I Was a Dreamer before You Went and Let Me Down

Sidney

I hear the front door open, then close slowly and the small thud of a bag hitting the floor before the harsh clack of flip flops in an empty hallway. She doesn’t say a word just walks into the living room and sits down next to me. The highlights- or rather low lights- of the game from last night are playing on sports center.

She makes no comments just sits next to me quietly watching a replay of a saucer pass leave my stick- a play that’s worked numerous times in the past- and end up on the opposing teams the turn over resulting in the overtime goal resulting in a game 7 loss of the Stanley Cup finals. When the sigh leaves my mouth even I’m not sure what emotion is tied to it.

For the first time in the 10 minutes since she sat down I hear her voice softly say my name, I ignore her and rewind the TV watching the failed pass again. When I go to rewind it the second time her hand gently wraps around mine and it surprises me how easily I let her take the remote from me and shut the TV off.

“And what do you think that game proved?” she asks tentatively and I just shrug “Do you think your team respects you less? The coaching staff? The city? Me?” the last part comes out as almost a whisper and with a sigh I shake my head “Sid it was one game”

“It’s another year without the Cup”

“So?” she says with a bitterness in her voice and I turn towards her and almost snap, her shirt stops me it’s blue and gold –something you’d expect from a diehard sabres fan- the words down it say ‘Just One Before I Die’ and I almost laugh, but instead I just turn to face the blank TV screen again seeing the missed pass even without it playing across the screen.

She leans her head down the rest on my shoulder kissing the spot on my neck that her lips are closest to, her fingers find my hair her nails just barely scrapping across my scalp, when she speaks it’s almost a whisper “Baby I know you’re disappointed but that entire team left their hearts on the ice.Do you realize your team had one hell of a season? I mean that in more ways than one, you guys were so injury plagued and the Tanger stroke thing and yet you made it to the finals and fought for a game 7.You can’t expect to win them all” I say nothing letting her words process “I’m gonna go make some coffee, Pittsburgh from Buffalo drives almost demand it, think about what you want for dinner?” she pats me on the shoulder and gets up making her way to the kitchen.

I let her words sink in for a moment before following her into the kitchen. On the counter sits her iPhone playing music as she puts away a dishwasher full of clean dishes that I should have done easily 2 days ago. One song fades out as another begins and I watch her reaction the small smile that plays across her lips and her need to hum along.

The chorus catches my ear fully beyond just watching Jesy dance to it “But when she says baby, oh no matter what comes ain’t going nowhere she runs her fingers through my hair and saves me. Yeah that look in her eyes got me coming alive and driving me a good kind of crazy when she says baby” I smile, this song could have easily been written for the girl dancing around the kitchen humming to it.

Jesy

I leave Sidney moping on the couch and walk into the kitchen. Missing from the coffee pot is the craft and missing from the cupboards is every single coffee cup I roll my eyes and make my way to the dish washer. In true Sidney fashion only those needed have been taken out, then probably replaced and the whole load washed again- typical man- I take out my phone and hit shuffle on the music before starting to take the dishes out of the over packed dish washer.

I find the pieces for the coffee pot and stop momentarily to make coffee before returning to my moping boyfriend distraction. A couple of songs later I’m halfway through the top rack and Jason Aldean’s song “When She Says Baby” comes on and I smile at one of my current favorites, it’s not long before I find myself humming and then dancing along. I jump when Sid clears his throat behind me and almost drop the stack of plates I was about to put in a cupboard he laughs and takes the stack of plates from me setting them on the counter

“Do you always dance while putting away dishes?” he asks and I shrug my shoulders

“Sometimes” I answer and stare at him quietly for a moment

“I could have written this song” he says finally and I laugh

“Oh yeah, I can so see the worst singer in the league writing a song”

“It’s easy enough with you as the perfect inspiration” I smile at him and he reaches over pausing the music “Sorry about being all, ya know” he says as I pull myself up to sit on the counter in front of him

“Mopey? Whiny?” I open my mouth to continue and Sid kisses me

“Shut up I get it” he mumbles inches away from my face, I laugh and he backs up to yawn and for the first time I notice the dress pants and button down he’s wearing

“Sid, have you slept yet?” he shrugs and I hop down off the counter “Come on, nap time” I say pulling him towards the stairs

“But you just made coffee and the dishes” he says and I stop one stair up and turn to face him

“Nap first, coffee and dishes later”

We make our way upstairs and I flop on the bed while Sid changes out of dress clothes into shorts and a t-shirt, he lays down next to me a few seconds later and I curl into his side

“Baby” he says sleepily and I nod my head curled into the side of his neck “I love you”

“I love you too Sid, go to sleep” he shakes his head

“That’s not what I wanted to say” he says and I sit up looking at him with furrowed eye brows “Well it is, but it’s just”

“You really are tired go to sleep” I say with a laugh and he shakes his head but smiles

“That, I love that” I look at him confused “your laugh I love your laugh” I open my mouth to tell him to go to sleep and he interrupts me “Just shut up for a second huh? I tell you I love you all the time but I never tell you why now do I” he looks at me, one eye brow raised and I shake my head, he smiles and motions for me to lie back down, I lean back on my pillow so I’m half laying down, Sid turns on his side wrapping his arm tightly around my waist and pulling me into him tightly “I love your smile, I love your love of hockey” he smiles at me when I giggle “I love” he says with a yawn mumbling something I don’t catch as I run my hand through his hair “I love you” he says in a half asleep sigh, “Marry me?”His words make me freeze and I tilt my head to make sure he’s asleep before running a hand through my hair, he cannot be serious, can he?

I suddenly feel the need to get up and pace the bedroom but I wrapped too tight in his arms and his breath on my neck has me warmer than the 90 degree June weather did outside. I just lay still my mind running 100 miles per hour hoping he rolls over soon so I can get out of the room that’s suddenly suffocating me. When he finally shifts to the left I sneak out of the room and down the stairs putting the rest of the dishes away and starting dinner.

Sidney

I wake up to the smell of dinner cooking and make my way downstairs to see Jesy setting the table.

“Perfect timing” she says quietly and sits down at the table. We eat in silence and I can’t help but noticed Jesy only picking at her food, I say her name several times before she looks at me briefly “Are you done? I’ll take your plate” she mumbles and I grab her arm

“No I’m not” I say looking at her with a worried expression and then to my still almost full plate “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I’m just tired. I couldn’t sleep earlier and its caught up with me” she says waving it off and staring at her plate

“That’s not it, I’ve seen you tired, this is not tired what are you worried about?” she shrugs her shoulders and runs a hand through her hair “Jesy, come on, what’s wrong?” I prod

“I just, I don’t think…. I mean we shouldn’t…… this isn’t”she sighs and I feel suddenly nervous about what she’s going to say

“We shouldn’t what?” I say running a hand through my hair and closing my eyes

“We shouldn’t be getting married yet” she blurts out and my eyes fly open to meet her worried ones

“Yeah, I agree” I say slightly confused picking up my coffee cup and taking a slow drink out of it

“Really? Then why did you propose?” I almost spit my coffee out and I look at her surprised

“I did what? When? I… what?”

“You were falling asleep and being all sappy romantic Sidney, which is generally a very cute side to you I wish more people could see and then you just blurt that out like it’s a planned thing. Then I started thinking there’s no way we’re ready for that we’re only… and then I remembered we’re 26, we’re close enough to 27 that we’re 27, and this is what we should be thinking and talking about and we should be planning for children and where they’ll go to school. Yet, I’m still not ready for the whole married part but clearly you are” she rambles at lightning speed running a hand through her hair “I just don’t know how to deal with that right now because if we wait too long to start planning a future then we’ll be too old to enjoy our kids and I don’t want to be 60 when or kids graduate and how many are we going to have and where are we going to live? And why are we even talking about this because we’ve been together for 7 months and our clothes haven’t even intermingled in the washer yet let alone us starting a life together” she throws her hands up in the air and they come crashing down on the table as she looks at me with tears in her eyes “Do you have nothing to say?”

“I’m sorry? I don’t know what you want from me on that, I’ve told you before I’ve been ready to marry you since the day I met you, that was 9 years ago. It actually kind of hurts that after all that time you’re not ready for that, but I understand. As for the rest of that we’ll figure it out when it happens if we have one child that’s fine, if we have 4 that’s fine, if we have zero I honestly don’t care. Yes we’re 27, so what. Do you love me?” she nods “are you sure?”

“Yes, what kind of question is that?”

“Apparently a valid one if after 9 years you’re not sure of our relationship enough to even entertain the thought of marriage”

“I didn’t say…”

“You basically did. I don’t want to force you to do anything or feel like you’re being pushed towards anything you don’t want to do, so tell me now, because if this is going nowhere after all this time, then we need to walk away now before we both get hurt more than we already will” I lean back in the chair and close my eyes running my hands through my hair and down my cheeks and back up because I don’t want to see the words forming on her lips before I hear them.

A moment passes, and I hear things on the table move I feel her small hands wrap around mine and pull them away from my face, when I open my eyes I’m face to face with her sitting on the table her legs hanging on either side of my chair. Her eyes at watery and she looks like she’s fighting back the urge to sniffle “Sidney” she says in a hoarse whisper that hurts right to the core “Sometimes, like right now, I just love you so much it physically hurts. And you’re just sitting there all vulnerable and looking like a kicked puppy and damn it this is not where I wanted this to lead to, I am not going anywhere, God with a face like that who could? Of course I want to marry you, but first I need to readjust to this” she says and smiles slightly

I reach up and wipe away the tear threatening to fall from her eyes and kiss her slowly, when I pull her into my lap she squeals in surprise and the tablecloth under her shifts sending the plates crashing to the floor

“Shit” I mumble and she laughs shrugging her shoulders and kissing me again.

Notes

Ok, so I'm sorry for the ridiculously slow updates. I'm also sorry if you think this chapter sucks it took me a month to write it therefore it's entirely possible for any or all of you to think that especially when I wrote a Patrick Kane one shot (that may or may not become a two-shot keep your eyes on that one it's called Come Wake Me Up) in about the span of an hour and half and I was really proud of how that turned out. That being said, this story will end soon, like 2 chapters soon because I'm pretty sure that as the writer I'm checking out on this story which is terrible because I wholeheartedly love the penguins and Sid. After this story is done though, I will be re-writing some one shots I'm not as proud of, and posting them together as one long story. If you would like to see a certain player that you don't think gets much love comment, please! I would really like to do some of the lesser known players, or if you have a song that you just love and would love a story written to it, comment I love doing song stories (if that wasn't obvious by this next sentence). Title credit goes to Jason Aldean "When She Say's Baby".