sayin’ you were never enough, girl
Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong
I wear my pain like stilettos

Oh, oh, whoa, oh whoa
Whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
Whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa
I wear my pain like stilettos
As bad as it may hurt, no you’ll never know
I keep walkin’ with my head up, puttin’ on a show
And frontin’ like nothin’ is wrong
I talk the talk like I’m a tough girl
‘Cause there ain’t room for weakness in a rough world
That keeps sayin’ you were never enough, girl
Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong
I wear my pain like stilettos

I wear my plain like stilettos oh

Haley waited for the claps and whistles to die down before she introduced her next song. Tyler could feel Jaime looking at him, waiting for some sort of reaction to cross his face at the words that were so clearly about him, but he didn’t let it happen. He did want Haley had sung about, and didn’t let his best friend know just how much he hated himself. He had fucked up, and though he was able to forget about the pain that he had caused her, he couldn’t run away from it now.

Because he did before. Whenever he thought about her, it wasn’t about the tears that fell down her face and he laughed in it, diminishing the year they had spent together in front of his teammates and a crowded bar. His mind briefly flashed to the blonde he used as a buffer – as a physical representation to show her that he didn’t want to be with only one girl and he already had his next with him.

He closed his eyes she started singing her next song, one she introduced as her “Goodbye Boston” song.

Well you really did it this time
Everyone watched as you took the stars right out of sky
The light out of my eyes
I don’t need a drink any or a good conversation
Or the talk of this town all around me
I’m broken, embarrassed
I know there’s nowhere I can go
All I know is that I need space

If it takes a rocket, okay, somewhere more than a planet away
Somewhere more than a planet away
I wave to the man in the moon
Put a light year between me and you
I need space

You really messed with my head
Knocked me off my axis
I would get out of bed
But around here the fact is
No one who’s willing to listen
Will listen without taking sides of the story
Gravity’s holding me here
But if I had a say, all I’d say
Is that I need space

If it takes a rocket, okay, somewhere more than a planet away
Somewhere more than a planet away
I wave to the man in the moon
Put a light year between me and you
I need space

I wave to the man on the moon
Nowehere to be and nothing to do
With a light year between me and you
I need space
I need space
I need space

“Are you okay, man?”

Tyler looked back at Haley as she sang another song, this one about daring a new love interest to make his move. He thought about about how she was when he had her, how she always seemed to know exactly what to say or do after a loss. How he was always so excited for their days together, even if he had just seen her.

Most of all, he thought about how he loved her. How he loved her then, and how he couldn’t help but fall in love with her all over again now. It didn’t make sense to him. He didn’t even know her anymore, but the only thing he was sure of was the way his heart skipped a beat every time he looked at her, and how he would give anything, anything, to be able to go back and change everything that had happened.

He didn’t answer Jaime’s question as they listened to the rest of Haley’s set, but he finally let himself admit why he wanted to come here tonight, even knowing that she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He wanted her in his life again, and was willing to do anything to make that happen.

Notes

Let know what you all think!

Stilettos - Kelsea Ballerini
Space - Maren Morris