“I’m thinkin’ about standing at the end of your drive, your tail lights fading into the night. Screaming your name, in the pouring down rain, watching you leave us behind…”


When Charlotte finally told Jules about what had happened with Jared, Jules could hardly believe it. Not that she doubted Charlotte’s story, she just couldn’t picture Jared taking things to an obviously unwanted level. And she made Jules promise that she wouldn’t try to set Charlotte up with anyone else. At least not yet. Not when she was still mourning the loss of someone important in her life.

Seven weeks. That’s how long it had been since Charlotte had last seen Darcy. Now at the end of March, she had spent the better half of last month in a multitude of meetings, trying to figure a way to sort out her future. Peter had landed a second assistant camera gig for Paramount, and Lindsey had found her way into the Director’s Guild as a fellow, and Charlotte was still trying to figure out where she was going to land in this world. Darcy had left under the premise that she had so much talent and such a great shot at a career, but since he’d been gone, she’d managed to do a lot of nothing.

And that’s when she saw a commercial on TV. She woke up, flicked on a channel, and two days before the end of March, she saw the Arizona Coyotes were coming to town to play the Kings. It took very little thought on her end before she went online and went to buy a ticket. In actuality, she thought more about whether or not to buy a second ticket for Jules. Ultimately, she decided against that. All Jules would do, was make her feel guilty for still hanging onto this thought of Darcy. For Jules, she believed Charlotte needed to get over him. And the sooner she could do that, the sooner she could get on with her life. But what she couldn’t understand, was that one didn’t just get over a love that quickly. Not a real one anyways.

That night, Charlotte loaded up and drove herself to downtown LA. She decided against wearing the jersey he’d given her from his China trip. She had contemplated that too, but thought it’d be awkward if he was with a new girl and she saw Charlotte wearing his game worn jersey. Unlike when she’d been to games in the past, she wasn’t behind the net this time. She was off to the side, still closer to the end zone the Coyotes would be defending twice.

When she got to her seat, warmups had already begun. She saw Darcy’s number out there, focused on the pucks being flung at him by his new teammates. She sat still, as though this was her punishment. For what, she wasn’t completely sure, but she knew she needed to see him again, even if they didn’t get to speak. Charlotte was quick to swipe away a tear and looked back at the ice as warmups ended. She’d gone through that phase without being noticed by Darcy. She was truly unsure about whether or not she wanted him to see her.

Charlotte waited in her seat, smiling pleasantly as a family of Kings fans sat beside her. The PA announcer welcomed the teams to the ice again and asked everyone to stand for the national anthem. The lights lowered in the arena and Charlotte looked down at her hands. But as soon as she looked up and out at the ice, her heart nearly stopped and her breathing hitched. From behind his mask, Darcy was looking at her. It was undeniable. His head was turned, he was unmoving… and Charlotte was sure she was looking at him the same way. It was like they were seeing each other’s ghosts. Even once the national anthem ended and the lights came back up, Darcy didn’t look away. It took him a moment before he finally gathered himself enough to realize that there was a game to play now.

Throughout the game, Charlotte spent half the time focusing on what was actually going on, and half the time wondering if just staring at each other was all they were going to get to do tonight. Was that really going to be the closing note on a relationship that had taken them from a one night stand, to friends with benefits, to an actual couple. When the buzzer rang for the end of the third, and the Coyotes fell to the Kings by two goals, Charlotte figured that yes, that was how this was going to end. Darcy looked at her once more, quickly, before he skated off the ice and disappeared into the tunnel.

Maybe foolishly, Charlotte thought that if she waited long enough and took her time leaving the arena, she’d happen to run into him if he wasn’t going to be whisked away on a team bus. With the Kings win, fans stuck around a little longer than usual. And by the time it had mostly cleared out, Charlotte noticed thirty minutes had passed. That’s when she got up to leave and began to meander her way through the halls and towards the exit. She did as much as she could and waited until someone was bound to kick her out for loitering.

Walking out of the Staples Center and back across the street to LA Live where she had parked her car, she knew this was a turning point. Forget him, Char. Move on, choose to be happy, and forget him. You’ll never hear him calling your name again.

“Charlotte!”

In the crowd of people, she looked in front of her, not seeing anyone remotely familiar that would’ve been calling her name.

“Charlotte!”

She looked to her left, and then right, getting confused glances from people as her gaze seemed to linger just a bit too long, trying to figure out who was calling her name and where that person was. Then it dawned on her to turn around, and it was another moment in time she swore she’d remember forever.

Darcy, looking frantic, pushing past people, even ignoring the heckles they shot at him, making his way up to her. Charlotte felt paralyzed and just stood there as he neared closer, finally getting up to her. Part of her thought it was going to be like a movie, and he was going to whisk her up in his arms and kiss her. But that dream went unrealized when he just stopped in front of her panting, and tried to smile.

“Hi,”

Charlotte choked and cleared her throat, “hi.” By societal rules of conversation, he should’ve been the one to speak next, but he seemed at just as much at a loss of words as she was. If one of her dreams was going to go unrealized, she might as well continue the train of bad news. They were already broken up, what did she have to lose? “Are you with someone else?”

He stared at her, most likely utterly confused. “What?”

Charlotte furrowed her eyebrows and looked to the side, trying to keep her composure. Seeing him again was hard because no matter what he’d put her through, no matter what he’d said, she still loved him. “Darcy, I miss you,” she put her hand up on her forehead. “And I hate you for what you did, because what the fuck?” She looked back up at him to find him just staring at her, listening intently. “I wanted you, I loved you, I would’ve followed you to Arizona and made a career for myself out there, or anywhere in the world for you. And you looked at me and told me you didn’t want me anymore. And as much as I hate you for that, I miss you so much, and I still love you. So my question is, are you with someone else?”

Darcy licked his lips and shook his head. “I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I didn’t want you to give up on this amazing dream just to follow me around and watch me get mine. I loved you so much that I put that aside and wanted you to be able to be here and live this life.” He paused and looked down at his feet momentarily, “we’re staying at the Ritz here,” he pointed behind them at the massive hotel on the border of LA Live. “Do you want to come in so we can talk?”

Charlotte nodded and began walking towards the hotel, feeling Darcy’s hand settle on her lower back as it had done so many times in the past, leading her towards their destination. He pulled open the glass door and followed her in, pressing his fingertips against her back to get her to walk into the hotel’s bar. With the game having just ended, it was pretty busy, but Charlotte managed to find a place on a couch outside, beneath a heater.

Darcy unbuttoned his suit jacket and sat down beside her, “do you want something to drink?”

She shook her head and turned towards him just slightly to engage in the conversation. Darcy did the same, but also extended his arm out on the back of the outdoor couch, just behind Charlotte’s shoulders. This time despite him staying quiet, Charlotte opted to wait for him to continue the conversation.

He seemed hesitant, and scratched the side of his head quickly. “How’s Chief,”

Charlotte looked down at her hands. With the minimal time he had to spare, he was really going to ask about Chief? “Fine,”

“He must be pretty big now…”

“Darcy,” Charlotte cut in, already growing tired of this line of conversation. “We’ve seen each other naked, we can cut the coy bullshit.”

He chuckled and looked at her. She was just as he remembered, and just as he loved. “Char, you created an amazing movie, and I couldn’t let you drop your entire life just to move to Arizona,”

“This might come as a shock to you,” she propped her elbow against the back of the couch, beside Darcy’s arm, “but you don’t get to decide what I do with my life.” She smiled softly when he laughed at that. “I wasn’t ready to break up. I thought we were in love.”

“I didn’t want you to feel trapped. Honestly, I thought I was doing you a service by ending it.” He moved his hand and touched Charlotte’s arm. “I’ve been thinking about you,”

“Why didn’t you call?” She moved her elbow off the couch, but only to reach forward and set both her hands on Darcy’s leg.

He smiled at her gesture and put his hand over hers. Just having platonic physical interaction with her was a breath of fresh air. “I figured you’d take a bit of time to get ovser the break up and then be running the industry.”

Charlotte stared at his lips as he spoke, wanting nothing more than to be able to kiss him. “No such luck,” she scooted in closer.

They were closer now, and all Darcy wanted to do was plant a long, deep kiss on her lips. And despite every urge in his body begging him to do so, he still refrained. “This doesn't change anything though; I still have to go back to Arizona tomorrow night after the game.”

She backed away just slightly, defeated. “You don't want me?” She flicked her eyes back up to him, “Darcy, honestly… Is there someone else? Someone new? Seriously, you can tell me. We’re broken up, it’s okay if you have someone new, I just want to…”

“You’re rambling,” he grinned, knowing her too well for her own good. When she pursed her lips, he tilted his head to the side to force their eyes to make contact, “there’s no one else. Nobody new,”

“Did you sleep with someone?”

Now Darcy was the one that looked defeated, and Charlotte knew she wasn’t going to like this answer. He nodded, “I’m sure you did too.”

Charlotte knew she was caught and knew neither of them had a reason to be angry. “I said your name,” she paused and then wondered if she should confess what else happened that night. “He wanted me to call him daddy and he wanted to fuck me in the ass,” she whispered sheepishly, feeling her cheeks grow hotter. When she saw Darcy’s reaction, she thought she was witnessing his heart shattering.

He took a moment and then cleared his throat, looking away from Charlotte and out at the rest of the bar. He dragged his fist over his eye and swallowed hard before finding the courage to get a little more detail. “Did you?”

Her answer was instant, reassuring. “I set Chief on him. The German paid off, by the way. It’s much scarier,”

Darcy let out an airy laugh and licked his lips. The way she smiled brought back a wave of memories. And he always figured he’d be the reason for her smile. “Listen, Char, a girl like you deserves…”

“I deserve to be able to make my own decisions about the direction of my career. And I hate to break it to you, Darcy, but I don’t have a job out here. A lot of meetings, a lot of phone calls talking up my friends to get them jobs, but I have nothing tying me here.”

“Charlotte,” he shook his head. “This is your dream. I won’t let you sacrifice that for me,”

She looked up at him earnestly, “dreams change. Besides, there’s an industry in Arizona. Westerns are making a comeback,”

“It’s not the same. You made something amazing; something that’s gotten you recognition. You can only build on that if you stay in LA,”

“You’re killing me, Darcy,” she whispered and leaned in closer, foregoing the notion of playing it safe and keeping her desperate urges in check. Charlotte lifted her hands and cupped her fingers around the back of his neck, using it as leverage to haul herself closer until she could lay a kiss on him, opening her mouth around his as she leaned her body against him harder. She moaned quietly in his mouth, and pulled away panting as she set her forehead against his. “I fucking love you, Darcy Kuemper, and after the conversation we’ve just had, I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me you never want to be with me again.”

He didn’t answer right away like she thought he would, and so she pulled away from him and stood up from the couch. But before she could get very far, Darcy stood and grabbed onto her wrist, “Charlotte, just give me a week.”

She pounded her first against his chest, trying to get him to let go of her, but to no avail. “You’ve got to be kidding me! If you need to think about it, then…”

Darcy twisted her arm behind her back and held her body against his. “I’m living with a teammate. Give me a week to get my own place,”

“Darcy, if you’re joking,” her voice cracked as her eyes welled up with tears.

He grinned and shook his head, “I’m not joking. Sublet your place, pack up your stuff and Chief, and I’ll see you in Phoenix in a week. But if at any point you get the urge to come back to this, and this career, you do it in a heartbeat, deal?”

“Deal,” she felt his hand loosen around her wrist, and she jumped up into him, wrapping her arms around his neck. How good it felt to have him holding her again; to have his strong arms wrapped around her. “I love you,” she whispered into the base of his neck.

He turned his head towards her and pressed his lips to her ear, “I never stopped loving you.”

She lifted her head and looked up at him. What a relief it was to not only be with him again, but to know that he wanted her with all of his heart. For how badly she’d felt in the two months they were apart, she now also knew that he’d felt just as miserable.

Notes

"Where I Go When I Drink" by Chris Young.