I was lost in the moment. Everything that had been keeping me from fully moving forward seemed to have let go, and I was moving at full speed.

I had no idea how long it had been since Kris had leaned down and kissed me, but I knew it wasn't long enough. My hands were grabbing handfuls of his hair, desperate to hang on to him, to keep him attached to me. His hands were causing the back of my shirt to ride up in centimeters, the roughness of his hands touching the tiny bit of exposed skin.

I could feel my lips swelling from the force of the passion. I was overwhelmed by a hunger that I didn't recognize. It seemed to foreign to me to be driven by this sense of desire. There was still a piece od my brain yelling at me to pull away from him, to stop. The sound of my heart beat was growing louder in my ears with each passing second, and with each rise of my blood pressure. I was losing control, I could feel it falling from me with each movement of our mouths. If I didn't want things to progress into something more than I could handle, I needed to stop.

Reluctantly, I placed a hand on the side of his face before finally seperating myself from him. I glanced over his face as soon as my eyes were open once more, seeing how red it had turned from the lack of oxygen, how heavily his chest heaved to try and make up for the lack of it. His lips were full and dark, small marks from where my teeth had teased the skin of his lower lip were visible. His hair was dishevelled, the top of it sticking straight up to one side in comical fashion. I could only imagine how distressed I appeared.

I tried to tame my own hair, feeling how loose it had become in the ponytail it was restricted in. I tugged down the back of my shirt, clearing my throat. "Well, that just happened."

Kris scratched the back of his head, trying to smoothe out his own hair. "That was unexpected."

I glanced over at the counter, my eyes landing on the tupperware of soup that he had brought over. I looked over at him, almost amused by how dazed he appeared. "You hungry?"

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The soup was luke warm by the time Kris and I had settled down at the tiny kitchen table to eat it. There was a silence that accompanied us, and for the first time since that day at the counselling centre that the silence was comforting. I welcomed it, thankful to just feel a sense of peace as opposed to the hectic waves of confusion that I had been suffering from.

"So," Kris spoke, looking up at me from his bowl of soup, "are we going to talk about what just happened?"

I placed my spoon down beside my nearly empty bowl and shrugged. "What would we say?"

He licked his lips, folding his hands in front of him on the table. "Katy, we can't just act as if nothing happened."

I shook my head. "That's not what I was implying at all. I'm just not really sure what to say. I'm actually not sure what happened. I wasn't really planning on kissing you it just sort of happened."

He nodded, letting out a small sigh. "I know we can't ignore this, but if moving past it is what you think is best, I understand." He reached across the table to grab one of my hands, sending a shock throughout my body that caught me by surprise. "I just want whatever is best for you. I'm here as much as you want me to be, or as little as you want me to be."

I felt my head tilt to the side, my shoulders sagging down a bit. "Three months ago, I probably would have asked you to stop talking to me," I reminded him, making him sigh once more. "I don't know what's changed, Kris. I think that one day at Evan's tombstone changed something inside of me. Maybe it's because it forced me to really realize that he wasn't here anymore. Whatever it was..."

I stopped, realizing that I wasn't even sure what I was trying to tell him. I looked over his face, seeing the eagerness written across it. He wanted me to explain. He wanted to understand these changes that had just suddenly hit me.

"I don't want to be alone anymore. I don't want to fill the bathtub with water and stay submerged as long as possible, just to quiet the depression. I don't want to come home and lie across the couch just so that I can stare up at the ceiling and concentrate on nothing."

"I don't want any of that, either," He said quickly. "I went through losing Luc by myself. I watched the Stanley Cup go to another team, and I watched my friend get laid to rest. Then, two years later, I lost both of my friends. I lost Evan because he died. I lost you because I was a mess and pushed you away. I've spent too much time being alone."

I nodded, licking my lips. "I have spent the last few weeks being so confused about everything. I felt guilty every time I felt happy, which is why I was putting up walls around you. But, I was told today that there's a beauty in happiness, so I should probably embrace it."

Kris let out a breath of air so drawn out that it seemed to take up moments. "Kaitlin, there is nothing more beautiful then you when you're smiling."

I felt a small tinge of guilt tug at the pit of my stomach, hoping it was hidden from my face. The way that Kris' eye were glistened with a sense of sadness let me know that it wasn't. "Katy, he would not want you to be miserable. There is no shame in being alive. Because that's what we are," he said, tightening his grip on my hand. "We're alive."

I nodded, swallowing the guilt. "I just didn't expect to feel any of this again."

Kris nodded. "When someone close to you dies, it feels like they take so much of you with them," he said, understanding me. "But they never really took anything, did they?" He asked, smiling a bit. "Maybe we just lost it?"

I felt a small chuckle escape from my lips. "Maybe we should go get it back then, huh?"

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Kris had long since left the apartment when Sara arrived home from work, looking so exhausted I was concerned that she may she fall over on the spot. "Long day?" I asked her, watching as she dragged herself into the kitchen and collapsed into one of the wooden chairs with a groan.

"Every part of my body hurts. Seriously, even my tastebuds are in pain from being overtired," she told me, yawning. "How was your day?"

I almost laughed, biting back the sound before it escaped. "It was interesting," I said, deciding it was the safest answer.

She nodded, glancing at the fridge with a look of longing. "Is there anything to eat?"

"There's some soup," I said, walking over to the fridge for her and grabbing the tiny bit of soup that was left over from Kris' visit. "You want some?"

"I worked through my break, Katy. I would probably eat a kitten right now, as long as I had some milk to wash it down with."

I made a face, pouring the soup into the bowl. "Well, thankfully we have soup, so no kittens will be harmed." I popped the bowl into the microwave, turning to face her as it warmed up. "I have something to tell you."

She looked at me, her dark hair flipped almost entirely onto one side of her head as she slumped in her seat. "Good or bad something?"

"Well, I guess that depends on how you feel about Kris now," I answered.

She sat up immediately, staring at me with a look of intensity. "Did you kill him?"

"What!? No, Sara," I said, laughing. "No, I didn't kill him. I just..." I bit my lip, shrugging a bit. "I think I might be falling in love with him."

Her face was blank as she heard the news, repeating it softly to herself before she shook her head, her hair falling back into place. "Wait, what? The guy who screamed at you three months ago, you think you're in love with him?"

"Sara, come on, you and I both know he was dealing with a lot of stuff then," I said sternly. "I've just realized that the only reason I've felt so miserable and alone is because I let that happen. And Kris, he lost Luc last year, and he had the distraction of the Stanley Cup finals and a busy summer to distract him, then the Stanley Cup, and then Evan died the next summer. He never had time to process any of that. Of course losing Evan made him go senial, he had nothing left."

Sara let out a loud sigh. "I know all of that is true, and I know Kris was a good guy before he turned all asshole on you, I'm just worried that this isn't what's best for you."

I nodded, turning around as the microwave beeped so that I could grab the soup for her, carrying t and a spoon to the table and setting it before her. "I understand that, and I'm glad that you're concerned. But, if there's one person who will understand how insane my emotions can become, and how much of me is still searching for missing pieces because of Evan, that one person is Kris."

Sara eyed me, seeming to choose her next words carefully. "I'm going to trust you on this one. Only because you've shown how strong and smart you are throughout all of your time in therapy. If you had chosen to drink away your sorrows, I would be-" she paused, making a face. "Actually, if you had chosen to drink away the pain, I'd have thrown your ass in rehab by now," she admitted. "Be careful, okay? I feel like I'm just starting to get the real Katy back. I don't want to lose her because some asshole hurt her, alright?"

I smiled. "I will be. I'm going to talk about it in my session tomorrow, actually, and see what Dr.Bailey thinks."

"Good," Sara concluded, picking up her spoon. "Did you two do something nasty, because you are seriously glowing and it's weirding me out."

I only laughed.