Captive

“Mama!”

“Oh dear, it’s a miracle!” I was expecting my mother, but instead, my grandmother appeared on my screen.

“Grandma, it’s so good to see you, I missed you.”

“Are you really okay, sweetheart? They’re not lying to reassure us?”

“No, I’m okay, I promise.”

“But you look much thinner,” she said while bringing her face closer.

“Lost some weight, but otherwise doctor said I’m healthy. Where’s mom?”

“She’s with your dad over there. She’s a little choked up, honey, from happiness of course,” my grandma reassured me. “Livvy is here.”

My sister stood next to my grandma, her face was red, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. As I tried hard to hold back my own tears, my grandma hugged my sister. On two sides of the world, the three of us cried then laughed at the fact of crying.

I spoke with my sister, then with Jamie and dad. They all reassured me that mom was okay. I knew better than to rush her. She always wanted to look strong in front of us.

“Mia, your mom would like to speak with you,” my dad said with a smile as he wiped his eyes. He gave me a wink before giving his spot to mom.

“My baby, look at you,” my mom finally came into view. She had a huge smile on her face. Her blotchy skin, a family signature, told me that she’s been crying. “You’re okay, thank goodness. Oh, how I missed that beautiful face, honey.”

“I missed you too, mom. And I’m fine, no need for you to worry anymore, okay?”

“I can’t wait for you to come home. And you are coming home, I don’t care about all that nonsense you just told your father,” she said sternly.

“Mom, I – ”

“Nonsense, Mia. You are coming home. The Forces will grant you a leave, an unlimited one at that after what you’ve been through,” my mother spoke firmly.

“Karen,” I heard my dad say. “Give her a break, she just got back, let’s give her some time.”

Leave it to my dad to value service over my mother’s request.

“But Mia, your mother is right, you do need to take some time off to recover from that ordeal,” my dad added. I guess I was wrong about him this time.

“Look, I’m exhausted now. I haven’t slept in almost two days. I just need to rest then gather my thoughts. I will call you later.”

Once we said our goodbyes, I managed to eat a part of my lunch. I gathered the last ounce of energy I had and stepped into the common shower, praying not to encounter anyone because I was incapable of talking anymore.

It was my lucky day. The shower area was deserted during the day shift. The water was warm, the towel was soft, and my clothes, though looser now, they fit me.

I lied down in my old bed and expected to pass out, but I couldn’t be that lucky in the span of a single day. I tossed and turned for a while. I tried closing the blinds, covering my head, fluffing the pillow, even putting music on Tara’s iPod docking station. Nothing worked. The bed felt perhaps too big after I had gotten used to sleeping in a tiny space with a not-so-tiny someone, my mind mused.

Was he able to sleep? There was only one way to find out, I thought. I opened the door with purpose, but a not-so-tiny obstacle blocked my way.

“Jesus,” my hand flew to my heart.

“It’s me, didn’t mean to scare you,” Crosby said with a lopsided grin.

“You can knock next time!” I said.

“Where were you going?” he asked, tilting his head.

“I, it’s not important. What are you doing here anyway?” I asked as I surveyed the hall.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asked as if me being awake had just clicked in his head.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe, “I missed bickering with you.”

I chuckled, “come in.” Before closing the door, I peeked my head out and was glad the coast was clear.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I said frustrated.

Crosby sighed, his chipper mood shifting. “Me neither.”

“Really?” I asked a little too excitedly.

“Why are you so happy about it?” he nudged me.

“Because the thought of you sleeping while I couldn’t upset me,” I said then chuckled at how ridiculous that sounded.

“Come here.” Crosby engulfed me with a warm hug that melted my insides. With my arms trapped between us, I placed my hands on his pecs and snuggled into him. I missed his closeness. He smelled good, oh so good.

“Your hair smells nice,” he hummed then looked right in my eyes as his fingers drew delicate lines in my hair. “Soft,” he whispered before his lips brushed my forehead and nose. He rested his forehead on mine and inhaled deeply.

“Shampoo, first time in three months,” I stammered. I gave him a soft kiss on the lips then rested my cheek back on his chest. I wrapped my arms tightly around his torso and closed my eyes. He rocked us back and forth and I could feel my eyelids drooping despite being on my feet.

With his chin on my head, he said, “let’s get some sleep.”

Muscle memory brought us into our usual spooning position at the edge of the bed. We have to build new ‘memories’; otherwise, we may find ourselves falling on the floor one of those days. “One of those days,” I replayed this thought over and again in my head, and before long, I finally succumbed to sleep with a blissful smile and two strong arms around me.

I woke up disoriented and warm. We were sleeping facing each other, with Crosby heavy body resting on my right arm. As I freed myself of his hold, my elbow collided with something. I yelped, waking him up in the process.

“What was that?” I complained.

As I sat up, I noticed the offending nightstand in the blue glow of the dock. I forgot how close it was to my bed. I forgot that I was in my bed to begin with.

“Are you okay?” Crosby asked hoarsely.

“Yeah, go back to sleep, it’s only 4 pm.”

“Wait, is that Justin Bieber?” Crosby asked. “No way!”

Great, I guess we’re awake now. “It’s Tara’s playlist.”

He pulled me down next to him, “yeah, right. Admit that you love him!”

“I do not!”

“Yes, you do.”

“Check the playlist name and maybe you’ll believe me.”

“Fine,” he said and turned his back to inspect the iPod. When did he take off his shirt?

“Taramati?” he read. “Okay, let’s listen to your playlist, Captain Shaw, shall we?”

“Go ahead, I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Crosby joined me back on the pillow and I curled up to his side. As Queen played, Freddy Mercury’s majestic voice filled the room. I didn’t know at the time that Bohemian Rhapsody was imprinting in my mind a sense of freedom and extreme happiness. This song would forever bring me memories of this very moment.

“I feel drunk,” I said once the song was over.

Crosby’s chest moved up and down from laughter.

“Seriously,” I said and chuckled. “Why do people feel the need to drink? All you need to do is tell someone that their dad was dying, run away from terrorists, point a gun at an innocent mother in front of her children, get interrogated by five officers, and stay awake throughout the process.”

I looked at Crosby and expected him to laugh at my joke attempt. Instead, he looked back at me with a deep frown.

“What happened with that woman really affected you, huh?

Was that what he picked on?

“I just... she was just protecting her kids.”

“You hide a lot under that tough exterior, Mia.”

“I can still kick your ass though.”

“Keep telling yourself this,” he grinned then frowned again. “You don’t need to do that with me, okay?”

When I did answer, he propped himself on his side to face me. “I don’t believe it’s your military background like I once did. I just think you’ve been through a lot. And it’s okay to feel vulnerable. It’s okay to look vulnerable, too.”

“I know we’re gonna have to see a shrink, but I didn’t know my treatment plan started today,” I swatted him on the chest.

He shook his head, “humour is not always the answer,” he said with a shake of his head.

“Okay,” I spoke more seriously seeing that he was genuinely concerned. “You could say that it runs in the family.”

“What does?”

“The poker face.”

He gave me a look that said he needed more explanation. He was really acting like a therapist.

“My mother and grandmother are good at hiding their emotions. Now, that’s all I’m gonna say about this matter,” I said and I earned a small smile.

“That doesn’t make it healthy.”

I sighed and buried my face in his neck. “My mother is perfect to me. Being compared to her would always feel like an accomplishment. But you’re right in that bottling her emotions inside is not her best quality. She is so strong for us, always have been, to a point that she was barely able to talk to me today. Imagine after three months of not seeing each other, my mom almost chose not to talk to me so that I don’t see her crying.”

He ran his arms over my arm and back soothingly. “With what happened to your brother, I can imagine what your parents were going through in the past months. You have a strong and proud family, Mia.”

I nodded and much like my mother, I was too emotional to speak.

“Apparently, our parents have met. My mom said your parents’ support and the way they carried themselves during these difficult circumstances was inspirational. My dad would visit Richard often. Dad is still amazed by the amount of faith and hope that a father who’s lost a son has given him.”

“My dad doesn’t see Josh’s death as a tragedy, but as a heroic victory over the enemy. It sounds weird, but I guess it’s his way of coping with the loss.”

Crosby sighed and ran his hand over my cheeks as if knowing that he’ll find them wet. Though, he didn’t ask me to stop crying as he used to in the past. He just stayed quiet as I drifted back to sleep with my failed poker face hidden away in the crook of his neck.

Notes