Call Me Captain

I’ve always known that Nick was a big hockey fan, but what I didn’t realize was that he had secretly been hoarding my old hockey gear and bringing it to the pond behind our house to practice. I remember the first time he said he wanted to play hockey. It was at the first hockey game dad had ever brought us to. The game hadn’t even started yet, we had only watched the Admirals practice and he wanted to play. My mother however, wonderful peach that she is, immediately squashed his dreams. Figuring she would give me the same response for the game being too rough or something like that I asked if I could play. To my surprise she told me I could do whatever I wanted. Why it was okay for me to play and not my brother I never understood. My plan hadn’t been to get what my brother wanted, my plan had been to show him it wasn’t anything to do with his disabilities, but more that it was a tough sport in general and mom was focused on our safety. But no, she had to go and foil that one and point out blank tell him because he wasn’t ‘normal’ he couldn’t play. Naturally, this caused a meltdown on Nick’s part and we were the center of attention.

I didn’t blame Nick for being upset. He was always being told he couldn’t do things before he could even attempt them and that got irritating for me to hear as a bystander. I couldn’t imagine being the one told no. If I’m being honest, I didn’t really care about playing hockey. Sure, it was fun and I was good at it, but it wasn’t my passion. Hockey was Nick’s thing, but he wasn’t allowed, so I played for him.

For as long as I could recall, Nick had been my biggest fan. He came to every single one of my games, showing up before warm ups. He would find his seat in the front row and open up his notebook. He had made an entire roster book for the high school team and kept track of all our stats. I’m not sure why he wasn’t hired as our team manager, he would do a hell of a lot better than Angie, the coach’s daughter. But that was Nick, he kept to himself, avoiding any and all social situations. He had finally warmed up to the idea of cheering for the team when we score. At first I had to explain to him that it was acceptable to cheer and that it was expected, otherwise people would look at him weird.

I’ll admit, it wasn’t my finest moment and I channeled my inner mother, but it worked and got him to cheer us on.

Sometimes people asked me what was wrong with my brother and every time I gave them the same answer. Nothing’s wrong with him, he’s just Nick. To which they always countered, “Well of course its Nick” or “Well of course he’s Nick to you, he’s your brother, but what’s WRONG with him?” Most of the time I would just walk off and leave the person hanging. Anyone who viewed Nick as ‘wrong’ or ‘different’ didn’t need to associate with me. Yes, Nick has quirks, but it doesn’t make him any less of a person. If people understood that, especially our mother, Nick would be a lot further along than where he’s at.

The only person who seems to share my viewpoint, aside from my dad is Jenny, Nick's school therapist. She sees Nick twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays during lunch.
She works with Nick on understanding social situations and how to react to compliments or feedback without having a meltdown. For the most part she gets Nick.
She understands what makes him tick and knows how to get around setting him off, but still getting him to do what she wants him to.

Jenny mostly communicates with Nick and dad, but once in awhile will bring me in to check on how things are going. Usually about once a month she will call me in for a lunch
meeting and we'll talk about how things are going. Today I'm asking her for a meeting because I want to know her thoughts on Nick playing hockey.
As I walk into the guidance office and sign in on the sheet at the front desk, I hear a group of my teammates talking.

"Bro you should have seen J's brother. He has a hell of a shot!"... said
"Yeah, he puts some chinese mustard on that shot or something because that puck was on fire."said Alex.

It was nice to finally hear other people praising Nick and especially for something he thoroughly enjoyed. Now I just had to convince everyone else that him joining the team was a good idea.
My teammates were clearly on board and spreading the word, but adults could be tricky.

"Justin, nice to see you. What's up?" Jenny asks coming out of her office.
"Well, I want to talk to you about something."
"Sure, come on in and we'll talk." she said motioning me towards her office.

Walking into her office I sat down in the chair opposite her desk.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Well, you know how Nick is really into hockey and knows all of the team's stats and everything?"
"Yeah we've talked about that before."
"Right. Well, this weekend when a couple of my teammates and I were walking back to my house to grab something I saw Nick."
"Okay, saw him doing what?"
"We have this pond behind our mom's house and I knew that Nick had been skating on it every year, but what i didn't know was that he has been practicing hockey."
"Oh, well that's awesome."
"Yeah and that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, he's really good, like, better than half of our team good and I told him he should play.
The problem is that my mother won't let him play. As you know, she’s always been against him trying anything. She thinks that because of his disabilities that he can't play sports
or anything like that."
"Yes, you have mentioned that she feels that way before and we've talked about how this is one way of thinking, but that your brother is very talented and has a lot of great qualities that
don't prohibit him from these sorts of things."
"Yes, exactly. As I said, her words not mine. I want Nick to play for us, I think he would be a great addition to our team especially with the injury to Brian.
I just need to talk to dad and see if he's on board with it."
"I think I see where this is going. Justin, did you come in here today to ask me to talk to your father or to put a bug in his ear?"
"Well, yeah, I guess I figured that you might be able to swing his way of thinking since you work with Nick and all and want to see him achieve."
"Yes I do. However, how can I be sure that this is something that Nick wants to do?"
"Because this has been Nick's dream ever since dad took us to a hockey game when we were younger. That's where his passion for hockey came from."
"Yes, I do remember that. The problem here is that I can't just call your dad and talk to him about it because you're telling me this is something that he wants to do.
This is something that I would need to hear from Nick himself. I firmly believe what you're telling me is true, but I can't go and speak on Nick's behalf to your father, without
hearing from Nick that this is something he wants me to do. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah it does."
“That being said. How does all of this make you feel? Hockey has always been your thing, your escape as you’ve put it before. Are you sure you’re okay with Nick joining the team?”
“Yeah, I’m good with it. In all honesty, the only reason that I ever played hockey at all was for Nick, so if he can play I’m all for it.”
“Alright, I’ll see if I can talk to Nick about this and go from there. Sound good?”
“Sounds great. Thanks for listening Jenny.”
“No problem, that’s what I’m here for. Side note, I think it’s awesome that you’re so supportive of your brother, which I know I’ve told you before, but I just want you to know I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks Jenny. We’ll talk soon.”
“Alright. See you later.”

Notes