February 12, 2014

Dear Lana,

It feels good to finally be back in the game. I'm getting stronger. I feel it every day I wake up. Coach letting me play was a huge confidence boost, I think he did it for that reason- but maybe not, I can never tell with that guy. I do know he cares though, God bless him.

I miss you a lot. I really think of you all the time. I almost got laid the other night and I accidentally said your name. The girl gave me another chance but I laughed. I laughed at how desperate she was acting and I felt bad for her because she wasn't like you. I feel bad for any girl who isn't like you because you're amazing.

You didn't drag your sorry ass around when you got ditched. You felt bad and you wrote letters but you didn't mope and blame the world and have sex like it was nothing and throw your body around like it was worthless. I'm happy that you're so strong like that. Your confidence makes you even more beautiful, if that's even possible.

I wish we could start over. Start everything over. I wish I didn't keep coming back. I wish I don't keep coming back because I know it hurts you when I leave and you're trying hard to be happy with what you have. You're trying to be content. And I'm becoming a barrier for you. I'm standing in the way you need to go to reach your goals and that kills me but I can't let go of you.

You're too amazing.

Love,

Notes

do you hate me lol
does anyone even read these notes

i love you

im uploading another chapter when this games over- stay tuned :)