I arrived at the diner before Kris did, giving me enough time to sit down with a glass of iced tea and a bagel smothered in too much cream cheese. I had instinctively moved towards the table in the far corner of the diner, the one that was right beside the window and overlooked the street. It was the same place Evan and I would sit every time we came into the diner. I debated sitting somewhere else, but I knew that avoiding reminders only held off the process of being "okay".

Just the sight of the diner brought back so many memories that had been hidden in the back of mind, covered up with the guilt of knowing it was me he was coming to see when he died, and the weight of the looming sadness that was always there. Just the smell of the diner brought me back to the days spent there, sitting across from Kris and Evan as they ate those disgusting sandwiches. The bright pictures on the wall made me remember the number of times Kris and I had laughed as Evan tried to make up a background story for why the picture was painted. It was a place full of memories, and I was struggling to keep myself in the present.

Kris arrived moments later, his car keys still in his hand as he entered into the place. He nodded to the lady behind the counter, letting her know that he’d have his usual before he headed over to me, sliding into the booth across from me. “I’m glad you chose to sit here.”

I felt my right eyebrow inch up a bit. “You are?”

He nodded, licking his lips before letting out a small laugh. “I have never convinced myself to sit here. Travis and I sit at the table,” he nodded behind him to the table I had found Travis at weeks before. “Neither one of us could ever bring ourselves to sit over here. It just seemed wrong, you know?”

I nodded, completely understanding of what he meant. “It makes you feel like you’re waiting for him to join you, because it was his table, too.”

Kris bit his lip, a hint of a smile appearing. “Exactly.” He leaned back as the waitress carried over the disgusting sandwich, setting it down in front of him with a gentle smile. He waited for her to return to the front of the diner before he moved the plate, watching me as he did so. “You want to try it?”

I felt my face melt into a frown. “Are you kidding?”

He laughed, picking up one half of the disgusting mess, the mix of gravy and horseradish already dripping from the sides. “Come on, you’ve never given it a chance.”

“Why would I give it a chance? Kris, that thing is having sandwich diarrhea all over the plate, and you think I want to put that in my mouth?” I asked, sending him a warning glance before he commented on the last question.

“Katy, this is honestly the most wonderful sandwich ever,” he attempted, moving the sandwich closer to me. “You’re not even going to humor me?”

“I did humor you, I showed up here,” I said, swatting at his hand and pressing back against the booth as the action caused more of the gravy to drip from the sandwich, splattering on the table in front of me.

“Katy,” Kris said, laughing lightly, “come on! You know that Ev and I always had great taste. We wouldn’t spend years eating a sandwich that was not good.”

“I don’t believe that. You two also spent three years believing that Metallica were the greatest band in existence.”

“They are the greatest!” Kris shouted, looking embarrassed as soon as the exclamation had left his mouth. He sighed, setting the sandwich on the plate and shoving it towards me. “Come on, try it. You’re curious, admit it.”

“I am not eating that.” I said indignantly, pushing the plate back towards him. “Is this why I had to meet you here, so you could try and force me to eat this coma sandwich?”

“No, I wanted to-” he stopped, tilting his head to the side a bit, half of a smile appearing. “Coma sandwich?”

I sighed. “I just feel like taking a bite of that will lead to my falling into eternal sleep and dying.”

Kris nodded, a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he looked down at the table top. “They named it after him.”

I felt my eyebrows press down together. “What?”

He lifted his eyes up to look at me. “The sandwich. They renamed it the Evan Avenger.”

I felt myself let out a small chuckle, shaking my head. “Because his Midget team was the Avengers,” I realized, letting out another soft sigh. I glanced down at the sandwich again, chewing on my lip for a moment. “It’s actually good?” I asked, looking back at Kris.

He nodded, a grin already forming. “It’s the greatest sandwich ever, Katy. I promise.”

I had to take a moment to prepare myself, pushing up the sleeves of my light cardigan and rolling my shoulders back before I picked the thing up, trying not to make a face as a splot of horseradish clumsily fell from the edge of the bread and into the puddle already forming on the plate. I ignored the sounds of Kris’s giggles, moving the sandwich towards my mouth, shutting my eyes so that the sight of the monstrous mess wouldn’t scare from me actually taking a bite.

It felt as if it took forever before I finally sunk my teeth into the bread, nearly dropping the whole thing right then. The excessive amount of gravy and horseradish had caused the bread to feel soggy, despite its being toasted. The parmesan cheese had a stringy texture to it that I greatly dislike, and as I took a bite and chewed it on, I tried not to focus on the actual feeling of the sandwich. Instead, I tried to think about how perfectly cooked the beef was, or how there was a hint of pepper that I hadn’t expected. Despite it’s stringy feeling, the cheese actually seemed to add to the taste, mixing with the horseradish and pepper in a friendly fashion. I found myself opening my eyes in shock and staring down at the sandwich as I chewed the bite I had taken.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Kris asked, grabbing the other half of the sandwich.

I had to fully chew and swallow the bite of sandwich I had taken before I could even speak. “Oh my God. My life has just been changed.”

He grinned, lifting his half of the sandwich up to me in a fake toast before taking a bite himself.

---------------------------------

“There was an actual reason for me wanting you hear,” Kris said after the plate had been cleared and he and I were finished devouring the sandwich.

I looked over at him, feeling slightly nauseous from how fast I had eaten. “Oh really? And what was that for?”

He seemed to gulp, shaking his head so that his hair fell around his face before he brushed it all away. “I was hoping you would come to our game tomorrow night.”

I sat up straighter in my seat. “Why?”

He sighed, looking away from me and out the window. “I don’t know. I just… want you there?” He said, looking back over at me.

I hesitated before speaking again. “Who are you playing?”

“The Devils.”

“I fucking hate them!” I said, slamming a fist onto the table, startling him slightly before apologizing, thankful we were the only ones in the diner.

“You can bring Sara. If not, Vero will sit with you,” he said. “I just have realized that I need those pieces of my past. And you’re a part of that.”

I nodded, brushing away some crumbs that were on the table. “It’s just that things are kind of weird still, you know?” I asked, peeking up at him. “Ever since that one time at your house-”

“I know,” he said, cutting me off before I could finish the sentence. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. But, I thought it was best you know. I thought it might offer some reasoning behind my past behavior.” He seemed to hesitate for a second before quietly adding, “Love can make you crazy, you understand that.”

I felt a pang inside of my chest, just as I had the last time he had confessed his feelings. The intensity of it was stronger than the last time, but it felt like a different form of pain. The earlier sting had evoked a feeling of guilt so passionate that I had been overwhelmed by it, nearly collapsing into the apartment when I left his house. This time, I felt… I wasn’t sure what it was that I felt.

Kris glanced down at his watch and pursed his lips. “I have to head off for my work-out session,” he said, grabbing his keys off of the table.

“You have a workout session now?” I asked, surprised.

He smiled slightly. “Kind of. Brooks has convinced me to workout with him, he says that it will help me to be stronger on my back-check and all that silly stuff.”

I nodded, looking up at him. “Well, good luck.”

He eyed me for a second. “Are you just going to sit here and wait until I leave?”

I let out a small chuckle. “Yes.”

He laughed, “Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

I agreed, scooting out of the booth and following him out to the small parking lot, noticing that we had parked at opposite ends of the lot. “You came in a different way then me?”

He shrugged, “I came from a different direction.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I will see you at the game tomorrow. I’ll tell the guys, they’ll be excited that you’re there.”

I smiled. “I’m glad they don’t hate me.”

Kris frowned, looking as if the confession actually angered him. “Why would they hate you?”

“I totally fell out of contact with them after Evan’s accident. They were all so nice to me when I saw them, and I actually considered them friends. Then, I just stopped talking to them, and stopped taking their calls.”

He nodded, seeming to understand. “It was understandable, though. I mean, it was devastating to everyone, but obviously it would hurt you the most.”

I nodded, the two of us standing in silence for a good two minutes before I lifted my head up to look at him, noticing that he was in a trance, staring over at his car. “Kris?” I asked, earning his attention. “What did cause the change? I mean, the sudden change?”

He seemed confused for a moment, opening his mouth but not saying anything.

“With the anger. One minute you couldn’t control your anger and were just snapping, at me, at Chris Neil, apparently at your team mates, the next you’re fine. What changed?” I clarified.

Kris shut his eyes. “My concussion.”

“Your concussion?” I asked, confused.

He opened his eyes again, looking straight at me. “Yes.”

I made a bit of a face. “Okay?”

He let out a long sigh. “When I was really out of it because of all the drugs I was on, and maybe because my head hit the ice, I had a bit of a dream.”

I was curious now. “What was it about?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t want to discuss it.” He took a step away from me. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Kris,” I said, grabbing his arm before he could get any farther from me. “What was it about?”

He twisted his mouth to the side for a second, trying to find the proper way to explain his dream. “I just dreamt that Evan was talking to me.”

I felt my heart rise up into my throat. “What did he say?”

Kris looked as if he wanted to avoid the answer before he cleared his throat again. “He told me I had to take care of you. He told me…” he stopped, shaking his head. “I can’t talk about this, Katy, I’m sorry,” he said, tugging his arm away from me and walking away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched him walk away, confusion engulfing me as I did so.

----------------------------

“Thank God you’re home,” Sara yelled as I stepped into the apartment. “You have a visitor.”

I almost didn’t hear her, the earlier events still distracting my mind. Between the ache that I had felt but couldn’t place in the diner, and Kris’ refusal to further answer my question, I was too distracted to really focus on her. “What?” I asked, realizing that she had spoken.

Sara shot me an annoyed look. Instead of repeating herself, she merely pointed into the living room, causing me to step around the corner and notice Sidney sitting on the couch, waving to him. “How long have you been here?” I asked, kicking my shoes off.

“Too long,” Sara answered, moving towards the kitchen.

Sidney rolled his eyes, sighing. “Apparently she hates me.”

“Don’t take it personally, she hates everyone,” I assured him. “What brings you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. I knew you and Tangers were meeting for lunch, and I also know things can be weird with you two.”

I nodded, sitting on the couch across from him and crossing my legs. “It was pretty good, actually. Except that he told me he had a dream about Evan that made him completely turn around, but he won’t say what Evan told him.”

Sidney’s eyebrows rose up. “Really? That’s crazy. But, I mean, if he feels like he can’t tell you-”

“He can’t, I know,” I said, sighing. Sara muttered something about going to work, picking up her purse and giving a pathetic wave to me as she slid her shoes on and left, leaving Sidney and I alone. I debated whether I wanted to share the next part. “There was this other thing,” I began, glancing up at him as I spoke. “He mentioned the whole having feelings for me ordeal, and I got this weird feeling in my stomach.”

“Like, you felt sick?” He asked, looking confused.

I shook my head. “No. He mentioned how love can make you do crazy things, and that I would understand that, and then I felt this sting in my stomach, and it kind of felt like a hand gripped my heart, but I’m not sure what it was.”

Sidney shook his head. “I don’t know what that means.”

I smirked at him a bit. “The first time Kris told me he had those feelings,” I ignored the snicker I heard as Sidney realized I didn’t want to just admit that he loved me yet, “I felt guilty. I felt like even knowing that wasn’t fair to Evan. This time it was something different.”

Sidney nodded, pursing his lips. “Well, I don’t know how to help you figure that out, Katy,” he admitted.

I sighed. “I just, he said it, and I just wished that he didn’t feel bad about it, you know? The sadness that I can still see in him, it makes me wish that he didn’t feel that. And I can see how alone he is, and I see it because I feel just as alone, and I wish neither one of us felt that way.” I looked over, seeing that Sid still looked kind of confused. “I just wanted him to not feel that anymore. I know what it’s like to be in love and not have it returned, because I still love Evan and he’s not here.”

Sidney stood up and moved towards me, which at first confused me until I realized that I was crying. The tears were both unexpected and undetected, causing me to apologize to him as he handed me a box of tissues before sitting down across from me once more. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for having feelings,” Sidney said. “Especially when you’re talking about Evan. Never apologize for that.”

I sighed, wiping my face. “I just don’t want anyone to feel like I do. I wanted to reach out and tell Kris that it was okay, that he’d find love from someone else and that he would be happy again. It wasn’t guilt that I felt it was-”

“Longing.”

I looked up at Sidney, his figure blurry through the tears as I sniffled. “What?”

He let out a loud sigh. “It was longing that you felt, Katy. You want to feel all of the same things that Kris wants to feel. Maybe you just don’t want them with him, but you’re looking for the same things.”

I stared at him, feeling my chin quiver. “I’m just warning you, that I feel a breakdown about to happen.”

He was up and walking towards me before the last word was out, already sitting beside me as the melt down hit, trying to calm me down as best as he could.