“Sara’s pregnant.”

Crickets.

And then two beats later: God bless Taylor Crosby, “Holy shit!” Taylor jumped up from sitting by the pool and ran over to Sara and Sidney engulfing them in a simultaneous hug. “So I’m going to be an aunt?” Sidney nodded and took a step back from his baby sister and pulled Sara closer to him.

The backyard of Sidney’s childhood home was milling with his close relatives and his few best friends who had decided to come. The first thing Sara said when they stepped out in front of the crew was, “They are going to kill me. I cannot believe I single handedly took down the King of Canada.”

“More like tied down, Sara.”

Sidney got a not so playful punch in the arm for that one. She was a nervous wreck and at fifteen weeks pregnant Sara couldn’t pretend like she was just bloated anymore. Sidney laughed every time Sara stood in front of the mirror poking at her belly like it was somehow going to push itself back to its original toned shape.

“There’s an alien inside me,” Sara would say, then drop to her knees and empty her stomach into her toilet. Sidney would walk into the bathroom, hold her hair back, and watch her as she brushed her teeth twice as long as she usually did.

One morning after she brushed her teeth after her morning sickness Sidney kissed her on the lips and laughed as he said, “Its karma. Stop calling her an alien and she’ll stop making you sick.”

In Sidney’s family’s backyard, however, Sara felt small. She pushed herself into Sidney’s side hoping she could dissolve into him and the stares from the fifteen people in front of her would disappear as she did. Sidney wrapped his arm around Sara’s waist and rested his hand against her stomach; Sidney Crosby was a protector if nothing else.

A moment later Sidney’s friends started to come up to him offering congratulations and lewd remarks. If he had a dollar for every time one of them said, “Didn’t know you had it in yah!” accompanied by a slap on the back he and Sara would finally be on even playing grounds when it came to money. Through all the chaos Sidney watched as his father wordlessly set down is drink and walked past the group and into his house. Into his office, no doubt.

Sidney whispered an, “I’ll be back,” into Sara’s ear before slipping out of her grasp leaving her amongst his mother and friends who fretted over her belly. Sid walked into his father’s office with his shoulders squared and his head held high. He held his father’s stare for the longest moment and tried to remember a time in his life when he had stood up for himself to his dad as a source of reference…he couldn’t recall one.

“I don’t love her,” his father blinked, “I hardly know her. We’ve barely been together six months and almost four of those months she’s been pregnant. I don’t love her but she’s my girlfriend, the mother of my baby, and I would bet my life on the fact that I will marry Sara. One day she’ll be my wife and it won’t because she had my child, it’ll be because I love her. So I don’t care that you disapprove and I don’t care about whatever hare-brained scheme you’ve come up with to get me out of this situation. I care about Sara and this is my new life now so you can either be a part of it or chose to miss out on your grandchild’s life.”

Sidney didn’t give his father a chance to respond and if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t want to know what his father had to say. He was tired of letting his dad run his life, he wasn’t eighteen anymore and he was confident in his abilities to make his own decisions and stick by them.

Sara looked relieved when Sidney finally regained his spot beside her. She had moved to the edge of the pool and was dangling her feet in the deep end. Sara dropped her head on Sidney’s shoulder with a sigh, “If one more person asks to see my tummy…”

“You’re going to show them.”

“Probably.”

The backyard went silent and watched as the backdoor slammed shut behind Troy and watched as he walked over to the grill and fired it up and began to cook lunch for the lot. He caught Sidney’s eye across the yard and gave him one short nod before turning back to the grill.

--

“Sidney.”

3:24AM.

“Sid.”

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

“Sidney!”

3:25AM. Big intake of breath, “Sara, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. Something just feels off.”

Sidney turned on the bedroom light, pulled on his jeans from the previous day, slipped on a sweater, and shoved his feet into a pair of running sneakers, “Come on.” He held his hand out and pulled Sara off of the bed. He watched her as she slowly slipped on her flip flops and then walked back to Sidney leaning her body into him and wrapping her arms around her abdomen. Halfway to the hospital Sara curled herself up on the SUV seats as the cramping in her back and sides became constant instead of the quick stabbing pain that it was.

--

God bless my pull in this city, Sidney thought as Sara was rushed into her own private room upon immediate arrival. Sara lay on the bed unable to think. She told herself to think, to feel, to do anything but she couldn’t do anything but squeeze Sidney’s hand like she was holding on for dear life.

Fear, she realized she felt, at least that was something.

--

Sidney was appalled at how quickly the doctor was able to confirm that the nagging voice in the back of his head was right.

“It happens sometimes, some women’s body’s, especially with their first pregnancy, just reject the fetus.”

Sidney’s reaction was quick and full of rage. He yelled and motioned with his hands about God knows what until Sara asked him to leave the room so the doctor could perform the D&C procedure. Sidney dropped his arms to his side and looked over to Sara who was staring at the wall behind him. He leant down to kiss her on the cheek but she turned her head completely to the other side.

Sidney sighed, “I’ll be right outside, I promise.”

--

Sara couldn’t bear to look at the ultra sound screen with the black and white picture of what was once her baby on it so she crossed her arms over her face and tried to move her mind anywhere but there. She felt numb. The white of the walls of the hospital room sedated her. She felt pressure and a cold breeze on her legs as the OBGYN did her job.

Her job. This was not what people who wanted to deliver babies signed up for when they took the job. OBGYN’s wanted to deliver joy not pain.

Sara couldn’t help but laugh sardonically at herself though when her first coherent thought was, “This blows.”

--

Sara didn’t want to be touched and Sidney let her have her space as he walked by her side towards his car. He opened the door for her and let her slide in before he closed it. They drove in the direction of Sara’s apartment and watched together as the sun rose above the horizon.

I wish it was yesterday. I wish I hadn’t gone to bed last night. The train of thought was the same between Sara and Sidney.

Sidney took an abrupt turn into an abandoned gas station parking lot and turned off his car. When Sara looked over Sidney had his shoulders bowed and his forehead resting on his steering wheel. Tears leaked from his eyes as he breathed heavily trying to calm himself down. Sara unbuckled herself and reached over to Sidney’s hand squeezing it reassuringly. He squeezed back, I’m okay.

Sidney lifted his head from the steering wheel and rested back against his chair. He told himself to breath, that he had his moment to break down and now he had to be strong for Sara. Sidney turned his head to see Sara staring at him with a slight frown. She shifted in her seat before climbing over the center console and straddling Sidney’s lap wrapping her arms around his neck and tucking her bare toes under his thighs. Sidney wrapped his arms around her torso tightly bringing her as close as he could to himself and breathing in the scent of her shampoo.

“Sidney?” Sara’s voice was muffled by Sidney’s shoulder.

“Yeah, hon?”

“Now what?”