Falling Fast and Breathing Hard

Early in the morning, I woke up, showered, got dressed and headed out the door before Kris woke up. It was seven and I was planning on visiting Rhonda's grave, but bringing him... wasn't a decision I was comfortable with. Right as I started pulling out of the driveway, I heard my front door open. Low and behold, it was Kris in his pajamas.

Fuck.

Couldn't I just go without him knowing?

"Athena? Where are you going?!"

"I'm going to visit Rhonda. Bye."

"Why are you doing this by yourself?"

"I'm not comfortable." I said, tearing up.

He sighed and made a face before coming toward me.

"Look at me."

And I did.

"Are you sure? You don't want me there?"

I looked away.

"I know it'd be weird and it'd probably be weird if you came with me to visit Luc too, but think about it. You'd want me there just as much as I'd want you there."

I nodded.

"How fast can you get ready?"

"20 minutes."

"Mind if I go buy some flowers really quick?"

"Of course not. I'll be here when you get back."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you, too."

After my short trip to the store, I came back to find Kris on the front porch.

"Good to go?" I asked.

"Yep." he replied, opening the passenger door.

I took a deep breath then pressed down on the gas pedal. The closer we got to the cemetery, the more the tears threatened to fall. Once there, we didn't have to walk far to her grave. Her grave was beautiful. Her family only wanted the best, no matter how expensive it was. I don't know why I don't stay in touch with them; they were my second family. After standing there for a second with Kris holding my hand while tears rapidly ran down my face, I decided to sit down. I leaned my head on his shoulder and was silent for a few minutes before I moved away, so I could plant her flowers.

"Could you hand me the digger?" I sighed.

He nodded.

Let me tell you, digging up dirt on a grave, so you can plant flowers, sucks.

"I hate this."

"Hate what?"

"Digging up dirt, so I can plant these."

He bit his lip to keep himself from laughing.

"Shut up." I said, elbowing him in the shoulder.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." I said, shaking my head.

After I dug up enough dirt and planted them, I gave them some water before telling Kris to put them back in my mom's car.

"Will you give me a few minutes?" I said, looking up to him when he came back.

"Of course. I'll be in the car when you're ready."

I nodded.

"Hey, Rhonda. I'm sorry I left Baltimore, sorry I left the state. I needed to go. It was just too hard to live here. You know how my step-dad is and my dad was. Ronnie made my life a living hell as you can remember and I'd stay over as much and as long as I possibly could. You'll be happy to hear Ronnie's in jail. You can thank the man I'm about to talk about; his name's Kris. I met him the day I moved to Pittsburgh. I was looking for an apartment and was taking a lunch break at this place called Primanti's. Their sandwiches are absolutely amazing; wish you could've tried them. You would've loved them. Anyway, I met him while I was waiting on my food. He wanted to know if I could sit here and of course, I let him. I was shy and awkward and nervous. Basically, I was a mess. Even after a phone call from my mom wondering where it was and me saying I was never going back, he understood why I was acting the way I was when I told him that I basically wanted to let him go. We ended up forgetting to get each other's numbers, but I met up with him the next day at Target and we became friends. That night, I told him everything thanks to a comment I made about getting this apartment being the easy part. I learned about him as well.

I sighed and took a breath.

"He had a best friend who died in a motorcycle crash just a couple of years ago. Oh, I didn't tell you his full name. His name is Kris Letang. Turns out, he plays for the Pittsburgh Penguins and is a pretty amazing defenseman, along with being a pretty amazing person. A week passed and I found a job as a graphic designer. Awesome job, right? It couldn't be a more perfect job. I love it. After work, Kris came over to celebrate and following me showing him a picture of you, and me singing, he kissed me. Obviously, I freaked out and ran away locking myself in the bathroom confused and well, you know why. You know what whathisname did to me on my 18th birthday. After a talk, I kissed him and we've been together since. Three months later, we told each other that we loved one another and I can't believe it. I never thought I'd fall in love this fast. It's crazy. I never thought that could happen, but it did. You'd like him so much. I know you'd approve. Anyway, I miss you so much, it's ridiculous. I'd love to see you again, but I don't think that's gonna be a long time and I'm fine with that, 'cause I know that I will see you again and you'll meet him. I can't imagine life without him. I love you! Talk to you soon."

Tears were running down my face and I'm surprised that I wasn't a mess the entire time, but I was talking about Kris and then how much I missed her. I felt happy though. I came home, saw my mother and visited her, all with my boyfriend. Life is so much better now. I walked back to the car and quickly got in it.

"How did it go?"

"It was wonderful. I told her about leaving Baltimore and why I did it. I told her about you, about my job and when I fell in love with you. I told her about how much she'd approve of you and how much I miss her, telling her I know I'll see her again with you..."

I smiled.

"'Cause I can't imagine life without you." I said, getting a little choked up.

He touched my face, pulling me a little closer and kissed me. It was a long, nice kiss.

"I could say the same." he said with his signature smile.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Notes

Chapter title courtesy of God Gave Me You by Blake Shelton.