November 22, 2013

Dear Patrick,
I don't exactly know what to say anymore. I keep thinking to myself: "Where to start, where to start?" But I'm realizing something. What's the point in starting something we can't finish? I'm sorry for slamming the door in your face but I'm even more humiliated that I thought you came to fix our problems. I'm embarrassed because I overlooked some details about our relationship- one of them being how much you actually cared. You sure do know how to bullshit, though. You made me believe you actually gave a crap, did you know that? You jack ass, you. I kept telling myself the whole time I knew you that one day, you'd grow up and get out of this I'm-too-cool-for-everybody phase but I guess people never change and some people never grow up- and I'm not talking about Peter Pan. Do you remember when I had to get my appendix removed and they had me saturated in Vikes? I still remember your dad helping me into my house only to find you dressed up like him. I remember laughing so hard, Pat, and it wasn't because the drugs, it was because I really freaking loved how funny you looked and I even more loved that you'd actually dressed up like the character I kept talking about when I was high. It meant a lot to me. I want so badly to say that it means a lot to me but it no longer means anything. I'm sorry that I've been such a burden. I find that I'm wasting time, ink, paper, and thought with this letter because I won't be able to send it. But can you even blame me? You drove all night to show up to your best friend (who you haven't seen in a couple months)'s door and basically slap her in the face. I think I'd've liked it better if you had slapped me in the face.

Anyway
Love,
Lana



January 1, 2014
Dear Lana,

I wish you'd sent me this letter. I wish I knew how much I meant to you it'd have been easier for me to say how much you mean to me. In my defense, Lana, you never really made it seem like you cared. But that's who you are I guess.

Lana, today was January 1st. Today would've been the day we kissed. Just like we always secretly did every New Year. You have the nicest lips I've ever kissed in my entire life, I can't forget them. Can I get a rain check for whenever you come back? (Which is sooner than later, I hope.)

I still don't believe my parents. I know you'll show up- they're trying to get into my head because they know I love you more than them. Don't worry, I'll save you tickets to every single game. Please, show up- I have no doubt that you will: you're my best friend.


Patrick