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Beautiful Disaster

Bitter Reunion

I kept my gaze fixed out the window as he drove us towards his and Nicole's house. James kept trying to have a conversation with me, but finally gave up when he realized I wasn't going to answer. The rest of the ride was completely silent, except for the sounds of our breathing. I just wanted him to get to his house as fast as he could. So I could get out of another death trap, I hated vehicles even more than planes. I could feel the fear starting to build up to me.

I could feel my breaths becoming shorter and shorter. I was close to having a complete panic attack. I couldn't stand to be in any kind of vehicle or any other type of transportation for more than five minutes. Which completely sucked when my soccer team was on a road trip. I always felt trapped if I was confined in one spot for far to long. It's wasn't that I was claustrophobic, but I was always trying to figure at the easiest escape from confined spaces.

Twenty minutes later James finally pulled up to his house that was dark. As soon as his vehicle came to a stop I turned and automatically reached for the door handle and started yanking on the handle. Only to find that indeed James had used the child safety lock on the passenger door.

'Come on...... Come on..... Come on..... Open.... Open.... Open' I chanted quietly to myself, trying to will the door open.

I could feel my eyes filling with unshed tears and kept my gaze fixed on the door, while still yanking on the handle. I didn't want to turn towards James, who I could feel his gaze on the back of my head. I didn't want him to see how pathetic I had become. I didn't want him to see the fear and panic, I was sure was present on my face. I didn't want him to see the person I had become. I just wanted to return to LA and become invisible again.

"Hey.... Hey Emmerson, relax," James said gently, trying not to scare me and gently placing a hand on my shoulder.

Although the gesture was supposed to be comforting. It still scared me half to death in my state of semi-panic. Causing me to jump in my seat and yelp, clutching at my pounding heart and whip my head towards him. I saw through the tears the concern flash across his face.

"Hey it's alright Emmerz," James said softly.

'Please just let me out' I pleaded with my eyes.

"Alright hold on a minute," James replied.

My eyes followed James as he got out and walked around the front of the vehicle. Which I was thankful for, it probably been worse had he gone around the back and I couldn't see him. James quickly opened my door as soon as he reached it. As soon as he opened the door I ripped off my seatbelt and literally flung myself out of the vehicle. Falling on my hands and knees on the ground. My breaths coming in short pants, as the tears fell freely down my cheeks.

I barely noticed James crouching down in front of me and cupping my face with both of his hands. He tilted my face up towards his and wiped at the tears with his thumbs. Now looking James in the face I could see the worried look on his face. And that was something I wasn't ready to see yet.

"Come on let's get you inside, alright?" He asked gently.

I could only nod feeling the panic starting to subside. He stood up and held out a hand to help me up. Which I gladly accepted, stumbling slightly. He wrapped a supportive arm around my shoulder and steadied me. He walked us towards the house and unlocked the door. Once we were inside, he locked the door back up and lead us towards upstairs in the dark. I barely noticed when we had reached the guest room he was letting me use and he set my bag down on the bed. I hadn't even realized he had grabbed it during my panic attack. He realized my shoulders and helped me sit on the bed. After looking at me for a second he started towards the door, than turned back towards me.

"Look Emmerson get some rest. Than in the morning during breakfast we need to talk," James said, than closed the door behind him as he left.

I scooted back on the bed and let my head hit the pillow, falling asleep immidetaly.


I woke the next morning slightly confused as to where I was. Looking around the room I knew that I wasn't in my room or in my house, for that matter. Than the night before hit me like a ton of bricks. From Sid showing up in LA, to flying, to Sid's attitude, to James showing up and picking me up from the airport. I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut again, wishing that it had all been a dream.

I knew what James wanted to "talk" about this morning and I wasn't looking forward to it. I didn't want to discuss it with him, or for that matter with anybody. It was my decision to keep my secret to myself.

'But maybe just maybe talking about it with James will help' I thought to myself. 'Well might as well get this over with. No use in delaying the inevitable'.

I drug myself off of the bed and into the adjoining bathroom. Where I did my business. Than I splashed cold water on my face at the sink. Looking up in the mirror at myself I saw only a resemblance of my former self. 'When I had I let myself completely go?' I wondered. My shoulder length blond hair hung there lifeless, my once full face was now hallow, and my bluish-green eyes were also lifeless and bloodshot.

Rubbing my hands over my face I shook my head and walked back into the bedroom and over to the bed. I opened my duffle bag which was sitting at the end of the bed still and pulled out some new clothes to get dressed in. Than grabbed my brush and brushed through my hair and quickly got dressed.

Once I left the room I headed downstairs towards the kitchen, where I'm sure James was waiting for me. As I neared the kitchen I could hear heated voices coming from in there. I stopped mid-step and listened to the conversation.

"What is she doing here James?" I heard Nicole hiss angrily.

"Nic don't start," James sighed in response.

"No I won't stop James. I want to know why she is here," Nicole hissed again.

"Drop it Nic," James sighed.

"No James I won't," Nicole snapped.

"James, Nicole has every right to know why she is here and not want her here. Why don't you just answer her, well all of our questions," another voice said, I recognized the voice but couldn't think of who it was.

"Because Emmerson is my sister and I want her here. I don't have to have a reason to have her here. In my house. Plus she needs my help. She needs everybody's help," James snapped.

"Well it's my house also James and I don't want her here," Nicole's voice snapped again.

"She's my sister Nicole," James replied.

"And Mitch was our brother James," Nicole snapped.

"NICOLE DROP IT," James snapped, the sound of a hand slamming down on something. What I could only assume was the kitchen table.

I decided that I should let them know that I was now in their presence. I slowly made my way into the kitchen with my head down and cleared my throat.

"Morning Emmerson. Did you sleep well? Do you want something to eat?" James asked.

I lifted my head to find four heads turned towards me. Of course as expected James was sitting there at the table with a cup of coffee and a smile and Nicole with a scowl on her face. The two other people who were in the kitchen with them were not people I was expecting to see so soon. In fact I had wanted to avoid them for as long as possible or try and avoid them all together for the time I was here. But unfortunately once again it seemed as if luck wasn't on my side. Because sitting there was Nicole's sister Jamie looking as unhappy to see me as her sister and Jack Johnson with a wide range of emotions floating across his features.

I made my way over to the table and sat down in the only available chair between Jack and James.

"Here eat this," James said, pushing a plate towards me.

I scrunched up my nose at the food in front of me. Honestly I had no appetite anymore. I usually just went with a simple bagel with cream cheese in the mornings. Keeping my gaze fixed on the plate and picked up a fork, pushing around the food with it. While James tried to start up a regular conversation again. But it wasn't working very well. The tension in the air was unbearable.

"You need to eat something sis," James said gently.

I could tell he was trying to choose his words carefully to not upset me. A lot of people assumed I had an eating disorder since I didn't eat that much. But I wasn't ready to admit or deny that fact just yet, even to myself.

"Emmerson," James said.


"Emmerson," once again.

"....." Complete and utter silence as I pushed the food around again.

"Emmerson," James sighed irritably.

"What?" I croaked in a quiet raspy voice.

As soon as the word was uttered out of my mouth I started having a coughing fit. That was the first time I had used my voice in years and my throat felt like it had been in the Sierra dessert. I felt someone banging me on the back and saw a glass of juice being slid in front of me. I gladly took the glass and gluped down the juice.

"What the hell is wrong with her voice?" I heard Jamie whisper, to I suppose Nicole.

"Who knows. She's probably just playing it up for James sake," Nicole snapped in response.

I looked up from the glass to find everybody watching me. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to get out of here. No I needed to get out of there. I abruptly stood up, knocking the chair over in the process and ran from the room. Hearing James yelling after me.


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