By the time I finally made my way back to the apartment, I was able to process the day’s events.

My entire body seemed to shake with a sense of guilt that I had inevitably picked up after Kris’ quick peck to the corner of my mouth. My mind seemed to be swimming through a haze, trying to find the exact emotion that the whole conversation had evoked inside of me.

“Are you okay?” Sara asked me, pausing in the midst of making herself a sandwich to glance over at me with a worried glance.

I leaned back against the now closed door. “Kris told me he was in love with me.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Okay. I mean, you already knew that, so…”

“And then he tried to kiss me,” I added, watching her face change into a look of sincere surprise. “So, to answer your question, I’m not sure.”

“Wow, he just… he just did that,” Sara said, giving her head a small shake. “How do you feel?”

I made my way over to the kitchen, plopping down in one of the small wooden chairs. “I don’t know. Guilt is probably the most evident one I can feel.”

“Guilty?” Sara repeated, abandoning the sandwich all together. “Because of Evan?”

I nodded. “Kris told me that he never expected Evan and I to end up liking one another.”

“Ah, it’s one of these stories,” she observed, sitting across from me. “Kris had a crush on you first, but he left and you and Evan fell in love, right?” She watched me nod, smirking a bit. “Seriously, Katy. You should write a book about your life, it has all the makings of a hit; A family you don’t like, a boyfriend you loved that passed away, his bitter and emotionally unstable best friend who’s in love with you,” she paused, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder, “and a beautiful best friend who will probably marry a male model.”

I smiled a bit at her, letting out a sigh. “Things would be so much simpler if Evan hadn’t died.”

“Yeah, what a jerk, going off and dying like that,” Sara agreed, ducking as I grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and chucked it at her. “So, what do you do now?”

I frowned. “About what?”

Sara stared at me for a moment before making an obvious glance at the calendar, signalling for me to check the date. I did so, feeling a stronger wave of guilt hit me as I noticed the date. “Evan’s birthday is in three days.”

“You would have remembered by tomorrow,” Sara comforted. “You’ve barely slept in the last couple of days, your track of time is off.”

“I hope that’s all it is,” I said, pursing my lips. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I miss the friendship Kris and I had before everything, and I guess that, when I think about it, I guess I might have liked him at the start-”

“Don’t do that,” Sara interrupted. “Don’t try to feel bad for Kris because he had a crush on you in high school that he never acted on. You loved Evan, Katy. Evan, not Kris.”

“I know that,” I said. “I’m just… everything feels like it’s spinning now that I actually heard it from Kris, you know? It’s like, he took all of the stability I spent this last year gathering, all of the security, the closure, the everything, and he just put it on a string and is using it as a Yo-Yo.”

Sara shook her head a bit. “Seriously, write a book.”

I had to giggle a bit at her. “Why can’t things just be normal?”

Sara smirked at me, standing up to head back over to the sandwich she had been in the middle of putting together. “What is normal, Katy?”

I let my forehead drop down to rest on the table. “I don’t know, but I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to know what it feels like.”

--------------------------------

The Pittsburgh Penguins organization was throwing a huge party in Evan’s honour. Even though he had only played one game as an actual Penguin, they knew how close he and Kris were, and had organized a charity event to celebrate the big occasion. I knew as soon as I stepped into the room and spotted the As Tall As Lions poster, that Kris had contributed a lot of ideas.

I had purposely strayed from being fully involved in these types of events. I had helped Evan’s parents with the one year anniversary of his passing, which was a small gathering at their house where his father unveiled the mural he had painted in his son’s memory. When it comes to events as large as this one, where over 500 people were showing up to support the foundation that had been started in Evan’s honour, I couldn’t handle it.

“Kaitlin, I’m so happy to see you,” Dan Bylsma greeted. Bylsma had only briefly met Evan, but he had made it clear to both myself and Evan’s family that Evan had made an impact those few brief meetings. “Flower told me that you completed your first year of therapy.”

I smiled, tugging at the bottom of the dress I was wearing. “Yes, I have. I didn’t realize that was such news.”

Dan smiled. “Well, I hope everything is to your liking. If there’s something off here, you just let someone know.”

“Thanks. I’m sure it’s fine,” I told him, feeling relieved when someone else wondered over to talk to him, allowing me to excuse myself.

“Katy!” Travis yelled to me, speed walking towards me. “Hi. Are you good?” He asked.

I felt my face scrunch up a bit. “Yes? Are you?”

He sighed, glancing behind you. “Your parents are here.”

I felt my face pale. “What?”

“I guess my mom invited your mom, and your parents caught the first flight out and… I’m sorry.”

I sighed, brushing my bangs back. “That’s okay. I mean, I can handle them for a little while.”

He nodded, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry about the other day, too. You booked it out of their pretty fast once I came back.”

At the mention of Kris’ house just a couple of days before, I felt my stomach tighten. “Don’t worry about it,” I said, waving a hand through air to dismiss the subject. “I guess I should head off and find my family, huh?”

Travis gave me a smirk, patting my shoulder and pointing me over to the cabinet that they had brought in and filled with pictures of Evan while playing for the Wilkes-Barrie/Scranton Penguins, along with a couple of pictures from his first and only call-up. My dad was peering in and looking closely at every picture, while my mom stood behind me and picked the lint off of the back of his shirt, her dyed blonde hair piled on top of her head in such a fashion that I gained second-hand embarrassment from it.

I stopped a couple of feet away from them, clearing my throat and smiling at them when they finally noticed me. “Hi.”

“Oh, my baby girl,” My mom yelled, reaching out to tug me into a hug, smothering my face into the shoulder of her velvet dress. “You strong girl, how have you been?”

“Let go of her, Cynthia, the girl probably can’t breathe with her face shoved into your shoulder like that,” my dad said, one of his hands grasping my shoulder and gently tugging me away from my mother so he could look at me. “How are you, Kaitlin?”

I had to smooth out my dress, stepping away from my mom’s hand as she tried to reach out and play with my dress. “I’m fine, not that either one of you ever called to see how I was.”

“Oh, not this again,” my mom groaned, letting her head dip back before she looked at me. “Kaitlin, you know that your father and I are busy people. We can’t just drop everything and come to you every time you’re sad.”

“Sad?” I repeated. “My boyfriend died, that’s a little different then me being ‘sad’, don’t you think?”

“Now, there’s no need to get out of hand here, you two,” my dad said, stopping the argument before it could develop into anything else. “Kaitlin, it’s nice to see you again. We miss you at home.”

I bit back the urge to say, “I doubt that” and smiled a bit instead, choosing not to verbally reply.

My dad had always been the one I could handle out of the entire family. He was a quiet man, soft spoken and mild mannered. He was the complete opposite of my over the top, pageant queen mother who spent more time doing her hair than she did raising me. I resented his refusal to step in and stop my mom when she grew out of hand with comments on my appearance, my clothes, my friends, etc, but he had always been nice to me, and when Evan had first passed, he was the only one who called to check on me.

“How’s Sadie?” I asked, referring to my older sister.

“Oh, she’s grown into such a beautiful woman,” my mom answered. “You should see her, Kaitlin. She could win Miss Universe with those baby blues, I swear.”

I let out a long breath of air through my nose, fighting all of the remarks I wanted to make. “And how’s Ethan?” I asked.

“Oh, he’s good too,” my mom said. “He treats your sister well, that one.”

“Are they planning on having any kids any time soon?” I asked. “I mean, they’ve been married a couple of years now, right?”

“Oh goodness, kids?” My mom asked, laughing lightly. “I hope not. Children can ruin your whole life, especially if they weren’t planned.” She laughed, trying to play the last part off as a joke.

I caught my dad sending a worried glance down at me, clearly picking up on my mother’s subtle stabs just as easily as I had.

Sadie had been the planned child. She was tall and slim, and her hair was perfectly straight, but easy to style. It was a lighter blonde then mine was, and she had crystal clear blue eyes that glistened in the sunlight. She knew how to walk, how to talk, how to flip her hair, how to dress. She was my mother, but younger.

I had been an accident, something my mother made sure to mention throughout my entire life. I was too short, I wasn’t skinny enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t smart enough. It wouldn’t have mattered if I did win a beauty pageant, if I found a job that earned $100 an hour, Sadie would always be better in her world. I had tried to accept that, and even tried to tell myself that it didn't matter what my mother's opnion was when she was clearly a pathetic being, but it always stung when she made the remarks.

I could feel a fire burning beneath my skin, the anger I had towards my family intensifying as my mom continued to tell me all about how wonderful my sister. was She was standing three feet away from a poster of Evan, my boyfriend who had died, and was making sure I knew that Sadie had won the contest of “who has the better boy.”

“Mr and Mrs Fraser, I didn’t know you were here.” Kris greeted, seeming to appear out of nowhere. He sent me a look, one that let me know that his sudden arrival into the conversation was on purpose.

“Oh, Kristopher, it’s so nice to see you,” my mom greeted, reaching a hand out to rest it on his arm. “You’re so handsome.”

Kris smiled stepping away from her so he was out of reach and turning to face my dad. “Mr. Fraser.”

“Oh, please. Call me Martin,” My dad instructed, the same thing he did any time Kris ever greeted him formally. “It’s nice to see you. Have you been taking care of our girl?”

Kris and I exchanged a look before he smiled. “Trying to. I was actually wandering if I could borrow her, if that would be okay?”

“Oh, by all means,” my mom said, grinning to me. “Have fun.”

“If you weren’t pushing me,” I told Kris as he gently moved me forward and away from my parents, “I would hit her.”

He only nodded, moving us until we were out of my parents vision, calling Marc and Vero over. “Okay, I’ll leave you now,” he said, waiting to see if I’d object or not.

I sighed. “Kris, after whatever happened, I’m just so-”

“I know,” he said. “I’m not expecting anything, if that is what you’re worried about. I just… I didn’t want have anymore secrets.” He glanced up at Marc and Vero, both of them pretending to not be listening. “I’m surprised they’re here," he said quietly, referring to my parents.

I crossed my arms, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. “Yeah, me too. They wouldn’t come see me after Evan died, didn’t even come to the funeral, but they show up here, dressed up and trying to impress everyone.” I felt the anger reignite inside of me. “They wouldn’t even pay for my counselling, did you know that?” I asked. “My mom told me that counselling was for girl’s who can’t deal with their own problems. My dad didn’t say anything. I had to spend everything I had paying for it myself, even though they have enough money to buy an island,” I paused, throwing my arms up, “which they will probably buy for my sister.”

“Katy, calm down.” Vero said, seeming a little amused by my anger. “No one here believes that they have been good parents to you, no one is fooled. They’ll leave tomorrow and that will be that, yes?”

I sighed, nodding. “It’s just so infuriating, you know?” I asked, looking at all three of them. “For Sadie’s wedding, they paid for everything. When I need counselling, they won’t help. I can’t even take another year of it because of the cost.”

“Everything will be fine, Katy,” Marc said. “We are your family, okay?”

I sighed, nodding. My eyes drifted up to Kris, who was staring down at me with a look of sadness that I had seen before. He gave me a half smile before he turned and disappeared into the crowd, leaving me with Marc and Vero.

“How about we go and eat?” Vero suggested, smiling to me. “They have little sandwiches. You like those.”

I laughed. “I do quite enjoy those,” I agreed, following them off to the buffet table.

“We are going to ignore your parents, and eat our faces off,” Vero told me, grabbing a plate. “And we are starting with dessert.”

I grinned, accepting the plate she handed me. I turned to Marc. “Don’t let this one go, buddy.”

Marc winked, grabbing a brownie off of the table and taking a bite. “I don’t plan on it."