I spent the day enchanted by her. There was something about her that drew me in and kept me captivated. It was more than just the way her skin glowed or the bright colours that covered her arms. It was something deeper that I couldn’t quite put into words.

“I think somebody,” James flopped onto his bed where I was sitting going through the shots I’d just developed. “Has a crush.”

“What are you talking about?” I barely lifted my eyes from the picture, she was looking right at me with a slight smirk, just about to roll her eyes. I remembered that moment, I’d asked her if she’d meant to fall in love with Sidney. Maybe it was a weird question, but she didn’t blink, just smirked and rolled her eyes, snorting out a “not at all” then telling me about their first few months together.

“It all happened so fast!” she kept saying. I’d watch her eyes light up with every mention of her husband and the slightest hint of pink flush her cheeks. We’d started the shoot talking about her life before Pittsburgh and my project, small talk that I could take or leave, but as soon as the conversation switched to him I knew I’d found her pocket, that little place everyone had in their minds that made their body language change and their entire being brighten. For some people it was talking about their job, or their hobby, for James it was hockey and for Beatrice it was Sidney Crosby.

I tried to keep her in that headspace, urging her to tell me more when the conversation would slow down. Meanwhile keeping my finger on the trigger and getting into the familiar focus, breathe, shoot, rhythm with the hopes of capturing a few perfect moments. I held those moments in my hands. Printed on thick glossy paper with thin white frames around the edge were the memories I’d relived with her.

“Colbie?” James nudged me with his shoulder, now sitting beside me resting against the headboard.

“Huh?” I didn’t look up, instead flipping to the next picture in the pile. This time she had her shirt pulled up a bit and was looking down at her stomach laughing. It was moments after she’d given me three vital pieces of advice about dating James: don’t pay attention to the media, don’t take the moods personally, and don’t let him get away with shit just because he’s a big name. Just as she’d finished her stomach growled loudly and she looked down at it in amused horror before filling the soon to be nursery with her sing-song laughter.

“Colbieee,” James pet the side of my head trying to get my attention to shift from the pictures to him.

“What do you need?” I put the pile on my lap and finally turned to face him, giving him the attention he apparently could not live with out.

“Are you staying here tonight?” he nuzzled his face into my neck, kissing along my jaw. Being so close to him felt wonderful, especially after the road trip he’d just returned from. I would have been happy to spend the night with his mouth pressed against my skin and hands roaming freely, but my mind forced me to look at the alarm clock beside us.

“Awh crap!” I groaned seeing the illuminated red numbers read 10:49 pm. It was an hour later than I’d expected to see and on a Wednesday night during finals, I was really pushing this procrastination.

“Just stay,” he tried to slip his hand under my shirt but I stopped him.

“I can’t, I have a paper to do for Friday and this project is due next week,” I pouted. What I wouldn’t have given to spend that night with him, maybe move past the kissing and round the proverbial bases.

“It’s late, you shouldn’t be driving this late. I have practice in the morning I can wake you up before I leave,” he kept kissing, and finally got his hand from under mine and up my shirt.

“You’re making it really hard to be responsible,” I grumbled and gave in to the temptation of his body so close to mine.

“Shh, you can be responsible in the morning,” he nipped at the soft skin behind my ears and I knew there was no way I was making it home tonight. I told myself I’d just rearrange a few things, maybe stay up extra late the next few nights, I mean this was for my mental health, right? A stress reliever of sorts?

I relocated the pictures to the bed side table and turned off the lamp leaving us with just the soft glow of the ensuite bathroom lights. When I finally gave James the okay, my shirt came off so fast I was surprised he hadn’t ripped the thing off. His didn’t last much longer and my bra wasn’t even off before his hand dove under the waist band of my pants and we shimmied them down my thighs. He tickled his fingers over my already damp underwear and watched me squirm with a smirk plastered to his lips. I tried to be patient and enjoy the teasing while he kissed down my chest and toyed with the edges of my underwear. When he finally pushed them aside and made skin on skin contact I had to stifle a moan. The satisfaction of his fingers against me after months of anticipation was enough to drive me crazy. Two fingers inside of me and his lips met his hands at my lower half. My pants were shed and I was prepared to feel his mouth right where I wanted it, where I’d dreamed of it for ages. When it finally happened, his tongue finally hit me, I let out a pleased sigh and forced myself to relax and enjoy the moment. School could wait, I had more important things to attend to.

“Colbie,” he stopped.

“Yeah?” I squeaked, disappointed to feel his mouth pull away.

“I… think we have a problem,” he looked up at me and I finally opened my eyes to see what would scar me for the rest of my life. I flicked on the light and stared at him in horror. It was like a scene out of a slasher film, his fingers were stained red, along with his nose and a smear on his cheek. My poor unsuspecting new boyfriend had literally come face to face with the delights of my irregular crimson wave. Shark week was early this year and he was the sad victim of the unplanned attack.

“Ohmygod,” I shrieked and pulled away from him horrified. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea. It doesn’t warn me sometimes, it has a mind of its own but this has never happened before. Oh god that is disgusting, I’m so sorry.” I prattled on as he got up and made his way to the bathroom. This was a level of mortification I had never experienced before. This took passing out on his bathroom floor and made it as embarrassing as brushing my teeth. Nothing would ever compare to literally bleeding on his face.

“It’s fine,” he called back with his head under the tap. How he wasn’t gagging was beyond me. Instead he loaded his toothbrush with toothpaste and popped it in his mouth as if he’d just eaten something with onions and garlic. “It happens,” he assured me, toothpaste collecting at the corners of his mouth and trickling down his chin.

“No it doesn’t,” I pulled the pillow over my face, terrified to move and see the potential mess underneath me.

“Okay so it doesn’t,” he replied after spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing his mouth out. I didn’t move the pillow, instead just let out a loud groan and started wishing hard that I would disappear, or wake up from a dream, or come down after having been dosed with an hallucinogen, anything but have this incident forever be a reality in my life.

“Seriously, it’s not that big a deal, relax,” he smacked my legs playfully and pulled the blankets off of me.

I threw the pillow at him and scowled, then gathering what dignity I had left, wrapped the top sheet around me and took my personalized walk of shame to the bathroom. After I’d washed the evidence off of me, and let go of the rest of my dignity when I had to ask him to bring me my bag, I returned to the bedroom to find the bedsheets changed and James laying on the made bed watching sports centre. Still mortified, I stood wrapped in a towel waiting for him to say something, maybe ask me to leave or break up with me on the spot, I was in to place to be shocked by the unexpected at this point. Instead he just smiled and shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” I said once again and tried to avoid any kind of eye contact with him.

He didn’t respond, just got up and grabbed a t-shirt from his dresser and tossed it in my direction. “You’re still staying, right?”

I slept beside him that night, waking up to his arm draped over me and his face planted in the pillow, the blankets barely covering his half naked body. The sun shone through the window, a beam landing on his back. The lighting was perfect, his skin just flushed enough that I could see and the red of his scruff looking vibrant. I wanted to slip out of the bed and find my camera, kneel down at his eye level and take an entire roll of film just focusing on the relaxed look on his face and the smooth ripple of his muscles, his light skin contrasting the darkness of his tattoos and the occasional freckles that dotted his skin. But despite everything aligning perfectly for a shot, I knew we weren’t quite serious enough to make taking pictures of him sleeping not weird. So instead of going after the shot, I hoped there’d come a day I could spend a roll on his sleeping body and got up to make breakfast.

My film camera sat on the counter beside me as I cracked eggs into a hot pan, tempting me. We’d been together for weeks and I still hadn’t taken a single picture of him. It seemed like such a waste to leave that face undiscovered. I realized as the bacon grease crackled on the stove that my project needed one last photograph.

I tried to take them without him noticing, but every time I reached for the camera he’d scowl at me.

“Do you know how many pictures I have to sit through?” he’d ask, making it clear he wanted nothing to do with my in house paparazzi role play. The difference was though, that I didn’t want him to sit through anything, I just wanted to take it while he was doing whatever he’d usually do, but telling someone to act natural while they had a camera pointed at them was like telling them to just eat healthy and exercise, it was a nice idea, but not nearly as easy as it seemed.

I broke my own rule and spent the rest of the week sleeping beside him. How I managed to get that paper in by Friday is beyond me, but somehow between entertaining the kids and snuggling beside him on the couch I managed. But the deadline for my final project was fast approaching, and I still didn’t have the final piece I needed. With two days left, I lay beside him, half awake and watching his chest rise and fall. It was probably creepy to be watching him sleep, but I liked seeing him stationary and relaxed. I was almost caught when my phone began to ring loudly beside me.

“Colbie, love,” my mothers voice rang through the phone when I answered, far too chipper for the timezone she was calling from.

“Hi, Ma,” I answered, trying to hide the fact that she’d pulled me out of the sleepy moment and sneaking out of the room without waking James.

“You are a hard girl to get ahold of, Fallon has been calling you for a week,” she began, the guilt trip already starting. I settled in the living room, sitting on the couch in just my underwear.

“Sorry, Ma. It’s finals, I’m a gobdaw but I’ve been shattered.” I learned at an early age that if there was a chance my mother could be mad at me, throwing some of her own slang words from the motherland in the mix would always win me brownie points.

“It’s fine, love. We were wondering if you’re coming home for the holiday,” she sighed, ramming in the guilt knife just a little harder. I hadn’t even thought about Christmas. It was still a few weeks away and with the chaos of school it hadn’t dawned on me that I might want to make plans. I sat up a little straighter and pushed my hair out of my face trying to remember the last bank statement I’d looked at. I couldn’t recall the exact number but it was low, too low to even consider buying a ticket home. Never mind the fact that Jessica was still relying on me to be there while the she was at work.

“I don’t think I can,” I held my breath waiting for her reaction. “I have to work,” I tried to soften the blow by sounding responsible.

“I thought you might,” she replied sounding disappointed but not angry and I let out my breath. Disappointment was soul crushing but much easier to take over the phone “Your Da and I were thinking you might want some company after Christmas though, Fallon and Jake have both been saving up and they want to see you.”

“Really?” I replied, looking up to find James standing in the doorway of his room looking at me. I held the phone away and mouthed the word ‘mother’ and he nodded, then flopped back on the bed. “That would be so awesome,” I smiled to myself. I’d been missing my family since I crossed the border, and the idea of seeing my little brother and sister seemed like a nice compromise. But as I looked into the room and saw James laying there I realized that their visit would take our low key relationship to a family affair, one that I wasn’t sure I could handle.

“I’d really like that, but I’m not sure I uh… have the room,” I told her, which wasn’t exactly a lie, my apartment barely fit me, let alone two other people. “Can I get back to you? Later today maybe?”

“Okay, but if you don’t call before 9pm your time I’m calling you back,” she warned. “I love you.”

“Alright, Ma, love you too.” I rushed then hung up and tossed my phone onto the couch beside me.

“What was that about?” James asked when I dove into the bed beside him.

“My brother and sister want to come see me after Christmas,” I pulled the blanket around me and sunk into the comfort of his luxury bed that was beginning to spoil me against my own.

He rolled onto his back and yawned. “They want to like come back with you after?”

“No, they want to come here the day after. I’m not going home this year,” I gave him a sad smile and shrugged. I didn’t like the idea of it but it wasn’t the biggest deal in the world. I’d already been invited to join Jessica and the kids on Christmas eve, and I’d probably just spend the day at the park or watching movies.

“That sucks, do you want to come home with me? I’m sure my mom would love to meet you,” he offered casually.

“Uhm, no. Absolutely not.” I snorted, very unbecoming of a lady scantily clad in bed beside an NHL heartthrob.

“Why the hell not?” he propped himself on his elbow and looked at me as if he was trying to decide whether to be offended or not.

“Do you really want me to meet your family for the first time on Christmas? That makes this a thing, like a serious thing.”

He cocked his head to the side and waited a beat before replying. “You’ve been in my bed for the past like week. Isn’t this already a thing?”

“No I mean like a thing. Like a serious, me wearing jeans without holes in them to impress your parents, watching my language, answering questions kind of thing. Be honest, do they know I exist?”

“Okay, I get it. Do your parents know I exist?”

“Of course they know you exist, my brother watches TSN like it’s his day job,” I rolled my eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”

He gave me the kind of look that said ‘I can’t answer this without being wrong’, then shrugged. “It’s not like I talk to them that often.”

“I talk to mine, but not about whose bed I’m taking advantage of. So don’t worry about it.”

“I still don’t want you to be alone on Christmas, Colbie. That’s just pathetic.” He grabbed my hand as some kind of affectionate gesture then dropped it. “Maybe I’ll stay here with you.”

“Oh so we can be pathetic together?” I shuffled towards him and bat my eyelashes.

“Maybe,” he grabbed me and pulled me against him, I’d been waiting to touch him that closely all morning.

“Anyway, I don’t know if they’ll come anyway, I don’t have a lot of room.” I let my hand rest on his stomach.

“How old are they?”

“Jake is almost seventeen and Fallon is thirteen. That’s the other thing, I’m not sure what world my mother is living in where I’m responsible enough to keep track of them.”

“Dude,” he looked at me confused. “You watch kids for a living.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Yeah, kids. Not seventeen year old hockey players and shy thirteen year olds. Kids are easy, teenage boys are not.”
“I’ll help,” he gave me a reassuring squeeze and an offer i wasn’t expecting. “I have empty rooms, we can get some beds and you guys can stay here. I have a road game the 29th but other than that we’re in town until January 3rd.”

“Are you serious?” I pulled away from him and sat up, holding the blanket around my bare torso.

“It’ll be fun,” he shrugged as if it was nothing, or maybe he just didn’t realize that it was something.

“You don’t think it will be weird? Meeting two of my siblings, having them here?” I was offering him an out.

“Two of? How many do you have?” The man was willing to bring me home to his mother but had no idea the make up of my own family. He was either more serious than I knew, or not all there in the head.

“I have four. My older sister Mallory lives in Toronto, and Aoife is five.”

“Wow, so your parents are like really Irish?”

I’d heard that question before, maybe it was the surprise sister I had that seemed to be a common thing in catholic families, or it was the collection of names my parents had assigned to us, but the question of heritage came up almost as much as if my hair was naturally that bright. “You obviously didn’t hear my mother through the phone,” I laughed. “She moved to Canada from Limerick when she was 19, and my dad’s parents are from Letterkenny.”

“That’s pretty cool. Yeah I think it would be fun to meet them. I can get you guys tickets to the games.”

“Well that’s awfully generous of you,” I pat his chest and laughed.


I spent the next night at my apartment, determined to finish my project. It was snowing outside my window and I sat on the floor with Tom Petty on the record player and printed, glossy photographs laid out around me. I’d been sitting like that for most of the evening, briefly checking the score of the Pens game, but generally just trying to focus on picking the perfect shots. There was something about this project that had me stumped. I desperately wanted to blow it out of the water but I just couldn’t make the final decisions. I was taking a ten minute dance break after writing a few paragraphs of description when I heard a knock on the door and had to leap over piles of pictures and books to unlock the deadbolt. James stood on the other side of the door holding a pizza and a bottle of wine.

“I figured you hadn’t eaten,” he smiled and took a step forward to greet me.

“You know me so well already!” I kissed him, then looked over my shoulder only to realize that my apartment was a complete disaster. “Can you hold on one second?” I pushed him out the door without explanation and closed it quickly. While he stood waiting with the pizza I raced around trying to gather all the dirty clothes, dishes, and take out boxes that were littered around the room. I collected the pictures and piled them on my desk, then as a last ditch effort to make the room look somewhat presentable I pulled my blankets over my bed and lit a candle.

He gave me a confused look when I opened the door and invited him in, but didn’t say anything, just set the pizza on the counter and kissed me again. I was still getting used to his lips on mine and the freedom his hands had to roam my body. His hair was still damp but he’d taken off his tie and had traded his usual contacts for glasses. We stumbled from the kitchen to my bed without tripping over the various piles I’d made around the room, his mouth not leaving mine and his jacket being discarded along the way. Shoes were kicked off, my sweater met the floor and his belt did the same. I wanted it so badly I could feel the excitement radiating in my toes, but I was still two or so days away from the end of the same period that had so rudely interrupted us the last time we’d tried. I kept kissing him for a few more minutes, knowing in the back of my mind that I had to tell him sooner rather than later. When I finally pulled away and alluded to the presence of an unwelcome visitor he let out a frustrated groan and fell back onto my bed.

“I don’t think I’ve waited this long since I was in high school,” he sighed, looking just a little miserable and adjusting his pants. When he realized what he’d said he looked at me as if he’d just said something horribly wrong.

“And I have?” I snorted, pulling my top back so it actually covered me. “I don’t think I’ve gotten to know someone this well before doing the nasty in years.”

“Well we still could,” he shrugged.

“And let the pizza get cold? No way,” I got up from the bed to grab the box, taking the bottle with me. In any other situation I’d have no problem getting down to business during my sacred moon time, but there was some sentimental voice inside of my head telling me I needed to make our first time together memorable. So instead I set up shop on the floor and we ate pizza out of the box and drank wine straight from the bottle. My living situation was so different from his, and I was initially embarrassed to let him spend any time there, seeing how I really lived in the tiny space, but after the second slice the self-consciousness faded.

When the bottle was done and we’d had our fill he asked to see the pictures I’d picked to present. I handed him the pile featuring shots of the kids, Beatrice, and myself, then sat quietly as he flipped through them. I don’t know what he was looking at when his face lit up and blue eyes became just a little brighter His face flushed and and dimples formed in his cheeks as he smiled. I knew then what the final piece to my puzzle was, and without him noticing I reached from my camera and took three successive shots, hoping one of them would turn out perfectly. He realized after what I’d done and rolled his eyes then let out a low chuckle.

“Did you get what you wanted?” he asked, putting the pictures down and crawling towards me.

“Maybe,” I giggled, trapped between him and the wall, inches away from his face. He closed the gap between us and kissed me again, his lips tasting like wine and both of us trying not to laugh as he pulled me a little closer.

“Just maybe?” he brushed hair our of my face and wrinkled his nose. “Do you want me to strike a pose or something? Get this over with so you can stop sneaking around with that thing?” He leaned back on his heels and put his hands behind his head and pouting his lips. I quickly grabbed my camera and pressed down on the shutter release capturing his exaggerated expressions. We took some of him ‘voguing’, growling like a tiger with his hands like claws, and the classic over the shoulder look. When we were done, both laying on the floor laughing, tears pouring down my face, he asked me again.

“Now did you get what you wanted?” he’d rolled onto his side and had his head propped up on his elbow.

“I think so,” I bit my lip and smiled. “I think I have just about everything I’ve could want right now.”

Notes

It's a relief to finally get this updated! I really did not mean for it to take so long, sorry about that. Stay, Stay, Stay has been pretty time consuming but hopefully I can balance them a little more now.
Thanks for your patience :)
xx-T