Falling Fast and Breathing Hard

Tears ran down my face as I packed the last of my belongings into a huge cardboard box. I could not take one more second living in my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland. I loved the town and its atmosphere, but I decided after the death of my best friend two months ago, I had to move away from here. I took one last look around my apartment making sure I had everything packed into my dark red Scion minutes later and headed up to the landlord's apartment to drop off my keys and turn off the utilities. Once I did that, I drove away from the only town I called home and made my long drive to Pittsburgh. It took me nearly five hours to get there, but I was finally here. I glanced at my cell phone to see the time when my phone rang. Irritated, I answered it, even though I would've rather ignored every call that I heard today.

"Hello?"

"Athena! Where the hell are you?!" my step-father screamed at me.

"None of your goddamned business!"

"Don't take the lord's name in vain again and it is my business! I'm your father!"

"No, you'll never be my father! I hate you!"

"Wherever you are, get your ass home!"

"I'm never coming back."

I hung the phone up after that and began to cry again in my car in a parking lot of the hotel I'd be staying in for the night till I started searching for an apartment. My father passed away the year I turned thirteen. He had been battling lung cancer for nearly a year and peacefully slipped away on a beautiful afternoon in July in the hospital. I thought that he was going to make it even towards the end. He lost about forty pounds and was looking terrible, but I don't know what I was thinking. I guess that I didn't want to face what was truly going to happen to him.

Only two years later, my mom, who's been my rock since as long as I can remember, got married to the guy I was just talking on the phone with. They dated for close to seven months when Ronnie proposed. I never liked him when they were dating and I hate him even more now. I cried for ten minutes before I made my way into the lobby to get a room for the night. That night, I went to bed and fell asleep fast, letting everything go for the first time in two months.

The next day, I checked out around nine am, then proceeded to go apartment hunting. I checked out a few before heading out to lunch at this restaurant downtown, called Primanti Brothers that I heard so much about. The restaurant was full of sports memorabilia, specifically Steelers, Penguins and Pirates memorabilia. I hadn't watched any sport all that much besides football. I watched football games with my father all the time growing until he got sick, then stopped. It just wasn't fun anymore and all my step-father ever watched was baseball and I never could, for the life of me, get into it. Hockey on the other hand appealed to me. The players moved fast, could defend themselves and had only thing in mind and that was, to win. They were everything I wasn't, but they were what I aspired to be.

I wanted to be able to defend myself and do something with my life, but so far, all I've done with my life was move to another city, another state. I didn't think that was much of anything in my honest opinion. I sat alone, secluded, towards the front of the small restaurant. I was getting looks from everyone who happened to walk past me, which I tried to pretend didn't bother me, but they did. I didn't want sympathy from anyone; that's why I left home.

"What would you like dear?" the waitress asked.

"Could I have a ginger ale and the fish and cheese sandwich please?" I said with the best smile I could muster.

I sat there all alone and just looked through my phone to pass the time. I came upon the too familiar name of Rhonda Tidwell and stopped breathing. She was my best friend and was never going to come back. I don't know why I hadn't erased her out of my contacts, but I didn't. Maybe it was because it was simply too hard for me to do because the task is easier said than done. Who knows. All I knew was that I was still broken inside and had no signs of healing anytime soon or even in the future as far as I knew.

Those short six months that she battled leukemia, she always had a smile on her face and was positive that she was going to beat the cancer and go back to living to the life she had before she became sick. I spent every last minute that I could with her, trying to keep a smile on my face the entire time, which was so hard for me to do, since my father's battle with cancer. In the end, she passed with me, her older brother and her parents at her bedside early in the morning on a cold day in February.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath hoping no one would notice. I opened my eyes and finally did what I had to do:

Let go.

Let go of her number and let go of some of the pain. A single tear ran down my face and I quickly wiped it away. Seconds later, my ginger ale came and I began to relax a bit as I patiently waited for my food to arrive at my table. Then, I thought about what I was going to do once I got an apartment and a job, which made my head hurt something terrible. I stopped thinking and simply waited, not thinking about anything but food while looking at my hands. Ten minutes passed when I heard footsteps coming towards my table and immediately thought it was my food, but it wasn't. It was a man in his twenties walking towards me for some odd reason that I couldn't think of.

Did he think I was weird? Was he feeling sympathetic? Did he think I was pretty?

I knew for sure it wasn't the last option.

"Do you mind if I sit down?" he asked.

"No. Go right ahead." I whispered.

He sat across from me and I was forced to look at him. I had never been too comfortable with men talking to me as a teenager and even now, out of high school and this was not helping at all. I took out my phone and played with it again, trying to avoid the guy sitting across from me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." I said which was clearly a lie.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. I'm sure. I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Anyways, I'm Kris Letang." he said with a hint of a French-Canadian accent.

"Athena Halloway."

"Pretty name."

I blushed.

"Thanks. My mom loved mythology and wanted to name her daughter after her favorite Greek goddess."

"Cool. I wish I could say my name has a story as interesting as that."

"I'm sure something makes up for it."

"Yeah. I'm sure too."

My food soon came and Kris gave the waitress his order. I began eating it and smiled while doing so.

"Why are you so happy?"

"This sandwich is amazing. I have to make sure I come here again."

"Are you from out of town?"

"Definitely. I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. I just moved from there yesterday."

"Why the move?"

"It's a long story."

He noticed that I didn't want to talk about it and let it go.

"Moving to Pittsburgh was a great decision. You're going to love it here."

"I hope so. I've heard so much about Pittsburgh and it's culture and its history. I definitely like it so far. How long have you lived here?"

"About five years. I don't want to leave."

He didn't tell me more than that, but I knew there was a story behind it that I wanted to hear. I finished my food by the time he got his and didn't know what to do next. My phone rang and I was afraid to answer it, but I did.

"Hello?"

"Sweetheart, where are you? You left without saying anything or without a note."

"I'm in Pittsburgh and I don't plan on coming back. Don't tell Ronnie."

"He deserves to know. He's your step-father."

"I don't care Mom. Listen, I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you too, Athena."

I hung up the phone and sighed as I put it away in my purse. Kris looked concerned.

"What's going on?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Sorry if I'm acting like a bitch. I'm just..."

"That's okay. You're not acting like a bitch."

I smiled.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

He finished eating and then paid his bill and so did I. I didn't want to go back out and hunt for apartments, but I knew I had to and I couldn't just sit here and take up his time.

"I'll see you later?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'll see you later."

We left, forgetting to get each other's number, but we knew we'd meet up again.

Notes

Chapter title courtesy of New Perspective by Panic At The Disco.